Bully Solutions 
 Boys to Men - 2:53 More to come
How
not to raise a bully So what can we as parents do to try and keep our kids from becoming bullies? Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician and author of books including “Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men,” sketched out five ways to cultivate kind kids, not bullies. 1: Be a do-gooder. From an early age, teach your kids how to be considerate of other people and model that charitable spirit in front of them. “When you bring a housebound neighbor a meal, bring your kids with you,” Meeker suggested. “During the holidays, make volunteering an activity the entire family does together. When parents actively involve children in projects that involve helping others, children learn how to be compassionate from an early age.” 2: Model humility. In short, your goal should be to teach your kids that all men, women and children have equal value as humans. “Humility doesn’t mean behaving like a doormat or having low self-esteem,” she said. “On the contrary, it means understanding that we’re not more important that others and that they are no more important than we are.” 3: Dial down the competition. If you teach your kids to compete with their friends and peers or push your kids to outshine other kids, you’re the one who is ultimately responsible should they begin acting like a bully. “As we know, parents can become more aggressive than their kids, putting down their children’s friends, teammates and competitors in sports, and this teaches kids that their desires are more important than anyone else’s,” Meeker explained. “By being pushed to outshine others, kids do whatever they can to make themselves look better, which often leads to bullying behavior.” 4: If you see bullying in action, handle it. If your child is already behaving like a bully, nip it in the bud. “Most parents see their children through rose-colored glasses and fail to see bad behavior because they feel that if their kids misbehave, they’re bad parents,” she said. “This isn’t true, but parents must first and foremost see their kids as realistically as possible.” 5: Trace back to the roots of all bullying. What we know about bullying is that it
tends to stem either from a low self-esteem or a sense of
entitlement. “Address this with your child and ask why
he’s hurting others through either his speech or
behavior,” Meeker said. “If entitlement is the
issue, then you need to work with your child to help him
understand that nothing comes to people without
effort.” How
Empowering Bystanders Can Prevent Bullying As a result, many bystanders will suffer from feelings of guilt. But, empowering them to respond can alleviate these feelings. It also dramatically improves a school’s environment and helps prevent bullying. Why is it important to empower bystanders? Bullying almost never happens when adults are watching. But it does happen frequently in front of peers. Many kids, though, don’t do anything to stop the bullying. What they don’t realize is when they see bullying and do nothing, then they are unknowingly giving their support to the bully. The key then is to get these bystanders to demonstrate that bullying is not acceptable and it’s not cool. If a bully’s audience or peers show disapproval, then the bully will be discouraged from continuing. How can parents and teachers empower bystanders? When a child witnesses a bullying incident, it’s often easier just to look the other way and not step in. Sometimes kids are afraid of becoming a target themselves. Other times, it’s simply because they don’t know what to do. Remember, standing up to a bully is not easy. So you need to be patient with kids when they don’t say anything or fail to report an incident. Instead of focusing on what they didn’t do, encourage them on how to handle future situations. Ultimately, you want to teach kids that they can be a potent force in communicating not only that bullying is wrong. They also can demonstrate that bullying won’t make someone popular. Here are some ideas on how parents and teachers can empower kids to report bullying. Acknowledge that it might be easier to stand by or to ignore the bullying, but emphasize that sometimes we need to step in and help others overcome bullying. Educate kids about the importance of speaking out against injustices. Help them see that their silence helps the bully gain more power over the target. Provide kids with some perspective by asking how they want kids to respond if they are being bullied. Ask them how they would feel if people watched but said nothing. Help kids formulate ideas on how to respond to bullying situations. You may have to provide ideas on what they can do to help. For instance, should they say something? Should they get help from an adult? Mention that distracting a bully or speaking out against bullying can be effective but discourage them from intervening physically. Let them know that it is courageous to report bullying and that it’s not considered tattling. Encourage kids to support people who are being bullied. Sometimes the best way to get involved is to be a friend. This might mean walking with them to class, sitting with them at lunch or inviting them to social activities. What can teachers do to empower bystanders in their classrooms? When it comes to empowering bystanders, simply telling students to “tell an adult” is not enough. They need ideas on how to handle a variety of situations. Sometimes bystanders don’t come forward because they don’t have the confidence that adults will respond. In some environments, kids feel like reporting the problem will only make it worse rather than better. Therefore at school, a good anti-bullying policy must be in place before bystanders can be expected to report a bullying situation. If your school doesn’t have an anti-bullying policy, then develop one for your classroom. It’s important for all kids to know that bullying behavior is unacceptable. Once you have a policy in place, here are some ways to empower bystanders in your classroom. Send the message that bullying is a serious matter and will not be tolerated. Be sure everyone is aware of the specific disciplinary measures for bullying. Provide kids with the names of teachers and staff that they can talk to about the bullying they witness in case you are not available. Have your class perform a skit involving bullying. This activity will help them learn to recognize bullying and see some positive ways to respond. Start a conversation after the skit to allow kids to share their thoughts, feelings and ideas. Help students find ways to reach out to targets of bullying and isolated peers. Sometimes having just one friend can keep a target from feeling alone. Assure students that reporting bullying is safe and that their names will be protected. Give them the option of speaking about the bullying in general terms without mentioning names. For example, when they report bullying it might be easier to make general statements like, “You might want to watch what happens in the main hall after school.” Be approachable when it comes to bullying. Kids tend to form strong relationships with their teachers. As a result, you are the person they will feel most comfortable talking with. Going to the principal or a counselor may feel too extreme when they only witness the bullying and don’t actually experience it. Be available and open to conversations about bullying and don’t confuse “reporting” with “tattling.” Watch your tone and your attitude when a child reports bullying. Avoid being condescending or acting annoyed. You want kids to have confidence that you will handle the situation. Use encouraging statements when a bystander reports bullying. Say something like, “Thanks for telling me. It took a lot of courage to talk to me about this. I will make sure the situation is addressed.” Respond to bullying quickly and consistently when it is reported. Never ignore bullying and don’t expect kids to “work it out.” Keep the bystander’s name out of
the discussion when talking with the bully. You need to
protect your bystanders from possible retaliation by the
bully. If you don’t protect your bystanders, no one
will feel safe in reporting bullying behavior. Bullying in
the Early Teen Years - What You Need to Know In fact, research shows that sometimes the most popular and influential kids bully others. At this age, bullying is a form of social power. Kids in their early teens bully to protect their status or reputation by taking advantage of the social vulnerabilities of others. Trends in Middle School and Early Teen Bullying Although bullying can start as early as preschool, by the time kids reach middle school, it has often become an accepted part of school. In fact, bullying increases around fifth and sixth grade and continues to get worse until around ninth grade. Bullying occurs more often in the middle school and early teen years because kids are transitioning from being a child to an adolescent. They have a strong desire to be accepted, to make friends and to be part of a group. As a result, they experience peer pressure to look and act like their peers. This desire for acceptance leads to bullying because kids are intensely aware of what it takes to fit in. As a result, they easily spot others who don’t fit the accepted norm and focus on that. Kids bully others who look, act, talk or dress differently. Bullying also is a way to fit into a group or with the cool crowd. Kids who aren't popular or don't have a high social status may bully others as a way to gain power, to direct bullying toward others, or to counter bullying that is directed towards them. As a result, nearly 30% of kids in grades six to 10 in the United States are estimated to experience bullying either as a victim, a bully or both. But this figure may not reflect the complete picture. Researchers have found that about half of all bullying incidents go unreported. Effects of Middle School and Early Teen Bullying Bullying victims often suffer academically. Their grades may drop and they may miss school with health problems like headaches, stomachaches and difficulty sleeping. When bullying occurs over a long period of time, this leads to lowered self-esteem, anxiety, depression, loneliness and even suicidal thoughts. What’s more, depression and self-esteem issues often last into adulthood. Meanwhile, kids who witness bullying struggle with anxiety and may fear that they will become the next target. They also feel guilty for not stepping in and helping the person being targeted. As a result, these feelings distract them from schoolwork and lead to poor academic performance. Even bullies are affected. They are more likely to display antisocial behavior and violence later in life. They also are prone to alcohol and drug abuse. And research shows that bullies are more likely to commit criminal acts. In fact, research shows that bullies are four times more likely than non-bullies to be convicted of crimes by age 24. And, 60% of bullies will have at least one criminal conviction in their lifetime. Solutions for Middle School and Early Teen Bullying When it comes to addressing bullying, parents, teachers and community leaders must think long-term. Short-term solutions like punishment, conflict resolution and counseling alone will not solve the problem. Instead, educators must establish school conditions that limit bullying and give students adequate means for reporting bullying. Prevention programs are the best place to start. When bullying does occur, schools need to respond quickly, consistently and firmly. The idea is to deter bullying by having steep consequences for the behavior. Students will continue to bully others if nothing significant happens. Additionally, bullying escalates over time if it’s not addressed. Meanwhile, parents of bullies need to focus on spending quality time with their children. They also must set firm limits, institute consequences and support school discipline when bullying occurs. And parents of bullying victims should help their children report incidents and ensure that the issue is resolved. Counseling also might be needed to help the victim regain self-confidence. Children cannot handle bullying on their own. They need help from school staff, their parents and sometimes even the community. Source: http://bullying.about.com/od/Age-By-Age/a/Bullying-In-The-Early-Teen-Years-What-You-Need-To-Know.htm
Bullying or
Unkind Behavior? How to Know the Difference In fact, kids, especially young kids, are still learning how emotions work and how people get along with others. They need parents, teachers and other adults to show them how to be kinder, how to resolve conflicts, how to be inclusive and how to grow into responsible adults. Immediately labeling them a bully doesn’t help them grow and learn. Remember there will be times when kids will do or say something that is hurtful. Although being unkind should never be ignored, be careful not to lump all inappropriate behavior into bullying. Instead, try to distinguish between hurtful or unkind behavior and bullying behavior. Expressing Negative Thoughts and Feelings Kids, especially elementary school children, often are very open and honest with their thoughts and feelings. And although it may be uncomfortable for another child to hear what another person thinks, it is not always bullying to share thoughts and feelings. For example, young children often speak the truth without even thinking about the consequences. They might make a one-time comment about someone’s hair being messy or ask why a person’s teeth stick out. Or, they might make an uncensored observation like “Wow, your mom is fat.” While these are unkind remarks, they usually come from a place of innocence and should not be labeled immediately as bullying. Instead, the kids who make these types of remarks need an adult to tell them what is appropriate and what isn’t. The adult might also give them some ideas on how to phrase things in a way that it won’t offend other people. It’s also important for children on the receiving end of an unkind remark to learn how to communicate their feelings with the offending child. For instance, it is healthy to say “I felt hurt when you laughed at my new braces” or “I don’t like it when you call my mom fat.” Remember, it is natural for kids to be close friends with certain people and want to spend time with them. Although children should be friendly and kind toward everyone, it’s unrealistic to expect them to be close friends with every child they know. It’s also normal that a child won’t be invited to every function or event. There will be times when they are left off the guest list for birthday parties, outings and play dates. This is not the same thing as ostracizing behavior. When your children are the ones feeling left out, remind them that sometimes they too have to choose not include every one. Being left out is not bullying. Only when someone is ostracized or deliberately excluded, does being left out become bullying. Experiencing Conflict It’s a known fact that kids will bicker and fight. In fact, conflict is a very normal part of growing up. The key is that children learn how to solve their problems peacefully and respectfully. A fight or a disagreement does not represent bullying – even when unkind things are said. Remember, bullying is about a lack of power. A spat or disagreement here and there is not bullying. Teasing Most kids have been teased by a friend or a sibling in a playful, friendly or mutual way. They both laugh and no one’s feelings get hurt. Teasing is not bullying as long as both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes cruel, unkind and repetitive, it crosses the line into bullying. Joking and teasing becomes bullying when there is a conscious decision to hurt another person. For instance, making demeaning comments, name-calling, spreading rumors and making threats all constitute bullying. Not Playing Fair All kids, at one point or another, will want to play a game according to their “rules.” To their friends, they may even appear “bossy.” Although playing with someone like this can be unpleasant, it is important to remember that kids are still learning how to play fair. Instead, they need an adult to help them learn how to take turns and how to cooperate with others. If your children have bossy friends, teach them how to respond to the bossy behavior. For example, your child could say: “Let’s play your way, the first time. Then, let’s try my way.” Remember, wanting games to be played a certain way is not bullying. Only when a child begins to consistently threaten other kids or physically hurt them when things don’t go his way does it start to become bullying. Learning to be kind to other kids is a
process. But with guidance kids can get rid of inappropriate
and unkind behaviors and learn how to interact with others
around them without wearing the label of bully. 10 Ways to
Help Your Child Overcome Bullying Bullying is not something that goes away on its own and it’s not something kids can just “work out.” Even if you are not sure if your child is being bullied, your participation in the situation is crucial to a positive outcome. Here are 10 steps you can take to help your child overcome bullying. 1. Create an environment where your tween or teen feels safe talking to you. Make sure your teen or tween feels comfortable sharing with you. Avoid having an emotional reaction and don’t shame your child for being bullied. Instead, ask questions in a calm manner gathering as many details as you can. Applaud your tween or teen’s courage in telling you about the incident. This not only encourages future disclosures, but also helps build a stronger relationship between the two of you. 2. Make a commitment to help resolve the issue. It’s always a good idea to ask for your child’s opinion before you go straight to teachers or administrators. Sometimes a tween or teen will be afraid of retaliation and you need to be sensitive to this concern when addressing the issue. If there is a fear of retaliation, you will need to be discreet in talking with school authorities and be sure they will do the same. Make sure they will not put your child at risk by calling both kids into the office at the same time or asking them to sit down with the guidance counselor together. 3. Discuss the bullying incidents in detail with school personnel. Be sure to bring notes about when and where the bullying took place. The more concrete documentation you can provide, the better. Also ask them to share the school’s bullying policy and stress that you want to partner with the school to see that the issue is resolved. Ask the principal and guidance counselor how this will be accomplished. For example, what other adults, like duty aids, physical education teachers, bus drivers, hallway monitors and cafeteria staff, will be notified to be on alert? Can your child have a new class schedule or a new locker assignment? In other words, what steps can the school take to ensure your child’s safety? It’s very hard for a child to heal, if the school environment feels threatening or hostile. Even if the bullying has stopped, being around the bully may still cause your tween or teen anxiety. 5. Consider outside counseling. Bullying can affect your child in a number of ways and regaining self-confidence is a process that may require outside intervention. A counselor also can assess your tween or teen for depression and thoughts of suicide. Even if you suspect your child is fine, never underestimate the power of bullying. Kids have taken drastic measures to escape the pain it causes including committing suicide without ever admitting the hurt they were feeling. 6. Encourage your tween or teen to stick with a friend at school. Having a friend at lunch, in the hallways, while riding the bus and during the walk home is always a good idea. Bullies are more likely to target kids when they are alone. If finding a friend is an issue, consider driving your child to and from school and ask the school if they have a mentor or someone who can be available to your child. 7. Teach your tween or teen skills for overcoming the negative impact of bullying. One way to do this is to emphasize your child’s strengths, skills, talents and positive attributes. Then, help your child find activities and events that help build on those strengths. Some parents have found that Tae Kwon Do or a self-defense class helps kids develop self-confidence. 8. Keep the lines of communication open with your child. Be deliberate in asking about your tween or teen’s day and acknowledge any negative feelings or emotions. Watch for signs that your child is being bullied again – either by the same person or a new person. For non-bullying incidents, you also may want to brainstorm strategies for dealing with difficult peer situations. If your child is getting outside counseling, the counselor can give you additional strategies on actively listening and communicating with your child as well. 9. Foster opportunities for socializing with friends outside of school. Encourage your tween or teen to invite friends over, to the movies or other fun activity. By doing so, you are helping your child develop a strong support system. If your child needs help finding friends look for opportunities within your child’s circle of interests. Keep in mind kids who have friends are less likely to be targeted by bullies. And if they are targeted, having friends helps ease the negative affects. 10. Follow up with the school to ensure that the bullying has been resolved. If the bullying hasn’t been
resolved, or if the school is not taking the situation
seriously, you may want to consider removing your child from
the situation. Is the bullying serious enough that you can
involve law enforcement? Can your tween or teen attend
another school? Are there options for online learning
programs that are done at home? It’s important that
your tween or teen feels like they have options. Feeling
like there are no options or that the bullying must be
tolerated, leads to feelings of hopeless, depression and
even suicide. How Addressing
Bullying Behavior Prevents Lifelong Bullying In fact, according to a report in Science Daily, 35% of kids admitted to bullying their peers at moderate levels. The report also indicates that many students started bullying in elementary school but stopped by high school. Research shows that intervening early can prevent lifelong bullying behavior. In fact, according to a Canadian study, 70 to 80% of bullying problems are temporary. What this means is that with minor interventions and support, these children come to understand what is wrong with bullying and learn to relate positively with their classmates. Even kids who show a stronger tendency toward lifelong bullying can benefit from early intervention. Teaching positive relationship skills and problem-solving skills can head off a pattern of lifelong relationship issues. Be proactive when it comes addressing bullying Many times, kids don’t realize that their behavior is inappropriate. They need taught what is acceptable and what isn’t. They also need instruction in important life skills like collaboration, problem-solving and anger management. Therefore, it is important to emphasize these skills in the classroom and at home. Here are some things to focus on. Be sure you are familiar with the types of bullies that you may come in contact with. By understanding the different types of bullies, you will know what to look for in your class. Make sure kids know the difference between appropriate behavior and inappropriate behavior. Teach kids how to collaborate with others by giving them group projects or encouraging them to work as a team. Use role playing or small skits to teach kids about bullying. Instruct kids on the keys to problem-solving and anger management. Reward positive behavior in class and at home whenever possible. Tell the class in advance what types of behavior you consider bullying. Be sure that they know you will intervene when someone reports bullying behavior or if you witness bullying behaviors. Create a list of consequences for bullying. Some teachers have found it helpful to have lesser consequences for isolated instances of bullying and greater consequences for more serious or chronic bullying. When teachers communicate that bullying will not be tolerated and then intervene quickly when it does occur, they are demonstrating that bullying will not be tolerated. They also are creating an environment where bullying is less likely to occur. Although bullying may not be completely eliminated, a quick response and a consistent discipline plan will certainly go a long way in preventing some instances of bullying. Here are some tips to get you started. Intervene quickly when an incident of bullying is reported or when you witness it firsthand. Pull the bully aside for a private conversation about the bullying. Avoid reprimanding a student in front of their peers. Your conversation will be much more effective if you don’t have an audience. Keep the conversation about the bullying incident focused on the behavior. Don’t allow the bully to pull the victim into the discussion or to shift blame in some way. Bullies need to be taught to be accountable for their actions and not to blame others for their behaviors. Encourage bullies to state what they did and to give ideas on how they might have handled the situation differently. Be sure you are familiar with the risk factors for becoming a bully. This information will help you determine if the bully may benefit from seeing the school counselor or another trained professional. Implement the appropriate consequences when you witness bullying or another student reports a bullying incident. Try not to delay implementing consequences. Give the bully ideas on how to handle difficult situations in the future. Impose more severe consequences if the bullying behavior continues or escalates. Contact the parents of the child who is bullying and enlist their help in stopping the bullying behavior if bullying becomes a chronic behavior. Consider getting the principal or the guidance counselor involved, if your consequences are not deterring the behavior. Remember that all children, including bullies, need to know that you care about them and that you believe they can contribute in a positive way. Be sure you communicate this along with the consequences. Be patient when working with bullies and understand that change takes time. Avoid these common mistakes. Trying to ignore bullying is never a good idea. Typically, bullying doesn’t stop or go away without some type of adult intervention. When bullying is reported to you, make sure you take action. And try to refrain from making these common mistakes.
Source: bullying.about.com/od/Schools/a/How-Addressing-Bullying-Behavior-Prevents-Lifelong-Bullying.htm
7 Ways Parents
Can Address Sibling Bullying Put an end to aggressive behavior. If your children react to one another in aggressive ways including hitting and pushing and even name-calling, you need to intervene immediately. Tell them that the behavior will not be tolerated and choose consequences you are comfortable with. Encourage them to treat one another with respect even when they disagree. And show them how to relate with one another in healthy ways. Hold the bully responsible. It’s absolutely imperative that kids that are bullying know that the choice to bully is theirs, regardless of the reason behind it. Stress that bullying causes pain for their brothers and sisters. To ensure that they understand this, be sure your children can repeat back what they did wrong. Then implement appropriate consequences. For instance, should your child be grounded? Is an apology needed? Should he lose a privilege? The answer will depend on the severity of the bullying incident and your parenting style. But the key is to do something to ensure that your child understands that bullying is unacceptable. Defuse jealousy. Although jealousy is a normal human emotion, it can be exacerbated if you don’t praise your children equally. Be sure that each child receives recognition, love and acceptance and avoid comparisons at all costs. You also should avoid labeling or categorizing your children. In other words, don’t call them “the athletic one,” “the smart one,” and so on. Doing so only breeds jealousy and contempt. And always point out your kids’ good characteristics. Mention concrete things that you saw or heard them do. And let them know you value their efforts as much as their sibling’s efforts. Also remember when your kids get compliments from you, what they really experience is affection. The more compliments you give your children, the more affection they feel. They also will feel like they are being recognized and that their needs are being met. Teach and model respect. The first step in teaching respect, is for parents to model that behavior by acting supportively toward one another. Additionally, you should talk to your kids about what constitutes a healthy friendship and encourage them to take steps to be a good friend to their siblings. You also may want to adopt a family philosophy that encourages family members to help and support one another. Instill empathy. When a child feels empathy toward other people, this will go a long way in preventing bullying. Kids who are empathetic will be able to see that bullying hurts other people and will learn to refrain from it. Teach effective problem solving. Kids don’t automatically know how to problem-solve. So many times they will default to unhealthy methods. Work on problem-solving techniques and stress collaboration. Give them situations to work out or create opportunities where they have to work together to get a job done. And be sure to supervise them to ensure one sibling is not taking advantage of another. Prevent future bullying incidents.
Sometimes when bullying is caught early, it won’t
happen again. But don’t assume this is always the case.
Instead, continue to monitor the situation, correcting
bullying or unkind behaviors immediately. And remember if
one sibling bullies the other, this does not mean you are a
bad parent. Kids are still learning what is acceptable and
what isn’t. Be firm and consistent and you and your
kids will not only get through this, but come out stronger
in the end. 8 Ways
Educators Can Support Victims of Bullying But for some educators, knowing exactly what to do or say can seem overwhelming at times. After all, teachers should not be expected to serve as counselors. Their job is to educate. But they can support the overall recovery process in the classroom and incorporate it into the daily learning schedule. Take immediate action. One of the best ways to end a bullying situation is to intervene immediately and with appropriate consequences. Of course, be sure to follow your school’s guidelines for handling a bullying situation. Avoid discussing the incident in front of other students. Be sure to separate the bully and the victim when discussing a bullying incident. Never require the victim to share the details of the bullying in front of the bully. Bullying involves a power imbalance and mediation does not work. It’s also too stressful for victims to confront someone they perceive to have more power than them. What’s more, you are likely setting the victim up to be retaliated against. Disclosures of bullying should be done confidentially and with the safety of the victim in mind. Offer the victim protection. If bullying is occurring in the hallways, cafeteria, locker rooms, at recess or in the bathrooms, be sure to alert the school’s administrators. There should be an adult presence in all your school’s bullying hot spots if you expect to prevent future incidents. The more difficult your school makes it for children to bully throughout the school day, the less you will have to deal with it on a regular basis. The goal is that you implement bullying prevention practices that work so that the majority of your day is spent focusing on education and not on correcting bullying behaviors. Find the victim a mentor or a buddy. Friendship is a crucial element in bullying prevention. Athletes in particular are good options for helping victims of bullying. If you can connect the victim with a mentor or a buddy, this will go a long way in deterring future bullying especially if the two can walk the halls together and eat lunch together. Also, this new friendship may help build the child’s self-esteem and resiliency. It is extremely important for victims of bullying to know there are people in the school that care about them. Call the parents of the victim. This goes without saying that the parents of the victim need to be called. Arrange to discuss the bullying incident with them and let them know what the school plans to do to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Be prepared for an emotional response. It is difficult for parents to learn that another child is targeting their child. Be patient and listen with an open mind. Also, assure them that you or an administrator will be discussing the incident with the bully’s parents. For privacy reasons, you can’t really discuss too many specifics. And most parents of victims find this difficult to accept. So be prepared to respond to their objections in a calm and understanding manner. Try to keep the focus of the conversation on what the school plans to do to support their child and less about how the school plans to discipline the bully. Provide the victim with resources. It is wise for educators to have a list of resources for bullying victims readily available. That way, when a bullying incident does occur, you don’t have to do a lot of research. You can direct the student and his parents with ideas on where to get help. For instance, provide the victim and his parents with printouts or a list of websites that you feel will help him in the recovery process. It’s also a good idea to have a list of community resources available where they can get additional help if they need it. Open a discussion in the classroom. Incorporate a discussion about the importance of respectful behavior into your lessons. Look for ways to tie it in with a history lesson, a social studies lesson or a reading lesson. There are lots of examples where it is easy to tie in a discussion on bullying. Have your kids talk about their feelings when it comes to bullying and encourage them to offer suggestions for bullying prevention. You will be amazed at how much insight you will gain into bullying at your school when you give your students a forum to discuss the issue. Additionally, an open class discussion often goes a long way in making bullying an unacceptable behavior. Monitor the situation. Never assume
that the bullying has stopped just because the school
intervened. With some students, it may take multiple
interventions and increasing consequences before they change
their bullying behavior. And sadly for some students,
bullying works for them so they may never choose to change.
For this reason, you need to keep in touch with the victim
and determine how things are progressing. If he is still
being bullied, then you need to step in and address the
situation. No educator should ever believe that ignoring
bullying is the best answer. The goal should always be to
prevent bullying and then address it when it does occur. If
bullying isn’t addressed, it only escalates and
negatively impacts the learning environment. Research has
shown even bystanders are impacted by bullying. So it is in
everyone’s best interest to do what they can to keep
bullying at bay. 5 Things You Should
Never Say to a Bullied Kid Unfortunately, many people want to focus on what the victim did or said during the incident. But this is a bad approach. Keep your focus on the bully, his choice to bully and what the victim can do to move beyond the incident. You also want to avoid criticizing or minimizing what the victim of bullying is experiencing. Remember, kids often don’t tell adults about bullying. So you should start by being glad that the victim has come forward and tell him that. Here are the top five things you should never say to a bullied child. “What did you do to cause it?” When a child comes to you about a bullying incident, one of the worst things you can do is to put the blame back on the victim. Asking the victim of bullying what he did to cause it implies that he is somehow responsible for the bully’s choices. Remember, bullying is not about a defect in the victim, but about a choice the bully made. Be sure that the responsibility for bullying is placed on the bully’s shoulders not on the victim's. Now, with that said, if you suspect that there is more to a bullying incident than what the victim is telling you ask the person reporting the incident open-ended questions but never assume that the victim is responsible for the incident. “Why didn’t you stand up for yourself?” Instead of accusing the victim of doing something wrong, offer to help him learn how to manage the bullying incident. Offer support, report the incident and help him find a solution to ending the bullying. Remember bullying often involves a power imbalance and victims can feel helpless. Expecting a victim of bullying to stand up to a bully without being coached on how to respond will not be effective. But remember, even if the victim has been coached on how to respond, bullying situations are scary and even the best-prepared victims can be caught off guard or freeze in response. A more effective approach is to help the victim overcome any negative feelings from the situation. “You need to toughen up.” Statements that imply there is something wrong with the victim minimize the bully’s actions. They also communicate that the victim is defective or “too sensitive” because he is bothered by someone else’s poor choices. While it is good to instill perseverance and assertiveness skills, being affected or hurt by a bully’s actions is a normal response. Instead of criticizing the victim, try encouraging him by reminding him that it took courage to report the bullying to you. “Get over it.” Bullying is not something a person just forgets about. Bullying has significant consequences and can have a lasting impact, even into adulthood. Expecting a child to just forget about the incident and “get over it” is counterproductive. Instead, look for ways to help the victim. Some options include helping him develop friendships, teaching social skills and building self-esteem. “Maybe you should change.”
If you remember one thing about bullying, remember this: The
victim of bullying does not need to change, the bully does.
Expecting a victim to be different or compromise who he is
as a person only gives the bully more power. It also
communicates that the bully is somehow right and there is
something truly wrong with the victim. Even if there are
things that a victim could do differently to avoid school
bullies, refrain from communicating that there is something
inherently wrong with the victim. Statements like these will
only wound the victim more. It is best to try to build up a
victim’s self-esteem rather than make statements that
imply that you agree with the bully. 6 Ways Parents
Make Bullying Worse Here are the top six mistakes parents make when it comes to bullying in their child’s life. Missing the warning signs. Be sure you are familiar with all the signs of bullying. These subtle signs include everything from frequent complaints about stomachaches and headaches as well as not wanting to do to school. Sometimes kids will allude to bullying without ever using the word. For instance, they may say there is a lot of “drama” at school or kids “mess” with them. These phrases are often subtle hints that bullying may be taking place. It’s especially important that parents can identify the warning signs because most kids don’t tell anyone that they are being bullying. Ignoring the bullying. Sometimes parents think that if they ignore a situation it will go away. Or worse yet, they minimize the situation by making light of it or telling their child to toughen up. If you are one of the few parents whose kids will tell them about bullying, make sure you take time to listen to what they are saying. Gather as much information as you can and then make a commitment to help resolve the issue. Be sure you avoid getting emotional. In fact, research shows that if you remain calm and choose your words carefully, you are taking the first step in helping your child cope with bullying. Dramatizing situations. Some parents go to the opposite extreme and dramatize every mean thing a person does or label every conflict bullying. They immediately call the school, the teacher, the coach or the principal without giving their child a chance to navigate the situation. What’s more, parents need to learn to differentiate between bullying and normal conflict. They also need to recognize the difference between unkind behavior and bullying. For something to constitute bullying, there must be three components including a power imbalance, an intent to harm your child and repeating incidents. If these are not present, it may not be bullying your child is experiencing. Focusing on the wrong things. Sometimes parents get so wrapped up in the idea of bullying, that they focus more on getting justice, or revenge. Then, they lose sight of what is really important and that is helping their child move beyond the bullying incident. If the bullying is taking place at school, parents need to allow room for the school administrators to handle the situation according to their guidelines. As parents, the main focus should not be on the punishment the bully receives, but determining whether or not the bullying has stopped and whether or not your child is safe. If the bullying is continuing and the school is not taking steps to protect your child, then you do need to follow up with the school. But parents need to realize that they may not have much control over the disciplinary actions. Focusing your energy on what is happening in the bully’s life instead of what is happening with your child will produce disastrous results. Not helping their child overcome bullying. When bullying occurs, your number one priority as a parent should be to help your child overcome bullying. You also need to look for ways to prevent future bullying incidents. Talk to your kids about how to avoid bullies. Build their self-esteem and resiliency. Teach them how to be assertive. Help them develop friendships. And most importantly find outside help for them when needed. Waiting too long to address depression and thoughts of suicide can have disastrous results. Gossiping about the bully. One of the
worst things a parent can do when their child is bullied is
to gossip or spread rumors. Again, this is something that
takes away from helping your child. And, it can only
complicate things. Remember that a bully is someone’s
child and you should treat him with the same respect that
you expect your child to be treated with. 10 Bullying
Prevention Goals for Schools Aside from impacting learning and academic success, bullying also creates an environment where stress and anxiety are higher. As a result, it is in every school’s best interest to address bullying issues in an effective manner. For instance, this might include identifying risk factors associated with bullying, intervening quickly and efficiently when bullying occurs, assessing current bullying prevention programs and developing prevention programs that work. But, one of the first steps in accomplishing these tasks is to establish a list of bullying prevention goals. Here is a list of the ten most important bullying prevention goals for schools. Goal #1: Make bullying prevention a priority from the first day of school. Be sure every student understands from day one what bullying is and that is unacceptable. Remember, every student has a right to feel emotionally and physically safe while at school. Establish classroom rules with specific examples of what is acceptable and unacceptable. Post these guidelines in every classroom and refer to them when a student gets out of line. Goal #2: Establish intervention programs for socially vulnerable students. Identify the most socially vulnerable students at the school and determine what makes them feel successful. Help them develop friendships and make connections at the school. Find leaders within the school that can connect with these students and mentor them. For instance, empower athletes to prevent bullying as well as students who excel academically or who are service oriented. Teach kids how to identify bullying situations and give them tools for responding. Sometimes they will be able to intervene without adult intervention and other times they will need to get the help of an adult. Provide safe ways for them to report bullying anonymously or confidentially. The key is to break the silence surrounding bullying by making it safe for bystanders to report bullying. One way to ensure this happens is to take all reports of bullying seriously. Goal #4: Create discipline procedures and consequences for bullies. Discipline and consequences for bullying should always match the severity of the issue. They also should be designed so that the behavior will not be repeated. Lastly, discipline programs should be designed so that kids will be less likely to repeat the behavior again or risk more severe consequences the next time around. Goal #5: Replace the school’s bystanders with an “Upstander Community.” Creating an upstander community involves taking the middle 70% of students who often only witness bullying and developing a group of responders. In other words, foster leadership in these students that will encourage them to do something about bullying rather than just standing idle. Goal #6: Ensure that teachers and administrators are committed to taking a stand against bullying. Remember students pay close attention to how teachers and administrators respond. And if they observe you not taking bullying seriously or not responding immediately, they will assume bullying is an issue you don’t want to be bothered with. This can be detrimental to your school’s bullying prevention programs because bullies will feel empowered and victims will feel like no one cares. As a result, they will often keep silent about the bullying they are experiencing. Goal #7: Look for opportunities to role-play, perform skits or incorporate anti-bullying messages into the curriculum. At the beginning of the year, challenge teachers to review their curriculum and look for ways to incorporate an anti-bullying message into the curriculum. Reward teachers for being creative and for thinking outside the box. Goal #8: Ensure that staff behavior matches core school values. To prevent bullying, build respect and develop inclusiveness, staff must be willing to commit to matching their words and actions. This helps students learn to trust what is being said. Consequently, if staff members have cliques or bully one another, this does not build trust among students and creates a hostile environment. Remember, students observe and model the adults around them. Be sure your school is modeling appropriate behavior. Goal #9: Develop partnerships with parents. It is important to communicate to parents your school’s anti-bullying efforts. This not only gives a sense of comfort to parents of potential victims but it also clearly communicates to parents of potential bullies that bullying is not tolerated. Be sure they know what their roles are as partners in the anti-bullying program. When you have parent support behind a program, the hope is that it will be supported at home and will help deter some of the school bullying. Goal #10: Challenge students to rise to new levels of behavior. School programs and character
education can challenge students to rise above their comfort
zones and reduce negativity. Be sure to foster empathy and
good citizenship. And find ways to challenge students to
mingle with students outside of their circle of friends. For
instance, some schools have found that “mix it up”
days are useful because they encourage students to sit with
others at lunch. 6 Reasons Why
Teachers Need to Address Bullying School bullying is an issue that every teacher in the nation must address. In fact, bullying is not limited by ethnic, socioeconomic and religious boundaries and it impacts every classroom in some way. As a result, it is essential that teachers take steps to address school bullying. Aside from impacting the learning and academic success of your students, bullying also creates an environment where stress, anxiety and fear are higher. As a result, it is in every teacher’s best interest to address bullying issues in an effective manner. Here are the top six reasons why teachers need to address bullying. playground or school bus issue; it filters over into your classroom. And if bullying is prevalent among your students they are going to be more focused on what is happening around them than they are with what you are teaching. What’s more, the emotions that bulling provokes, even in bystanders, can drastically interfere with your students’ ability to learn. Address bullying from day one and you will find that your students’ academic success rates will be higher. Teachers risk litigation if they fail to address to bullying. While every state addresses bullying differently, the majority of states have laws regarding bullying, cyberbullying and other similar behaviors. Be sure you are familiar with your state’s requirements regarding bullying. Ignoring state laws regarding bullying can lead to litigation if bullying occurs in your classroom and you do nothing about it. Ethical teachers address bullying. Parents and students have an expectation that school will be safe place. When teachers ignore or do not respond to bullying situations, they are not behaving ethically. What’s more, when teachers do not respond appropriately to bullying situations, they are indirectly communicating to the victim that they don’t care; and they are communicating to the bullies that they can bully others with no worries about repercussions. And lastly, they are communicating to the bystanders that they condone inappropriate treatment of other people. When a teacher fails to respond adequately to bullying, the entire classroom suffers. Bullying adversely impacts the victim. Students who are targeted by bullying experience a wide range of negative emotions, including everything from fear and anxiety to depression and even suicidal thoughts. As a result, these emotions impact not only the health and wellbeing of the student, but also impact his attendance, his success on tests and his overall learning ability. What’s more, the consequences of childhood bullying often last into adulthood impacting the future success of the student as well. Teachers are not preparing students for the future when they allow bullying to go unaddressed. Bullying adversely affects the bully. Bullies can change, but not without support or intervention. Without proper discipline, bullies will continue to engage in unhealthy behaviors and will never learn to be empathetic or to take responsibility for their actions. Instead, bullies learn that aggression toward others results in power and therefore their behavior becomes a very hard habit to break. What’s more, bullies oftentimes will escalate their behavior, which could result in extreme levels of school violence. What’s more, research shows that 60 % of male bullies who bully others in grades six through nine are convicted of at least one crime as adults. Conversely, if bullying is caught early, it can turn a child’s life around. Bullying adversely impacts the bystander. Students who witness bullying actually experience as many consequences from the incident as the victim does. They also may come to believe that bullying is acceptable and that the adults at school either do not care enough or are powerless to stop it. Some bystanders may join in with the bully and develop a pack mentality. Meanwhile, other bystanders may fret and worry that they will become the next target. Research also indicates that witnesses to bullying lose their sense of security at school, which can reduce learning In short, if you do not address
bullying, your school not only runs the risk of developing a
reputation for being dangerous or unsafe, but it also runs
the risk of not fulfilling its academic mission, losing
enrollment or becoming the subject of litigation. 10 Ways
to Respond to a Teacher Who Bullies The majority of teachers your child will encounter are good at what they do. In fact, many teachers go beyond the call of duty and are very altruistic. However, there are teachers who do not handle their responsibilities well. And even some teachers who bully their students. Instead of using proper discipline procedures or effective classroom management techniques, they use their power as a teacher to condemn, manipulate or ridicule students. When the bullying is physical, most parents don’t hesitate to report incidents. But, when the bullying is emotional or verbal, they often aren’t sure how to proceed. One concern is that teachers will retaliate and make things worse for their child. While this is a valid concern, it’s never a good idea to ignore the situation. Here are some ideas for addressing bullying by a teacher. Be sure to document all bullying incidents. Keep a record everything that happens including dates, times, witnesses, actions and consequences. For instance, if the teacher berates your child in front of the class be sure to write it down including the date, the approximate time, what was said and which students were present. If other students participate in the bullying as a result of the teacher’s actions, be sure to include that information too. And if there is any physical bullying, cyberbullying or harassment based on race or disability, report this to your local police immediately. Depending on the area where you live, these forms of bullying are often crimes. Reassure and support your child. Be sure to keep an open dialogue with your child about school and what is taking place. Remember your first priority is that you get help for your child. Don’t hesitate to connect with a counselor and be sure to have your child evaluated by a pediatrician who can check for signs of depression, anxiety issues and sleep problems. Make sure you keep a close watch for signs of bullying and remember that kids often don’t report bullying behavior. Take steps to build your child’s self-esteem. Help your child see his strengths. Also encourage him to focus on things other than the bullying like favorite activities or new hobbies. Don’t spend too much time talking about the bullying. Doing so keeps your child focused on the negative in their life. Instead, help him move beyond it and see that there are other things in life to be happy about. This will help build resilience. Talk with your child before taking steps to resolve the issue. It’s never a good idea to have a meeting with a teacher or principal without telling your child. You run the risk of embarrassing your child if he finds out about the situation after the fact. Additionally, your child will need to be prepared emotionally if the meeting does not go well and the teacher retaliates. Follow the chain of command. Remember, the closer someone is to the problem, the more likely he will be able to take swift, effective action. If you go straight to the top, you will most likely be asked whom you have talked to about the situation and what have you done to remedy the situation. You want to be sure you have exhausted all possibilities for resolving this issue at the lower levels before moving higher. Additionally, if you have documentation from your interactions at lower levels, it will be hard to ignore what you have to say when you do get to the top. Consider requesting a meeting with the teacher. Depending on the severity and frequency of the bullying, it may be wise to go directly to the person doing the bullying first. Many times, a teacher meeting will resolve the problem if you take a cooperative approach when discussing the situation. Try to keep an open mind and listen to the teacher’s perspective. Avoid screaming, accusing, blaming and threatening to sue. Be sure to express your concerns but allow others to engage in the conversation. For instance, if your child seems to be afraid in class, mention this. Then ask the teacher what she thinks may be going on. This allows the teacher to talk about what she sees. Additionally, it’s less likely she will get defensive if you are open to hearing her perspective. Take your complaint higher if the situation doesn’t improve or the bullying is severe in nature. Sometimes teachers will rationalize their behavior, blame the student or refuse to admit any wrongdoing. Other times the bullying is much too severe to risk speaking with a teacher directly. If this is the case, ask to meet with the principal in person. Be sure to share your documentation. You also could request a classroom transfer at this point. Not all principals will honor such requests, but some do. Continue to go up the chain of command if you don’t get results.Unfortunately, some principals will let teachers who bully go unchallenged or deny that bullying is taking place. If this is the case, it’s time to file a formal complaint with superintendent or the school board, demanding a response. Be sure to keep good records of all your communications including e-mails, letters and documentation of telephone calls. Don’t let the bullying drag on
indefinitely. If the principal, superintendent or school
board drags their feet in responding to you, then it may be
time to get legal counsel. In the meantime, you also may
want to investigate other options for your child like a
transfer to another school, private school, homeschooling
and online programs. Leaving your child in a bullying
situation can have dire consequences. Be sure you make every
effort to either end the bullying or remove your child from
the situation. Don’t assume the bullying will end
without intervention. 6 Ways
Educators Can Assess Their Bullying Prevention Programs There’s sufficient evidence that bullying at school affects academics and learning. And it’s not limited to the bullies and their targets. Bullying also impacts bystanders. In fact, a study conducted by the University of Virginia found that schools that don’t address bullying or have a climate of bullying are impacted significantly. For instance, high schools in Virginia with significantly lower scores on standardized tests also reported a high rate of bullying. One theory is that students in schools with high levels of bullying have difficulty concentrating and learning because bullying is so distracting. Aside from taking away from learning, bullying also creates an environment where stress and anxiety are higher. As a result, it is in any school’s best interest to address bullying issues in an effective manner. This includes everything from identifying the risk factors associated with bullying, to intervening quickly into bullying situations and developing prevention programs that are effective. Educators can evaluate bullying prevention programs by asking these questions of themselves and their students. Evaluating the answers will not only give insight into the successfulness of the program, but it also will help highlight areas that still need improvement. Following are six questions school personnel should ask about school bullying. Have we created a safe and supportive environment? A safe and supportive environment is one that features a culture of inclusion and respect. While it is important to acknowledge what the school has done to create this culture, it’s also important to determine if bullying incidents have reduced in number. The best way to accomplish this is to ask the students how they feel. This can be done with an anonymous survey given periodically throughout the school year. Allow space for students to comment on what might still need to be done. Remember, bullying often occurs when adults aren’t around, but students often witness it. Gathering information from the student population will paint a much clearer picture of bullying at your school than simply polling the teachers and staff. Do we manage classrooms effectively? Effective classroom management involves establishing rules, communicating what is appropriate and what isn’t, and reinforcing those messages daily. Again, when asking this question it should be directed not only at the teachers and staff but also at the students. What do the students think of how their teachers manage the classrooms? Is there a tone of respect? Do teachers respond to bullying incidents and encourage respectful behavior? Who has control in the classroom, the students or the teachers? Because students are the ones who experience bullying firsthand, don’t neglect getting their input. Have we increased supervision in bullying hot spots? First and foremost, you can’t increase supervision in bullying hot spots if you don’t know where they are to begin with. Although there are some hot spots that are consistent among schools including bathrooms, lunchrooms, school buses, playgrounds and hallways, there may be areas that are known bullying hot spots that are specific to your school. For instance, do you have a stairwell that isn’t well supervised by teachers? What about a hallway that is not frequented by a lot of teachers? Is there a spot at recess that the monitors can’t see? Make sure you poll the students to find out where the bullying is occurring. Then, be sure you are addressing these areas consistently with adult supervision and other safety measures. Do we stop bullying immediately? When it comes to addressing bullying, this doesn’t just mean breaking up fights or preventing physical bullying. There are more than six types of bullying that occur in schools. For instance, don’t forget to address cliques at school, mean girl behavior and other forms of relational aggression. Another way to stop potential bullying is to eliminate the possibility for kids to ostracize others. Assigning teams in gym class rather than allowing kids to pick teams is another way to accomplish this. Other options include assigning partners or groups for class projects and assigning seats in the classroom. But don’t forget to poll your students to find out how you are doing. And don’t be surprised if you don’t get a passing grade. Students often feel that adults don’t address bullying or that they ignore the culture of bullying because they just don’t want to be bothered. You are going to have to work extra hard to demonstrate that everyone on your staff is working to prevent bullying at school. How effective are we at finding out what happened? There’s no denying that teachers and administrators are often spread thin. They are trying to educate students, meet state standards and introduce common core curriculum. But, part of the education process is handling bullying situations quickly and effectively. And unfortunately, this often means taking time to find out what happened in each bullying situation. Fortunately, with security cameras and programs to empower bystanders, this has gotten a little easier, but be sure your staff is not taking any shortcuts. They need to listen carefully to all reports from students, parents and bystanders without blaming. Instead, focus on finding out what happened. Remember, bullying incidents cannot be addressed effectively if facts are missing. Take the time to research the situation, but don’t dawdle either. Bullying is a dangerous situation that can often result in very serious consequences for the victims. The goal is to be quick and effective. Do we support the kids involved in bullying incidents? It’s important to support the kids impacted by the bullying by providing extra support where needed. Remember, you are responsible to make sure the bullying doesn’t continue and that the effects are minimized. This means that you need to follow up with both the victim and the bully on a consistent basis. Check in and see how they are doing and if any more incidents have occurred. Usually, bullying will continue or
even escalate unless it is clear that teachers and staff are
committed to seeing it come to an end. Remember, if a bully
continues to bully or harass students, the consequences or
school discipline should increase in severity with each
incident. 10 Bullying
Prevention Goals for Schools School bullying is an issue facing every school in the nation. In fact, it crosses all ethnic, socioeconomic and religious boundaries and impacts every school to some degree. As a result, it has become increasingly important for teachers and administrators to take steps to address school bullying. Aside from impacting learning and academic success, bullying also creates an environment where stress and anxiety are higher. As a result, it is in every school’s best interest to address bullying issues in an effective manner. For instance, this might include identifying risk factors associated with bullying, intervening quickly and efficiently when bullying occurs, assessing current bullying prevention programs and developing prevention programs that work. But, one of the first steps in accomplishing these tasks is to establish a list of bullying prevention goals. Here is a list of the ten most important bullying prevention goals for schools. Goal #1: Make bullying prevention a priority from the first day of school. Be sure every student understands from day one what bullying is and that is unacceptable. Remember, every student has a right to feel emotionally and physically safe while at school. Establish classroom rules with specific examples of what is acceptable and unacceptable. Post these guidelines in every classroom and refer to them when a student gets out of line. Goal #2: Establish intervention programs for socially vulnerable students. Identify the most socially vulnerable students at the school and determine what makes them feel successful. Help them develop friendships and make connections at the school. Find leaders within the school that can connect with these students and mentor them. For instance, empower athletes to prevent bullying as well as students who excel academically or who are service oriented. Teach kids how to identify bullying situations and give them tools for responding. Sometimes they will be able to intervene without adult intervention and other times they will need to get the help of an adult. Provide safe ways for them to report bullying anonymously or confidentially. The key is to break the silence surrounding bullying by making it safe for bystanders to report bullying. One way to ensure this happens is to take all reports of bullying seriously. Goal #4: Create discipline procedures and consequences for bullies. Discipline and consequences for bullying should always match the severity of the issue. They also should be designed so that the behavior will not be repeated. Lastly, discipline programs should be designed so that kids will be less likely to repeat the behavior again or risk more severe consequences the next time around. Goal #5: Replace the school’s bystanders with an “Upstander Community.” Creating an upstander community involves taking the middle 70% of students who often only witness bullying and developing a group of responders. In other words, foster leadership in these students that will encourage them to do something about bullying rather than just standing idle. Goal #6: Ensure that teachers and administrators are committed to taking a stand against bullying. Remember students pay close attention to how teachers and administrators respond. And if they observe you not taking bullying seriously or not responding immediately, they will assume bullying is an issue you don’t want to be bothered with. This can be detrimental to your school’s bullying prevention programs because bullies will feel empowered and victims will feel like no one cares. As a result, they will often keep silent about the bullying they are experiencing. Goal #7: Look for opportunities to role-play, perform skits or incorporate anti-bullying messages into the curriculum. At the beginning of the year, challenge teachers to review their curriculum and look for ways to incorporate an anti-bullying message into the curriculum. Reward teachers for being creative and for thinking outside the box. Goal #8: Ensure that staff behavior matches core school values. To prevent bullying, build respect and develop inclusiveness, staff must be willing to commit to matching their words and actions. This helps students learn to trust what is being said. Consequently, if staff members have cliques or bully one another, this does not build trust among students and creates a hostile environment. Remember, students observe and model the adults around them. Be sure your school is modeling appropriate behavior. Goal #9: Develop partnerships with parents. It is important to communicate to parents your school’s anti-bullying efforts. This not only gives a sense of comfort to parents of potential victims but it also clearly communicates to parents of potential bullies that bullying is not tolerated. Be sure they know what their roles are as partners in the anti-bullying program. When you have parent support behind a program, the hope is that it will be supported at home and will help deter some of the school bullying. Goal #10: Challenge students to rise to new levels of behavior. School programs and character
education can challenge students to rise above their comfort
zones and reduce negativity. Be sure to foster empathy and
good citizenship. And find ways to challenge students to
mingle with students outside of their circle of friends. For
instance, some schools have found that “mix it up”
days are useful because they encourage students to sit with
others at lunch. 10 Ways to
Improve School Climate and Prevent Bullying Research shows that bullying impacts not only the quality of school environments, but it also undermines academic achievement. In fact, there is a direct correlation between high rates of bullying and reduced academic achievement. And everyone is impacted. For instance, kids who are bullied are more likely to skip school, struggle academically and have higher levels of anxiety and depression. Meanwhile, bullies tend to struggle with impulse control, engage in delinquent behavior, disrupt or skip school and abuse drugs and alcohol. Bullying even affects the academic success of bystanders. In fact, the consequences that bystanders experience can be just as severe as what the victim experiences. Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way. Studies have shown that students in schools with positive climates have better attendance records and study habits. They also are motivated to succeed, engage in cooperative learning, achieve higher grades and test scores and demonstrate subject mastery. Here are ten ways schools can improve their overall climate and reduce bullying. Evaluate current bullying prevention programs. Most schools have some sort of anti-bullying policy and engage in bullying prevention programs. But not all programs are effective. Quality programs are proactive and responsive. In other words, they contain elements designed to prevent bullying from happening, but they also are effective in disciplining bullies and supporting victims of bullying. Develop bullying prevention goals. Every school should have goals for preventing bullying. At the top of the list should be a goal of responding to bullying immediately. Not only does this help support the victims of bullying, but it also communicates that bullying will not be tolerated. Additionally, when early intervention takes place this greatly reduces the likelihood that bullying will become a lifelong pattern of behavior. Incorporate social and emotional learning. Teaching students how to manage their emotions and respond appropriately to the emotions of others is an important part of education. Not only does high emotional intelligence mean kids are more empathetic to one another, but it also means more academic success. And, kids with high EQs are more successful in their careers because supervisors trust them and colleagues respect them. Empower bystanders. Almost every successful bullying prevention program contains methods for empowering bystanders to stand up to bullies. These programs also give bystanders the tools they need to know what to do when they witness bullying. And they address the reasons why many bystanders remain silent. Address cyberbullying. It is no secret that cyberbullying filters over into the hallways and classrooms at school. Proactive schools understand this and educate students about the consequences of cyberbullying, sexting and sexual bullying. Additionally, it is wise for schools to implement cyberbullying guidelines so that a plan is in place to address the issue when it occurs. Taking a strong stand against cyberbullying goes a long way in improving the overall school climate. Teach character education. Building character among a school’s students not only helps improve academics, but it also helps prevent bullying. Through character education, kids learn to be diligent, responsible and ethical in their approach to school and others. As a result, they know how to interact properly with their teachers, the staff and their fellow students, turning their school and their classrooms into a better place. Foster respectful attitudes. Respect is at the root of bullying prevention. This means not only are the kids taught that everyone deserves respect, but the teachers and staff model this behavior. And when the environment of a school is respectful, there is less bullying. This also means that relational aggression, mean girl behavior, cyberbullying, name-calling and other forms of bullying are drastically reduced too Empower athletes. Schools often fail to utilize all the resources at their disposal when it comes to bullying prevention. In fact, one of the best ways to prevent bullying isn’t by developing more programs, but by empowering the students to watch out for one another and to change the climate of the school. Sometimes athletes are among the most influential student groups at the school. As a result, empowering athletes to take a stand against bullying can be extremely beneficial. Train teachers and coaches. In order for teachers to prevent bullying in their classrooms and coaches to prevent bullying on their teams, they need to be trained on bullying and how to respond to bullying situations at school. Be clear about your expectations and give them the tools they need in order to be successful. For example, talk about the common mistakes coaches make such as not having clear consequences for sports bullying and not being proactive in preventing sports bullying. Train bus drivers and recess monitors.
Another way to improve school climate is to be sure all
elements of the school day are bully-free zones. Talk to
your bus drivers about ways to bully-proof the school bus.
And provide your recess monitors with bullying prevention
tips. Bullying
Prevention – What Works Best? Years ago, bullying wasn't considered much of a problem. But today, people realize that it's a widespread social issue. The challenge then, is to find ways to prevent it from happening. But that’s not always easy. Simply educating kids about bullying will not cause kids to bully less. And zero tolerance policies are sometimes so severe that they are not effective either. Effective bullying prevention requires an integrated program with many different facets. The best school anti-bullying programs collect information about bullying at their school, intervene when they observe bullying and change the climate that supports the behavior. If you are considering developing an anti-bullying campaign or you want to advocate for your school to develop one, remember that a program containing the following characteristics will be the most effective at preventing bullying. Accept that bullying exists and is a problem Kids are often reluctant to report bullying. As a result, it's often underreported. Not knowing about all the bullying incidents can leave teachers, administrators and parents with a false sense of security that bullying is minimal at their school. But researchers have found that administering an anonymous survey is one way to gather accurate information on how often kids are bullied, where the incidents occur and what types of bullying incidents are taking place. Once this information is gathered, school administrators can develop a plan that addresses the school’s specific problems. This information also can be used to measure the success of any program that is implemented. It’s also a good idea for parents and teachers to be sure they are able to spot the signs of bullying. Relying entirely on reporting processes as a way to discover bullying incidents is never a good idea. The important thing to remember is that bullying exists everywhere. If it is left unaddressed, it will grow into a bigger problem. It's much easier to address bullying issues while they are still manageable rather than waiting until a major outbreak of school violence occurs. To change school climate requires a collective effort on the part of the adults at the school. Everyone needs to be on board for the culture to change. When there is a perceived tolerance of bullying either by lack of intervention or the appearance of not having time for kids who want to report bullying, then the school climate becomes one that enables bullying to continue. Even if not intentionally, when teachers and administrators are not consistent in handling bullying or when they look the other way, they are inadvertently condoning bullying activity. In order for the climate to change all school employees including teachers, bus drivers, cafeteria workers and duty aides must become intolerant of bullying. They must consistently identify the bullies, address bullying immediately and implement appropriate consequences. What's more, perceptions by students also must change. In other words, bullying must no longer be viewed as cool. Reinforcing a mindset that bullying is unfair, undesirable and unacceptable will help change the culture as well. When both students and school personnel view bullying as inappropriate, then change will begin to occur. Empower bystanders One way to change the culture in a school is to empower the bystanders. If the school can focus more on getting people who witness bullying to stand up and say something about it, then the bullying prevention efforts will move in the right direction. When bullies no longer have an audience and are no longer able to increase their social standing with bullying, the number of incidents will decrease. One of the first steps in making this happen is to implement safe reporting practices. When kids who witness bullying feel comfortable that reporting incidents will not cause them to be bullied as well, they will be more likely to report incidents. Safe reporting procedures provide a way for students to report bullying in a confidential and safe way. For instance, some schools have used anonymous tip lines or texting programs to allow students to report bullying without going directly to school administrators. Additionally, students need to be comfortable that their names will not be used when addressing bullying incidents. They also should know that they wouldn’t be required to sit down in the same room with the bully. Finally, it's especially important to educate kids about the importance of speaking up. When they don’t say or do anything, their silence gives the bully more power in the situation. Instead, give students ideas on how to respond to bullying situations. When kids know that keeping silent only makes the situation worse for everyone involved, including them, they will be more likely to speak out. They need to recognize too, there is strength in numbers. If a large group of kids show disapproval for bullying behavior, it will decrease. Develop disciplinary procedures and enforce them consistently Schools that develop clear rules about bullying and then enforce those rules consistently have more successful prevention programs. Additionally, students, parents and teachers should all know exactly what behavior is inappropriate and what will happen if a child engages in it. Typically, the most successful disciplinary procedures are graduated in nature. In other words, as the offense increases in severity so does the disciplinary action. By contrast, zero tolerance policies are usually not effective – especially if the punishment is severe. For instance, if suspension is the only consequence for any type of bullying behavior, students and teachers may fear it is too harsh and refrain from reporting bullying incidents. Finally, for bullying prevention programs to be successful, discipline must be consistent. This means that no student is exempt from being disciplined for bullying – not the star student, not the star athlete, not the kids with parents who work for the school. Consequences for bullying have to be implemented without regard for who the student is. If a school fails to do this, the students will not trust that there is fair treatment and the program won’t be successful. Increase supervision in danger zones Bullies almost always know where the adults are before they strike. As a result, a large amount of bullying occurs under the radar where adult supervision is often lacking. These areas are typically on the school bus, in the locker rooms, on the playground and in the bathrooms. When schools are able to identify where bullying is occurring most often and then provide more of an adult presence in those areas, bullying will decrease. Although this may take some creativity, including bringing parent volunteers on board, when it is addressed it will be key in reducing the likelihood of bullying. Build a sense of community The same sense of unity that is present during a rival football game or after a tragedy is the same sense of community that is needed to prevent bullying. When people come together – parents, teachers, administrators and students – to prevent bullying, then the program will be much more effective. One way to accomplish this sense of community is through regular communication. If a school is not communicating regularly with its parents and students, then the school will be lacking in a sense of unity and togetherness. Letters, social media, meetings, rallies, special events and other activities are just some of the ways to get the message out. The goal is to get everyone involved
to buy in to the need for bullying prevention. If parents
are undermining anti-bullying efforts, the prevention
program will not be successful. Likewise, if parents are on
board, but teachers are reluctant to implement the program,
then the program won’t be successful either. The key is
that everyone is united in seeing bullying come to an end at
school. 5 Ways to Battle
Bullying in School In today's society it's not completely unheard of to turn on the television and hear that another child has taken their life because they were bullied at school. Schools across the globe are trying to battle bullying by adapting a "zero tolerance" policy where bullying is not tolerated at all. Approximately 160,000 children stay home each day due to some type of bullying. How do we get these kids to not be afraid? Here are 5 ways schools can battle bullying. 1. Implement a Bullying Prevention Program A one time bullying prevention assembly may get the students attention, but will not make an overall difference. To truly make an impact on your students you must implement an effective bullying prevention program. The best programs offer teacher training, the involvement of parents, and assistance to the whole school. The best programs teach the following: Self-regulation, friendship skills, emotion management, and problem-solving skills. For more information on how to adapt a bullying prevention program in your school, visit Olweus Bullying Prevention Program or Steps to Respect. 2. Teach Children to be an Upstander Not a Bystander Studies show that less than 20 percent of students intervene when they see someone getting bullied. Most of the time bystanders chose not to take action because they are in fear for their own safety, or fear they may become the new target of the bully. As teachers, it is our job to teach our students to be upstanders and intervene when they see a bullying situation taking place. Studies have shown that children want to help, but they just do not know how. Here are a few ways teachers can encourage students to intervene.
3. Offer Children Prevention Strategies According to research bullying exists among children as young as five years old! That seems unimaginable but unfortunately it is a fact. Teach young children as little as five the strategies they need to learn to stick up for themselves if they are bullied. Here are a few prevention strategies for grades K-5.
4. Establish a School Wide Policy Studies show that in order to reduce bullying in schools, they need to establish a school wide bullying policy. By doing so, this will create a safe and supportive environment that will deter bullying and support academic achievement. To ensure low bully rates in school, make sure you adopt the following strategies.
5. Educate Parents and Students on How to Report Bullying There is a substantial amount of evidence that shows the severe reluctance to report bullying. Studies show that this may be due to the fear of retaliation or the fear of being rejected by their peers. The best way to rid schools of bullying is for students to report it. Here are the steps students should take when reporting a bully.
Source: k6educators.about.com/od/classroommanagement/a/5-Ways-To-Battle-Bullying-In-School.htm
8 Things Kids
Should Do When They Witness Bullying In all bullying incidents, there is one person impacted who is often overlooked – the bystander. Although bystanders are not the primary targets of bullying, they are still affected. In fact, bystanders can suffer from guilt, anxiety, depression and feelings of helplessness. Bystanders can even experience what is known as the bystander effect. The bystander effect occurs when people witness an event like bullying and are less likely to take responsibility to help the victim because they believe someone else will do it. Even if your children have never been bullied, it’s extremely likely they will witness at least one bullying incident in their lifetime. As a result, it’s important for parents to equip their kids with the ability to recognize that bullying is wrong. It’s also a good idea to give them appropriate tools for responding to bullying. Not only does an appropriate response to bullying help the victim, but it also can help your child avoid the negative effects of witnessing a bullying incident. Here are some ways your child can respond to bullying at school. Avoid joining in or laughing. Sometimes kids will chime in or laugh at a bullying incident in order to avoid becoming the next target. Explain to your children that you expect them not to join in the bullying. Even if they don’t feel brave enough to do something, they can at least avoid giving in to peer pressure. Walk away. Sometimes bullies are bullying simply to get the attention. And, if they don’t have an audience, they will stop. As a result, sometimes all it takes is to walk away from the incident or to ignore the bully. Still, your child should report the bullying incident to an adult so that it doesn’t happen again. Tell the bully to stop. Usually if a bully is not getting positive attention from the crowd, he will stop what he is doing. It only takes one or two people to show disapproval and the bullying will end. Tell your children to use this method only if they feel safe in doing so. If the bully poses a physical threat, another option might be to find help. Get an adult. Encourage your child to calmly walk away from a bullying incident and go find help. This can be done discreetly and keeps your child out of harm’s way. Use a cell phone to call or text for help. Most tweens and teens have cell phones these days. If your child is one of these kids, tell him that he can always call or text an adult and ask for help. This keeps him from having to say something directly to the bully, but gives him a way to help the victim. Some schools have even implemented help lines where kids can text or call anonymously when someone is being bullied. Request other bystanders to stand up too. Sometimes it’s safer and more effective if a group of kids confronts the bully. In fact, research shows that when peers intervene in a bullying incident, the bullying stops nearly 60% of the time. Address cyberbullying. Keep in mind that your child doesn’t have to be physically present to be impacted by bullying. Witnessing a classmate being targeted online can affect your child too. Be sure you teach her how to report cyberbullying. For instance, your child should save the message or postings and report the cyberbullying to an adult. What’s more, many social media sites have mechanisms for reporting abuse. Help her become familiar with how to report harassment. Support the victim. Sometimes the best
way to get involved in a bullying incident is to be a friend
to victims. In fact, research shows that having at least one
friend can deter bullying. Give your child ideas on how to
be a friend to the victim. This might mean walking to class
together, sitting with them at lunch and inviting them to
social events. 8
Ways to Empower Athletes to Prevent Bullying Bullying almost always happens when other kids are present. But, many kids don’t do anything to stop it. Sometimes they feel like it’s none of their business and sometimes they just don’t want to put themselves out there and risk being ridiculed. However, student athletes have an advantage when it comes to bullying prevention. Very often, these young athletes are respected and admired by their peers at school. As a result, they can use this influence in a positive way by demonstrating that bullying is not acceptable and it’s not cool. Here are eight ways you can empower athletes at your school to help prevent bullying. Encourage athletes to avoid joining in. Sometimes kids will laugh at a bullying incident or participate without even thinking about how it makes the victim feel. Other times they participate because of peer pressure. Explain to young athletes that you expect them to be good role models in the school and that they should never join in the bullying. Highlight the importance of saying something. Sometimes bullies are bullying simply to get attention. And, if they aren’t getting a positive response from the crowd because an athlete has the courage to tell them to stop, they will stop. Sometimes all it takes is for one person to say “that’s not funny” and the incident will be over. But by staying silent, athletes are unknowingly giving their support to the bully. Remind athletes to say something only if they feel safe in doing so. If the bully poses a physical threat, another option might be to find help. Even if an athlete does tell the bully to stop, encourage him to report the bullying incident to an adult so that it doesn’t happen again. Stress the importance of speaking out against injustices. While you should acknowledge that it might be easier to ignore bullying, it’s not always the best option. Sometimes it takes a strong person to step in and help others overcome bullying. Provide perspective by asking how they would feel if they were being bulling. Empower athletes to formulate their own ideas on how to prevent bullying. Many times kids know just what is needed to respond to bullying situations. You will be surprised at how creative they can be when given the chance. Be sure to allow enough room for your athletes to formulate plans. They will be much more likely to step into a bullying situation if they are using an idea they are comfortable with. Encourage them to get other bystanders or athletes to stand up too. Sometimes it’s safer and more effective if a group or a team of kids confronts the bully. In fact, research shows that when peers intervene in a bullying incident, the bullying ends nearly 60% of the time. This should come naturally for some athletes because of the teamwork they have experienced on their sports teams. Usually, athletes are very good at getting people to work together. Underscore the need to support victims. Sometimes the best way to get involved in bullying prevention is to be a friend to victims and potential victims. In fact, research shows that having at least one friend can deter bullying. Give athletes ideas on how to be a friend to kids who are targeted by bullies. This might mean walking to class together, sitting with them at lunch and inviting them to social events. Remind them that it’s not a sign of weakness to get an adult. Kids sometimes think they can handle bullying on their own. As a result, kids often don’t report bullying. Be sure to stress to athletes that even though they are strong, they are not invincible. It’s never a sign of weakness to get an adult. Instead, it’s a display of wisdom and courage. They also can call or text for help if needed. Most tweens and teens carry cell phones these days. Equip them with some numbers they can use to report bullying while it’s happening. Stress the importance of digital
etiquette. Kids don’t always know or realize that some
things are not appropriate to say online. Be sure to stress
to your athletes the key aspects of digital etiquette. Also,
instruct them on how to handle cyberbullying if they witness
it. For instance, messages or postings can be copied and
reported to an adult. What’s more, many social media
sites have mechanisms for reporting abuse. Help athletes
become familiar with how to report harassment and
cyberbullying. 6 Things to Say to
Your Kids When They Are Bullied When you hear that your child is being bullied, it can be hard not to have an emotional reaction. But researchers have found that the way you respond to bullying incidents can have a significant impact not only on how your child deals with a bullying incident, but also how quickly she will move beyond it. If your child is being bullied, there are ways to help her cope and lessen its lasting impact. For instance, focus on offering comfort and support no matter how angry or upset the incident makes you. Remember, kids often don’t tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed, ashamed or confused. You don’t want to discourage her from telling you about the next incident. Also be sure you practice effective listening and avoid asking questions like “what did you do to cause it?” You also don’t want to interrupt, criticize or minimize what your child has experienced. Instead, focus on what she is saying. It also may help to remember to say these six things to your child. “It took courage to tell me.” Sometimes, kids keep silent because they are worried that reporting it will cause the bullying to get worse. Other kids are worried about an adult’s response. For instance, they question whether adults will do anything about the bullying. And they worry that they will be encouraged to fight back when they are too scared to do anything about the bullying. As a result, it’s important that you praise your child for speaking up about the bullying. Acknowledge that you know how difficult it is to talk about bullying. Be sure your child knows that reporting bullying is not only brave, but also the best way to overcome bullying incidents. “This is not your fault.” Sometimes kids feel like they did something to warrant the bullying. So telling an adult just deepens their embarrassment and shame. Remind your child that bullying is a choice and that the responsibility for the bullying lies with bullies, not with your child. Also be sure your child knows that she is not alone. Bullying happens to a lot of people but together you are going to figure out what to do. “How do you want to handle it?” Asking your child how she wants to handle the bullying demonstrates that you trust her decisions. It also empowers her to move out of a victim mentality and develop a feeling of competency again. It’s never a good idea to try to take over and fix things for your kids. Instead, focus on helping her explore different options for dealing with the situation and then support her in those options. “I will help you.” While it’s important to allow your child to problem solve when it comes to bullying, don't delay contacting school officials about bullying especially if your child has been threatened, physically harmed or the bullying is escalating. It’s important to bring school personnel into the loop even when it is relational aggression. All types of bullying have consequences and any delay in getting outside help could make things worse for your child. “Let’s brainstorm how to keep this from happening again.” Getting your child to move beyond bullying incidents and think about the future is key. Aside from practical advice like walking to class with a friend or eating lunch with a buddy, have your child identify where the bullying hot spots are in the school. If at all possible, your child should avoid these areas. Additionally, get your child involved in outside activities and find things that will build self-esteem. But be sure to listen to your child and let her tell you what she thinks might work. The creative things your child comes up with might surprise you. Then, do your best to help her put those ideas into action. “Who’s got your back?”
This may sound like a silly question, but when it comes to
bullying, your child’s peers can do a lot to help
prevent future bullying incidents. In fact, research has
shown that friendships can help prevent bullying. Get your
children to think about whom they can count on at school.
For instance, is there someone they can walk to class with?
Is there someone they can sit with at lunch and on the bus?
If your child feels like they don’t have friends to
fall back on, look for ways to help her develop friendships.
Also, ask her to identify a trusted adult she can turn to at
school for help. 7 Surprising
Things Parents Don’t Know About Bullying But Should
Bullying is in the news almost every day. As a result, most parents are well-educated about the issue. They talk to their kids about bullying and can identify the warning signs. There are even a large percentage of parents that keep tabs on what their kids are doing online. But bullying is a complex issue that is constantly evolving. As a result, many parents are shocked to learn that their view of bullying is often incomplete. Here are the top seven things that parents often do not realize about bullying. Sometimes it’s the kids your child calls “friends” who are the meanest. When parents think of bullies, they often envision stereotypes of bullies including the loner who hates the world or the mean girl that picks on those without as much social clout. Often the bully they imagine is far-removed from their child. As a result, parents are often shocked to learn that the kids bullying their children are the ones they spend a lot of time – the ones they call friends. Be sure you are talking with your kids about what constitutes a healthy friendship and what respect looks like. Help your kids identify if the kids they call friends are truly friends. Any child is capable of bullying and mean behavior, including yours. No parent wants to learn that her child is bullying another child. But you have to recognize that it is possible. Even kids from good homes can engage in bullying if they give in to peer pressure. They also may engage in bullying if they trying to fit in or climb the social ladder. Be sure you are talking to your kids about respectful behavior. And look for opportunities to impart empathy and increase social and emotional learning in their lives. If you do discover your child is bullying, take action right away. Implement appropriate discipline for the bullying behavior and monitor the situation to be sure it doesn’t happen again. Not all mean behaviors constitute bullying. There has been so much information in the news about bullying, that the message has become diluted. Consequently, parents often label every unkind word or action as bullying. While these types of behaviors are never appropriate and just as hurtful, it is important to distinguish between bullying behavior and unkind behavior. It’s also important to understand the difference between bullying and normal conflict. Bullying consists of a power imbalance between the victim and the bully. It also is intentional and repeated. Name-calling in particular can be a confusing type of bullying. Calling a person a name one time does not constitute bullying, but calling a person a name every day or over a period of time is bullying. Be sure you have established that your child is truly experiencing bullying before you label it as such. Kids don’t share as much as you think they do. Even kids who are open with their parents often leave out details. The reasons for the lack of disclosure are varied. But, as a parent, you need to realize that when your child tells you about a bullying incident she experienced or one that she witnessed, she may leave out some details. Additionally, kids notoriously minimize what they are experiencing especially if they think you will freak out. Build a trust with your child that promotes more sharing. For instance, allow your kids to have a say in how they want the situation handled. Also, don’t overreact to what they are telling you. Try to simply listen and gather information. And be sure to empathize with what they are experiencing even if you don’t understand it or feel that it’s not that big of a deal. Teens often model what they see others doing. Begin by looking at yourself. Are you doing the very things you are telling your kids not to do? For example, are you gossiping with your friends about another mother? Are you making fun of another dad who needs to lose weight? Are you making fun of someone's child? If you are doing these things, your child will eventually do the same things. Additionally, take a close look at your child’s friends. If their group looks like a clique, talk to your child about that. If you see girls in the group displaying mean behavior, try to help your child widen her circle of friends. And if you see the boys your son is friends with making inappropriate remarks about girls, widen your son’s group of friends. Remember, as much as you encourage your child to be a good person, to stand up for others and to treat others with respect, it is very hard for him to do that if the people he surrounds himself with are not behaving in the same way. Most kids think of bullying as “drama” and often do not use the word bullying. When most kids think about bullying, they imagine physical bullying. They often don’t consider the other forms of bullying as anything other than drama. It’s important for parents to remember this when talking with their kids. If your children are saying there is a lot of drama at school or that kids are messing with them, ask questions. Find out what they mean. Your definition of bullying and drama is likely very different from your child’s definition. Kids are very creative when it comes
to bullying. Just when you think you have it all figured
out, you will hear of a new method kids are using to target
others. Be sure to read about bullying on a regular basis
and stay familiar with the apps kids are using. More and
more apps are hitting the market that kids are utilizing for
cyberbullying. Additionally, be sure your kids are talking
to you before downloading new apps. Then, check them out
together. 8 Ways to Avoid
Raising a Bully No parent wants her child to be the school bully. In fact, there is nothing worse than getting a call from a teacher or an administrator indicating that your child has been bullying other kids at school. Even if you believe your child would never bully another person, it is important to take preventative measures. The truth is, bullies come in all shapes and sizes. Gone are the stereotypes that bullies are big, burly kids from the wrong side of the tracks. Any child is capable of bullying others, even those with no risk factors. But, there are some things you can do to make sure your child does not intimidate, harass or manipulate other kids. Here are eight ways to avoid raising a bully. Take an interest in your children. This seems simple enough but many parents don’t actively engage in their child’s life. Instead, they spend a lot more time directing and correcting than they do listening and getting to know their kids. In fact, research shows that there are more protective factors among parents who share ideas with their kids than parents who feel frequently bothered by their kids. So take the time to find out who your children are apart from who you want them to be. Teach your child to respect others. Be sure your child knows that all people are different and that your child needs to respond to everyone with kindness. Also, set clear expectations on how to treat people, especially those who are different in some way. Ensure that your children know that even if they don’t like someone, this does not give them the right to be mean. Every person deserves to be treated courteously. Don’t ignore sibling aggression. While it is normal for siblings to argue and tease one another, chronic mean behavior, both verbal and physical, should never be ignored. Many times, kids who engage in sibling bullying at home will bully others at school. Other times, the non-aggressive sibling is transferring that behavior to other kids at school. Even if the bullying is limited to the home, sibling bullying should be addressed because it has significant consequences. Get to know your child’s friends. Invite your child’s friends over to your house or invite them to attend events with your family. Even offer to carpool from time to time. You will be amazed what you will learn about your children, their friends and the school from the front seat of your vehicle. And if your child develops a friendship with a bully or a mean girl, be sure you talk to your child about what is respectful and kind and what isn’t. But be careful about asserting too much control over your child’s choices because it could backfire. Try to guide your child instead of making demands. In the meantime, keep an eye out for mean behavior. Remember, your children’s friends often have a huge influence on their behavior and peer pressure is a very strong force when it comes to bullying. Talk with your kids about bullying. Consistent communication is the key to good parenting and it is especially important when it comes to bullying prevention. Remember, you can’t shelter your kids from every malicious influence, but you can prepare them for tough situations by talking with them about bullying. Be sure your children know that life is full of disagreements. But make sure they know how to handle these situations productively. Hitting, name-calling and blaming are never the answers. Foster empathy. Many bullies lack empathy. Work with your children to recognize how their behavior affects others. Be sure to ask your child how he would feel in a similar situation. Also, point out when you see other people hurting and encourage your child to offer help or assistance in some way. Another way to develop empathy is to help your child process emotions. Many times, understanding how others feel begins with knowing how he feels first. If your child can identify his own feelings, he will be better equipped to understand the feelings of others. Know the signs of bullying. Not only is it important to know the signs of bullying to prevent your child from bullying others but, it’s also important for your own child’s health and safety. Sometimes kids bully others because they too are being bullied. Be sure you know how to stop the bully-victim cycle if you find your child in this situation. Put an end to bullying behavior
immediately. If you find your child is a bully or your child
is a cyberbully, take steps to put an end to the behavior at
once. Be sure you take swift action with appropriate
consequences. And if the bullying was reported to the
school, work with administrators to enforce any disciplinary
action that your child receives. As difficult as it is, it
is important that your children receive consequences for
bullying behavior. Do not try to shelter them or they will
never learn from the experience. 10 Common Myths
and Misconceptions about Bullying
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