Initiation
www.ZeroAttempts.org
Who said "“The child who is
not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its
warmth.”
Ron Clark on Twitter: "“The
child who is not embraced by the village will burn it
down to feel its warmth.” -African Proverb" /
Twitter.Mar 21, 2018
The Child Who is Not Embraced by
the Village Will Burn it Down to Feel its Warmth --
African Proverb — Eileen Sendrey.Aug 6,
2019
The
Child Who is Not Embraced by the Village Will Burn it
Down to Feel its Warmth.
- African Proverb 8/6/19
Hazed
Into Manhood: Inviting A Return To Sacred Male
Initiation -
3/10/21
Embracing
the Child: Connected Kids Don't Want to Destroy Their
Village - 7/27/19
The
African Proverb Which Should Change the
World - 10/17/17
What
About the Boys? Raising Macho Thugs or Wimpy
Metrosexuals?
Masculinities
The Child Who
is Not Embraced by the Village Will Burn it Down to Feel
its Warmth. - African Proverb 8/6/19
As someone who works with people to
integrate and heal early developmental trauma I've been
pondering the increasing number of mass shootings that
seem to be plaguing our country. Many of them are young
men, loners, sometimes swept into some ideology that
really makes sense to them, without the reflection and
support of calmer. older and wiser influences.
Particularly since one of these shootings happened in my
own part of the world I have felt so heartened by the way
people are supporting each other, tracking those who
might need help and coming together to heal as a
community.
... and then there is the question
of how to address the problem? There are calls for
stricter gun laws... that is probably a good idea. There
is talk about mental illness and how to deal with
potentially dangerous people off balance finding their
way to firearms... but the truth is that the problem and
solution are much more complex and nuanced than we can
address talking fast at each other, not listening and
reacting. In fear an anger we are trying to figure out
whose fault is this? Who do we shame and punish?
Unfortunately our rush to shaming and punishing (and
defensiveness that ensues) impedes our ability to really
to check in with what the larger issue is and possible
ways to address it wholistically.
There is an African proverb: "The
child who is not embraced by the village will burn it
down to feel its warmth"
Mass shootings are part of a larger
spectrum of social issues stemming from young people who
don't feel safe, loved/connected and who aren't being
initiated into a wisdom culture led by trustworthy
elders, tracking each child in the village. We have
meticulous ways we track academic performance but who is
tracking the state of each child's nervous system, social
development and the care of their soul. This can't be the
responsibility of the parent or teachers alone. As humans
we aren't designed for families being so alone,
disconnected from the village.
In small pockets there are parents
seeking out teachers and healers that are reviving rites
of passage for young people and creating networks of
support. Young people need to be tracked and guided to be
able to use their passion and fearlessness constructively
instead of destruction. The question for all of us is how
do we listen to these children and all children with our
hearts and embrace all children as our children? How do
we slow down and create enough space in ourselves to be
able to really listen to and find effective ways to
create support for families who need help?
Source:
www.eileensendrey.com/blog/2019/8/6/the-child-who-is-not-embraced-by-the-village-will-burn-it-down-to-feel-its-warmth
What About the
Boys? Raising Macho Thugs or Wimpy Metrosexuals?
That question – “What about the boys”
– is becoming more and more as an issue today.
Boys drop out
of school, are diagnosed as emotionally disturbed, and
commit suicide four times more often than girls; they get
into fights twice as often; they murder ten times more
frequently and are 15 times more likely to be the victims
of a violent crime.
It’s time to
have a serious discussion of the roots causes of
what’s wrong with boys.
Our youth – especially young boys – have little
today in initiating them into manhood.
Men are made – not
born.
Gang membership or scoring high in
Grand Theft Auto is not a rite of passage. Todays
‘rites’, as they may be called, lack any
semblance of core values – values needed to guide
boyhood into manhood.
And then there’s James
Delingpole informing us “our culture has lost the
ability to channel the boisterousness of young men”
We are faced with this choice for boys – macho thug
or wimpy metrosexual.
I examine these core values
fictionally in my new novel MURRAN.
MURRAN is a realistic, down and
gritty novel that projects a positive message for
today’s youth. It is the story of a young
African-American boy named Trey coming of age in the
1980s, and his rite of passage to manhood. Trey is a
member of a ‘crew’ in Brooklyn and is enticed
into helping a violent street gang. He is eventually
framed for murder and flees with Mr. Jackson, his African
high school teacher, to his Maasai village in Kenya.
While in Africa, Trey goes through the Maasai
warrior’s rite of passage and returns to America to
confront the gang leader that framed him. In the process
Trey learns what a true African warrior is and carries
those Maasai values back to his ‘tribe’ in
Brooklyn.
View the webpage and sample
chapters at http://indigoriverpub.com/mediakit/murran/
By the book on Amazon at:
http://tinyurl.com/m934bqr
Source: frankfiore.wordpress.com/2014/12/05/what-about-the-boys-raising-macho-thugs-or-wimpy-metrosexuals/
The African
Proverb Which Should Change the World - 10/17/17
"If the young are not initiated in the tribe, they will
burn down the village just to feel its warmth.'
This African proverb is one of the
most powerful and relevant of our time given
the
demographics of booming youth populations in the
developing world, aging populations in the developed
world and all the inter-generational inequality this
brings about. Simply put, if
the young are not given a stake in society then they will
have nothing to lose in burning it down.
Whilst there are different drivers
in the developed and developing world, the bottom line
remains the same; without
the proper financial inclusion of the youth there is a
ticking time bomb of frustration, marginalisation and
under investment.
A World Bank study in Africa found
that 42% of people who joined rebel groups were motivated
by a lack of jobs; a serious problem when you consider
youth unemployment rates in the major Africa economies
(South Africa 50%, Kenya 22%, Nigeria 13%). To look at it
in a more positive way,
if policy makers and businesses can find innovative ways
of improving financial inclusion, education and
employment opportunities for young people globally, then
society will have less to worry about!
Africa is the only region of the
world where the youth population is still growing and the
growth rate can only be described as phenomenal. In 2015
there were 226 million people aged 15-24 in Africa,
accounting for 19% of the global youth population. By
2030, this group in Africa is projected to have increased
by 42% and by 2055 it will have more than
doubled.
There is, without doubt, a drive on
the continent to improve financial inclusion but it is
almost entirely being driven by the private sector, both
amongst corporates as well as start-ups. All of the major
Retail Banks in Africa now have a strategy on appealing
to the ‘un-banked’ (17% of the world’s 2
billion ‘un-banked’ live in Sub-Saharan Africa)
and financially underserved segments of society whether
they be the youth or women, who play a key economic role
in most Sub-Saharan economies.
Much has been made of how mobile
money and digital payment innovations have improved
financial inclusion and the participation numbers are
indeed impressive. The oft cited example of M-Pesa in
Africa, which is going into its second decade now, is
instructive. There are now 30 million users on the
Continent (17 million in its home market of Kenya), last
year they processed six billion transactions and some
estimates suggest that 25% of Kenya’s GDP flows
through the app. But, whilst digital payments systems
like M-Pesa have undoubtedly made transfers more secure
and accessible, the app is, in one sense, just a move to
monetise airtime.
Rationalising payments can only do
so much. What will really make a difference is credit and
investment. First, credit needs to be more accessible to
young people, both as individuals and business founders.
As the economy becomes more tech-driven, the younger
segment of society will have a greater role to play in
everything from big corporates to small family
businesses.
There is huge investment in
fintech. In a recent study, KPMG stated that in Q1 of
2017 alone global fintech investments hit $3.2 billion.
If more of these can focus on genuinely improving access
to finance in Africa instead of simply facilitating
remittances, then great strides will be made.
There are, of course, many areas we
can go beyond simply improving access to credit. For
example, pensions can be liberalised and retail investing
made more accessible. These are areas undergoing huge
change in the UK where efforts have been made to create
the so-called ‘share-owning democracy’ and halt
the decline in retail investing (in
1964 over 50% of shares were owned by private individuals
but by 2010 this fell to less than 10%).
An example of a fintech firm in the
UK that is looking to turn this around and specifically
in favour of younger investors is Digital
MoneyBox, an innovative app which rounds up all payments
an individual makes and automatically invests the
difference in tracker funds, so as little as £1 can
be put to work. By making investing accessible to a
generation who have until now perceived it to be beyond
their means, Digital MoneyBox is helping to give young
people an actual stake in society.
Africa has proven that it can take
technical innovations to leapfrog forward, as it did with
the widespread uptake in mobiles bypassing the need for
fixed line infrastructure, so there is no reason to
believe that this can’t happen with
fintech.
Elsewhere, governments will need to
play their part, both in improving education and
employment opportunities as well as doing everything in
their power to attract capital from PE and VC firms,
Angel investors and Family Offices, and anyone who else
who is prepared to take risk in backing start-ups in
Africa. Countries such as Côte d’Ivoire and
Rwanda, where they have strived to make it easier to do
business, are already receiving the dividends of greater
inward investment.
At Executives in Africa we have
carried out a number of mandates for companies looking to
have a positive impact on financial inclusion and youth
employment. These include a Nigeria CEO Search for a
leading Pan-African microfinance institution to the CEO
of a mobile money business in Ethiopia.
We are also working closely with
Andela, a visionary business which identifies the very
brightest African talent, providing technical and
business training for them to become world class software
programmers to meet global demand for the significant
shortage in this area. With the global economy currently
being reshaped and increasingly defined by tech, the
backers of Andela believe there is an opportunity for
Africa to become the workshop of the emergent world.
Source:
www.linkedin.com/pulse/african-proverb-which-should-change-world-james-adair
Embracing
the Child: Connected Kids Don't Want to Destroy Their
Village - 7/27/19
Killmonger, in Black Panther, acted out the African
proverb, “The child who is not embraced by the
village will burn it down to feel its warmth,” to
the letter. In other words, a child rejected by his
community is in a devastating situation that often only
gets worse as the child grows.
The child who is not embraced by
the village will burn it down to feel its warmth proverb
means that children
desperately need connection, love, and community. If
these needs aren’t met, they’ll cry out for
help and even resort to destructive behavior. As members
of the village, we’re all responsible for the
children around us.
Another version of the proverb says
“If the young are not initiated into the tribe they
will burn down the village just to feel its warmth.”
For a deeper understanding of this
proverb, we’ll explore its origins, meaning,
including examples of how it plays out in society, and
how you can help children feel embraced by the village.
The Origins of the
Proverb
Made popular by the movie Black
Panther, a Marvel film that came out in 2018, the origins
of “The child who is not embraced by the
village,” proverb are difficult to trace.
Like many other African proverbs,
such as “It takes a village to raise a child,”
the proverb may no longer have roots we can trace to a
specific African country or group of people.
There are some problems with
attributing a proverb to an entire continent.
It is hard to be sure that the
saying or aphorism genuinely came from the continent
without any specific references.
In addition, any culturally
significant details about the tribe or group to which it
belongs get lost, leaving the proverb a bit hollow, or as
one expert said, more of a mix of “Hallmark and folk
sentiments.” (source)
However, the origins of the proverb
may very well be Africa.
The experiences and cultural
attributes of many areas of Africa may indeed support the
sentiment of the proverb.
The village lifestyle and value of
the community are strong in many of the cultures on the
continent.
Ultimately, there’s no
conclusive evidence or research showing where the proverb
is from.
We can only assume that perhaps,
just perhaps, it is an African proverb passed on from
generation to generation.
Some of the specifics about where
it originated and even some of the phrasing has evolved,
leading to two versions.
But, the main idea has stayed the
same.
What Does the Proverb
Mean?
“The child who is not embraced
by the village will burn it down” proverb’s
meaning is exceptionally clear and quite
graphic.
A child lost and abandoned by their
community will destroy it in order to get the attention
and connection they need.
While it’s easy to understand
how this happens in theory, it’s harder for society
to avoid this outcome in reality.
The scenario happens frequently in
societies around the world.
Perhaps this is true because
most
people’s instinct is to blame the young people for
their perceived bad behavior instead of recognizing how
their community has failed them.
For example,
youth who show delinquent behaviors are almost always
troubled young people who don’t have enough
connection in their lives or who have suffered past
traumas.
Perhaps their families are
dysfunctional or abusive.
Or maybe they’re suffering
from mental illness and no one has helped them get
treatment.
Or maybe they’re exhausted,
chronically stressed, and anxious due to living in
poverty.
Here are some examples of “The
child who is not embraced by the village will burn it
down to feel its warmth,” taking place in real
life:
- The 2011 Summer Riots of
England: During these riots, 14,000, mostly poor,
marginalized people took to the streets looting shops,
setting fires, and destroying property. This example
includes literally setting fires, just as the proverb
states. In the case of these riots, it was a call for
help and an expression of anger and frustration with
their situation. (source)
- Youth Expelled from
Schools:
Students who are feeling disconnected from school or
society, in general, may exhibit behaviors that then
lead to their expulsion. For example, possessing or
distributing drugs and alcohol or bringing a weapon to
school are some obvious examples. Other students might
even be expelled because of poor academic performance.
When kids “burn the
village” through the behaviors that get them
thrown out of school, what
they need most is adult caring and embracing. Yet,
expelling youth from school sends them even farther
from the village.
(source)
- Alisa: A personal story
shows that a broken home and family cause trauma
that resulted in rebellion and delinquent behaviors.
At the age of 13, Alisa began stealing cars and soon
after escalated to drug use, drinking, and skipping
school. It wasn’t until Alisa was placed in a
girl’s group home that she was able to experience
true community and turn things around. With her
village surrounding her with love, Alisa no longer had
the desire to set it afire. (source)
You can probably recall some
stories of youth in your own community who have done
things akin to setting the village on fire.
These stories may include tragedy
and almost always involve the criminal justice
system.
All of the stories feature a
similar beginning, in which connection and a feeling of
embrace from the community somehow fails.
Important Factors that Influence
Whether Kids Feel Connected
The first part of the proverb,
“The child who is not embraced by the
village…” focuses on connection to a
community.
That embrace from the village is
vital for the healthy development of the child.
There are many facets to
communities and different ways that children may feel
connected or disconnected.
Here are some of the main factors
that influence the quality of connection that kids
feel:
- School:
The school environment is often one of the most
important indicators of whether a child is connected
to their community. In one
study, one of the most important common factors that
led to more serious criminal behavior was educational
disengagement. Basically, this comes down to skipping
school often.
When kids aren’t in school
in their adolescence, they’re on street corners,
looking for something to do.
Starting with petty crime such
as stealing candy bars from corner stores, kids who
continue this behavior can quickly graduate to more
serious crime.
No longer connected to their
schools, they spend more time in the streets where
they learn more about how to commit crimes, where to
sell stolen goods, and other details of criminal
lifestyles. (source)
- Home and Family Life:
Children who live in dysfunctional homes may feel
disconnected. For example, a parent may use drugs or
suffer from alcoholism which can lead to neglect and
other negative dynamics in the home. Problems at home
can quickly turn into problems at school that result
in the child resorting to a criminal lifestyle.
Another common issue for youth
who are disconnected is being in the foster care
system.
Especially when children enter
the system at an older age, they may age out of the
system before being adopted.
This leaves 18–year-olds on
their own without much of a support system for
transitioning into adulthood.
- Economic Stability:
Another difficult point for children is poverty. When
you’re poor, stability is hard to achieve. From
moving around from house to house or shelter to
shelter, to not having enough to eat, and missing out
on health services, poverty affects children
significantly.
Poverty can also affect a
child’s chances of doing well in
school.
Because they might be moving
around, or they don’t have easy access to
services like the internet or lack the support of
available parents because they are always working,
doing well at school is challenging.
Being poor is also very
stressful.
No matter how much the adults in
their lives try to shield them from it, poverty brings
instability and stress that can leave children without
the support they need.
In addition to these factors,
others, such as mental illness, race, and the specifics
of the social services available can affect how connected
children feel in their communities.
It’s also important to
remember that even in best-case scenarios where kids have
warm, loving homes, good access to education and even
economic stability, drug and alcohol use can still
develop, leading to very destructive behaviors and
lifestyles.
No one wants children to resort to
burning down the village to feel its warmth.
So, what can we do as parents,
teachers, and a society to help children? The village
must embrace the child wholly and completely. The next
section will explore some ways to build
connections.
How to Help Children Feel
Connected
It’s the job
of parents, teachers, and society, in general, to love
and embrace the children around us.
This happens in all
of the areas of society where children spend time such as
at home, school, community centers, and more.
In government
policy, it includes providing health insurance, access to
food and education and social service support such as
counselors and therapists to help kids in trouble.
Different approaches to raising and
teaching children can boost connection and a feeling of
belonging in kids.
One example is the Montessori
philosophy. The tenants of the philosophy are used in
many schools and homes, offering excellent guidelines for
educators and parents alike.
Montessori
Philosophy
Created by Maria Montessori, an
Italian doctor, in the early 1900s, the Montessori method
evolved out of careful observations of children and their
needs.
At the time,
Montessori was
revolutionary in that she suggested children should
have
appropriately sized furniture and
be allowed to move around in the classroom.
Some of her ideas are still
revolutionary today. Here are some ways that the
Montessori philosophy promotes connection, engagement,
and a sense of belonging:
Motivation: In the
Montessori method, children are allowed some freedom of
choice regarding what to study and when. What’s more
is that children are encouraged to pursue their
interests, which helps develop children’s internal
motivation (source). Engagement
in the school environment can help students decide to
stay, rather than skip school or drop out.
Even if you don’t send your
child to a Montessori school, you can use this idea at
home by helping your child pursue their
interests.
A child who is engaged and busy is
a happy, connected child.
Discipline Practices:
Discipline and punishment often go hand in hand,
especially for children who are struggling and who feel
disconnected. The Montessori approach helps by taking a
different approach to discipline, aiming to educate
rather than punish. In Montessori, punitive discipline is
not encouraged.
First, the method aims to limit
negative behaviors through preventative
discipline.
Children who are interested and
engaged are much less likely to behave in undesired
ways.
So, Montessori encouraged teachers
to offer exciting, enticing and interesting activities
for children to choose from.
Another common discipline technique
in Montessori classrooms is gluing. Rather than punishing
a misbehaving child, they are moved closer to the
teacher.
There, the child is encouraged to
watch as the teacher gives a lesson to another student,
or the child may receive more personalized attention from
the teacher for a short time.
These are also discipline
techniques that can be used in the home. Rather than
sending your child to their room, invite them to help you
in the kitchen, or spend a few minutes reading a book
together.
When misbehavior is
met with closeness, children feel connected again,
instead of isolated.
- Teaching Grace and
Courtesy: In the Montessori method, children are
taught grace and courtesy explicitly in lessons from
the time they are in preschool. Learning how to say
“hello,” or introduce oneself are some of
the first lessons. Later, children learn how to
interact in and run class meetings, etc. These skills
help create a community in the school environment.
But, they are also helpful life skills that can help
children connect in other ways in the community as
they grow. For youth, knowing how to interact in
mainstream spaces such as a job, community center, or
the library increases the chances of their success as
adults.
You can teach your children
basic lessons in social skills at home, too! These
skills will serve them their whole
lives.
- Community
Responsibility: In the Montessori classroom and
home, children help keep the classroom neat and clean.
It’s their job to sweep, wipe up spills, water
plants, care for pets, and more. This community
responsibility creats self-confidence and pride in
children, Montessori believed. This aspect plays into
connection, but also into engagement, both important
parts of feeling a sense of belonging.
At home, you can take this to
mean that assigning chores is a good thing!
Even if your kids aren’t
wild about it at first, it builds a sense of
responsibility and being part of a team that little
else can accomplish in the same way.
Overall, the Montessori philosophy
offers a great many ideas for how to achieve a feeling of
embracement for children in our communities.
Alternative
Programs
“The child who is not embraced
by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth”
suggests that at some point children might even be
rejected from their village.
This is exactly what happens when
kids drop out of or are expelled from school.
Children and youth who are not
participating in school need help!
Unfortunately, little money is
dedicated to the programs that could help youth who are
not currently served in schools.
Instead, people blame the
youth’s parents or the youth themselves for failing
to fit into the already established system.
(source)
This is unfortunate because
alternative school programs such as vocational training,
alternative routes to college, non-profit organizations
and publicly-funded organizations can help fill in the
gaps.
These programs can usually offer
smaller class sizes and more personalized attention for
their students.
What’s more is
these programs
often offer additional services and help link students
with other support like mental health, job placement
assistance, crisis intervention, health, family planning,
substance abuse treatment, and other services.
Other alternative programs include
different criminal justice processes such as mediation,
mentoring and restorative justice, among
others.
In one such program in New Jersey,
participants who have committed low-level crimes have a
repeat offense rate of only 3%. This is much more
successful than further ostracizing youth by sending them
to jail. (source)
Conclusion: We Must Work
Together to Embrace Our Community’s
Youth
We all pay the consequences of
failing to embrace the children in our
communities.
Whether riots break out, like in
London, kids commit crimes, or young people are lost to
drug addiction, the costs of failing to love our children
are high.
However, we can all play a role in
embracing the youth in our communities.
Starting in our own homes, we can
create environments that offer connection, engagement,
and a sense of belonging.
For some suggestions on how to
build that connection in your home, this
article offers some good ideas.
We can volunteer at local community
centers, serve as soccer coaches and support teachers at
schools.
We can also advocate for our youth
at the local, state and national levels of government.
One step at a time, we can take the
African proverb “the child who is not embraced by
the village will burn it down to feel its warmth,”
seriously and put out the fires we’ve
started.
Embracing our community’s
youth will create a better future for all of us.
Source:
strategiesforparents.com/the-child-who-is-not-embraced-by-the-village/
Hazed Into
Manhood: Inviting A Return To Sacred Male Initiation -
3/10/21
We used to be initiated into
manhood; now we are hazed into manhood.
In middle school, bullies used to
single me out. I think I was an easy target. I
wasn’t tough or popular. They used to ask, “why
are you so sensitive?” But they weren’t looking
for an answer. They were looking to get a rise out of me.
And they usually got one.
However much I valued my
sensitivity, the other boys’ incessant taunting wore
on me. Over my high school years,
I began to shut down my emotions in an attempt to become
less of a target. I started
pretending that I felt less than I really did; that I
cared less than I really did. A silent fog of numbness
began to creep over me.
By the time I
graduated, I had learned that there wasn’t room for
my sensitivity in the culture of masculinity. Like most
teenagers, I wanted to belong. It often felt like
shutting down and pretending not to care was the only way
to fit in.
This began a cycle of gender-based
social conditioning that affects me to this
day.
Rites of Passage
I was 18 years old when I first
learned about rites of passage.
I learned that many indigenous
communities around the world have understood the need to
mark the transition from boyhood to manhood through a
ritual acknowledgment. I was blown away.
I read about how rites of passage
journeys often begin with a separation, where a boy is
taken by the men in his community out into the wild
– far away from what he knows.
Next, the boy enters into a liminal
space called transition, where he is initiated into
manhood through storytelling, ceremony, and sacred
physical challenges.
Finally, he returns in a process
called incorporation, where he is welcomed home with a
new name and identity as a man.
When boys return as men, I learned,
they are embraced and celebrated for their unique gifts
and roles in the community. They return with new power
and new responsibilities that they are now trusted to
hold.
Why is initiation
important?
As Malidoma Patrice Somé
shares, “Where ritual is absent, the young ones are
restless or violent, there are no real elders, and the
grown ups are bewildered.”
Acts of violence are often acts of
desperation. There is an African proverb: “The child
who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to
feel its warmth.”
From alarming
increases in suicide rates for
boys to the
spike in school
shootings over the past decade, we are witnessing the
desperate measures that some boys are resorting to in a
culture that creates so little space for their emotions,
their sensitivity, their pain, and their humanity.
Like all rituals, rites of passage
are not a monolith and I don’t want to romanticize
them. Initiation into manhood looks different in each
cultural and historical context and some boys are
severely injured or even killed during the process. But
for many, the rite of passage journey can serve as an
initiation into a secure sense of masculinity – one
rooted in purpose, service, and innate
belonging.
While the experience of rites of
passage often leaves men with physical wounds, the scars
are not hidden in shame but rather honored as sacred
bonds that link each man to his brothers and his
community.
A Lost Ritual
Today, sacred initiation rituals
are largely lost in modern Western culture. Many boys in
the United States grow into adulthood without ever
feeling that they have arrived into manhood.
Without a rite of passage
experience to affirm a sense of place and identity, men
often remain in a fundamentally insecure state of
masculinity. And yet the yearning to feel purpose,
service, and belonging remains just as strong.
Without healthy initiatory
practices and male role models, young men often settle
for whatever “initiations” we can find,
including:
Engaging in risky or dangerous
behaviors to gain belonging and status among peers –
including literal ‘hazing’ in
fraternities.
Trying to impress and find
validation from coaches or other father figures in order
to feel valued and protected.
Aspiring towards and modeling our
own masculinity on celebrities and professional athletes
that we see represented in the media.
Shaping ourselves
to the pressures we feel from our mothers, girlfriends,
and other women who (consciously or unconsciously)
project their ideals of masculinity onto us.
In these ways (and others),
boys are often
pressured into a narrow and isolating definition of
manhood; a Patriarchal culture of masculinity that values
toughness, stoicism, and status at the expense of
tenderness, emotional intelligence, and
intimacy.
At best, we are fed
a steady stream of subtle messages about what is
acceptable as a man and what is not. At worst, we are
intimidated, humiliated, and coerced into performing
masculinity in a way that is harmful and destructive to
ourselves and others (sexual violence, self-harm,
alcoholism, drug addiction, recklessness,
etc.).
Patriarchal
masculinity creates a hamster wheel of insecurity by
teaching men that we need to constantly prove our
masculinity while never arriving at ‘man
enough.’ Where we were once initiated, we are now
hazed into manhood.
New Initiationa
While I never experienced a
rite
of passage as a teenager,
I’ve had a number of experiences that have helped
initiate me into manhood.
Some of these experiences have been
through formal programs, like the ManKind Project’s
New
Warrior Training Adventure.
Other initiations have come about through experiencing
and processing life-altering injuries, transitions, and
losses.
Recently, I have learned to
co-create rituals with groups of men who have supported
me in my transition into married partnership and now,
expectant fatherhood.
For example, three years ago I met
up with a group of my closest male friends at a cabin in
the mountains to celebrate my transition into married
life. They had planned an alternative bachelor party for
me and I had no idea what I was in fo
For several days and nights, time
slowed down as we sang, danced, cooked, shared stories,
wandered in the woods, and held sacred men’s
council.
At the end of a long hike, one day,
I remember arriving at a deep blue lake. We all stripped
down to our boxers and marched into the freezing water
arm-in-arm.
As the cold water inched up my
body, I became present to a deep peacefulness that I
hadn’t noticed before. As my heart pounded, a new
aliveness pulsed through me like a flame rushing through
the darkness. In that liminal moment, I caught a glimpse
of my innate belonging in the Universe. I will never
forget that feeling.
I had experienced an initiation.
And when I returned home, I was ready.
Mature
Masculinity
I invite you to
consider:
What experiences have served as
your initiations into manhood?
What experiences are you still
longing for?
Life is full of transitions –
threshold moments – that offer the opportunity to
find completion with old patterns that no longer serve us
and step into transformation and evolution.
I see each of these moments as
invitations to create new rituals; to transform old,
unquestioned traditions into new, life-giving initiations
in order to traverse major life changes with clarity,
intention, and support.
Where hazing pulls us backward,
initiation invites us forward. Hazing rituals cannot
possibly support us on the path toward more mature
masculinity. Only initiation rituals can do
that.
I’m so grateful for the
initiation experiences I’ve had the privilege of
participating in, and the men who have generously created
and held those spaces for me.
Reconnecting
Today, we have an opportunity to
seek out and create the initiations that many of us never
had. To gather with men in ceremonial space at the
threshold of life’s most important transitions
– times of change, hardship, and
celebration.
After years of bullying, I could
have easily decided that I’d never trust male
friendships again. I could have kept my heart locked away
for fear of having my sensitivity turned against me. I
could have remained shut down.
Instead, I am turning toward my
brothers, discovering healthy male role models, and
co-creating sacred spaces with men.
Let’s stop perpetuating cycles
of violence by hazing each other into manhood and,
instead, reconnect to rites of passage experiences –
however they may look.
Let’s become
the healthy male role models that many of us never
had.
Perhaps then, our sons and
grandsons will no longer need to ‘burn down the
village to feel its warmth.’ Because they will know
in their bones that they are connected, they belong here,
and they have important gifts to contribute.
Source: wholeheartedmasculine.org/initiation/
Any child that is not accepted
and embraced, will create problems to get the response
and connection ...
“The child who is not embraced
by the village will burn it down
...https://www.facebook.com › photos ›
follow-this-page-...
We have a duty towards our
children. And it's not only about education, values,
culture and morality but it has to do with love and
affection. If we fail in ...
©2017-2023,
www.ZeroAttempts.org/initiation.html
100122
Initiation
Who said "“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” Ron Clark on Twitter: "“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” -African Proverb" / Twitter.Mar 21, 2018 The Child Who is Not Embraced by the Village Will Burn it Down to Feel its Warmth -- African Proverb — Eileen Sendrey.Aug 6, 2019
The Child Who is Not Embraced by the Village Will Burn it Down to Feel its Warmth. - African Proverb 8/6/19 As someone who works with people to integrate and heal early developmental trauma I've been pondering the increasing number of mass shootings that seem to be plaguing our country. Many of them are young men, loners, sometimes swept into some ideology that really makes sense to them, without the reflection and support of calmer. older and wiser influences. Particularly since one of these shootings happened in my own part of the world I have felt so heartened by the way people are supporting each other, tracking those who might need help and coming together to heal as a community. ... and then there is the question of how to address the problem? There are calls for stricter gun laws... that is probably a good idea. There is talk about mental illness and how to deal with potentially dangerous people off balance finding their way to firearms... but the truth is that the problem and solution are much more complex and nuanced than we can address talking fast at each other, not listening and reacting. In fear an anger we are trying to figure out whose fault is this? Who do we shame and punish? Unfortunately our rush to shaming and punishing (and defensiveness that ensues) impedes our ability to really to check in with what the larger issue is and possible ways to address it wholistically. There is an African proverb: "The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth" Mass shootings are part of a larger spectrum of social issues stemming from young people who don't feel safe, loved/connected and who aren't being initiated into a wisdom culture led by trustworthy elders, tracking each child in the village. We have meticulous ways we track academic performance but who is tracking the state of each child's nervous system, social development and the care of their soul. This can't be the responsibility of the parent or teachers alone. As humans we aren't designed for families being so alone, disconnected from the village. In small pockets there are parents
seeking out teachers and healers that are reviving rites
of passage for young people and creating networks of
support. Young people need to be tracked and guided to be
able to use their passion and fearlessness constructively
instead of destruction. The question for all of us is how
do we listen to these children and all children with our
hearts and embrace all children as our children? How do
we slow down and create enough space in ourselves to be
able to really listen to and find effective ways to
create support for families who need help? What About the
Boys? Raising Macho Thugs or Wimpy Metrosexuals? It’s time to have a serious discussion of the roots causes of what’s wrong with boys. Our youth – especially young boys – have little today in initiating them into manhood. Men are made – not born. Gang membership or scoring high in Grand Theft Auto is not a rite of passage. Todays ‘rites’, as they may be called, lack any semblance of core values – values needed to guide boyhood into manhood. And then there’s James Delingpole informing us “our culture has lost the ability to channel the boisterousness of young men” We are faced with this choice for boys – macho thug or wimpy metrosexual. I examine these core values fictionally in my new novel MURRAN. MURRAN is a realistic, down and gritty novel that projects a positive message for today’s youth. It is the story of a young African-American boy named Trey coming of age in the 1980s, and his rite of passage to manhood. Trey is a member of a ‘crew’ in Brooklyn and is enticed into helping a violent street gang. He is eventually framed for murder and flees with Mr. Jackson, his African high school teacher, to his Maasai village in Kenya. While in Africa, Trey goes through the Maasai warrior’s rite of passage and returns to America to confront the gang leader that framed him. In the process Trey learns what a true African warrior is and carries those Maasai values back to his ‘tribe’ in Brooklyn. View the webpage and sample chapters at http://indigoriverpub.com/mediakit/murran/ By the book on Amazon at: http://tinyurl.com/m934bqr Source: frankfiore.wordpress.com/2014/12/05/what-about-the-boys-raising-macho-thugs-or-wimpy-metrosexuals/ The African
Proverb Which Should Change the World - 10/17/17 This African proverb is one of the most powerful and relevant of our time given the demographics of booming youth populations in the developing world, aging populations in the developed world and all the inter-generational inequality this brings about. Simply put, if the young are not given a stake in society then they will have nothing to lose in burning it down. Whilst there are different drivers in the developed and developing world, the bottom line remains the same; without the proper financial inclusion of the youth there is a ticking time bomb of frustration, marginalisation and under investment. A World Bank study in Africa found that 42% of people who joined rebel groups were motivated by a lack of jobs; a serious problem when you consider youth unemployment rates in the major Africa economies (South Africa 50%, Kenya 22%, Nigeria 13%). To look at it in a more positive way, if policy makers and businesses can find innovative ways of improving financial inclusion, education and employment opportunities for young people globally, then society will have less to worry about! Africa is the only region of the world where the youth population is still growing and the growth rate can only be described as phenomenal. In 2015 there were 226 million people aged 15-24 in Africa, accounting for 19% of the global youth population. By 2030, this group in Africa is projected to have increased by 42% and by 2055 it will have more than doubled. There is, without doubt, a drive on the continent to improve financial inclusion but it is almost entirely being driven by the private sector, both amongst corporates as well as start-ups. All of the major Retail Banks in Africa now have a strategy on appealing to the ‘un-banked’ (17% of the world’s 2 billion ‘un-banked’ live in Sub-Saharan Africa) and financially underserved segments of society whether they be the youth or women, who play a key economic role in most Sub-Saharan economies. Much has been made of how mobile money and digital payment innovations have improved financial inclusion and the participation numbers are indeed impressive. The oft cited example of M-Pesa in Africa, which is going into its second decade now, is instructive. There are now 30 million users on the Continent (17 million in its home market of Kenya), last year they processed six billion transactions and some estimates suggest that 25% of Kenya’s GDP flows through the app. But, whilst digital payments systems like M-Pesa have undoubtedly made transfers more secure and accessible, the app is, in one sense, just a move to monetise airtime. Rationalising payments can only do so much. What will really make a difference is credit and investment. First, credit needs to be more accessible to young people, both as individuals and business founders. As the economy becomes more tech-driven, the younger segment of society will have a greater role to play in everything from big corporates to small family businesses. There is huge investment in fintech. In a recent study, KPMG stated that in Q1 of 2017 alone global fintech investments hit $3.2 billion. If more of these can focus on genuinely improving access to finance in Africa instead of simply facilitating remittances, then great strides will be made. There are, of course, many areas we can go beyond simply improving access to credit. For example, pensions can be liberalised and retail investing made more accessible. These are areas undergoing huge change in the UK where efforts have been made to create the so-called ‘share-owning democracy’ and halt the decline in retail investing (in 1964 over 50% of shares were owned by private individuals but by 2010 this fell to less than 10%). An example of a fintech firm in the UK that is looking to turn this around and specifically in favour of younger investors is Digital MoneyBox, an innovative app which rounds up all payments an individual makes and automatically invests the difference in tracker funds, so as little as £1 can be put to work. By making investing accessible to a generation who have until now perceived it to be beyond their means, Digital MoneyBox is helping to give young people an actual stake in society. Africa has proven that it can take technical innovations to leapfrog forward, as it did with the widespread uptake in mobiles bypassing the need for fixed line infrastructure, so there is no reason to believe that this can’t happen with fintech. Elsewhere, governments will need to play their part, both in improving education and employment opportunities as well as doing everything in their power to attract capital from PE and VC firms, Angel investors and Family Offices, and anyone who else who is prepared to take risk in backing start-ups in Africa. Countries such as Côte d’Ivoire and Rwanda, where they have strived to make it easier to do business, are already receiving the dividends of greater inward investment. At Executives in Africa we have carried out a number of mandates for companies looking to have a positive impact on financial inclusion and youth employment. These include a Nigeria CEO Search for a leading Pan-African microfinance institution to the CEO of a mobile money business in Ethiopia. We are also working closely with
Andela, a visionary business which identifies the very
brightest African talent, providing technical and
business training for them to become world class software
programmers to meet global demand for the significant
shortage in this area. With the global economy currently
being reshaped and increasingly defined by tech, the
backers of Andela believe there is an opportunity for
Africa to become the workshop of the emergent world. Embracing
the Child: Connected Kids Don't Want to Destroy Their
Village - 7/27/19 The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth proverb means that children desperately need connection, love, and community. If these needs aren’t met, they’ll cry out for help and even resort to destructive behavior. As members of the village, we’re all responsible for the children around us. Another version of the proverb says “If the young are not initiated into the tribe they will burn down the village just to feel its warmth.” For a deeper understanding of this proverb, we’ll explore its origins, meaning, including examples of how it plays out in society, and how you can help children feel embraced by the village. The Origins of the Proverb Made popular by the movie Black Panther, a Marvel film that came out in 2018, the origins of “The child who is not embraced by the village,” proverb are difficult to trace. Like many other African proverbs, such as “It takes a village to raise a child,” the proverb may no longer have roots we can trace to a specific African country or group of people. There are some problems with attributing a proverb to an entire continent. It is hard to be sure that the saying or aphorism genuinely came from the continent without any specific references. In addition, any culturally significant details about the tribe or group to which it belongs get lost, leaving the proverb a bit hollow, or as one expert said, more of a mix of “Hallmark and folk sentiments.” (source) However, the origins of the proverb may very well be Africa. The experiences and cultural attributes of many areas of Africa may indeed support the sentiment of the proverb. The village lifestyle and value of the community are strong in many of the cultures on the continent. Ultimately, there’s no conclusive evidence or research showing where the proverb is from. We can only assume that perhaps, just perhaps, it is an African proverb passed on from generation to generation. Some of the specifics about where it originated and even some of the phrasing has evolved, leading to two versions. But, the main idea has stayed the same. What Does the Proverb Mean? “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down” proverb’s meaning is exceptionally clear and quite graphic. A child lost and abandoned by their community will destroy it in order to get the attention and connection they need. While it’s easy to understand how this happens in theory, it’s harder for society to avoid this outcome in reality. The scenario happens frequently in societies around the world. Perhaps this is true because most people’s instinct is to blame the young people for their perceived bad behavior instead of recognizing how their community has failed them. For example, youth who show delinquent behaviors are almost always troubled young people who don’t have enough connection in their lives or who have suffered past traumas. Perhaps their families are dysfunctional or abusive. Or maybe they’re suffering from mental illness and no one has helped them get treatment. Or maybe they’re exhausted, chronically stressed, and anxious due to living in poverty. Here are some examples of “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth,” taking place in real life:
You can probably recall some stories of youth in your own community who have done things akin to setting the village on fire. These stories may include tragedy and almost always involve the criminal justice system. All of the stories feature a similar beginning, in which connection and a feeling of embrace from the community somehow fails. Important Factors that Influence Whether Kids Feel Connected The first part of the proverb, “The child who is not embraced by the village…” focuses on connection to a community. That embrace from the village is vital for the healthy development of the child. There are many facets to communities and different ways that children may feel connected or disconnected. Here are some of the main factors that influence the quality of connection that kids feel:
In addition to these factors, others, such as mental illness, race, and the specifics of the social services available can affect how connected children feel in their communities. It’s also important to remember that even in best-case scenarios where kids have warm, loving homes, good access to education and even economic stability, drug and alcohol use can still develop, leading to very destructive behaviors and lifestyles. No one wants children to resort to burning down the village to feel its warmth. So, what can we do as parents, teachers, and a society to help children? The village must embrace the child wholly and completely. The next section will explore some ways to build connections. How to Help Children Feel Connected It’s the job of parents, teachers, and society, in general, to love and embrace the children around us. This happens in all of the areas of society where children spend time such as at home, school, community centers, and more. In government policy, it includes providing health insurance, access to food and education and social service support such as counselors and therapists to help kids in trouble. Different approaches to raising and teaching children can boost connection and a feeling of belonging in kids. One example is the Montessori philosophy. The tenants of the philosophy are used in many schools and homes, offering excellent guidelines for educators and parents alike. Montessori Philosophy Created by Maria Montessori, an Italian doctor, in the early 1900s, the Montessori method evolved out of careful observations of children and their needs. At the time, Montessori was revolutionary in that she suggested children should have appropriately sized furniture and be allowed to move around in the classroom. Some of her ideas are still revolutionary today. Here are some ways that the Montessori philosophy promotes connection, engagement, and a sense of belonging: Motivation: In the Montessori method, children are allowed some freedom of choice regarding what to study and when. What’s more is that children are encouraged to pursue their interests, which helps develop children’s internal motivation (source). Engagement in the school environment can help students decide to stay, rather than skip school or drop out. Even if you don’t send your child to a Montessori school, you can use this idea at home by helping your child pursue their interests. A child who is engaged and busy is a happy, connected child. Discipline Practices: Discipline and punishment often go hand in hand, especially for children who are struggling and who feel disconnected. The Montessori approach helps by taking a different approach to discipline, aiming to educate rather than punish. In Montessori, punitive discipline is not encouraged. First, the method aims to limit negative behaviors through preventative discipline. Children who are interested and engaged are much less likely to behave in undesired ways. So, Montessori encouraged teachers to offer exciting, enticing and interesting activities for children to choose from. Another common discipline technique in Montessori classrooms is gluing. Rather than punishing a misbehaving child, they are moved closer to the teacher. There, the child is encouraged to watch as the teacher gives a lesson to another student, or the child may receive more personalized attention from the teacher for a short time. These are also discipline techniques that can be used in the home. Rather than sending your child to their room, invite them to help you in the kitchen, or spend a few minutes reading a book together. When misbehavior is met with closeness, children feel connected again, instead of isolated.
Overall, the Montessori philosophy offers a great many ideas for how to achieve a feeling of embracement for children in our communities. Alternative Programs “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth” suggests that at some point children might even be rejected from their village. This is exactly what happens when kids drop out of or are expelled from school. Children and youth who are not participating in school need help! Unfortunately, little money is dedicated to the programs that could help youth who are not currently served in schools. Instead, people blame the youth’s parents or the youth themselves for failing to fit into the already established system. (source) This is unfortunate because alternative school programs such as vocational training, alternative routes to college, non-profit organizations and publicly-funded organizations can help fill in the gaps. These programs can usually offer smaller class sizes and more personalized attention for their students. What’s more is these programs often offer additional services and help link students with other support like mental health, job placement assistance, crisis intervention, health, family planning, substance abuse treatment, and other services. Other alternative programs include different criminal justice processes such as mediation, mentoring and restorative justice, among others. In one such program in New Jersey, participants who have committed low-level crimes have a repeat offense rate of only 3%. This is much more successful than further ostracizing youth by sending them to jail. (source) Conclusion: We Must Work Together to Embrace Our Community’s Youth We all pay the consequences of failing to embrace the children in our communities. Whether riots break out, like in London, kids commit crimes, or young people are lost to drug addiction, the costs of failing to love our children are high. However, we can all play a role in embracing the youth in our communities. Starting in our own homes, we can create environments that offer connection, engagement, and a sense of belonging. For some suggestions on how to build that connection in your home, this article offers some good ideas. We can volunteer at local community centers, serve as soccer coaches and support teachers at schools. We can also advocate for our youth at the local, state and national levels of government. One step at a time, we can take the African proverb “the child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth,” seriously and put out the fires we’ve started. Embracing our community’s
youth will create a better future for all of us. Hazed Into
Manhood: Inviting A Return To Sacred Male Initiation -
3/10/21 In middle school, bullies used to single me out. I think I was an easy target. I wasn’t tough or popular. They used to ask, “why are you so sensitive?” But they weren’t looking for an answer. They were looking to get a rise out of me. And they usually got one. However much I valued my sensitivity, the other boys’ incessant taunting wore on me. Over my high school years, I began to shut down my emotions in an attempt to become less of a target. I started pretending that I felt less than I really did; that I cared less than I really did. A silent fog of numbness began to creep over me. By the time I graduated, I had learned that there wasn’t room for my sensitivity in the culture of masculinity. Like most teenagers, I wanted to belong. It often felt like shutting down and pretending not to care was the only way to fit in. This began a cycle of gender-based social conditioning that affects me to this day. Rites of Passage I was 18 years old when I first learned about rites of passage. I learned that many indigenous communities around the world have understood the need to mark the transition from boyhood to manhood through a ritual acknowledgment. I was blown away. I read about how rites of passage journeys often begin with a separation, where a boy is taken by the men in his community out into the wild – far away from what he knows. Next, the boy enters into a liminal space called transition, where he is initiated into manhood through storytelling, ceremony, and sacred physical challenges. Finally, he returns in a process called incorporation, where he is welcomed home with a new name and identity as a man. When boys return as men, I learned, they are embraced and celebrated for their unique gifts and roles in the community. They return with new power and new responsibilities that they are now trusted to hold. Why is initiation important? As Malidoma Patrice Somé shares, “Where ritual is absent, the young ones are restless or violent, there are no real elders, and the grown ups are bewildered.” Acts of violence are often acts of desperation. There is an African proverb: “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” From alarming increases in suicide rates for boys to the spike in school shootings over the past decade, we are witnessing the desperate measures that some boys are resorting to in a culture that creates so little space for their emotions, their sensitivity, their pain, and their humanity. Like all rituals, rites of passage are not a monolith and I don’t want to romanticize them. Initiation into manhood looks different in each cultural and historical context and some boys are severely injured or even killed during the process. But for many, the rite of passage journey can serve as an initiation into a secure sense of masculinity – one rooted in purpose, service, and innate belonging. While the experience of rites of passage often leaves men with physical wounds, the scars are not hidden in shame but rather honored as sacred bonds that link each man to his brothers and his community. A Lost Ritual Today, sacred initiation rituals are largely lost in modern Western culture. Many boys in the United States grow into adulthood without ever feeling that they have arrived into manhood. Without a rite of passage experience to affirm a sense of place and identity, men often remain in a fundamentally insecure state of masculinity. And yet the yearning to feel purpose, service, and belonging remains just as strong. Without healthy initiatory practices and male role models, young men often settle for whatever “initiations” we can find, including: Engaging in risky or dangerous behaviors to gain belonging and status among peers – including literal ‘hazing’ in fraternities. Trying to impress and find validation from coaches or other father figures in order to feel valued and protected. Aspiring towards and modeling our own masculinity on celebrities and professional athletes that we see represented in the media. Shaping ourselves to the pressures we feel from our mothers, girlfriends, and other women who (consciously or unconsciously) project their ideals of masculinity onto us. In these ways (and others), boys are often pressured into a narrow and isolating definition of manhood; a Patriarchal culture of masculinity that values toughness, stoicism, and status at the expense of tenderness, emotional intelligence, and intimacy. At best, we are fed a steady stream of subtle messages about what is acceptable as a man and what is not. At worst, we are intimidated, humiliated, and coerced into performing masculinity in a way that is harmful and destructive to ourselves and others (sexual violence, self-harm, alcoholism, drug addiction, recklessness, etc.). Patriarchal masculinity creates a hamster wheel of insecurity by teaching men that we need to constantly prove our masculinity while never arriving at ‘man enough.’ Where we were once initiated, we are now hazed into manhood. New Initiationa While I never experienced a rite of passage as a teenager, I’ve had a number of experiences that have helped initiate me into manhood. Some of these experiences have been through formal programs, like the ManKind Project’s New Warrior Training Adventure. Other initiations have come about through experiencing and processing life-altering injuries, transitions, and losses. Recently, I have learned to co-create rituals with groups of men who have supported me in my transition into married partnership and now, expectant fatherhood. For example, three years ago I met up with a group of my closest male friends at a cabin in the mountains to celebrate my transition into married life. They had planned an alternative bachelor party for me and I had no idea what I was in fo For several days and nights, time slowed down as we sang, danced, cooked, shared stories, wandered in the woods, and held sacred men’s council. At the end of a long hike, one day, I remember arriving at a deep blue lake. We all stripped down to our boxers and marched into the freezing water arm-in-arm. As the cold water inched up my body, I became present to a deep peacefulness that I hadn’t noticed before. As my heart pounded, a new aliveness pulsed through me like a flame rushing through the darkness. In that liminal moment, I caught a glimpse of my innate belonging in the Universe. I will never forget that feeling. I had experienced an initiation. And when I returned home, I was ready. Mature Masculinity I invite you to consider: What experiences have served as your initiations into manhood? What experiences are you still longing for? Life is full of transitions – threshold moments – that offer the opportunity to find completion with old patterns that no longer serve us and step into transformation and evolution. I see each of these moments as invitations to create new rituals; to transform old, unquestioned traditions into new, life-giving initiations in order to traverse major life changes with clarity, intention, and support. Where hazing pulls us backward, initiation invites us forward. Hazing rituals cannot possibly support us on the path toward more mature masculinity. Only initiation rituals can do that. I’m so grateful for the initiation experiences I’ve had the privilege of participating in, and the men who have generously created and held those spaces for me. Reconnecting Today, we have an opportunity to seek out and create the initiations that many of us never had. To gather with men in ceremonial space at the threshold of life’s most important transitions – times of change, hardship, and celebration. After years of bullying, I could have easily decided that I’d never trust male friendships again. I could have kept my heart locked away for fear of having my sensitivity turned against me. I could have remained shut down. Instead, I am turning toward my brothers, discovering healthy male role models, and co-creating sacred spaces with men. Let’s stop perpetuating cycles of violence by hazing each other into manhood and, instead, reconnect to rites of passage experiences – however they may look. Let’s become the healthy male role models that many of us never had. Perhaps then, our sons and grandsons will no longer need to ‘burn down the village to feel its warmth.’ Because they will know in their bones that they are connected, they belong here, and they have important gifts to contribute. Source: wholeheartedmasculine.org/initiation/ Any child that is not accepted and embraced, will create problems to get the response and connection ... “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down ...https://www.facebook.com › photos › follow-this-page-... We have a duty towards our children. And it's not only about education, values, culture and morality but it has to do with love and affection. If we fail in ...
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