Seniors
Social isolation a challenge for seniors during COVID-19 outbreak
Social isolation
a challenge for seniors during COVID-19
outbreak During quarantine, individuals are feeling cut off from society, their friends and family, and their social outlets. While it may not seem like a huge issue for many, for our seniors it can literally be the difference between life and death. Studies have shown that seniors who are feeling socially isolated are often sicker and die earlier than those who have strong social ties. Many of us at Elder Care Services — and throughout the helping profession — have been focusing on social isolation for years. The remedy before the quarantine was to get people active and engaged in civic life, but what happens when there's a stay-at-home order and you can no longer encourage folks to get physically involved with their community? That's where creative thinking, flexible staff and adaptive service modeling comes into play. Elder Care Services, like many nonprofits, has had to adapt and amend models for service during this pandemic. One vital aspect of our adaption and growth has been the expansion of our telephone reassurance program — Elder Call. Recently, Meals on Wheels has gone from a daily hot meal to a pack of frozen meals delivered once a week to ensure the safety of our volunteers and seniors, and increase our capacity to produce more meals. In light of these changes, reaching out via phone has become more critical than ever. Before the pandemic, meal delivery volunteers saw clients each weekday to provide a check-in and social interaction. Now we are meeting that need with friendly regular phone calls that serve as virtual wellness check-ins. It is the goal of our employees making these calls to let our seniors know that they are not alone, to find out what needs they may have, and to reaffirm their status as a priority for many of us in the community. Recently I reached out to a senior volunteer who I heard was having a difficult time being quarantined. She lives alone and, being unable to continue her volunteer service, felt purposeless. During our conversation, it surfaced that she had thought about suicide. That's when it really struck me how much our programs mean to her and how they had provided a lifeline to the outside world. As a former crisis counselor, I was prepared to talk to her about those feelings and privileged that she trusted me enough to confide in. Since that conversation, we have added more support services to help her stay well and she is getting even more phone calls to bolster her spirits. Mental health has always been a priority for social workers, and during this pandemic we cannot abandon those ideals. It is more critical than ever to be able to reach out to others, even if that's a phone call instead of in person. If you or someone you know is in need
of any services in Leon County to benefit those 60 and
older, please reach out to Elder Care Services at
eldercarebigbend.org
and let us know how we can assist you. COVID-19
and the consequences of isolating the elderly However, it is well known that social isolation among older adults is a “serious public health concern” because of their heightened risk of cardiovascular, autoimmune, neurocognitive, and mental health problems.2 Santini and colleagues3 recently demonstrated that social disconnection puts older adults at greater risk of depression and anxiety. If health ministers instruct elderly people to remain home, have groceries and vital medications delivered, and avoid social contact with family and friends, urgent action is needed to mitigate the mental and physical health consequences. Self-isolation will disproportionately affect elderly individuals whose only social contact is out of the home, such as at daycare venues, community centres, and places of worship. Those who do not have close family or friends, and rely on the support of voluntary services or social care, could be placed at additional risk, along with those who are already lonely, isolated, or secluded. Online technologies could be harnessed to provide social support networks and a sense of belonging,4 although there might be disparities in access to or literacy in digital resources. Interventions could simply involve more frequent telephone contact with significant others, close family and friends, voluntary organisations, or health-care professionals, or community outreach projects providing peer support throughout the enforced isolation. Beyond this, cognitive behavioural therapies could be delivered online to decrease loneliness and improve mental wellbeing.5 Isolating the elderly might reduce transmission, which is most important to delay the peak in cases, and minimise the spread to high-risk groups. However, adherence to isolation strategies is likely to decrease over time. Such mitigation measures must be effectively timed to prevent transmission, but avoid increasing the morbidity of COVID-19 associated with affective disorders. This effect will be felt greatest in more disadvantaged and marginalised populations, which should be urgently targeted for the implementation of preventive strategies. References 1.BBC: Coronavirus: isolation for over-70s ‘within weeks’. 2.Gerst-Emerson K Jayawardhana J: Loneliness as a public health issue: the impact of loneliness on health care utilization among older adults. 3.Santini Z Jose P Cornwell E et al. Social disconnectedness, perceived isolation, and symptoms of depression and anxiety among older Americans (NSHAP): a longitudinal mediation analysis. 4.Newman M Zainal N The value of maintaining social connections for mental health in older people. 5.Käll A Jägholm S Hesse H
et al. Internet-based cognitive behavior therapy for
loneliness: a pilot randomized controlled trial. Fact
Sheet: Loneliness and Older Adults Social isolation and loneliness are public health issues that affect more than one-third of adults, with seniors most at risk for depression, substance abuse, and suicide triggered by feelings of isolation. Health risks associated with loneliness and social isolation are comparable to the dangers of smoking and obesity, increasing mortality risk by up to 30%. Given the links between loneliness and health status, there is a need for increased awareness among both the public and healthcare providers that loneliness is a condition that, like chronic pain, can afflict almost anyone, according to a 2015 study.
Selected reading: Jane E. Brody, “The Surprising Effects of Loneliness on Health,” Dec. 11, 2017, New York Times Paula Span, “Loneliness Can Be Deadly for Elders; Friends Are the Antidote,” Dec. 30, 2016, New York Times Judith Graham, “How Older Adults Can Recover from Loneliness,” May 18, 2017, Kaiser Health News Jennifer Latson, “A Cure for Disconnection,” Psychology Today, March 7, 2018 We’ve curated over 40 powerful
stories, powerfully told. Here’s a collection related
to loneliness among older adults. And don’t forget to
check out the interactive after-film activities! 20
Facts about Senior Isolation That Will Stun You Nobody relishes the prospect of aging alone. A spouse, family member or friend help people laugh at the ridiculous parts of aging and provide support through the difficult times. Unfortunately, many American seniors age this way. As the baby boomer generation crosses the over-65 threshold, it continues to grow. However, many of our aging loved ones are still feeling alone in the crowd. Statistics on Senior Isolation According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 11 million, or 28% of people aged 65 and older, lived alone at the time of the census. As people get older, their likelihood of living alone increases. The AARP reports that more and more older adults do not have children. That means that there are fewer family members to provide company and care as those adults become seniors. While living alone does not inevitably lead to social isolation, it can certainly be a contributing factor. Another factor to consider is how often seniors engage in social activities. Statistics Canada reports that 80% of Canadian seniors participate in one or more social activities per month, which leaves out the remaining one-fifth of seniors. Social contacts tend to decrease as we age for reasons such as retirement, the death of friends and family, or lack of mobility. Regardless of the causes of senior isolation, the consequences can be alarming and detrimental. Additionally, perceived social isolation — the feeling that you are lonely — is a struggle for many older people. Fortunately, research regarding the risks, causes, and prevention of loneliness in seniors have provided insight on this matter for the past couple of decades. How Many Seniors Face Isolation and Loneliness in Los Angeles? Los Angeles is a huge city, with a metropolitan area covering a massive 4,850 square miles and a wider combined statistical area of 33,954 square miles. These metrics make L.A. the largest metropolitan region in the United States by land area. California’s senior population also happens to be the fastest-growing population among the states. The census predicts that the number of Californians aged 65 and older is anticipated to climb by 2.1 million by 2026, which is 840 times the rate of growth of Californians younger than 25.1 A vast majority of those older adults live in Los Angeles. Of the four million residents in Los Angeles, approximately 395,000 are 65 years of age or older. By 2025, that number will be more than half a million. In another decade, the senior population will account for one-quarter of L.A. residents.2 Though it is difficult to say how many of those seniors are lonely, a Think Healthy LA survey reveals that as few as 6.4% to as many as 59.6% of seniors live alone throughout the Los Angeles neighborhoods. The median number of senior individuals who live alone is 18.3%.3 Approximately one-third of all seniors living alone reportedly live in poverty, have poor health or both. Why Loneliness Can Be Fatal for Seniors Loneliness in seniors may be fatal. A 2012 study that tracked over 6,500 elderly men and women over a seven-year period in the United Kingdom reported that the lack of social contact leads to an early death, regardless of participants’ underlying health issues.4 One author of the study noted that though lonely seniors die of the usual causes, isolation is one of the main risk factors that worsen pre-existing conditions. The U.K. study is not the first of its kind, and its results indicate nothing new. When over 1,600 adults over the age of 60 in the U.S. were asked how often they felt lonely or excluded, 43% said often or some of the time. The researchers then tracked those same adults over six years, during which they noted no significant changes in feelings of loneliness. However, the adults who previously reported feeling lonely experienced a significant decline in their health and ability to function. Nearly 25% of adults who reported feeling lonely also reported that they had trouble carrying out activities of daily living. Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) include bathing, dressing, grooming, eating and getting in and out of bed. Only 12.5% of adults who were not lonely reported such declines.5 An even earlier study from 1992 followed 2,000 heart patients. This study revealed that relative mortality rates more than tripled among adults who had neither a confidant nor partner, compared to those who had one, the other, or both. But what is the connection between loneliness, isolation and premature death? Research suggests that isolation and loneliness are linked to high blood pressure, obesity, heart disease, a weakened immune system, depression, anxiety, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease and early death. The director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago and author of the 2012 U.K. study suggests that the connection may have something to do with poor lifestyle choices.6 Those who are lonely are more likely to smoke and eat poorly. As such, lonely people are prone to inactivity, which further exacerbates health problems. Conversely, those who partake in meaningful, productive activities with others are generally happier, have a sense of purpose and tend to live longer. Social activities appear to play a vital role in both mental and physical health and well-being. What Percent of US Seniors in Nursing Homes Experience Loneliness? A study from the University of California at San Francisco found that feeling lonely does not correlate to living alone. 43% of all seniors surveyed reported that they felt lonely, yet only 18% of those seniors lived alone. The remaining 25% lived in nursing homes or received in-home care. Loneliness in nursing homes appears to be strikingly common. A 2011 study of 2,072 nursing home residents in Helsinki, Finland, showed that 9% of nursing home residents suffered from chronic loneliness. Similarly, more than one-quarter experienced loneliness “sometimes.” Those who reported any feelings of loneliness also showed signs of mobility problems, disability, poor self-rated health, cognitive impairment and depression.7 How to Combat Loneliness in Seniors Fighting the loneliness epidemic amongst seniors does not have to be difficult. When both caregivers and family members are committed to engaging in meaningful interactions with seniors, it’s relatively easy to keep loneliness at bay. Some things you can start doing today to ensure loneliness does not negatively impact your elderly loved one’s health are as follows: Visit your loved one as often as you can. When having a conversation, really listen to what he or she has to say. Take your elderly parent or grandparent out for lunch, dinner, Sunday church service, a movie, out to visit friends or anywhere else you think he or she might enjoy going. Most nursing home residents don’t want to be there all day. When you can’t visit, call and write often. Ask to participate in nursing home activities with them. If your loved one has yet to attend any, volunteer to accompany them to the first one. Your company will help him or her feel comfortable. Let your elderly family member teach you something. Older individuals love to pass on their knowledge, so give them an outlet to do so. Here Are 20 Facts About Senior Isolation To Help You Stay Informed: 1. Senior isolation increases the risk of mortality. According to a study from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, both social isolation and loneliness are associated with a higher risk of mortality in adults aged 52 and older. One possible explanation: “People who live alone or lack social contacts may be at increased risk of death if acute symptoms develop because there is less of a network of confidantes to prompt medical attention.” Researchers state that efforts to reduce isolation are the key to addressing the issue of mortality. 2. Feelings of loneliness can negatively affect both physical and mental health. Researchers using data from the National Social Life, Health, and Aging Project state that regardless of the reason behind a person’s isolation, seniors who feel lonely and isolated are more likely to report also having poor physical and/or mental health. Encouraging social connections among seniors through senior centers and meal delivery programs is one way to combat subjective feelings of isolation. 3. Perceived loneliness contributes to cognitive decline and risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Dr. John Cacioppo, a neuroscientist and psychologist at the University of Chicago, has been studying social isolation for 30 years. One frightening finding is that feelings of loneliness are linked to poor cognitive performance and quicker cognitive decline. Cacioppo states “we evolved to be a social species, it’s hard-wired into our brains, and when we don’t meet that need, it can have physical and neurological effects.” 4. Social isolation makes seniors more vulnerable to elder abuse. Many studies show a connection between social isolation and higher rates of elder abuse, reports the National Center on Elder Abuse. Researchers aren’t certain whether isolated adults are more likely to fall victim to abuse, or are a result of abusers attempting to isolate the elders from others to minimize risk of discovery. A critical strategy for reducing elder abuse is speaking up. This is because abuse, neglect and exploitation often go unreported. Maintaining connections with senior loved ones helps ensure their safety. 5. LGBTQ seniors are much more likely to be socially isolated. LGBTQ seniors are twice as likely to live alone, according to SAGE (Services & Advocacy for GLBT Elders). Additionally, they are more likely to be single, more likely to be estranged from their biological families, and they are less likely to have children. Unfortunately, stigma and discrimination may be major roadblocks to support LGBTQ seniors. However, there are increasingly more community groups and online resources devoted to helping these elders avoid isolation. 6. Social isolation in seniors is linked to long-term illness. In the PNAS study previously mentioned, illnesses and conditions such as chronic lung disease, arthritis, impaired mobility, and depression were associated with social isolation. Ensuring adequate care for our loved ones’ illnesses can help prevent this isolation. For homebound seniors, phone calls and visits are a critical part of connecting with loved ones. Others may find that moving to an assisted living community addresses both issues — the need for ongoing care and the desire for companionship. 7. Loneliness in seniors is a major risk factor for depression. Numerous studies over the past decade have shown that feeling lonely is associated with more depressive symptoms in both middle-aged and older adults. It is critical to recognize those feelings of loneliness, isolation and depression and seeking treatment. This is important whether if it is on your behalf or for the sake of a loved one. 8. Loneliness causes high blood pressure. A study in Psychology and Aging indicated a direct relationship between loneliness in older adults and increases in systolic blood pressure over the course of 4 years. These increases were independent of race, ethnicity, gender, and other possible contributing factors. Researchers suggest that the early interventions for loneliness may be key to preventing both the isolation and associated health risks. 9. Socially isolated seniors are more pessimistic about the future. According to the National Council on Aging, socially isolated seniors are more likely to predict their quality of life will get worse over the next five to 10 years, are more concerned about needing help from community programs as they get older, and are more likely to express concerns about aging in place. The National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (n4a) says community-based programs and services are critical in helping ward off potential problems and improving the quality of life for older people. 10. Physical and geographic isolation often leads to social isolation. "One in six seniors living alone in the United States faces physical, cultural, and/or geographical barriers that isolate them from their peers and communities,” reports the National Council on Aging. “This isolation can prevent them from receiving benefits and services that can improve their economic security and their ability to live healthy, independent lives.” Referring isolated older adults to senior centers, activity programs and transportation services can go a long way toward creating valuable connections and reducing isolation. 11. Isolated seniors are more likely to need long-term care. According to a report from the Children’s, Women’s and Seniors Health Branch, British Columbia Ministry of Health, loneliness and social isolation are major predictors of seniors who receive home care and who live in nursing homes. The positive angle of these findings are that using long-term health care services can in itself connect seniors with much-needed support. For seniors living in rural areas, entering a care facility may provide companionship and social contact. 12. Loss of a spouse is a major risk factor for loneliness and isolation. Losing a spouse is an event that becomes more common as people enter older age. The loss of a spouse has been shown by numerous studies to increase seniors’ vulnerability to emotional and social isolation, says the same report from the British Columbia Ministry of Health. Besides the loneliness brought on by bereavement, the loss of a partner may also mean the loss of social interactions that were facilitated by being part of a couple. Ensuring seniors have access to family and friendship support can help alleviate this loneliness. 13. Transportation challenges can lead to social isolation. Having access to adequate public transportation or other senior transportation services is key to seniors’ accessing programs and resources, as well as their feelings of connectedness and independence. According to the AARP, “life expectancy exceeds safe driving expectancy after age 70 by about six years for men and 10 years for women.” Yet, 41% of seniors do not feel that the transportation support in their community is adequate, says the NCOA. 14. Caregivers of the elderly are also at risk for social isolation. Whether you are caring for a parent, spouse or other relative, being a family caregiver is an enormous responsibility. When that person has Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or a physical impairment, the caregiver may feel even less able to set aside their caregiving duties to attend social events that they previously enjoyed. This can trigger loneliness and depression. Seeking support, caring for yourself, and even looking for temporary respite care can help ward off caregiver loneliness and restore your sense of connection. 15. Loneliness can be contagious. Studies have found that loneliness tends to spread from person to person due to negative social interactions and other factors. In other words, when one person is lonely, that loneliness is more likely to spread to friends or contacts of the lonely individual. Additionally, people tend to further isolate others who are lonely because we have evolved to avoid threats to our social cohesion. Simply telling seniors to engage in more social activities may not be enough. Considering our loved ones’ needs as individuals is a valuable first step to figuring out how to prevent or combat isolation. 16. Lonely people are more likely to engage in unhealthy behavior. A study using data from the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing (ELSA) found that people who are socially isolated or lonely are also more likely to report risky health behaviors such as poor diet, lack of physical activity, and smoking. Conversely, social support can help encourage seniors to eat well, exercise, and live healthy lifestyles. Living in a community situation can be an effective barrier to loneliness because most senior communities specifically promote wellness through diet and exercise programs. 17. Volunteering can reduce social isolation and loneliness in seniors. We all know that volunteering is a rewarding activity, and seniors have a unique skill set and oodles of life experience to contribute to their communities. Volunteering can also boost longevity and contribute to mental health and well-being. Additionally, volunteering ensures that seniors have a source of social connection. There are plenty of opportunities tailor-made for seniors interested in volunteering. 18. Feeling isolated? Take a class. A review of studies looking at various types of interventions on senior loneliness found that the most effective programs for combating isolation had an educational or training component. For instance, classes on health-related topics, computer training, or exercise classes are all programs to combat senior loneliness. 19. Technology can help senior isolation — but not always. Even though modern technology provides us with numerous ways to keep in touch, sometimes the result is that we feel lonelier than ever. Health Quality Ontario states that the key to finding technological interventions that really do help is to match those interventions to the specific needs of individual seniors. For seniors with hearing loss, simply providing a hearing aid can improve communication and reduce loneliness. Phone contact and Web-based support programs were less consistent in their effectiveness, but for some, may provide a lifeline. 20. Physical activity reduces senior isolation. Group exercise programs are a wonderfully effective way to reduce isolation and loneliness in seniors. Of course, they also have the added benefit of being great for physical and mental health. In one study, discussed by Health Quality Ontario, seniors reported greater well-being regardless of whether the activity was aerobic or lower-impact, such as stretching. Even walking with a friend or a pet has shown benefits for seniors and serve as an opportunity for interactions with other pet owners. Senior isolation is neither inevitable nor irreversible. Getting the facts can help us prevent loneliness in our senior loved ones as they adjust to the changes of aging. Have you or a loved one suffered from loneliness or social isolation during the aging process? What, in your opinion, is the most helpful intervention for reducing isolation? Join the discussion in the comments below. Sources: 1 Californias senior population is growing faster than any other age group. How the next governor responds is crucial. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.latimes.com/projects/la-pol-ca-next-california-demographics/. 2 Los Angeles, California Population 2019. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://worldpopulationreview.com/us-cities/los-angeles-population/. 3 Angeles, L. (n.d.). People 65 Living Alone. Retrieved from https://www.thinkhealthla.org/indicators/index/view?indicatorId=342&localeTypeId=39. 4 Social isolation increases risk of early death, study finds. (2013, March 26). Retrieved from https://www.latimes.com/science/la-xpm-2013-mar-26-la-sci-social-isolation-health-20130326-story.html. 5 Dennis, H. (2017, August 28). Successful Aging: Loneliness can affect health of seniors. Retrieved from https://www.dailynews.com/2013/10/28/successful-aging-loneliness-can-affect-health-of-seniors/. 6 Social isolation, loneliness in older people pose health risks. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.nia.nih.gov/news/social-isolation-loneliness-older-people-pose-health-risks. 7 LONELINESS IN NURSING HOMES AND ASSISTED LIVING FACILITIES: PREVALENCE, ASSOCIATED FACTORS AND PROGNOSIS. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.jnursinghomeresearch.com/919-loneliness-in-nursing-homes-and-assisted-living-facilities-prevalence-associated-factors-and-prognosis.html. Related Articles Elderly Depression: Symptoms & Care You Are Not Alone: 6 Steps to Reduce Senior Isolation Dangers of Seniors Living Alone 14
Ways to Help Seniors Avoid Social
Isolation The
Surprising Effects of Loneliness on Health Among older people who reported they felt left out, isolated or lacked companionship, the ability to perform daily activities like bathing, grooming and preparing meals declined and deaths increased over a six-year study period relative to people who reported none of these feelings. Writing for The New York Times’s department The Upshot last December, Dr. Dhruv Khullar, a physician and researcher at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York, cited evidence for disrupted sleep, abnormal immune responses and accelerated cognitive decline among socially isolated individuals, which he called “a growing epidemic.” As research moves forward on these topics, scientists are gaining a more refined understanding of the effects of loneliness and isolation on health. They are also looking into factors such as who is likely to be most seriously affected, and what kinds of interventions may reduce the associated risks. There are some surprising findings. First, though equivalent in risk, loneliness and social isolation don’t necessarily go hand-in-hand, Julianne Holt-Lunstad and Timothy B. Smith, psychologist-researchers at Brigham Young University, have pointed out. “Social isolation denotes few social connections or interactions, whereas loneliness involves the subjective perception of isolation — the discrepancy between one’s desired and actual level of social connection,” they wrote in the journal Heart last year. In other words, people can be socially isolated and not feel lonely; they simply prefer a more hermitic existence. Likewise, people can feel lonely even when surrounded by lots of people, especially if the relationships are not emotionally rewarding. In fact, Dr. Carla Perissinotto and colleagues at the University of California at San Francisco reported in 2012 that most lonely individuals are married, live with others and are not clinically depressed. “Being unmarried is a significant risk,” Dr. Holt-Lunstad said, “but not all marriages are happy ones. We have to consider the quality of relationships, not simply their existence or quantity.” As Dr. Nancy J. Donovan, a geriatric psychiatrist and researcher in neurology at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, said in an interview, “There is a correlation between loneliness and social interaction, but not in everyone. It may be simplistic to suggest to people who are lonely that they should try to interact more with others.” Perhaps equally surprising is the finding that older adults are not necessarily the loneliest among us. Although most studies of the effects of loneliness have looked only at older people, Dr. Holt-Lunstad, who with colleagues has analyzed 70 studies encompassing 3.4 million people, said that the prevalence of loneliness peaks in adolescents and young adults, then again in the oldest old. According to Louise Hawkley, senior research scientist at the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, “If anything, the intensity of loneliness decreases from young adulthood through middle age and doesn’t become intense again until the oldest old age.” Only 30 percent of older adults feel lonely fairly often, according to data from the National Social Life, Health and Aging Project. “We found stronger risks for those under 65 than for those over 65,” Dr. Holt-Lunstad said. “Older adults should not be the sole focus of the effects of loneliness and social isolation. We need to address this for all ages.” Furthermore, she said, while it is not certain whether loneliness or social isolation has the stronger effect on health and longevity, “if we recognize social connections as a fundamental human need, then we can’t discount the risks of being socially isolated even if people don’t feel lonely.” Equally intriguing is a recent finding suggesting that loneliness may be a preclinical sign for Alzheimer’s disease. Using data from the Harvard Aging Brain Study of 79 cognitively normal adults living in the community, Dr. Donovan and colleagues found a link between the participants’ score on a three-question assessment for loneliness and the amount of amyloid in their brains. Amyloid accumulation is considered a main pathological sign of Alzheimer’s disease. In this study, loneliness was not associated with the extent of people’s social network or social activity or even with their socioeconomic status. However, in another study of adults 50 and older, published earlier this year in the International Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, Dr. Donovan and co-authors reported that loneliness was linked to worsening cognitive function over a 12-year period, whereas initially poor cognitive function did not lead to increased loneliness. When the researchers examined their findings more closely, they discovered that depression, even relatively mild depression, had a greater effect than loneliness on the risk of cognitive decline. “There is now strong evidence relating greater depressive symptoms to increased progression from normal cognition to mild cognitive impairment and from mild cognitive impairment to dementia,” Dr. Donovan and colleagues reported, citing their findings and those of others. They suggested that loneliness as well as low-grade and more serious depression may have similar pathological effects on the brain. All of which raises the question of how loneliness and social isolation might be countered to help ward off cognitive decline and other adverse health effects. Suggestions for lonely or socially isolated adults have included taking a class, getting a dog, doing volunteer work and joining a senior center. A British program, called Befriending, involves one-on-one companionship by a volunteer who meets regularly with a lonely person. While such programs may show modest improvement on measures of depression and anxiety, their long-term significance is unknown. In a study of 14 trials of befriending, no significant benefit overall was found on measures of depression, quality of life, degree of loneliness, self-esteem and well-being. Another program called LISTEN, developed by Laurie Theeke at the School of Nursing at West Virginia University, is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy to counter loneliness. It entails five two-hour sessions of small groups of lonely people who explore what they want from relationships, their needs, thought patterns and behaviors. It is doubtful, however, that such an
approach would be practical on a scale large enough to meet
the need for cognitive restructuring of lonely adults
nationwide. A
Cure for Disconnection In the world of Peanuts, Charlie Brown once visited Lucy's psychiatry booth and asked, "Can you cure loneliness?" "For a nickel, I can cure anything," Lucy said. "Can you cure deep-down, black, bottom-of-the-well, no-hope, end-of-the-world, what's-the-use loneliness?" he asked. "For the same nickel?!" she balked. It's been 17 years since Robert Putnam's best-selling book Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community sounded the alarm about societal changes driving new levels of isolation and alienation; by now, most of us know that loneliness isn't a problem to be laughed off. Researchers warn that we are in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, and they aren't being metaphorical when they speak of loneliness as a disease. Stephanie, 35: "Since college I've lived in San Francisco, Paris, London, Shanghai and New York, and I've had to recreate my social family in each place. It's hard. I force myself to reach out and say, 'Hey, do you want to hang out with me?' I've realized there really are nice people everywhere." Photo by Peter Hapak Loneliness poses a serious physical risk—it can be, quite literally, deadly. As a predictor of premature death, insufficient social connection is a bigger risk factor than obesity and the equivalent of smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, according to Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a psychology professor at Brigham Young University and one of the leading figures in loneliness research. And, she says, the epidemic is only getting worse. New research is upending much of what we've long taken for granted about loneliness. More than just a mopey, Charlie Brown-esque mindset, loneliness causes serious hurt, acting on the same parts of the brain as physical pain. And while past research has treated loneliness as a synonym for social isolation, recent studies are revealing that the subjective feeling of loneliness—the internal experience of disconnection or rejection—is at the heart of the problem. More of us than ever before are feeling its sting, whether we're young or old, married or single, urban-dwelling or living in remote mountain villages. (In fact, some remote mountain villagers are much less likely to be lonely, as we'll see.) This is what makes loneliness so insidious: It hides in plain sight and, unlike smoking or obesity, isn't typically seen as a threat, even though it takes a greater toll on our well-being. The need for intervention is urgent, says Harvard physician and public-health researcher Jeremy Nobel. "It's time for PSAs," he says. "Something like 'This is your brain. This is your brain on loneliness.'" But before we can fight back, we need to know exactly what we're up against—and start taking it seriously. What It Is, What It's Not It's been well established that lonely people are more likely than the nonlonely to die from cardiovascular disease, cancer, respiratory illness, and gastrointestinal causes—essentially, everything. One study found that those with fewer than three people they could confide in and count on for social support were more than twice as likely to die from heart disease than those with more confidants. They were also roughly twice as likely to die of all causes, even when age, income, and smoking status were comparable. Apart from the risk of premature death, loneliness contributes to seemingly countless health woes. Consider the common cold: A study published last year, in which lonely and nonlonely people were given cold-inducing nasal drops and quarantined in hotel rooms for five days, found that the lonely people who got sick suffered more severe symptoms than the nonlonely. "Put simply, lonelier people feel worse when they are sick than do less lonely people," writes study author Angie LeRoy, a doctoral candidate at the University of Houston. But what does it mean to be lonely, exactly? One of the most surprising revelations is the extent to which loneliness afflicts those of us who aren't isolated in any traditional sense of the term, including people who are married or who have relatively large networks of friends and family. "Loneliness is not simply being alone," says John Cacioppo, the director of the University of Chicago's Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience and the author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. He points out that many of us crave solitude, which feels restorative and peaceful when desired. What might qualify as pleasant for some, however, can be misery for others—or even for the same person at different times. Unlike most previous research, which has focused on the number of people in a patient's social network, LeRoy's cold study looked at both objective social isolation and subjective loneliness: the discrepancy between the patient's actual and desired social relationships. Loneliness is a perceptual state that depends more on the quality of a person's relationships than on their sheer number. People with few friends can feel fulfilled; people with vast social networks can feel empty and disconnected. What LeRoy and her colleagues found was that subjective loneliness was a far bigger risk factor than sheer social isolation. "It's all about how the person feels," she says. "Feelings really matter." And how exactly does the feeling of chronic loneliness hurt us? In addition to making us more susceptible to viruses, it's also strongly correlated with cognitive decline and dementia. Lonely people are more than twice as likely to develop Alzheimer's as the nonlonely. And researchers make a point of distinguishing the effects of loneliness from those of depression: Depression does elevate the risk for Alzheimer's slightly, but not nearly as much as loneliness. It's easy to see how loneliness and depression would go hand in hand; the two states seem to feed off each other. Cacioppo defines loneliness as "a debilitating psychological condition characterized by a deep sense of emptiness, worthlessness, lack of control, and personal threat." Some of those characteristics apply equally to depression, and it's true that loneliness sometimes gives way to depression. But recent studies show that while loneliness can be an accurate predictor of depression, depression doesn't necessarily predict loneliness. (And, of course, loneliness is far from the only trigger for depression.) The key difference between the two, Cacioppo argues, is that loneliness not only leads to an increase in depressive symptoms but also to increased stress, anxiety, and even anger. Loneliness makes us sad, certainly, but the sense of personal threat seems to be what makes it so physically toxic. "These data suggest that a perceived sense of social connectedness serves as a scaffold for the self," Cacioppo writes. "Damage the scaffold, and the rest of the self begins to crumble." Mark, 59: "I was lonely when I was 40 and going through a divorce. I shut myself off from everyone, ashamed that my marriage had failed. It wasn't until I had a conversation with a friend who'd gone through the same thing that I finally opened up. Just talking about it helped me." Photo by Peter Hapak Primal Roots Our drive for social connectedness is so deeply wired that being rejected or socially excluded hurts like an actual wound. UCLA psychologist Naomi Eisenberger demonstrated the overlap between social and physical pain with an experiment in which subjects played an online game, tossing a virtual ball back and forth, while their brain activity was measured. Only one player was human; the others were created by a computer program. At some point, the computer "players" stopped tossing the ball to their human teammate. What Eisenberger found was that the brain activity of the rejected player strongly resembled that of someone experiencing physical pain. Likewise, Eisenberger has found that the same painkillers we take for physical suffering can ease the ache of loneliness. In animal tests, morphine lessened the distress of social separation as well as it relieved physical pain. In human studies, experimenters used Tylenol instead of morphine—and it helped, too. Activity in the brain's pain-processing regions was significantly reduced in subjects who took acetaminophen before being excluded from the ball-tossing game. It's no accident that loneliness hurts. Like the pain receptors that evolution planted in our bodies so we would keep our distance from a fire, the pain of loneliness grabs our attention and urges us to seek a remedy. Humans are social animals, after all, and collaboration has insured our survival against other animals. In our early days, the pain of loneliness would have been a powerful reminder to rejoin the pack when we strayed or risk fiercer pain if we encountered a predator all alone. "Loneliness evolved like any other form of pain," Cacioppo says. "It is an aversive state that has evolved as a signal to change behavior, very much like hunger, thirst, or physical pain, to motivate us to renew the connections we need to survive and prosper." Feeling disconnected from the people we rely on for help and support puts us on high alert, triggering the body's stress response. Studies show that lonely people, like most people under stress, have less restful sleep, higher blood pressure, and increased levels of the hormones cortisol and epinephrine; these, in turn, contribute to inflammation and weakened immunity. While the pain of loneliness was an adaptive advantage in humanity's early days, when separating from the tribe could mean becoming lion food, it doesn't serve the same purpose now that we can technically survive entirely on our own, given a microwave and an endless supply of Hot Pockets. The force of the feeling may seem like overkill now that it has evolved from a life-or-death alarm bell into a more abstract warning that our need for connection is not being met. But that's only until you consider that the need, left unmet, still has the power to kill us—just by a slower, more invisible mechanism than starvation or predation. Counterintuitively, the pain of isolation can make us more likely to lash out at the people we feel alienated from. Once our fight-or-flight system is activated, we're more likely to fight others than to hug them. Loneliness, Cacioppo explains, "promotes an emphasis on short-term self-preservation, including an increase in implicit vigilance for social threats." The emerging theory of loneliness, in other words, is that it doesn't just make people yearn to engage with the world around them. It makes them hypervigilant to the possibility that others mean to do them harm—which makes it even less likely that they'll be able to connect meaningfully. This negative feedback loop is what makes chronic loneliness (as opposed to situational loneliness, which comes and goes in everyone's life) so frustratingly intractable. In people who've been lonely for a long time, the fight-or-flight response has kicked into perpetual overdrive, making them defensive and wary in social settings. Chronically lonely people tend to approach a social interaction with the expectation that it will be unfulfilling and to look for evidence that they're right. As Cacioppo notes, lonely people pay more attention to negative signals from others, interpreting judgment and rejection where it is not intended. Without being aware of it, they sabotage their own efforts to connect with others. So injunctions to join a book club or social group won't help unless people can first shed the unconscious biases that keep them from establishing intimacy. Experts like Cacioppo are approaching this problem from two angles: how to stop the feedback loop once it starts and, perhaps more promisingly, how to prevent it from starting at all. That means working to beef up social opportunities and deepen connections among those likely to become chronically lonely. But first they have to identify the people most at risk. KIVA: "I have what I call a soul-type of loneliness because I lost my parents when I was young—my father when I was 9 and mom when I was 19. Because of that, I don't take people for granted and really try to stay connected. My friends are my family in many ways." Photo by Peter Hapak Who? Everyone More Americans are living alone than ever before, making us more likely to become socially isolated, especially as we age. The number of older people without a spouse, child, or any living relatives is growing—and disproportionately so for older black Americans. That's one reason we're lonelier. But it's not the whole story. Being married doesn't protect you from loneliness, according to a 2012 study, which followed 1,600 adults over 60 for six years. Out of the 43 percent of participants who reported chronic loneliness, more than half were married. Everyone, of course, is lonely sometimes, especially after the loss of a loved one or a move to a new area. The very elderly are at a higher risk for chronic loneliness because they've often lost partners, siblings, and friends, and because health and mobility problems can get in the way of social activity. And that demographic is growing simply because life expectancy is increasing. Loneliness has also skyrocketed among teens and young adults, despite their typically robust health and sizeable peer groups. A recent British study found that the youngest people surveyed—those between 16 and 24—were the most likely of all age groups to report feeling lonely. Many experts blame the growing loneliness of young people on their social media use, which they argue may hinder the development of the real-world social skills necessary to build close friendships. In the United States, loneliness is especially lethal for military veterans. A 2017 study by Yale researchers found that the biggest contributor to veteran suicides—on average, 20 a day—was not war—related trauma but loneliness. Even soldiers who never saw combat are susceptible, Sebastian Junger reported in Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging. Most devastating, for many of them, is the loss of what Junger terms "brotherhood"—the tight bonds formed through shared mission and sacrifice—and its stark contrast with our independent, isolated civilian society. Overall, roughly 40 percent of Americans reported regularly feeling lonely in 2010, up from about 20 percent in the 1980s. According to a sociological report called the General Social Survey, the number of Americans who say they have no one they can confide in nearly tripled between 1985 and 2004: At the survey's end, the average person reported having just two confidants. Why? There are many reasons, but Sherry Turkle, the author of Alone Together: Why We Ask More From Technology and Less From Each Other, places blame squarely on the rise of digital culture. Connecting meaningfully with others in person requires us to be ourselves, openly and genuinely. Conversations by text or Facebook messenger may be filled with smile emojis, but they leave us feeling empty because they lack depth. "Without the demands and rewards of intimacy and empathy, we end up feeling alone while together online," Turkle says. "And when we get together, we are quite frankly less prepared than before to listen. We have lost empathy skills. And of course, this, too, makes us more alone." But even friends we interact with in the real world can put us at risk if they themselves become lonely. A stunning study by Cacioppo and fellow researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler concluded that loneliness is contagious: It spreads in clusters throughout social networks. Their research, based on a 10-year study of more than 5,000 people, found that those who became lonely typically passed that feeling along to others before cutting ties with the group. As they describe it, ripples of loneliness along the margins of a social network, where people tend to have fewer friends to begin with, move inward toward the group's center, infecting the friends of those lonely people, then friends of friends, leading to weakened ties among all. "Our social fabric can fray at the edges, like a yarn that comes loose at the end of a crocheted sweater," they write. "An important implication of this finding is that interventions to reduce loneliness in our society may benefit by aggressively targeting the people at the periphery to help repair their social networks. By helping them, we might create a protective barrier against loneliness that can keep the whole network from unraveling." Anais, 22 “I don’t have a lot of friends, but the friends I do have—we’re really close. And I think it’s important to be together in person. There’s no point in our texting if we live 10 minutes away and we’re not doing anything. I’ll say, ‘Let’s hang out. I have a car—I’ll come to you.’” Photo by Peter Hapak How to Reconnect Perched on a remote hillside in the rugged, rocky heart of Sardinia, Villagrande Strisaili doesn't seem like a particularly hospitable place. The farmers and laborers who eke out a backbreaking living here greeted psychologist Susan Pinker with extreme wariness when she visited them. "Who are your parents?" one asked her. But these villagers have something the rest of us covet: an average lifespan as much as three decades longer than their fellow Europeans (and us Americans). It's one of the handful of mountainous regions in the world where more people live past the age of 100 than anywhere else. And what researchers, including Pinker, have found is that one key to their longevity may be that they live within a social fabric knit so tightly that, while seemingly impervious to outsiders, it shelters its residents in a uniquely warm, protective embrace. Part of the Sardinian stronghold's secret is structural. As in all of Italy's medieval villages, life literally and figuratively revolves around the town square, as it has for centuries. "You have to go through it to go to the post office or the church or the store," says Pinker, the author of The Village Effect: How Face-to-Face Contact Can Make Us Healthier and Happier. "You have to meet your neighbors, whether you want to or not." Part, too, evolved from the region's geographic isolation and the repeated invasions it has endured since the Bronze Age, which forced its early residents inland to hilltop enclaves that were easy to defend. Their descendants, Villagrande's 3,500 modern-day dwellers, are bonded both by kinship and by millennia of shared history and common purpose. So being born into a tight-knit community on a remote mountaintop where your ancestors fought off invaders for thousands of years, and where you're forced to see your neighbors every day in the town square, is one way to prevent loneliness. But where does that leave the rest of us? It's possible to follow the Sardinian example by creating communities that deliberately foster close social bonds. There's a growing cohousing movement in which residents share chores and tend to common spaces together, as they have in communes and kibbutzes. "It's more popular in Sweden, Denmark, and Norway," Pinker says. "There are about 700 cohousing communities in Denmark and 150 to 200 in the United States, but more are being built." Growing numbers of older Americans, meanwhile, are embracing what some are calling the "village movement," forming neighborhood organizations where homeowners pay yearly dues to hire a small staff that helps with everything from minor home improvements to grocery shopping to organizing social activities. That way people can maintain the connections they've developed over a lifetime in their own neighborhoods and still receive the services they might otherwise get by moving into an assisted living facility. Urban planners can help by designing communities that look more like Villagrande—if not with a town square at the center, then at least with parks and community centers where people are forced to cross paths. And we can all make a conscious choice to buy or rent homes in socially salubrious neighborhoods, Pinker says. "A lot of people look at a home's closets and kitchen, but what they need to look at is where the people gather in the neighborhood. What's the park like? Where's the library? That's much more important than how big your closet is." Even if we don't live in a setting that puts us in regular contact with our neighbors, we can still cultivate connection by making it a priority akin to exercise, Pinker says. Combining workouts with social connection, in fact, does double duty: Pinker's own research convinced her to change her solitary exercise habits, and she joined a swim team with whom she stretches both her physical and her social muscles. We can find ways to engage with other people no matter what our interests are. "Just getting together to play cards once a week can add years onto your life—it's better than taking beta blockers," Pinker says. "But that's not why you should do it. You should do it because it's fun, because you enjoy it. Otherwise you won't keep it up." What's missing for lonely people, after all, is not just social contact but meaningful contact—the bonds that come from being your authentic self with another person. One of the best ways to foster meaningful engagement is through the creative arts, says health researcher Jeremy Nobel, who is spearheading an initiative called The UnLonely Project, which focuses on creative expression as a way to lessen the burden of loneliness. Edythe Hughes, a 28-year-old model affiliated with The UnLonely Project, has made art a regular part of her social life. "Whenever I have people over, I always have a canvas and ask that everyone paint something," she says. "Making art together pulls you into a deeper connection with each other." Brendan, 27 "The worst loneliness is when I'm lonely, but I'm not alone. I'm around friends or even a significant other, but we're not on the same wavelength. If I feel that way, I'll open it up to a conversation. It's like, we're all adults. If something is affecting me to that extent, I think it should be talked about." Photo by Peter Hapak This is why traditional efforts to reach out to the lonely—by, say, visiting a nursing home—are often unsuccessful: They fail to foster deep, meaningful engagement. The encounter is pleasant but fleeting, and the effects don't last. "If I talk to someone for an hour and then leave, they're still lonely," says Dutch sociologist Jenny Gierveld, who has spent 50 years studying loneliness. "The basis of a meaningful bond is reciprocity. A lonely person can't just answer a lot of questions for an hour and feel connected. He or she has to do something." To foster the engagement that's key to countering loneliness, Cacioppo and his colleagues at the University of Chicago designed what they call social fitness exercises and applied them to people at particularly high risk for chronic loneliness: soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. Working with 48 Army platoons, they taught the soldiers to identify behaviors that reinforce loneliness and to substitute more positive behaviors. For example, a soldier who kept looking down at his phone was reminded to put the phone away and engage with the people around him; someone tempted to avoid conversation was encouraged to ask a question instead. The training was shown to reduce loneliness among soldiers—and it might work equally well in civilian settings. "Just as you can start an exercise regimen to gain strength and improve your health, you can combat loneliness through exercises that build emotional strength and resilience," Cacioppo writes. A major barrier to treating loneliness, however, is the reluctance many feel to even acknowledge that it affects them. Unlike other health risks, such as hypertension or high cholesterol, it's compounded by stigma. "It becomes about them as a person: They're not worthy of friendship; they have less value in society," Nobel says. But that may be changing with increasing awareness of how common and dangerous loneliness is. "I've been working on this for my entire career, and within the last year there has been more attention paid to it than ever before, which gives me hope," says psychologist and neuroscientist Holt-Lunstad. Last spring, she testified before the U.S. Senate Committee on Aging on the need to elevate loneliness to a public health priority on the same level as smoking and obesity. "One of the biggest stumbling blocks in getting many organizations to take this seriously is the question, 'What can we do about it?' It feels, to many, more like a personal issue, something policymakers shouldn't be getting involved in," she says. But one of the issues that emerged during her testimony was that hearing loss among older Americans contributes to increased isolation and loneliness. Congress has since passed legislation to make hearing aids more accessible. "While it's true that we can't legislate good relationships, here's legislation that can reduce loneliness, and it doesn't impede on anyone's personal freedom," she says. While an easy fix for loneliness is elusive, researchers are optimistic. It wasn't so long ago, after all, that we connected meaningfully with each other more or less by default. We can figure it out again—especially now that we know what's at stake. "More than just looking at new statistics about loneliness, it is time to trace the human story of how we got here," Turkle says. "It is not so complicated. We can retrace our way and rediscover one another's company." Take the Fight to Loneliness Once we understand the toll loneliness takes on our mental and physical health, what can we do to protect ourselves? DO TALK TO STRANGERS Small talk isn't so small, so take the plunge and converse with someone beside you on the bus or in line at a store."Just chatting makes us happier and healthier," says Susan Pinker, author of The Village Effect. "We can feel much better after just 30 seconds of talking to someone in person, whereas we don't get that benefit from online interaction." GIVE IT SEVEN MINUTES According to the "seven-minute rule," it takes that long to know if a conversation is going to be interesting. Sherry Turkle, the author of Alone Together and Reclaiming Conversation, acknowledges that it can be hard, "but it's when we stumble, hesitate, and have those 'lulls' that we reveal ourselves most to each other." SCHEDULE FACE TIME What does face-to-face contact with friends and family give us that virtual communication lacks? For one thing, it boosts our production of endorphins, the brain chemicals that ease pain and enhance well-being. That's one reason in-person interaction improves our physical health, researchers say. IF YOU CAN'T GET FACE TIME, CHOOSE FACETIME Being there in person is always best, but video conferencing by Skype or FaceTime can help people divided by distance maintain the bonds they built in person, according to researchers. Phone calls are the next best thing—hearing the other person's voice is a form of connection—while relationships conducted primarily by email or text tend to wither fastest. USE FACEBOOK WISELY Social media isn't inherently alienating, says Harvard epidemiologist Jeremy Nobel, but to create sustainable connections, it should be used purposefully. "If you're just using Facebook to show pictures of yourself smiling on vacation, you're not going to connect authentically," he says. Instead, within the larger platforms, create smaller social networks, such as an online book club where you can share meaningful personal reactions with a select group of people. BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR Getting to know your neighbors yields more benefits than access to a cup of sugar when you run out. One study found that higher "neighborhood social cohesion" lowers your risk for a heart attack. So invite your neighbors over for coffee and offer to feed their cats when they go out of town. You'll be happier and healthier for it. THROW A DINNER PARTY "Eating together is a form of social glue," writes Susan Pinker in The Village Effect. Evidence of communal eating dates back at least 12,000 years: Sharing food was a way to resolve conflicts and create a group identity among hunter-gatherers long before villages existed. GET CREATIVE Participating in the creative arts—from joining a chorus to organizing a craft night—helps us connect deeply without talking directly about ourselves, Nobel says. "A lot of people can't find the spoken words to express their feelings, but they can draw them, write expressively about them, or even dance them," he says. "When someone else pays attention to them and allows them to resonate with their own experience, it's as if an electric circuit gets completed, and they're connected." TALK ABOUT IT When Julia Bainbridge struggled with loneliness as a single New Yorker, she started a podcast, The Lonely Hour, and found that just talking about her feelings made her feel less lonely. She was surprised to find out how many people felt the same way—and what a relief it was to know that she wasn't alone in her loneliness. Whether to a podcast audience, a friend, or a therapist, we can all benefit from talking about feelings of isolation. REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE—LITERALLY Hugging, holding hands, or even just
patting someone on the back is powerful medicine. Physical
touch can lower our physiological stress response, helping
fight infection and inflammation. And it cues our brains to
release oxytocin, which helps strengthen social
bonds. 14
Ways to Help Seniors Avoid Isolation Learn more about how to keep your parents and senior loved ones healthy by reading our tips on the top ways to help seniors avoid isolation. How to Help Seniors Avoid Isolation Loneliness and social isolation have been linked to poor health outcomes in seniors, according to a study by researcher Nicholas R. Nicholson in “A Review of Social Isolation,” published in The Journal of Primary Prevention. The study notes how “social isolation has been demonstrated to lead to numerous detrimental health effects in older adults,” including:
The study also states that the prevalence of isolation among seniors who live at home may be as high as 43%. “With a prevalence of over 40% and the sheer number of older persons projected to increase exponentially… social isolation will likely impact the health, well-being and quality of life of numerous older person now and in the foreseeable future.” Considering the demonstrated risks and the increasing prevalence of this issue, it’s certainly worth addressing how we can promote social integration among our older loved ones, and even ourselves — it has also been shown that family caregivers are at a high risk of social isolation themselves. Here are the top ways to promote connectedness and social health: 1. Address incontinence issues. For obvious reasons, a senior who experiences incontinence may be hesitant to leave their home and could become isolated. When family caregivers and health professionals make sure that incontinence issues are appropriately addressed, for example through medications and supplies, seniors can have a better opportunity to recognize their social potentials and live life without embarrassment and fear. 2. Encourage a positive body image. Compliments and positive comments can go a long way to boosting the self-esteem of seniors. Similarly, discouraging seniors from fretting over their appearance or effects of aging may help them avoid becoming self-conscious to the point that they avoid social interactions. Remember to always be positive and sensitive in efforts to encourage older loved ones. 3. Encourage dining with others. Eating with others is inherently social. Encourage seniors to share a meal with others whenever possible, whether it’s with a church group or a friendly cafe or diner. Dining with others is also likely to help promote better nutrition, which is crucial for the elderly. 4. Encourage hearing and vision tests. Seniors with undiagnosed or untreated hearing problems may avoid social situations because of difficulty communicating or embarrassment. Encourage seniors to have their hearing checked and hearing problems treated. A hearing aid may be the only barrier between a senior and better social health. Vision tests are important too, as sight problems “limit opportunities for social interactions with others” according to the social isolation study. 5. Encourage religious seniors to maintain attendance at their places of worship. For seniors who have been regular churchgoers, this weekly social connection has been shown to be quite beneficial. “Those frequently attending religious services have been found to have lower mortality rates than those with infrequent attendance,” the study reports. Older churchgoers not only benefit from the social interaction and sense of purpose that weekly worship provides, but they also benefit from the watchful eye of other churchgoers, who are likely to recognize a decline in an isolated senior that may have gone unnoticed otherwise. 6. Give a senior something to take care of. Many experts note that the act of nurturing can relieve feelings of social isolation. In the peer-reviewed paper, “Emotional Benefits of Dog Ownership,” researcher Eve Beals succinctly outlines the benefits of nurturing a pet: “Pet owners remain engaged socially, have less depression, suffer less loneliness, feel more secure, have more motivation for the constructive use of time and require less medication than non-pet owners. Animal companionship facilitates establishing friends, is a social lubricant, gives a reason to get up in the morning and is an icebreaker.” You would need to make certain that the senior is capable and willing to properly care for the pet before giving a pet as a gift, but assuming the senior is capable of caring for a pet, nurturing for an animal companion can be quite beneficial. Even tending a garden can satisfy our nurturing drive, so giving seniors gardening supplies as a gift can be beneficial too. 7. Give affection. There’s nothing like a hug. Research has shown that friendly platonic touching from family, like hand-holding or hugging, can lower stress and promote feelings of well-being. On the other hand, people deprived of touch can experience decreased well-being. So even if you or your older relatives are not the touchy-feely types, at the very least, weave a friendly hug into your greetings and farewells. 8. Give extra support to seniors who have lost a family member, friend or spouse. Older adults may be at highest risk for becoming socially isolated during the period after a family member, friend or spouse has passed away. For this reason, it’s important to provide extra emotional and social support to recent mourners, widows and widowers while they are grieving. Do more than bring flowers; go the extra mile and spend more time with the senior in the days and weeks following his or her loss. This can make all the difference for the bereaved senior’s well-being and it helps to encourage a healthy grieving process rather than a spiral into prolonged depression and isolation. 9. Help out a caregiver. Family caregivers who are helping to care for an elderly loved one are probably more concerned about the social well-being of the person they are caring for than their own social well-being. But caregiving itself can actually trigger social isolation. In Squires’ AARP article, she summarizes the health risks of caregiving: “Caregivers often work by themselves, and more than half (53%) say they have less time for friends and family. All too often, they don’t call doctors when they are sick and they have little or no time to exercise or eat well. Studies show that up to 70% of caregivers have clinically significant symptoms of depression.” If you are a caregiver, remember to take care of yourself. It’s not just the person you are caring for who’s at risk of social isolation, it is you. If you know a caregiver, or a loved one in your family shoulders the burden of caregiving, take whatever steps you can to make that person’s life easier and to allow them to have a social life of their own. 10. Identify isolated seniors. Often family members will be the first to notice when social isolation is affecting a senior’s well-being, but not all seniors have the benefit of loved ones who live nearby and can check on their well-being. For this reason, public health professionals should be on the lookout for signs of social isolation problems in their clients and patients so that appropriate interventions can be arranged. After all, nothing can be done to help socially isolated seniors if no one recognizes that they are socially isolated. AARP notes that health professionals should be especially aware of social isolation. 11. Make adaptive technologies available. Adaptive technologies help seniors to compensate for age-related deficits and deficiencies that can impede social interaction. Many seniors do not take full advantage of these devices. Sometimes they may be embarrassed because they don’t want to appear or feel old. In other cases, the device may be overly expensive and not covered by insurance. We can encourage and facilitate the use of adaptive aids that make it possible for seniors to have active and involved social lives. 12. Make transportation more readily available. Lack of adequate transportation is a primary cause of a social isolation. Because many seniors do not drive, anything that helps seniors get around and make independent choices about travel promotes their social health. Creating a solid public transportation infrastructure and providing special transportation options to seniors and disabled people will help promote their social integration. Family offering rides to older loved ones and helping them to learn to use public transportation will also help them maintain social connections and a healthy sense of independence. 13. Notify neighbors. Because socially isolated seniors may be vulnerable to a variety of unexpected problems and may have underlying issues such as dementia, their loved ones should consider informing members of the community that there is a vulnerable adult in the neighborhood. Trusted neighbors within a block radius or so should be introduced to the senior if feasible, informed about any particular issues the senior may have and asked to keep a friendly eye out in case anything seems amiss. 14. Promote a sense of purpose. Seniors with a sense of purpose are less likely to succumb to the negative effects of social isolation. Besides providing a sense of purpose, many hobbies and interests are inherently social in nature. Anything that involves a group, for example, playing bridge, could be said to be socially healthy. If a senior is bereft of ideas for what to do, there are always planned events at the local senior center. Volunteering is also a great way of maintaining and expressing a sense of purpose. Encouraging seniors to remain active in their hobbies and interests, and providing them opportunities to volunteer can help them maintain their sense of purpose and keep them from becoming isolated and lonely. Related Articles: Dangers of Seniors Living Alone Table
for One: Hidden Dangers of Eating
Alone A Table for One:
Hidden Dangers of Eating Alone After her grandmother lost a considerable amount of weight in just a few months, Gretchen Kenney insisted that she move in with her and her husband, David, in Shoreline, Washington. “She lost like 40 pounds, she just stopped eating,” Kenney explains. “Part of it was her health, her arthritis; she couldn’t get around very easily. She was just depressed and didn’t want to eat.” After moving in with the Kenneys, her grandmother slowly put some of that weight back on. “I make sure that she gets a much better balance,” Kenney says. “Given what she wants, she would be happy with sweets and carbohydrates. She will ask for vegetables mostly because she thinks she should have them.” Tips for Encouraging Seniors to Eat
Contributing Factors to Malnutrition Inadequate nutrition can lead to a weakening of the immune system, increasing the risk of illness or infections, or contributing to mental confusion. And continued malnutrition could lead to depression, which in turn could lead to a loss of appetite-a vicious cycle. For the elderly, other factors can contribute to malnutrition, including lack of money to buy adequate food, or transportation to the grocery store. Linge had a client who lived directly across the street from a grocery store-but on the third floor. “She was trapped in her building because of her physical abilities and she couldn’t get what she needed,” Linge says. “So, when you think about your parents and their needs, think not only do they have enough income to purchase what they need, but, secondly, is shopping something they are able to do?” Easing the Burden Be sure to ask them if they are having difficulty with chewing or swallowing, if food tastes too bland, or if they’ve lost their appetite (it could be because of medications they may be taking, or possibly depression, which can have serious consequences). Also, check their refrigerator and see what kinds of food are in there, and whether any have passed the expiration date. Ask your loved one if they would prefer that you bring in groceries for them to cook, or that you cook for them. To alleviate the burden of cooking for one, grocery store delis have a wide variety of nutritious, pre-cooked foods, such as roasted chicken and salads with raw vegetables. A whole chicken can last a senior for several meals (but it’s best not to keep it for more than three or four days; after that, it may spoil). Buy a package of vegetables or meat already cut up for stir-fry, or a pre-made meatloaf that just needs to go in the oven. If they think food is too bland, enhance the flavor with olive oil, vinegars, garlic, or spices (but not salt). Cinnamon, cloves, ginger, and turmeric are also good for the digestion. Eating is a Social Act Getting together with other people-whether seniors or not-can make cooking and eating more fun. “Sometimes seniors have been really creative and have gotten together with other seniors in their neighborhood or their building and said ‘Let’s get together and today I’ll make the meal and tomorrow you’ll make the meal,’” Linge says. Finding a neighborhood hangout is also a good idea. “There are cafes in any community where seniors tend to gather. They will have their regulars in there who will be in there almost daily,” Linge says. “Even if you’re a party of one, you can see other people.” Living in a retirement home or assisted living community may help some seniors eat better. “It makes a huge difference when you get residents sitting at a table together,” explains gerontologist Ashley Kraft, the “Life’s Neighborhood” Director at Aegis at Northgate a Seattle assisted living facility with Alzheimer’s and dementia care. “It brings back the memories of eating with your family. What happens, especially with dementia, is they forget about the things we take for granted, knowing that we’re hungry, knowing that we’re thirsty, or they don’t know how to explain that feeling.” While many people may not eat as well
when eating alone as they would sitting down at a family
meal, there are many options to ensure adequate nutrition.
Whether by finding friends to eat with, using
easy-to-prepare recipes, or making a change in the living
situation, your loved one can still stay healthy with your
help and encouragement. How to Cope when
No One Cares About You Part 1 Finding Support and Self Worth 1 Develop self-compassion. Developing your self-compassion can help you to feel better about yourself overall. It can also help you to see more positive traits in other people. Some things you can do to develop self-compassion include:
2 Fight feelings of worthlessness. People who feel worthless often can't accept that anyone cares about them. Remind yourself that you are worth caring about, no matter how you feel or what anyone says to you. Practice talking back to negative thoughts, even if you feel like giving in to them.[1] Think about how you respond when someone offers you support. Do you argue with them, as though you're trying to prove how worthless you are? This can make you feel worse, and make other people less willing to help. Pay attention to your responses to these situations. Learn to stop and say "thank you" instead. 3 Reach out to old friends and acquaintances. If your close friends and family aren't there for you, think back to people who were kind in the past. Find the contact information for old friends. Share your feelings with a family friend, a teacher, or acquaintance who's good at listening.
4 Understand "uncaring" responses. When you're severely depressed, it's easy to assume that everyone is mean, unkind and uncaring. Most often, people are just more focused on their own lives. This does not mean that they do not care about you. Responses like "It will get better" or "Just ignore it" may sound dismissive, but the person saying it often thinks they're giving real help. These people may be able to cheer you up in other ways, but be careful talking to them when you're at a low point.[3] 5 Find new hobbies and friend groups. If you have few friends or close family members, one argument can temporarily destroy your whole support network. Pick up new activities to meet more people, and give you another source of self-worth.
6 Find support online. For times when you have no one to talk to, find a supportive stranger to speak with anonymously. Try Blah Therapy or 7 cups.
7 Keep a collection of happy memories. When you're depressed, it's hard to notice the positive events in your life. Hugs or supportive conversations may not even feel real to you, or you might forget them a few hours later.[4] When you're feeling better, write down as many happy memories as you can. Keep these in a journal or box of papers. Add to this whenever someone sends you a happy message or does something nice for you. Read these over the next time you feel like no one cares about you. 8 Expose yourself to happy sources of entertainment. Watching sad movies and television shows are likely to have a negative effect on you. Try to avoid sources of entertainment that are negative or sad, such as the news, sad movies, and depressing TV shows. Instead, watch comedy movies, stand-up comics, and other things that make you laugh. 9 Spend time with animals. Pets can be great allies during hard times, especially dogs. If you don't have a pet yourself, ask a friend or neighbor whether you can walk their dog or visit their cat. Part 2 Treating Depression 1 Understand your depression. If you often feel hopeless or worthless, you are probably depressed. This is a serious medical condition that needs treatment. The sooner you understand this, the sooner you can find support and improve your well-being. Click here to learn more signs of depression. 2 Join a depression support group. The people in these groups share their experiences, encourage each other, and give advice on how to cope.[5] You might be surprised by the number of people who understand what you're going through.
3 Keep a journal. Take a few minutes each day to unload your thoughts and feelings on paper. Many people find they feel better if they get a chance to "share" private experiences in this way. Over time, the journal can help you identify what affects your mood, and which coping mechanisms help or don't help.[6] End each entry with something you're grateful for. Remembering small things like a good cup of coffee or a stranger smiling at you can boost your mood. 4 Make healthy lifestyle changes. Forcing yourself to stick to a regular schedule can help your mood, though this can take a few weeks to kick in. Try to get enough sleep each night, and get up and dressed each morning. Leave the house for at least a short walk. Eating a healthy diet and exercising regularly can lead to a major mood boost.[7] Avoid alcohol, nicotine, and other drugs. While they may make you feel better in the short term, they often make it harder to fight your depression. Overcome your addiction with professional help if necessary. 5 Seek therapy. Therapy is an effective treatment for depression, recommended by many experts and organizations.[8] Regular visits with a licensed psychologist can help you find coping mechanisms and make positive life changes. You might need to try out several therapists before you find one that you are comfortable with. Give it time to work. Many people visit a therapist weekly for six to twelve months.[9] With social-distancing there's teletherapy which you can do from the comfort of your own home. 6 Consider medication. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication to manage depression, but keep in mind that this is only a temporary solution. Medication alone will not solve your problems, so it is still important to work with a therapist and work on specific concerns. There are many varieties of medication out there, and you may need to try several before you find one that works. Talk to your psychiatrist often about how your new medication is working, and about side effects you've noticed. A combination of medication and therapy may be the most effective treatment, especially for teenagers.[10] Medication alone is typically less effective over the long term.[11] 7 Practice meditation or prayer.
When you're upset, visit a quiet, private place. Natural
surroundings work especially well. Sit down and focus on
deep, slow breathing. Many people learn to improve their
mood through meditation or prayer.
Community Q&A Question Whenever I tell my friends that I am depressed and having urges to kill myself, they say I'm being stupid and then they slap me. What should I do? Paul Chernyak, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor Expert Answer Stop talking to these "Friends" and seek professional help if you have suicidal urges. Also seek out support both online and locally through support groups and mental health organizations.
Question What do I do if my family tells me to kill myself? Community Answer This is abuse. Don't listen to them. You need to talk to someone about this, a counselor, someone at school if you are young. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of talk. You may have to sever ties completely with the members of your family who say these things to you.
Question My friends won't talk to me or pay attention to me, what do I do? Community Answer These aren't real friends, and you are worth better than that. Seek out the people who will support you and are positive. Their actions are not reflective of your own worth, but instead show how shallow and mean they are. Keep strong.
Question What if I talk and nobody answers like I'm not even there? Community Answer It is hurtful when no one answers you, but if you are with people who do not answer, then they are not worth worrying about, move on to someone who will.
Question How do I stop creating a false image of myself for other people? Community Answer Be yourself, stop being a people pleaser and realize when you're trying too hard to conform to other people's expectations. If you enjoy wearing or doing certain activities that people judge you by, simply take no notice of them. You deserve to have other people know who you really are.
Question What if all my friends ignore me and ditch me? Community Answer Approach them and ask them why they're treating you that way. Or just keep your distance from them and find better friends who respect you.
Question I feel really worthless and sad all the time. How can I raise my spirits? Community Answer Stop thinking about the negativities of your life and start making goals. Start loving yourself and don't waste your time on people who don't care about you.
Question What should I do when my friends don't listen to me and just judge me? Community Answer No real friend will ever judge you.
Question I know my friend cares about me and has shown it, but she's changed. However, I just can't let her go! What should I do now? Community Answer Explain to her how you're feeling about her changed actions and see how she reacts to your statement, which will make your decision easier.
Question What do I do if people think I'm mentally ill and act weird when I tell them I don't have any friends? Community Answer Practice ignoring those people because they don't support you and are being judgmental.
Tips
Warnings
Resources: 1 http://psychcentral.com/lib/worthlessness-and-depression/000339 2. http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-report/major-depression/depression-feeling-lonely.aspx 3. http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/4446/126535/talk-depression 4. http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/4446/130369/support-friends 5. http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depresssion-support 6. http://www.depressiontoolkit.org/takecare/journaling.asp 7. http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depresssion-support?page=2 8. http://psychcentral.com/lib/depression-treatment-psychotherapy-medication-or-both/0001521 9. http://psychcentral.com/lib/depression-treatment 10. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml 11. http://psychcentral.com/lib/depression-treatment-psychotherapy-medication-or-both/0001521 12.
http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov05/cycle.aspx Related wikiHows How to Not Care
What People Think Method 1: Becoming More Confident 1 Accept yourself for who you are. Be yourself, improve yourself where you can, and accept aspects of yourself that you can’t change. Don’t try to change who you are just to please others.[1] Make a list of all the things that you like about yourself and another of things you’d like to improve. You can ask friends and family to help you build your list, since they may think of things you might not. Think of specific steps you can take to improve, for example: “Sometimes I overreact and snap at other people. Every time someone makes a statement, I should pause before responding and think about what to say before saying it.” Keep this list somewhere you will see it often, such as on your mirror or closet door. Read over it at least once every day. Accept things about yourself that you can’t change. For example, you might wish you were taller, but that's not something you can change. Instead of focusing on why you wish you were tall, try to think of little things that are nice about being shorter, like the fact that you’ll bump your head less. Try to think of things about yourself that other people would likely envy and want to replicate. 2 Visualize successful outcomes instead of fearing embarrassment. Try not to focus on failing, embarrassment, or on what other people will think if you do something wrong. If you find yourself reliving embarrassing moments, consciously redirect yourself to something you have accomplished instead. Break down goals into small pieces, and visualize yourself succeeding at each step.[2]
3 Avoid second guessing every step you take. Try not to assume that everyone is judging every little thing you do. Before getting lost in a cycle of self-doubt, remind yourself that anyone worth your time has more to worry about than criticizing your every thought and action.[3] Also, remind yourself that mistakes serve a purpose and are a necessary part of growth.
EXPERT TIP Notice when you're worrying about other people's opinions. Once you're conscious that you're focusing on other people, pause your thoughts, and choose where else you want to focus your thoughts. To stop caring what other people think, you first need to pay attention to what you're paying attention to so that you can redirect yourself. Rahti Gorfien, PCCRAHTI GORFIEN, PCC, Life Coach 4 Don’t let someone’s negative judgment define who you are. Keep a balanced perspective and don’t view a negative judgment as a permanent, absolute fact. If you think there’s some truth in their judgment, use it as an opportunity to improve instead of letting it define you.[4]
5 Consider if a person judging you has good intentions. How a person expresses an opinion of you can let you know whether you should brush it off or take it to heart. Ask yourself, “Does this person have my best interests in mind? Is this something I can work on to become a better person, or is it just a petty judgment that’s meant to insult me?”
Method 2 Forming Your Own Opinions 1 Get the facts from multiple sources. When forming an opinion on something like a news topic, try to look for multiple sources. Read articles published by different news outlets, and try to include perspectives that challenge your own beliefs. Try to gather your own information rather than instinctively agreeing or disagreeing with what someone else thinks.[5]
2 Decide if a person is informed about a topic. Before getting too concerned about what someone thinks, consider their expertise and the way they express their opinion. If your teacher wrote their graduate school thesis on a particular historical event, you’ll want to value what they think over someone less informed.[6]
3 Avoid faking agreement just to please others. Don’t be afraid to have an opinion that goes against the norm, especially if you've put time and thought into forming that opinion. Balance evidence with your gut instincts instead of trying to conform and satisfy others. Respect what others think, and accept that not everyone will think the same way you do.[7]
Method 3 Discovering Yourself and Your Style 1 Work on getting in touch with yourself. Consider the similarities and differences between how you act in private versus when you're around lots of people. Ask yourself, “How do I represent myself to strangers, to people I’m more comfortable with, and to myself?”[9]
2 Make decisions based on your own values. Make choices that are consistent with your priorities instead of doing what other people think is cool. For example, suppose your friends want to go to a party and get drunk, but you have a soccer game the next day, and soccer is really important to you. Instead of going to the party just to look cool, choose to be well prepared and well rested for your game because it's important to you.[10]
3 Represent yourself in ways that make you happy. Think of how to incorporate your interests, likes, and dislikes into your clothes, surroundings, and lifestyle choices. Focus on creating a style that makes you happy instead of just going for what's trendy or popular.[11]
4 Create an inspiration folder to get in touch with your own style. When developing your sense of clothing style, check out fashion magazines and blogs to search for inspiration. Save or cut out images that motivate you, and use them to put together a digital or paper "look book" or inspiration folder. Using your new library, assemble looks that make you feel unique and confident.[12]
5 Remember that taste is subjective. If someone says something about your taste, remember that their style opinion isn’t the final word. Taste is subjective, and you might not love everything about their fashion or decor. Variety is a great thing: imagine how boring it would be if everyone’s clothes and houses looked exactly the same![14]
6 Avoid uninvited judgments. Social media is a great way to stay connected with people. However, it also gives people plenty of opportunities to judge your lifestyle choices. For example, if you don’t want to invite people to criticize your clothes or image, consider sharing fewer selfies on social media platforms.[16]
Community Q&A Question How can I deal with the fact that people will not always like me? Community Answer There will always be people in life that don't like you, and you just shouldn't care about them. There will always be people that like you and appreciate you for who you are, too, so stick with your true friends.
Question What if I just can't stop thinking about other people? Community Answer This is perfectly normal; as social beings we're primed to think about others, to connect and to aim to fit in for our survival. It's instinctual. However, if what you're referring to is not being able to stop caring about what they think about you, remember that the ultimate judge of your actions is yourself, and you are also the ultimate controller of those actions. Realize that people who judge are often insecure and therefore project their insecurities when they judge harshly, rather than say anything useful or helpful. By all means think about other people but don't think about their assessment of you unless it helps you to improve your talents and what you have to offer the world.
Question How do I stop being so paranoid about other people and just live my life? Community Answer The fact that you're worrying about it is a good sign that you're facing the problem. Things you can do to reduce paranoid approaches to others is to not over-analyze what they do, to stop caring about what they think of you and your choices, to stop trying to control their behavior and to realize that too many negative vibes can be self-fulfilling. Most importantly, understand that you can't spend your life not trusting people and expect them to trust and love you back -- that's a big lesson worth learning.
Question What are some methods people can use to keep from judging themselves? Community Answer Every time you feel someone is judging you, or whenever you're judging yourself harshly, think about your good aspects and the things you're doing to help others. This will remind you that you are doing good in the world and that the negative voice inside of you doesn't deserve priority. Check out How to Be Kinder to Yourself for some more help.
Question What if someone is hinting or referring to bad things right in front of me? Community Answer Smile, completely ignore them, and walk away. This will totally bother people trying to draw attention to your flaws. You look unconcerned by them, and that will drive them even crazier!
Question How do I learn to live with people gossiping about me? Community Answer Being gossiped about is very painful and can make you feel very emotional and make you believe that there is no way out. Just remember, and always think to yourself that they are just cowards. If your're feeling confident, go up to them, tell them to stop because you prefer it to your face.talking behind your back and to talk to your face if they have something to say to you.
Question If a boy makes me feel like I don't belong, how do I change that? Community Answer Here is an important lesson -- people can only "make" you feel a certain way because you let them. This boy can go around saying whatever he thinks about whether or not you're a part of his posse but he can't make you feel bad unless you opt in and agree. Tell him what you really think and act as if anything he has said means nothing to you unless it's positive, kind and constructive. He isn't worth respecting until he can respect you.
Question How do I learn to love myself? Community Answer Learning to love yourself can take time if you've never been taught how but it's an important skill for healthy self growth. You can find out more by reading: How to Love Yourself.
Question What should I do when my friends just do the opposite thing? Community Answer Only you can know whether it's going to be treated as a positive or a negative -- you could be the beloved unique friend in the group or you could be the one on the outer. Either accept that you're the odd friend they all love or decide that these friends aren't getting you and it's time to find new ones who do.
Question I care for people too much and they use me but I can't seem to do anything about it and stop caring about those people, what should I do? Community Answer Try to focus on your own needs and work on improving yourself. Remember that you can't help others unless you're already in a position to do so. References 1. http://www.chicagotribune.com/ct-tribu-pagliarini-stop-pleasing-everyone-column-column.html 2 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ashlee-greer/stop-letting-other-peoples-opinions-control-you_b_9587330.html 3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sapient-nature/201603/how-not-worry-about-what-others-think-you 4. https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/253526 5.https://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/07/opinion/brooks-other-peoples-views.html?_r=0 6. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-not-to-care-what-other-people-think/ 7. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fighting-fear/201306/caring-what-other-people-think 8. https://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/07/opinion/brooks-other-peoples-views.html?_r=0 9. https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200805/dare-be-yourself 10. https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200805/dare-be-yourself 11. http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/positive-ways-to-deal-with-othRer-peoples-negative-opinions-about-your-home-205660 12. http://www.collegefashion.net/fashion-tips/5-tips-to-help-you-develop-your-own-personal-style/ 13. http://www.collegefashion.net/fashion-tips/5-tips-to-help-you-develop-your-own-personal-style/ 14. http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/positive-ways-to-deal-with-other-peoples-negative-opinions-about-your-home-205660 15. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/do-something-different/201304/what-your-clothes-might-be-saying-about-you 16.
http://www.glamour.com/story/how-to-not-care-what-people-think Elderly White Men
Afflicted by High Suicide Rates Merrill—lauded at his memorial service as a vibrant man with a passion for life—was one of 31,000 people a year in the United States who die by suicide.2 He was also one of a group associated with a substantially higher risk of suicide than any other—older white males. While suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States, with 11 suicide deaths per 100,000 Americans, white men over the age of 65 commit suicide at almost triple that overall rate.3 These men are also eight times more likely to kill themselves than are women of the same age group, and have almost twice the rate of all other groups of male contemporaries.4 Analysts are divided over how to explain the elevated risk of suicide for older white men. Some researchers point to a lack of resilience or coping ability. Others point to men’s choice of more lethal means of suicide. More generally, systemic obstacles related to the primary care system (as well as cultural bias that assumes depression is a natural feature of aging) also inhibit detection of older people at risk of suicide. While more research is needed to determine why some groups who are at-risk for suicide actually attempt it more than others, possible prevention interventions, include:
GRIM COMPARISONS BY SEX, RACE, AND ETHNICITY Overall, three times as many women as men in the United States report a history of attempted suicide.5 But men are four times more likely to actually kill themselves.6 Choice of method may play a role in explaining this gender disparity: White men tend to use more violent and more lethal means than other suicide victims. In 2001, 73 percent of all suicide deaths and 80 percent of all firearm suicide deaths were white males.7 And as black and white men age, the gap in suicide rates between the two groups widens considerably. White males in the 45-64 age range commit almost three times as many suicides (26.1 per 100,000) as their black male contemporaries (at 9.0 per 100,000). The disparity grows among those ages 75-84 (37.5 per 100,000 for whites, compared with 11.3 per 100,000 for black males). And suicide grows as a risk for white elderly males as they age. White men ages 85 and older have the highest annual suicide rate of any group—51.4 deaths per 100,000. In contrast, the highest rate for white women peaks between ages 45 and 64 at 7.8 deaths per 100,000. RESILIENCE AND STEREOTYPING There is still no clear explanation for this phenomenon, says Marnin Heisel, a psychologist at the University of Western Ontario’s departments of psychiatry and epidemiology and biostatistics. Some researchers argue that older white males lack the resilience and coping mechanisms that make older white women and older black people less prone to suicide.8 The lower suicide rates among women suggest that women are capable of more complex and flexible coping strategies than men, according to Silvia Canetto, a Colorado State University psychology professor who specializes in gender issues in suicidal behavior. Unlike men, argues Canetto, women experience more changes in roles and body functioning during adulthood, perhaps preparing them for physical changes in late life. In contrast, men are socialized to be in control and shape the world according to their needs. When a problem arises, they are encouraged to use force to assert their will. As a result, Canetto writes, men arrive at late life with unrealistic expectations and a limited range of coping strategies.9 Suicidal women and men have also been portrayed differently in suicide research, according to Canetto. Women’s suicidal behavior is usually conceived as a private problem—an expression of an individual disorder or deficiency, or as the outcome of a “mental breakdown.” On the other hand, Canetto has noticed that the research literature views men’s suicidal behavior as a “tragic but rational” response to a loss or adverse circumstances. And because men’s suicidal behavior is often linked afterwards to external factors such as an illness, a business failure, or a forced retirement, suicide-prevention plans often fail to address individual internal or psychological factors such as feelings, personal shortcomings, or relationship concerns. “Unfortunately, an exclusive focus on impersonal, external factors ignores the fact that the majority of persons who experience an adversity do not become suicidal,” writes Canetto. “Most persons experience some degree of limitation in health status as a result of aging; however, only a minority of older adult men die as a result of suicide. Clearly, individual variables play a role.”10 FACTORS UNDERLYING RACE/ETHNIC DISPARITIES Researchers who have noted the disparity in suicide rates between Hispanics and non-Hispanic whites have said that familism—or an emphasis on close relationships with extended kinship—may offer Hispanics better protection against suicide. Experts say that Hispanics tend to maintain closer relationships with family members than do whites. And their cultural tendency toward fatalism (or the expectation of adversity) may also help Hispanics adapt to chronic stress, according to analysts.11 Some researchers have also speculated that the white/black differential in suicide rates may be explained through major social institutions such as family, church, and social-support systems that in the African American community seem to offer a buffer against social forces that might otherwise promote suicide.12 In an exploration of beliefs about suicide in the African American community, researchers who interviewed pastors at black churches in the southeastern United States found that the “view of suicide as a white thing” by blacks may protect them against suicide.13 Through ongoing struggle, pastors said, black Americans developed a culture of resilience in which suicide was seen as a contradiction to the black experience. OBSTACLES TO DETECTING DEPRESSION IN THE ELDERLY Analysts say that all elderly could be targeted more effectively by suicide prevention efforts. For instance, studies of suicide among elderly persons have found that 70 percent of elderly suicide victims saw their primary care provider within a month of death. Health care providers could use that knowledge to prevent suicides by improving the detection and treatment of mental disorders and other suicide risk factors in the primary care setting.14 But there are challenges. Study conditions for such collaborative approaches in which mental health care providers team up with primary care providers may not be realistic. “It doesn’t mirror resources in the real world,” says Paul Duberstein, professor of psychiatry at the University of Rochester. For instance, not all physicians are comfortable with or adequately trained to identify which patients pose high suicide risks. With average visits to a primary care doctor running about 17 minutes long, according to data from the 2002 National Ambulatory Medical Care Survey, the primary care system is simply not set up for detecting, assessing, and treating mental health issues. And even psychological clinicians may not be adequately trained in detecting suicidal thoughts and treatment.15 Depression can be more difficult to diagnose in the elderly because it may manifest itself as vague physical symptoms (such as fatigue) rather than more clear-cut symptoms. In retrospect, friends of suicide victim Philip Merrill said that they had noticed that the usually energetic publisher had been feeling down in the months before his suicide. And his family had talked to his physicians about his change in behavior in the weeks before the suicide. It’s possible that Merrill’s dark mood was related to heart bypass surgery he underwent a year earlier; research shows that heart disease often leads to depression and vice versa.16 Finally, beliefs and attitudes that devalue life as people age may also interfere with the detection of depression, says Heisel. Many people perceive suicide in older people as less tragic then suicide by youths. Clinicians, family members, and older adults sometimes consider suicidal thoughts and depression as a natural part of aging.17 “If [clinicians] think that it’s just a natural consequence of aging, they’re not necessarily going to treat it as aggressively as they should,” says Heisel. “People need to be aware that depression and late-life depression are treatable.” REFERENCES 1. Elizabeth Williamson, “Merrill Suicide Confirmed; New Details of Case Released,” The Washington Post, June 24, 2006. 2. National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), Self-Inflicted Injury/Suicide (Hyattsville, MD: NCHS, 2006), accessed online at www.cdc.gov, on July 17, 2006. 3. Arialdi M. Miniño, Melonie Heron, and Betty L. Smith, Deaths: Preliminary Data for 2004 (2006), accessed online at www.cdc.gov, on Aug. 2, 2006; and National Center for Health Statistics, Health, United States, 2005 (Hyattsville, MD: NCHS: 2005): table 46. 4. National Center for Health Statistics, Health, United States, 2005. 5. National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), Suicide Facts and Statistics, accessed online at www.nimh.nih.gov, on July 20, 2006. 6. U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF), Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, Screening for Suicide Risk, accessed online at www.ahrq.gov, on July 20, 2006. 7. NIMH, Suicide Facts and Statistics. 8. Silvia S. Canetto, “Gender and Suicidal Behavior: Theories and Evidence,” in Review of Suicidology, 1997, ed. Ronald W. Maris, Morton M. Silverman, and Silvia S. Canetto (New York and London: The Guilford Press, 1997). 9. Silvia S. Canetto, “Gender and Suicide in the Elderly,” Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior 22, no. 1 (1992): 92-93. 10. Canetto, “Gender and Suicidal Behavior.” 11. Maria A. Oquendo et al., “Ethnic and Sex Differences in Suicide Rates Relative to Major Depression in the United States,” American Journal of Psychiatry 158, no. 10 (2001): 1656. 12. Kevin E. Early and Ronald L. Akers, ” ‘It’s a White Thing’: An Exploration of Beliefs About Suicide in the African-American Community,” Deviant Behavior: An Interdisciplinary Journal 14, no. 4 (1993): 277-96. 13. Early and Akers, ” ‘It’s a White Thing’ “: 287. 14. Carolyn Levinson Miller and Benjamin Druss, “Datapoints: Suicide and Access to Care,” Psychiatric Services 52, no. 1566 (2001), accessed online at http://ps.psychiatryonline.org, on July 24, 2006; and NIMH, In Harm’s Way: Suicide in America (Bethesda, MD: NIMH, 2003). 15. Marnin J. Heisel and Paul R. Duberstein, “Suicide Prevention in Older Adults,” Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice 12, no. 3 (2005): 243. 16. Annie Linskey, “Friends Saw Mood Change in Merrill: Publisher’s Behavior Subdued After Surgery,” The Baltimore Sun, June 22, 2006; Mary A. Whooley, “Depression and Cardiovascular Disease: Healing the Broken-Hearted,” The Journal of the American Medical Association 295, no. 24 (2006): 2874-81; and David Kohn, “Depression Research Shows Head Heart Linked,” The Baltimore Sun, June 30, 2006. 17. Institute of Medicine, Reducing
Suicide: A National Imperative (Washington, DC: The National
Academies Press, 2002), accessed online at
http://darwin.nap.edu, on July 24, 2006. Elderly Suicide:
The Risks, Detection, And How To Help - May, 2020 Statistics provided by the CDC also tell us that an overwhelming majority of suicide victims are male versus female. In fact, 84 percent of those with no known mental health condition are typically male, with the remaining 16 percent female. Even those with mental health issues are predominately male, accounting for 69 percent of suicides for this particular demographic. Suicide by firearm is the method used most often (55 percent), but suffocations (27 percent), poisonings (10 percent, and other life-ending options (8 percent) are sometimes pursued as well. But what do we know about suicide as it relates to the elderly, specifically? Suicide and the Elderly While older adults only account for 12 percent of the U.S. population, they account for 18 percent of suicide deaths, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). Additionally, this risk increases with age; 75- to 85-year-olds having higher rates of suicide than those who are between 65 and 75, and individuals 85 or older have the highest risk yet. The AAMFT also reports that the rates of elderly suicide are estimated to be under reported by 40 percent or more due to “silent suicides”—overdoses, self-starvation, self-dehydration, and “accidents.” However, the organization says that this portion of the population has a high suicide completion rate. This is mainly because of the methods they choose, which are typically easier to deduce as actual suicides and thus reported more correctly. The methods include using firearms, hangings, and drownings. Elderly individuals also tend to have higher double-suicide rates, which involves both partners taking their own lives at the same time, according to the AAMFT. The second most commonly reported cause of suicide is experiencing a life crisis within the previous two weeks Factors That Raise the Risk of Elderly Suicide Although many people believe that mental health issues are behind a majority of the suicides that occur today, the CDC indicates that this is not the case as more than half of those who die by self-inflicted harm (54 percent) have no known mental condition. Additionally, there is no single factor that leads to suicide, according to the CDC, but more of a conglomeration of issues that lead to the decision. Here are a few to consider, in order from most common to least. Relationship Issues Relationship issues are the top cause of suicide. One multi-study review published in the Journal of Family Issues reported that out of 19 different pieces of research, 12 showed a higher risk of suicide for men post-breakup and two showed a greater risk for women. This issue is of particular importance to those over 50 as Pew Research Center has discovered that this age group had a 109 percent increase in divorces between 1990 and 2015. Psychology Today shares that breaking up is particularly hard on people because romantic relationships involve “a significant investment of time, emotional bonding, shared friendship, and property.” Therefore, when all of this ends, a person’s sense of identity changes while they’re also experiencing loss. Experiencing A Life Crisis The second most commonly reported cause of suicide is experiencing a life crisis within the previous two weeks or even facing a future event that is expected to occur in the same time frame. One such life crisis, in the case of the elderly especially, would be the loss of a spouse. For instance, the CDC reports that, while the average life expectancy in the U.S. is 78.6 years, this age changes based on gender. Specifically, the average lifespan for males is 76.1 years, whereas females typically live to be 81.1—a five-year difference. So, in heterosexual relationships, women can expect to outlive men. In fact, 53.5 percent of Americans over the age of 50 are women, according to the AARP. Losing a loved one is never easy, regardless of who passes first, and Psychology Today indicates that the loneliness is especially problematic for seniors, often elevating their levels of depression. This puts them at a higher risk of suicide, as well as increasing their participation in risky behaviors also associated with elevated suicide risk, such as drinking and doing drugs. Substance Abuse Research published in the journal Clinics in Geriatric Medicine reveals that though the elderly are generally not thought of as substance abusers, evidence suggests that substance use disorder for people over 50 is expected to increase by 2.9 million people by the year 2020. The CDC’s numbers seem to substantiate this and reveal that the third most common risk factor of elderly suicide is problematic substance abuse, an issue reported in approximately one of three suicide cases. Another study, this one published in Alcohol and Alcoholism, found similar results. After looking at 85 suicides with victims 65 years old and older, researchers learned that more than 35 percent of the men who died by suicide had a history of alcohol dependence or misuse. The same was true for nearly 18 percent of women. Physical Health Issues In September 2017, the American Journal of Preventive Medicine published research involving 2,674 individuals who committed suicide, comparing them against 267,400 control subjects in an attempt to discover whether physical health had any influence on the victim’s decision. After analyzing all of the data, researchers discovered that while almost all of the 17 health conditions considered increased suicide risk, three in particular increased the risk two-fold: traumatic brain injury, sleep disorders, and HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) or AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome). Additionally, the presence of more than one health condition “increased suicide risk substantially.” Parkinson’s disease is another physical health issue that can increase suicide risk, with one study in the journal Movement Disorders finding that one out of three individuals with this disease have active suicidal or death ideations. Employment And/Or Financial Factors Getting older is often associated with retiring from a long work career, but the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) reports that this isn’t exactly the case as 40 percent of individuals 55 years old or older are either working or actively looking for work. Additionally, this number is expected to increase for those 65 and older between now and 2024. The BLS goes on to say that the reason the baby-boomer generation is working later in life is partially because they’re healthier and able. But some older adults work due to financial reasons such as Social Security benefit changes or because they need to save more cash before retirement is even an option. The National Council on Aging (NCOA) reaffirms that many of today’s elderly are strapped financially, with more than 25 million Americans 60 years old and older living at or below the federal poverty level. This leaves them struggling to pay their housing costs and medical bills, while also impacting their ability to cover simpler expenses, such as groceries and transportation. These types of stresses can add up, causing an elderly person to consider suicide in an attempt to release the pressure. Legal Issues According to the CDC, in approximately one out of ten cases, the person who dies by suicide has some type of legal issues that likely contributed to his or her death. Other researchers suggest that this number is probably much higher. For instance, research published in the Archives of General Psychiatry looked at 27,219 suicides over a 25-year period and found that more than one-third of the victims had some type of criminal history. Additionally, though risk of suicide with regard to criminal history was higher for women than it was for men, both genders had elevated risks the more extensive their history was and the more violent their crimes. Compounding this issue further are research studies that have found that older individuals with criminal records report being discriminated against by healthcare workers. This can be particularly impactful as a person ages, because older adults generally have higher rates of chronic disease (80 percent), falls (one every 11 seconds), and mental health disorders (one in four), according to NCOA, all of which require care. Housing-Related Stress Some individuals commit suicide due to housing-related stress, according to the CDC. In the book “The Social and Built Environment in an Older Society,” author Raymond J. Struyk says that the housing issues the elderly typically face include “deficiencies in the dwelling, the high price of housing relative to income, and overcrowded conditions.” Yet, sometimes housing problems exist
because of neighborhood issues or based on whether shopping
centers and quality medical services are within close
proximity and easy to access. Loneliness:
clinical import and interventions. In 1978, when the Task Panel report to
the US President's Commission on Mental Health emphasized
the importance of improving health care and easing the pain
of those suffering from emotional distress syndromes
including loneliness, few anticipated that this issue would
still need to be addressed 40 years later. A meta-analysis
(Masi et al., 2011) on the efficacy of treatments to reduce
loneliness identified a need for well-controlled randomized
clinical trials focusing on the rehabilitation of
maladaptive social cognition. We review assessments of
loneliness and build on this meta-analysis to discuss the
efficacy of various treatments for loneliness. With the
advances made over the past 5 years in the identification of
the psychobiological and pharmaceutical mechanisms
associated with loneliness and maladaptive social cognition,
there is increasing evidence for the potential efficacy of
integrated interventions that combine (social) cognitive
behavioral therapy with short-term adjunctive
pharmacological treatments. 9 Ways to
Beat a Sedentary Lifestyle 1. Take a Walk. Plenty of research has borne out the health benefits of a daily 30-minute walk. In the Nurses’ Health Study, for instance, those who walked briskly or otherwise achieved moderate-intensity exercise for at least 30 minutes every day had a low risk of sudden cardiac death during 26 years of follow up. Other research has shown that walking can prevent dementia better than any number of crossword puzzles can. Yet another study has found that as little as three five-minute walks throughout the workday can reverse the harm caused to peripheral arteries (in the legs) by prolonged sitting. So get up and walk. Hold walking meetings instead of sitting around a conference table for hours at a time. Walk your dog—or your cat, if you (and your cat) are into that sort of thing. The point is to get—and keep—moving. 2. Take the Stairs. Studies have found that stair climbing, which is considered vigorous-intensity physical activity, burns more calories per minute than jogging. One company, StepJockey, which is funded by the United Kingdom Department of Health and has as its sole mission the goal of getting everyone to take the stairs whenever and wherever possible, notes that stair climbing expends eight to nine times more energy than sitting and about seven times more energy than taking the elevator. And it is so easy to do. The stairs are often right there in front of you, and thus it can be a lot easier, and quicker, to take the stairs than to get to the gym or the sports field. 3. Stand Up. If you have a desk job or any other occupational activity that requires you to sit, make it a point to stand up at least every 20 minutes. Or get one of the standing desks that are becoming more and more popular. Take calls standing up. Stand up and get a drink of water. Stand up and walk over to the next cubicle or down the hallway to deliver news to a colleague. In the United Kingdom, finding that British people sit for 8.9 hours each day on average, a unique and innovative campaign, known as Get Britain Standing, is underway to “grow awareness and education of the dangers of sedentary working (i.e., sitting more than 4 hours).” This campaign provides a variety of resources, including a “sitting calculator” that will help you estimate the time you spend sitting daily and correlate this with your “risk level.” They also provide a number of solutions for “Active Working." 4. Wash the Dishes. That’s right—instead of (barely) moving from table to couch, get up and clean your kitchen after dinner. You will be standing up and doing the dishes, then engaging in more physical activity as you clean the countertops, sweep the floor, etc. This will help you continue the increased physical activity you began at work (assuming you begin doing the above), and engaging in physical activity after eating helps lower blood sugar levels as well as the risk of insulin resistance in the long run. If you’re eating out (which you should do less, especially if trying to lose weight, because eating out tends to lead to overeating), plan to take a nice walk after your dinner. You can continue conversations with companions while walking. 5. Get Up During Commercial Breaks. If you watch television at home, you can use commercial breaks as more time for physical activity. Standing up and doing something during commercial breaks—whether it be folding clothes, doing a few push-ups or sit-ups, or any number of other activities—will break up the extra sedentary time that tends to accrue during most, if not all, screen-based activities. 6. Go for a Run. You don’t have to be a running guru to reap the benefits of running. A recent study found that running for as little as five to ten minutes per day at slow speeds (less than six miles per hour) was associated with significantly reduced risks of death from all causes and from cardiovascular disease. 7. Do some gardening. Any gardener can tell you just how much physical effort is involved in every kind of gardening activity, and the American Heart Association considers general gardening to be one of many forms of exercise that fall under the category of moderate-intensity physical activity. Most gardeners find that gardening is not only mentally and spiritually stimulating, but that it is a fantastic physical activity as well—one that can prevent obesity. 8. Park Farther Away. Whenever you can do so safely, make it a point to park a little farther away from your destination so you have to walk a few steps more. Every step counts, and these extra steps will add up throughout the day to increase your overall physical activity. Wondering how many steps you’re taking on a daily basis? A number of pedometers are now on the market in every shape and color, it seems, and tracking your steps may help you get more active and lose more weight in the long term. 9. Better yet: Walk, Bike, or Take Public Transit. Mode of transportation has now been found to be associated with overweight and obesity. Active modes of travel such as walking or cycling have greater health benefits and greater potential to prevent obesity. Even public transit seems to be associated with lower body mass index (BMI) than driving your own car to work. If you can do many or all of the above, you will be well on your way to staying in motion, which is key for lifelong health. References: Levine JA. The chairman’s curse: lethal sitting. Mayo Clin Proc 2014;89:1030-1032. Chiuve SE, Fung TT, Rexrode KM, Spiegelman D, et al. Adherence to a low-risk, healthy lifestyle and risk of sudden cardiac death among women. JAMA 2011; 306:62-69. Thosar SS, Bielko SL, Mather KJ, et al. Effect of prolonged sitting and breaks in sitting time on endothelial function. Med Sci Sports Exerc 2014 Aug 18. [Epub ahead of print] Lee DC, Pate RR, Lavie CJ, et al. Leisure-time running reduces all-cause and cardiovascular mortality risk. J Am Coll Cardiol 2014;64:472-81. Flint E, Cummins S, Sacker A.
Associations between active commuting, body fat, and body
mass index: population based, cross sectional study in the
United Kingdom. BMJ 2014;349:g4887. 'Safe home'
design may prevent injuries in elderly He Who Dies with
the Most Toys, Still Dies With Social Security, though you can
get reduced benefits before 72, full funds don't happen
until 72. That means that most men will never collect social
security. Not a bad system from a governmental standpoint.
I'm collecting mine starting at 62 - to hell with them. You
pay into a system for 54 years (working from 18-72) and
don't get anything back. No wonder the National Institute of
Health isn't interested in figuring out how to end men's
early death rate in all 15 major causes of death. What a
country. Mature
Smart Senate Probe:
Abuse In Nursing Homes Not Treated Like Other Crimes  2:10The normal aging process brings about physial changes in both men and women. These changes can have an impact on one's ability to enjoy sex. Sexuality and
Physical Changes With Aging Three aspects of sexuality are covered in this topic: the changes that come with aging, suggestions on how to adjust to these changes, and information about sexually transmitted diseases. In most healthy adults, pleasure and
interest in sex do not diminish with age. Age alone is no
reason to change the sexual practices that you have enjoyed
throughout your life. However, you may have to make a few
minor adjustments to accommodate any physical limitations
you may have or the effects of certain illnesses or
medications. The Boomer
Sex Surprise Get this surprising fact: Sex on a first date is twice as likely for people over 50 than for singles in their twenties and thirties, according to a new survey. Why? "As most people age, they become more confident, less inhibited and more likely to take a chance on someone new," says Beverly Mahone, a baby boomer expert and author of Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age. "What's more, if you've been around the dating block a few times, you grow tired of the games and recognize what you like in a person much faster. Which means the dating process can be sped up considerably." Meet Someone New... So what's fueling these red-hot dates? Plain old lust! Turns out that 53 percent of singles over 50 say finding a relationship filled with fireworks is more important than landing a mate who is marriage-material. "There's a misconception that Boomers have conservative views toward sex, but let's not forget -- this is a generation that started the Sexual Revolution," says David Noble, founder and executive chief of Wanobe.com, a lifestyle website for Boomers that conducted the study. "The truth is, most people in the stages of mid-life are not looking to re-marry. Many are divorced, have raised their kids and are now seeking fun and pleasure, not to grow old in a rocking chair." And it's true -- the study also found that 73% of single Boomers aim to find a satisfying sexual relationship in the next year, while 84% hope to have an intense sexual connection with the next person they meet. "As people experience a drop in libido and women go through menopause, having feelings of lust and passion become more important than in their youth, when raging hormones ruled the day," adds Mahone. So if you just met someone who makes your heart race and you're feeling spontaneous, it's OK to go for it -- just bear in mind this expert advice. "Whether you realize it or not, any time you have sex, you make an emotional investment," says Mahone. "Sometimes sleeping with someone too quickly can rev up expectations which can be awkward. If you do decide to hit the sheets, just make sure your relationship goals -- or lack thereof -- are on the same page," she says. "And of course, use protection." Elise Nersesian is a New York-based writer who's contributed to Redbook, Health and other national magazines. Source: personals.aol.com/articles/2008/12/02/the-boomer-sex-surprise/?icid=200100397x1215959476x1201073691
5
Myths About Sex After 50 Myth #1: If you're having sex with someone, you can assume it's serious You may remember back in high school when, after three dates, you were officially a committed couple. But times have changed. Today, even if you've been dating and/or sleeping with someone for months, you can never assume you're exclusive -- or, for that matter, that your one-and-only is dying to find a life partner and settle down. Many 50-somethings want to date around, especially if they're divorced and experiencing single life again for the first time in years. So, don't get so caught up in the excitement of your new romance that you let this crucial detail slide. Many people find that the best time to pop the question is once it becomes clear that you may soon start having sex. If that's your case, consider saying it this way: "Before we sleep together, I need to know this relationship is exclusive." Or if you've already crossed that line, it's completely fine to pull back and say, "I'm not comfortable continuing to sleep with you unless we're in a committed relationship." That way, you're both clear on your expectations and won't be blindsided by surprises. Myth #2: You're too old to worry about STDs Just because the risk of pregnancy is gone after menopause doesn't mean you're in the clear when it comes to having unprotected sex. Sexually transmitted diseases can be passed from partner to partner at any age and aren't merely something younger generations need to worry about. According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 23 percent of the total diagnoses of HIV in the past year were in men and women who were 45 or older. Overall, about 10 percent of all people with AIDS in the U.S. are age 50 and older. And that's not all there is to watch out for -- herpes, HPV, Chlamydia, and other ailments are all surprisingly common in this age group. So make sure to use condoms and consider both getting tested before you jump into action. Myth #3: Your aging body is no longer as attractive as it once was Sure, many of today's most prevalent sex symbols -- Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and Justin Timberlake -- are young. Still, there are plenty of celebrities over 50 -- Goldie Hawn, Susan Sarandon, and Sean Connery, to name a few -- who prove that people can be hot at any age. So stop worrying about your wrinkles, gray hair and less-than-youthful assets and revel in the ways age has made you even more seductive: Now, more than ever, you're in touch with your turn-ons, turn-offs, and what makes you tick. And that's very attractive! Plus, take a cue from some of those older hotties I mentioned by staying fit, getting a new hairstyle, or splurging on a new outfit or two to feel fabulous and up-to-date. Also, if you are meeting someone, forgo the sedentary dinner date and ask this person to go on a walk or dancing instead. Revving your energy like this can boost your body image and pave the way to a lustier post-date encounter. Myth #4: Sex should feel the same as it did when you were younger It's a fact of life: Sex is going to feel different as you age. Post-menopausal women lubricate less, which can make sex uncomfortable. Men over 50 may find that their erections are not as firm or frequent as they were when they were younger. This is all normal, and in no way means you can't enjoy yourself by making some adjustments. Consider getting a water-based lubricant (many are available at drugstores) to help out where nature has left off. Men, see a doctor to find out if Viagra or a similar medication will give you the boost you may need. But products and prescriptions are not the only solutions. When the action's lagging, consider switching from intercourse to oral sex or asking each other, "What can I do to make you feel good?" Keep the lines of communication open, and you'll easily adapt to your body's changes and those of your partner. Myth #5: By this point, you know what you like -- and should stick to it Think you've been there, done that with all things sexual and have a good handle on what floats your boat in bed? Guess again: People's tastes and turn-ons change through the years, and sometimes, the only way to figure out what works is to try it -- or, if you already did decades ago, give it a second chance. Maybe sex toys seemed silly or embarrassing to you during your younger years. Now, however, they are an array of cute, non-threatening products available in non-sleazy stores and online sites (like Goodvibes.com). Or, maybe you were never a fan of a certain sex position (like woman on top) or activity (like talking dirty). Well, now's the time to reconsider. It sure beats doing the same old, same old for the next few decades. Treat sex like the ongoing adventure it should be, and the fun will never end!. Source: Dr. Sari Locker,
Ph.D., is a sex educator, TV personality, and author of the
bestseller, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex. She
has an M.S. in sex education and a Ph.D. in psychology, and
was the host of Late Date with Sari on Lifetime Television.
Her website is sarilocker.com
personals.aol.com/articles/2008/09/17/5-myths-about-sex-after-50/?icid=AAMthInCirAtxt
What I
Learned About Sex After 50 Slowing down is sensual ''When I was younger, I hated hearing about how it takes you longer to respond sexually as you get older... but now that I am older, I realize it's a blessing. I think it's especially true that men feel this slowing down more than women... but that just gives them more time for foreplay, and I for one am not complaining about that!'' -- Deborah, 52, Great Neck, N.Y. Lights out! ''When you hit 50, gravity's begun to work on your body. I think that as a result of this, some of us are a little less inclined to feel comfortable with their bodies, or at least to the same degree that we were in our younger years. Because of this, I found that a dimmer switch is a really great thing to have until you and your partner get comfortable with one another. 'Mood lighting' just helps take the edge off things!'' -- Mark, 57, Thousand Oaks, Calif. More experience means everyone's happy! ''I actually enjoy sex a lot more than I did back when I was younger. Because I'm more experienced now than I was then, I am more attuned to what it is that I like. I'm also definitely more skilled than I was when I was less experienced, so I guess my partners are more thankful than they were back then, which also makes it a more enjoyable experience for me.'' -- Sharon, 55, Waco, Texas The butterflies don't go away ''I've learned that even though I am much older than I was when I was first sexually active, I still have all of those nervous feelings before getting into bed with someone, and I still wonder about the same things: will I be good, will he be good, will the sex be good? It's funny how that giddy nervousness still crops up, but that's part of the thrill, I guess!'' -- Carole, 56, New York Creativity counts ''You know the phrase, 'There's more than one way to cook a chicken'? Well, when you're in your 50s and have been having sex for quite some time, you've kind of gone through all of the recipes, if you catch my drift. Therefore, you kind of have to get inventive or it can get old. I've been pleasantly surprised to find out that the women I date are as into trying new 'recipes' as I am. I guess you sort of have to or sex can get really predictable.'' -- Robbie, 52, Coral Springs, Fla. Buh-bye, birth control ''As most of the women I date have gone through menopause, the issue of getting one of them pregnant isn't there, which is a huge relief! I used to be so consumed with worrying about that when I was sexually active in my 20s and 30s. Not having to be concerned with it now is great; being able to have sex without that cloud of worry hanging over your head makes sex a lot more enjoyable, I think.'' You can be Mrs. (or Mr.) Robinson ''This may sound silly, but I have been dating some younger men over the last couple of years, and it is very exciting to know that they are interested in being with an older, more 'experienced' woman... that I can teach them a thing or two in the bedroom. I have spoken to some of my guy friends and they have had the same sentiments about dating younger women. Maybe it's all the Hollywood imagery we've been exposed to, but there is something that's a real turn-on about that situation. It's made me feel very strong and sensual and in control. I highly recommend it!'' -- Juliana, 58, St. Louis Source: Chelsea Kaplan is
deputy editor of www.thefamilygroove.com and regularly
appears as a guest on XM Radio's 'Broad Minded.' Her blog,
''I'm Somebody's Mother?'' can be found at www.rumymother.blogspot.com
Let’s get
real about planning: What an average retirement costs According to the latest Bureau of Labor Statistics data, which is based on 2016 figures, “older households” — defined as those run by someone 65 and older — spend an average of $45,756 per year, or roughly $3,800 a month. That’s about $1,000 less than the monthly average spent by all U.S. households combined. Naturally, your spending in retirement will vary based on countless variables, including the price of your preferred champagne and the annual property taxes on that lake house (if those things happen to be on your retirement vision board). Read on to learn how retirees’ spending habits tend to differ from the working population, and how you can plan for your personal post-work needs. Spending by category With fewer mouths to feed and no work-related costs to worry about, you may have expected retirement expenses to be even lower than the BLS data indicates. In some categories, spending does indeed decrease, even in surprising ones like food. In others areas, like health care, life becomes more expensive as you age. Here’s the data, shown as a monthly breakdown of how households headed by a retirement-age person spend money, on average, in seven major categories: Housing: $1,322 You may be close to paying off your mortgage, but housing is the biggest spending category for all age groups — retirees included. Some costs never go away, even when a home loan is fully paid. This monthly expenditure includes property taxes, insurance, utilities, repairs and maintenance and household supplies. Transportation: $567 People older than 65 do catch a break on transportation costs. The $6,814 annual average outlay, which includes the costs of gas, insurance and maintenance and repairs, is about one-third less than the nearly $9,000 average households of other ages shell out each year. Health care: $499 Insurance premiums — which run more than $4,000 a year on average for the 65-plus set — are a spending category that just gets bigger as you age, at least until 75 when BLS data shows costs dipping about $30 per year. While a financial assist from an employer may no longer exist, at least there’s Medicare to help cover some costs. Food: $483 This is another major budget category for all ages. Yet retirees spend nearly 20% less than the average household does on food, maybe thanks to more home cooking? Or capitalizing on the classic retiree early-bird special? Personal insurance/pensions: $237 Those in the household who are still employed (bringing in earned income) are required to pay their fair share of salary to Social Security and perhaps even the company pension, which combined account for the bulk of this average monthly expense. Cash contributions: $202 Apparently with age comes a greater appreciation of one’s financial blessings. Retirees report dedicating $2,429 of their annual income to “cash contributions” (which include charitable donations), compared with $2,081 by the average household. Entertainment: $197 Living it up without having to get up and schlep to the office early the next morning is a perk of retirement. Here older households spend about as much on fun stuff as do those ages 25 to 34, but somewhat less than the broader average ($243 per month). How this affects retirement planning A widely accepted rule-of-thumb is that in retirement you’ll need to replace from 70% to 90% of your income to maintain your standard of living. But again, your mileage may vary depending on when you retire, where you choose to live, how long you live, when you start taking Social Security and a host of other factors. The bottom line is that what you save today will determine how strictly you’ll have to budget down the road. Don’t wait for the first sign of
gray to see where you stand. Pick the age you want to stop
working, type in how much money you’ve saved so far and
this retirement calculator will show how much in
inflation-adjusted dollars you’ll have available to
spend each month in retirement. Adjust the numbers to see
how small changes in your savings habits now can have a big
impact in the future. Secretary
Thompson Hails 30th Anniversary Of The Older Americans Act
Nutrition Program Census: More
Elderly Live Together Gray hair can be a
signature life event Census Finds 2.4
Million Grandparents Taking Primary Caregiver Roles
Again Boomers Age,
Housing Needs Change UN: People Over 60
Will Quadruple Get the
Most from Your Health Care Team Use these suggestions to take the initiative:
Stay educated on each condition or treatment Research suggests that caregivers and patients who educate themselves get better results from doctors. Learn all you can to explore treatment options and alternatives knowledgeably.
FamilyCare America (www.FamilyCareAmerica.com
Discuss personal wishes Before meeting with the doctor, get firm answers to the tough questions. Review these issues as early as possible, before there is a crisis. And consult a lawyer about living wills, durable powers of attorney for health care, and other documents that can help insure your loved one's wishes are carried out.
Prepare for doctor's appointments Before each meeting with the doctor, make a list of issues you want to discuss. Write down questions in advance and make sure you have a pen and paper handy to take notes and record the doctor's answers. Consider asking the following types of questions:
You can keep a record of all
discussions by using the Appointment Information form and
the Caregiver's Log worksheet found at www.FamilyCareAmerica.com
Schedule regular discussions with all team members A health care team may include a primary doctor, specialists, nurses, health aides, care professionals, family, and friends. In cases of complicated illness, you may want to draw these people together for a "heath care conference" that will get everyone on the same page. Don't assume all members of the health care team know the full picture; ask the primary care physician to take charge as "quarterback" to make sure everyone is clear about their roles. Call in "the cavalry" when necessary If you are unable to get the results you want on your own, find professional assistance. If you are dealing with an eldercare situation, consider hiring a geriatric care manager. Most health care facilities have resource persons such as social workers, patient advocates, chaplains, and nurses who will work for you and help clarify any concerns. If you are battling the "system," enlist the help of your state ombudsman for managed or long-term care. About this Article This article is reprinted with
permission of www.FamilyCareAmerica.com
Older Men and
Community Building Brains of the
elderly slow because they know so much...... Elderly people have so much information in their brain that it takes longer for them to access it, scientific studies show. Older people do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts, because they have more information in their brains, research suggests. Much like a computer takes longer as the hard drive gets full up; so, too, do humans take longer to access information, it has been reported. Researchers say this slowing down it is not the same as cognitive decline. “The human brain appears to work slower in old age,” said Dr. Michael Ramscar, “but only because so much information has been stored over time. Older people simply know more, so selecting a correct choice from the trove of stored data may take a bit longer.” So there now!!!!!! Just exactly what I've been saying: "
Our 'main frames' are over-loaded!" Age is not a handicap. Age is nothing but a number. It is how you use it. - Ethel Payne Old age comes at an inconvenient time. |
