Bullying
Need help or
someone to talk to? Even if you're not suicidal,
it's great to have someone to talk to who
cares. Direct short-cut to this
page: http://bit.ly/NCZlk0 The Simple, Beautiful Gesture That Can Turn A Crowd To Love Instead Of Hate
Source: www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/11/anti-bullying-anthems-6-e_n_1418149.html?ref=teen
If you notice a change in
someone's personality or behaviour, ask how
they’re doing or let them know you’ve
noticed they’re not their usual self. Start
with an open question like, ‘You look a little
bit down today; are you ok?' Schoolyard bullying is far more serious than just name-calling and teasing. It's escalated to include harassment, beatings and even death threats. GLSEN released a study on harassment and bullying in 2005. In it, 65 percent of middle school and junior high students said they had been assaulted or harassed in the previous year. The study, “From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America,” resulted from the survey of more than 3,400 teenagers and more than 1,000 teachers. Does your school have a program to
combat bullying? Ask them! If they don't, talk with
them about setting one up. The No
Name Calling Week Kathy Noll, co-author of
Taking
the Bully by the Horns
 Kathy Noll's Monthly Column
Bullying in the News Bullied to Death
in America's Schools
October - Bully
Awareness and Prevention Month - Press Release
2023 Bully
Index What can we do? Bias, bullying and bystanders: Ways to engage students in the classroom Do Girls and
Boys Bully Differently? Boyfriend of Suicide Suspect Regrets Not Stopping Alleged Bullying Music and Theater
Students Are More Likely to Be
Bullied Have you been bullied?
Students
Map Bully Zones to Create a Safer
School Bullying Is a
"Serious Public Health Problem" "We need to understand that this is a public health problem faced by a third of our children," said Dr. Frederick Rivara, chairman of the committee compiling the report. "It has a major effect on their academic performance as well as their mental and physical health." Along with depression and anxiety, which can lead to alcohol and drug abuse into adulthood, the negative effects of bullying range from disrupted sleep to related gastrointestinal stress and headaches, and both victims and perpetrators are much more likely to contemplate or attempt suicide. Here's what the pros are saying we can do about it. Bullying
in Schools - How to Spot the Signs, What to
Do 6 Types of Bullying You Should Know About How Strong Is the Link Between Bullying and Suicide, Really? 6 Ways to Bully-Proof a Workplace Source:
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School Bullying
After the Election: Students and Parents Recount Rising
Anxiety and Intimidation Our inbox was flooded. From around the country came tales of children targeted by classmates with hate-filled language because of their ethnicity, racial slurs anonymously scrawled inside school buildings, open expressions of bigotry spoken by children within classroom walls, and teachers and principals struggling to reassure their students not to be afraid. Below is a sample of these experiences as told to our reporters, filled with pain and fear. As difficult as these stories are to read, it is important to share them. They are part of a renewed national dialogue about who we are and what it means to be an American. If you or someone you love has been the victim of school bullying post-election, please email us at bullying@the74million.org. We want to hear your story. East Allegheny Junior/Senior High School, North Versailles, Pennsylvania Chantelle Bellavance said her little cousin got teary-eyed recounting to her how classmates called her racist because she supported Donald Trump for president. It got worse when her teacher backed them up, she said. Just before Election Day, the 8th-grader wore a Trump for president T-shirt to East Allegheny Junior/Senior High School in North Versailles, Pennsylvania. A confrontation ensued after her classmates asked why she was wearing it, Bellavance said. The younger girl started to tell her fellow students that she watched the presidential debates and attended rallies for both Trump and former Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton to help her make a decision. “She was trying to talk to students to say, 'This is what I learned and this is what I liked in general,'” Bellavance said. But students started to shout at her that she was sexist and racist. She shot her teacher a look for help, Bellavance said, but her teacher told her, “No sweetie you don’t know what you are talking about.” That’s when the students started calling her a “racist white girl.” Not only did the teacher not stop the students from taunting her, Bellevance said the teacher also called her cousin a “racist white girl." The day after the election, Bellavance said her younger cousin called, asking how she could get the kids to understand that she is not racist. “She was scared to go to school. She didn’t want to sit in that teacher’s class.” The family complained about the incident to the principal, who said nothing could be done to the teacher because she has tenure, according to Bellavance. Calls to the school and a district spokesperson were not returned. “I was furious because I said as an educator, she should get fired,” Bellavance said. “That teacher should have never done that. That teacher had such an opportunity to bring those students together.” Shenendehowa Central Schools, Clifton Park, New York After noticing a uptick in the number of students expressing racist rhetoric, Shenendehowa Central Schools Superintendent Oliver Robinson sent a note home to parents. “Please talk to children about respecting others and also about being resilient when faced with bigotry or other forms of ignorance,” Robinson wrote. “Bigotry and misogyny, in any form – words, action, or demonstration – has no place in Shen schools, buses or otherwise.” Among the comments reported to district officials are students saying “All hail Trump” and “We’re gonna build a wall,” said district public information officer Kelly DeFeciani. Shenendehowa parent Jessica Cordova wrote a letter to the district, saying children were chanting “Build a Wall! Kill ‘em all! And all hail Trump!,” according to The Daily Gazette. Cordova’s 14-year-old son, whose father was born in Mexico, was told by fellow students at Shenendehowa’s High School West that he would be deported, according to the newspaper. So far, DeFeciani, the spokesperson, said none of the incidents have been classified as bullying or harassment, which requires continuous behavior, as opposed to a one-time comment. If a formal complaint is filed, the school principal will determine a consequence or refer the student to the superintendent if a suspension of more than five days is warranted. “It will get to a point that students will be disciplined if it becomes a harassment or bullying issue,” she said. “A lot of what we are doing right now is more using it as a teachable moment.” Anne Dirilgen, mother and teacher from Cary, North Carolina Eight-year-old Fiona Dirilgen didn’t want to go to bed. She wanted to stay up until America’s next president was named — to see if she’d have to leave the country. “She said ‘Donald Trump can’t win, because if he wins, then I’m going to have to go back to Turkey where I was born,’ and her dad is going to have to go back to Turkey too, because that’s where he was born, and her sister was born in China and she’s going to have to go back to China,” said Anne Dirilgen, Fiona’s mother. “I’m the only one who can stay because I was born in the United States.” Fiona, a third-grader at Brair Cliff Elementary School in Cary, North Carolina, was crying. She didn’t want to be forced from her new home country. But after calming her daughter’s fears, Dirilgen got Fiona to go to sleep. Still, when she told her daughter the election results the next morning — that Trump had indeed won the election — Fiona became upset all over again. And that's just part of what her third-grader has been experiencing, she said. “This boy also told her that Hillary Clinton likes to kill babies, so I’ve emailed the teacher and the teacher said that she took care of it, but she didn’t give me any further information,” Dirilgen said. “We can’t talk like this, especially when you’re 8." Dirilgen did say the teacher adjusted the seating chart so the boy was no longer assigned a desk next to Fiona. Even as a teacher herself, Dirilgen said she doesn’t know how educators should best respond to the bullying incidents that have swept through schools across the country post-election. She said walking into the school where she teaches last Wednesday, the day after the election, was difficult. After a week, her school is starting to calm down, she said, but her students are still talking about the results. Dirilgen, an art teacher at Garner Magnet High School, said her school’s population is majority minority, and while she heard kids make jokes about being deported, she didn’t hear any bullying like her daughter endured. For teachers who are trying to cope with the post-election animus, Dirilgen offered some advice: Let the students talk, so long as the discussion remains civil. “You let them have discussions because it’s a good outlet for them,” she said. “Even in my art classroom, like we’re not talking civics, we’re not talking about government, but on Wednesday, people were just crying, like, you just let them vent.” Fallston High School, Harford County, Maryland It wasn’t the first time Brendon Smith had encountered students saying n****r at Fallston High School. Twice during football games against mostly black teams, he had heard students in the stands say, “Go home, n****rs.” But when he saw the word scrawled on a school poster on Friday, it seemed like a new low. Smith, whose name has been changed to protect his privacy, had just finished using the bathroom when he saw a poster advertising a blood drive. Scrawled on the bottom of the poster were the words, "P.S. Not For N*****.” He ripped it down and showed it to “one of my more progressive teachers,” who decided it should be referred to administrators. Harford Public Schools spokeswoman Jillian Lader said in a statement the district was aware that a flyer had been “defaced with a racial slur.” “This is not acceptable, and the flyer was immediately removed. Administration is investigating to determine who wrote on the flyer, as they will face disciplinary consequences,” she said. “The principal has reached out to the Fallston High School community in order to assure them that this will not be tolerated and to ask for their assistance in identifying who wrote on the flyer as this behavior is not representative of Fallston High School students.” Smith said he was “unsurprised” but still disappointed by the poster. Joanne Smart, parent from Brookfield, Connecticut Even before election night arrived, Joanne Smart and her daughter saw the signs that Brookfield High School leaned right. Recently, students had started a Young Republicans club; posters supporting Donald Trump were plastered on the school bulletin board. A popular senior boy wore a “Hillary for Prison” shirt. Still, they thought there were limits to the conservatism in their town. A day after the election, Smart’s daughter’s gym class was split up into seven-member volleyball teams. The players had to come up with names for their teams. The students’ suggestions included Team Trump, the Wall and the Ku Klux Klan. Her daughter spoke up, telling her classmates they couldn’t choose the KKK as their team name. To Smart, the story was just another example of contentious campaign rhetoric gone amok. “I think the team is now called the Tyrannosaurus rexes or something,” Smart said. “I feel like kids are being more emboldened for sure. I just can’t imagine. I can’t imagine someone thinking that was OK.” Reginald Richardson, principal of New Rochelle High School, New York As New Rochelle High School Principal Reginald Richardson watched the presidential election results unfold on television last Tuesday, he felt a mixture of anger, anxiety, fear and worry. Instead of going to bed that night, Richardson stayed up thinking about his students. About three-quarters of the student body is minority; President-elect Donald Trump had bolstered his campaign through support for increasing deportations and building a wall along the Mexican border to keep immigrants out. “How would they react? How would they be feeling?” Richardson wondered. “I really didn’t even know what to say to them.” The four-year principal would soon find out. In his morning African-American studies class, about 32 seniors were somber and quiet at first. Not knowing quite how to begin, Richardson asked for their thoughts about the election. One female student said she was surprised that so many women supported Trump. Others said they were saddened by the racial rhetoric expressed during the campaign. An undocumented student wondered out loud what was going to happen to loved ones who were undocumented. Others worried that they wouldn’t be comfortable at the colleges they had applied to. “A lot of them were watching the election map, and some of them are applying to schools in areas that are ‘red’ states,” Richardson said. He later wrote a letter to all students, telling them to continue to be hopeful about the future of the country and their own lives. “I want you to know that despite the divisive tone that defined much of the election process, our country is a place for all of the people and that our success as a nation is not dependent on any particular individual no matter their title or office. ‘We the people’ are collectively greater than any singular person,” he wrote. “I want you to know that you have a powerful voice and that you should never allow yourself to be silenced, marginalized or limited in any way. Each and every one of you has unlimited potential to contribute positively to our society in any way that you can, and in fact you have the obligation and the right to do so. I encourage you to read everything that you can. Dedicate yourself to being fully informed active participants in our civic life.” Ashby Gurgon, parent of Lowell, Indiana, middle school student Ashby Gurgon was almost in tears when she heard the news. Little kids are innocent, she said, and don’t harbor divisive opinions on race or sex until they’re influenced by others. But after a presidential campaign that relied heavily on personal jabs and divisive rhetoric, students in her daughter’s middle school seemed to have their minds made up. “Build a wall,” students at Lowell Middle School chanted in the cafeteria last Wednesday, the day after Donald Trump was elected president. Throughout lunch break, white kids told Hispanic classmates that they had to sit at the other end of the cafeteria. Although Gurgon’s 12-year-old daughter Laci Little wasn’t in the cafeteria at the time, she’d soon hear about it during an “emergency in-service” with the superintendent of the Tri-Creek School Corporation, Debra Howe. Throughout the day, Laci heard students tell their Hispanic peers that their parents would be deported, Gurgon said. In a districtwide email to parents, Howe wrote that school officials observed “divisiveness and comments made that are making others fearful.” “Our priority is to provide a safe and engaging learning space for all students,” Howe wrote. “Divisive and hateful language will be considered bullying and harassment.” Gurgon said she thought the response from school officials was positive, but the true issue lies with parents at home. “It’s just completely unacceptable and it shouldn’t even be happening in the first place,” she said. “A lot of people who supported Trump aren’t saying anything about it because they don’t want to talk about it.” From across the nation, tales of ugliness aimed at children In the week since the election, The 74 has received a constant stream of emails from readers concerned about increased bullying in our nation’s schools. Some people shared news articles they had read, like one story about Pennsylvania high school students who celebrated Donald Trump’s victory by calling black students “cotton pickers” and by saluting “heil Hitler.” Some provided links to tweets and Facebook posts that they felt were out of line. Others shared personal experiences. One girl said her little sister was taunted on the school bus for supporting women’s rights. One mother said her third-grade daughter came home crying, terrified she’d have to leave the United States because she was born in Turkey. A father from Wisconsin said he was walking his 6-year-old son to school when he heard other children playing the “illegal immigrant game” as they chanted, “Trump, Trump, Trump” and “Build the wall, build the wall, build the wall.” This is not to say the bullying has all been one-sided. A few people wrote that their children had been victimized for supporting Trump. One reader reported a nephew being punched in the stomach and called a bigot by children at school. Have you experienced post-election
bullying firsthand, or do you know someone who has? Email
your story to bullying@The74million.org. We’ll be
listening. Over half of
teachers report kids feel anxiety now that Trump is
president The problem is the most prevalent among Muslims, immigrants, and children of immigrants. Local therapist Anita Gandhia-Smith says kids take on their parents’ anxiety. What can you do? It's best to talk to your child openly and honestly. They are likely hearing rumors and gossip in school. Ghandia-Smith suggests reassuring your kids and telling them that it is going to be ok. "There is an element of having basic trust in the system and in the universe," said Ghandia -Smith. "Help your children understand that the system has worked for a long time. There are lots of checks and balances." Mayor Muriel Bowser and other mayors all over the country, have come out and said that D.C. will continue to protect immigrants. Madeline Albright is the latest prominent figure to come out and say she will register as Muslim if there is a Muslim registry, so Muslims do not feel alone. If your child is struggling with anxiety, here are a few resources that can help: If you want to contact Dr. Anita
Gandhia-Smith: www.fromaddictiontorecovery.com/
All About School
Bus Bullying Signs of School Bus Bullying For the most part, the signs of bullying on the bus do not differ very much from the signs of bullying in school. However, unique signs of “bus bullying include: Fear of going to school or of riding the bus. Habitually delaying or otherwise deliberately trying to miss the bus. Continually asking for rides to school or finding excuses to ride with friends instead of on the bus.”[3] This is, of course, in addition to the common signs of bullying in schools such as missing possessions, mysterious bruises, etc.[4] Parents should watch out for these signs and talk to their child if they suspect that bullying is occurring on the school bus. What Can Be Done to Address School Bus Bullying? Parents and Children Addressing existing bullying situations falls upon a parent and child, in many cases, due to the fact that the bus driver is often unable to address the situation as it happens since their focus is on the road. If you have a child who is being bullied on the school bus, you have options on how to address the situation. First, you should immediately report the incident to the principal of your child’s school and follow up as often as necessary in order to speak directly with the principal.[5] You should also report the instance of bullying to the school district transportation department that manages your child’s school bus.[6] You can also help your child with self-esteem and conflict-resolution skills in order to help them get out of the cycle of bullying.[7] Bus Drivers, Administrators, and Teachers There are a number of tools and training sessions available to help bus drivers learn how to handle bullying effectively while still keeping their main focus on the road. These resources often include methods for bus drivers to make sure their voices are heard when they report incidences of bullying and to ensure that these reports are addressed. Administrators and teachers can teach students about the self-esteem and conflict-resolution skills necessary to help students break the cycle of bullying, too. They also can hold classes or assemblies to instruct students on how to be “upstanders,” as “peer pressure is a huge deterrent when it comes to bullying . . . If enough kids tell a person that what they’re doing isn’t right, the bullying can be stopped.”[8] How to Prevent Bullying on School Buses? Once you know why bullying takes place on school buses, it’s a bit easier to handle. The lack of supervision is one of the biggest factors in bus bullying, so that is the first step to address it.[9] Many school buses now have surveillance cameras installed facing the students to deter and address such misbehavior, but this doesn’t solve everything. “Schools can also hire more bus aides . . . The presence of bus aides can eliminate bullying dramatically. Bullies are less likely to attack their victims if they know a responsible adult is nearby.”[10] Of course, not all school districts can afford to hire additional bus supervisors, but adult volunteers may be a viable alternative. Another issue is that the anti-bullying policies on the bus may not be clear or well-communicated to students and parents. PromotePrevent.org recommends establishing clear policies against bullying, reviewing them with students, posting them on the bus, and sending letters to parents reviewing these policies as well.[11] By setting those ground rules from the beginning, bus drivers begin their routes with a sense of authority, potentially deterring students from engaging in inappropriate behavior. While bus drivers’ main focus is on getting students to school and home safely, there are a number of resources available to train and empower bus drivers to help prevent bullying on their watch. It’s important to establish that the bus driver is not only an authority figure but also a person that students can trust. Bus drivers should establish a rapport and a “positive atmosphere on the bus.”[12] They should get to know their students, including their names, and introduce themselves while also making sure to “use positive, non-verbal interactions” such as “a smile, a nod,” or a thumbs up.[13] By creating an environment where a positive atmosphere is encouraged, where students view drivers as trustworthy adults, and where bullying is not tolerated, bullies are less likely to attack their targets and victims are more likely to report issues. Addressing and Preventing School Bus Bullying in Your Community School bus bullying is just as much of a concern as in-school bullying because it causes the same mental, academic, and emotional trauma to students, but it also tends to be harder to spot and address and it increases the risk of a vehicular collision with the school bus.[14] However, there are resources available for students, parents, bus drivers, teachers, and administrators to inform them on how to handle existing bullying situations and even prevent them in the first place. You can look for and run training seminars for bus drivers, school assemblies for students, and so much more. Sometimes, the simple changes in policy, the straightforward methods of establishing positive environments, and the smallest gestures in standing up for others can reduce bullying and help improve the school bus climate. Resources [1]U.S. Department of Education. “U.S. Department of Education Provides Guidance to Help School Bus Drivers Combat Bullying.” Retrieved from www.ed.gov/news/press-releases/us-department-education-provides-guidance-help-school-bus-drivers-combat-bullying on February 22, 2017. [2]Stopbullying.gov. “Facts about Bullying.” Retrieved from www.stopbullying.gov/media/facts/index.html#listing on February 22, 2017. [3]Mayntz, Melissa. “School Bus Bullying.” Lovetoknow.com. Retrieved from safety.lovetoknow.com/School_Bus_Bullying on February 23, 2017. [5]“Bullying on the School Bus.” Colorado Springs School District 11. Retrieved from www.d11.org/pip/parents/busbullying.pdf on February 23, 2017. [7]“Tackling School Bus Bullying.” Campus Safety Magazine. Retrieved from www.campussafetymagazine.com/article/Tackling-School-Bus-Bullying on February 23, 2017. [9]Towvim, Laura. “How to Prevent Bullying on the Bus.” PromotePrevent.org. Retrieved from www.promoteprevent.org/blog/how-prevent-bullying-bus on February 27, 2017. [10]“Bullying on Buses.” NoBullying.com. Retrieved from nobullying.com/bullying-on-buses/ on February 23, 2017. [11]Towvim, Laura. “How to Prevent Bullying on the Bus.” PromotePrevent.org. Retrieved from http://www.promoteprevent.org/blog/how-prevent-bullying-bus on February 23, 2017. [12]“Bus Drivers and Bullying Prevention.” National Education Association. Retrieved from www.nea.org/assets/docs/ESP-Bus-Bullying-final.pdf on February 23, 2017. [14]Ibid. The new
bullying in schools: bias and bigotry Averi Kaplowitch was horrified. An image of a swastika made out of pennies and photographed in her school’s chemistry lab had been posted on Snapchat. Equally disturbing for Kaplowitch, who is Jewish: She recognized some of the students in the picture’s background, yet no one had stepped forward or spoken out about the incident. The unsettling experience last winter at Marblehead High School prompted the 16-year-old and her best friend to raise $8,000 in three days. That was more than enough to hire the Anti-Defamation League of New England to train teachers and student leaders on innovative ways to combat bigotry, an approach the students are about to share with their peers. Starting with last year’s presidential campaign and continuing after the election, reports of hateful acts have surged in the nation, and schools have emerged as an especially intense cauldron of activity. The Southern Poverty Law Center, an Alabama organization that has long tracked hate incidents and that also produces antibias lessons for classrooms, said it counted more than 1,000 incidents nationwide in the month following Donald Trump’s election. The majority happened in schools, from kindergarten through 12th grade. Education specialists, who have grappled in years past with bullying in schools, worry the election may have ushered in a new era of bias and bigotry. That phenomenon is being fueled by middle- and high-school students who are tethered to their phones, even in school, said Robert Trestan, the Anti-Defamation League of New England executive director. “They have access to the same content, language, images, and words that adults have access to,” Trestan said. “And we have seen more and more hate content becoming part of the mainstream.” Starting this past fall, the Anti-Defamation League has seen a spike in calls for help from anxious school leaders. Attorney General Maura Healey’s office launched a hotline a week after the election for residents to report bias-related harassment, threats, or violence, and the line has received hundreds of calls, including many from students and parents about incidents in schools. “We’re working with schools and local police to make sure they are addressing such incidents appropriately,” Healey spokeswoman Emalie Gainey said. The Southern Poverty Law Center said the flood of calls it received after the election has slowed, although incidents are still being reported. The organization recorded more than 50 reported cases of hateful acts in Massachusetts in the first month following the election, and roughly 10 percent involved school-based incidents. After the swastika episode last winter in Marblehead, the community witnessed at least three more bigoted acts: a small swastika discovered in April in the Veterans Middle School gym, an anti-Semitic message scratched into the baseball field behind the high school in August, and another swastika, about the size of a quarter, found in a boys’ bathroom at the middle school in late October. But Kaplowitch is not discouraged. She said she hopes the insights and strategies she and the other student leaders learned about addressing bigotry will help them teach other students who, she said, may not realize the hurt that can be caused by their actions and words. One of the strategies they learned, and intend to use in their peer training, is the “culture sculpture,” an exercise that asks students to fashion out of pipe cleaners three symbols that are meaningful to them, and to explain why they matter. They are also asked to describe how they feel when one of the symbols is taken from them. The aim is to help students better understand people from different cultures, religions, and sexual orientations. “It’s really hard for people to come out, and speak out, and share with others who they truly are,” Kaplowitch said. “People can’t be themselves in an environment like school.” Educators who teach their peers say they, too, are having to reevaluate methods for tackling prejudice in schools. Daren Graves, an associate professor of education at Simmons College who trains teachers about antiracist practices at schools, said his approach has had to change dramatically from just a couple of years ago. Previously, Graves said, his framework for lessons was the Black Lives Matter movement that emerged after multiple police shootings of black men. “People were debating what is protest, how does protest work, how do you stand up to authority figures when something is wrong,” Graves said. “It’s moving from a [political] system that produces disparate outcomes, maybe benignly, to a potential system that seeks to discriminate purposely, and that creates a different discourse for an educator.” Graves said teachers who train teachers should be thinking about how to better equip students to sort through the blizzard of information on social media and from news outlets. “Kids need to be literate, [having] critical literacy skills, and understanding what’s fake news,” Graves said. Farah Assiraj, who teaches immigrant students at the Newcomers Academy in Boston’s International High School, launched a nonprofit organization after the presidential election because she felt teachers needed help tackling a rising tide of bias and bigotry. “Sometimes, teachers who care about these issues feel very much siloed,” said Assiraj, who is Muslim and grew up in Morocco. Her nonprofit, Peregrinum, aims to get teachers talking to one another, and sharing creative ways to address prejudice. “You can feel you are the teacher who is taking charge because you embody this race, and it becomes a little overwhelming,” Assiraj said. “We can’t do this work alone.” Kay Lazar can be reached at
kay.lazar@globe.com.
Follow her on Twitter @GlobeKayLazar. Bullied to Death
in America's Schools Intensified by the inescapable reach of the Internet, bullying has spun out of control. It allegedly triggered the suicides of Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi and Massachusetts high school student Phoebe Prince, two stories that rocketed the bullying epidemic into the national spotlight. An epidemic that causes 160,000 children a day to stay home from school because they are afraid of being bullied, according to the U.S. Department of Education. ABC News' "20/20" anchor and Chief Law and Justice Correspondent Chris Cuomo spoke with some of the shattered families who are trying to figure out why more wasn't done to save their children and asked experts how to stop this unsettling trend. On October 17th, 2009, 17-year-old Tyler Long had had enough. After years of alleged bullying at the hands of classmates in his Murray County, Ga., school system, Tyler had gone from a fun-loving child to what his parents say was just a shell of the boy they once knew. "They took his pride from him," said his father, David Long. "He was a hollow person." Tyler had Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism that his parents say left him with unique personality traits unpopular with his classmates. His mother, Tina Long, said Tyler was very rule oriented as a result of Asperger's and frequently reminded his classmates of the regulations they were violating. "If someone was talking in class, I know that he would say, 'You know we're not supposed to be talking. That's the rule,'" Tina said. His parents said that irritated his classmates, that Tyler was different to them and thus a target. "They would take his things from him, spit in his food, call him 'gay, faggot'," Long said. "One day to the next, it was continuous harassment from the other kids in the classroom." His parents said they complained to school authorities about the pattern of bullying early on, but no action was taken. "'Boys will be boys'," was the response Long said he got from school officials. "'How can I stop every kid from saying things that shouldn't be said? What do you want me to do Mr. and Mrs. Long? I've done all I can.'" One morning, two months into his junior year of high school, Tyler Long changed out of his pajamas and into his favorite T-shirt and jeans. He strapped a belt around his neck and hanged himself from the top shelf in his bedroom closet. "I stepped into the room and I found Tyler in the closet," his father recalled, his voice shaking with emotion. "I rushed over, picked Tyler up and tried to relieve pressure from his neck. I started screaming for (my wife). I couldn't get the belt off his neck. (Tyler's younger brother) brought me a knife and I cut the belt off his neck. We laid him down. We checked to see if he was alive. But it was too late." Tyler's parents have filed a lawsuit against the school, saying officials ignored the bullying that tormented their son. Surprisingly, rather than take action the school refused even to have such much as a moment of silence in Tyler's honor, his parents said. Perhaps even more shocking was the revelation that Tyler's death was openly mocked in school by the bullies and other classmates, according to Lee Hirsch, a documentary filmmaker who has spent the last year examining bullying in America. "Other students, including some of the bullies, wore nooses around their necks after they learned of his death, to school, and got away with it," said Hirsch. ABC News asked school authorities for an interview but they declined. "We prefer to do our talking in court," an attorney for the Murray County School District, who would not give his name, told a producer from 20/20 when approached outside a hearing on the case. Victims of bullying like the Longs who find no relief on a local level have few options at the federal level either, said Kevin Jennings, the U.S. Department of Education's Safe School Czar. "When it's harassment based on sex or race or ability, we can intervene. But on other issues, there actually is no national policy or no national law," said Jennings. Rampant as bullying is in American schools, at least one school is specifically designed to give safe haven to victims of bullying and to outlaw the cycle of aggression. It's the Alliance School, a public charter school for about 180 middle and high school students in Milwaukee's inner city. At Alliance, respect for individual differences is part of the culture and required behavior. Teachers are trained to intervene immediately in conflicts. What is accepted at other schools, such as "kids being kids," is not tolerated at Alliance. "I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere," said Emiliano Luno, 14, who came to Alliance after he was bullied so intensely at his previous school for being gay that he was on the verge of dropping out of school. "Teachers had no understanding whatsoever. All they would do is yell at you and I dreaded every single day," Emiliano said. Now, at Alliance, when he walks into a classroom with pink hair, fellow students say, "Wow, you look great." Alliance boasts high attendance, few drop-outs and less of the drama associated with adolescence. "It doesn't matter who you are, or how you look, or what you believe," said Tina Owen, the Alliance School's lead teacher and founder. "It's about getting a great education and learning to work with all sorts of people who are very different from yourself." However simply separating bullied students from the bullies may not be the solution, according to Jennings.He says equipping teachers in all schools with the tools to combat and stop bullying in it's tracks before it gets too out of control is badly needed. "Most of them don't know what to do and a lot of them get paralyzed. They don't know what to say. They're afraid if they do intervene, there's gonna be angry parents at the school and that the principal's not gonna support them," Jennings said about teachers. For the Long family October 16th will mark the last time they saw Tyler alive. Although it may be too late for their son they hope by sharing his story, and their pain, it may inspire others to bring about real change in our nation's schools that may save another child. "I feel Tyler everyday. There's not a day that goes by that I don't feel him. It hurts. But until something is done, I'm sure other parents will go though the same thing. It needs to change," David Long said. Anyone with information about the bullying experienced by Tyler Long is asked to contact his parents by email at bullyinginmurraycountyschools@hotmail.com or by phone at 706-847-1452. "The Bully Project" is an independent
documentary that highlights kids and families across the
United States through the school year as they deal with
bullying. Their website offers advice on how to get help if
you're a victim of bullying and how to donate to the
project. Click here to learn more about "The
Bully Project." Chronic
Bullying Can Show Up in Report Cards That's the suggestion of researchers said they found that young children who are bullied for years, or teens who face increased bullying in high school, lack confidence in their academic abilities, get lower grades and dislike school more than their peers. "It's extremely disturbing how many children felt bullied at school," said lead researcher Gary Ladd, a psychology professor at Arizona State University. "For teachers and parents, it's important to know that victimization tends to decline as kids get older, but some children never stop suffering from bullying during their school years," he added. For the study, Ladd's team followed 383 boys and girls from kindergarten until high school. The team based its analysis on annual surveys completed by the students about their experiences, evaluations provided by the children's teachers and student scores on standardized reading and math tests. The study began in public school districts in Illinois, but after five years the children were spread out across 24 different states. "People moved and we had to track them down all over the country," Ladd said. "We put people in cars or on planes to see these kids." The researchers found 24 percent of the students faced chronic bullying. And 18 percent of the students faced some bullying early in grade school, but it got worse in high school. In both of these groups, boys were more likely than girls to have been bullied. All of these bullied kids performed worse in school and had more doubts about their abilities, according to the study published online Jan. 30 in the American Psychological Association's Journal of Educational Psychology. For some kids, things got better. The researchers found 26 percent of the students were bullied early on but it eventually stopped. Their academics were not as affected, and their performance results were similar to the 32 percent of students who faced little or no bullying. This suggests that many children who are victims of bullying can recover, the researchers said. "Some kids are able to escape victimization, and it looks like their school engagement and achievement does tend to recover," Ladd said. "That's a very hopeful message." Schools should have anti-bullying programs, the researchers recommended. They also advised parents to routinely ask children if they are being bullied or excluded at school, and to take their responses seriously. The researchers also noted that some kids are much more sensitive to bullying than others. "Frequently, kids who are being victimized or abused by other kids don't want to talk about it. I worry most about sensitive kids who are not being taken seriously and who suffer in silence," Ladd said in a news release from the American Psychological Association. "There has been a lot of consciousness-raising and stories of children being bullied and committing suicide, and that has raised public concern," he added. "But more needs to be done to ensure that children aren't bullied, especially for kids who suffer in silence from chronic bullying throughout their school years." More information: The U.S. Department
of Education provides more information on bullying.
What
Is Sexual Bullying and Why Do Kids Engage in it? Sexual bullying is a form of bullying that is common among tweens and teens. This behavior occurs when an individual or a group of individuals harass others through comments and actions that are sexual in nature. What’s more, sexual bullying can occur online or in person. A tween or teen on the receiving end of sexual bullying is likely to be bullied, gossiped about, teased, insulted, cyberbullied, ignored, ostracized, shamed and intimidated. Unlike physical bullying, sexual bullying can be difficult to spot because it does not usually leave a visible mark. Sexual bullying often happens when no adults are around. As a result, it is very important that parents talk regularly to their kids about sexual bullying and healthy sexual development. If you think your child might be a victim of sexual bullying, give your child ample opportunity to talk with you about the situation. Examples of Sexual Bullying Sexual images, jokes, language and comments are called inappropriate for a reason. As a result, if it is sexual in nature and it makes the target uncomfortable, upset, embarrassed or afraid, then it is sexual bullying or harassment. Sexual bullying can include the following actions and comments:
Why Kids Bully Others Sexually There are a number of reasons why kids participate in sexual bullying. But, the top reasons involve improving social status within the school, envy and jealousy, a need for attention and a fear of their own developing sexuality. Here is an overview of the motivating factors for sexual bullying. To feel powerful. Sometimes kids will sexually bully others when they feel weak or powerless. And sometimes kids sexually bully others because they, too, have been sexually bullied or harassed. To regain some control in their own lives, they target those who are weaker than them. This allows them to demonstrate control in their lives and feel powerful. Other times, kids have a bias toward a particular gender or lifestyle and will sexually bully others based on those beliefs. To appear sexually mature. Once kids reach adolescence, they place a lot of importance on how they look and what their peers think of them. The goal is to appear mature and accepted. As a result, they often give in to peer pressure and demands from cliques. Many times, boys in particular will sexually bully girls to gain acceptance from their peers or to give the appearance that they are sexually experienced. Girls on the other hand, may focus on bullying other girls by calling them sexually explicit names in an effort to diminish a girl’s social status. To generate excitement. Some sexual bullies thrive on telling a juicy story, spreading rumors or sharing negative details about another person. Mean girls in particular will sexually bully other girls by spreading rumors and gossip, sharing secrets or telling stories. They enjoy the attention they get from knowing something others don’t know. They also thrive on the misery of others. To reduce insecurity. In many instances, sexual bullying is a cover-up for feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. For instance, a bully may feel insecure about his own developing body or sexuality and will attack others before they have a chance to attack him. To remove the competition. Many times girls will sexually bully another girl simply because they are jealous of her. Perhaps they feel she is prettier, smarter or more popular with boys. Whatever the reason, girls will often target another girl to make her seem less desirable to others. This type of relational aggression includes things like sharing sexual secrets or spreading lies and rumors about the target’s sexual activity. To mimic others. Sometimes kids
will participate in sexual bullying because of what they see
others doing. Influences can include everything from the
adults in their lives to reality television, to movies and
music. Whether it is a reality television program, an older
sibling, a friend, a parent or even a group of neighbors,
kids often model their behavior after what is in front of
them. Scores of
bullying victims bringing weapons to school An estimated 200,000 high school students who are bullied bring weapons to school, according to research. "Victims of bullying who have been threatened, engaged in a fight, injured, or had property stolen or damaged are much more likely to carry a gun or knife to school," said the study's senior investigator. Results showed that 20 percent of high school students reported being victims of bullying. Those who were bullied were more likely to be in lower grades, females and white. An estimated 200,000 high school students who are bullied bring weapons to school, according to research to be presented Sunday, May 4, at the Pediatric Academic Societies (PAS) annual meeting in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Researchers also found that youths who have been victimized in multiple ways are up to 31 times more likely to carry a weapon to school than those who have not been bullied. "Victims of bullying who have been threatened, engaged in a fight, injured, or had property stolen or damaged are much more likely to carry a gun or knife to school," said senior investigator Andrew Adesman, MD, FAAP, chief of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at Steven & Alexandra Cohen Children's Medical Center of New York. Dr. Adesman and principal investigator Lana Schapiro, MD, FAAP, analyzed data from the 2011 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System. The system includes a nationally representative survey of more than 15,000 U.S. high school students conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Students were asked if they had ever been bullied on school property in the past year and on how many days in the past month they carried a weapon on school grounds. The researchers looked at whether any of the following risk factors increased the likelihood that victims would carry a weapon to school: not going to school due to feeling unsafe in school or on the way to school; had property stolen or damaged; had been threatened or injured with a weapon; and had been in a physical fight. They also looked at what occurred when students experienced multiple risk factors. Results showed that 20 percent of high school students reported being victims of bullying. Those who were bullied were more likely to be in lower grades, females and white. They also were more likely to carry a weapon to school than kids who were not bullied (8.6 percent vs. 4.6 percent). "Large numbers of high school students report having been victimized by bullies and admit to carrying a weapon to school. Greater efforts need to be expended on reducing bullying in all of its many forms," said Dr. Schapiro. The researchers also found a dramatic increase in the likelihood that victims of bullying went to school with a weapon if they experienced multiple risk factors. Up to 28 percent of students experiencing one risk factor brought a weapon to school, while up to 62 percent of those experiencing three risk factors carried a weapon on campus. "Tragedies like the Columbine High School massacre have alerted educators and the public to the grave potential for premeditated violence not just by bullies, but by their victims as well," said Dr. Adesman. "Our analysis of data collected by the CDC clearly identifies which victims of bullying are most likely to carry a gun or other weapon to school." "With estimates of more than 200,000
victims of bullying carrying a weapon to high school, more
effective prevention efforts and intervention strategies
need to be identified," Dr. Schapiro added. "The greatest
focus should not just be on bullies, but on the victims of
bullies most likely to carry a weapon and potentially use
deadly force if threatened." Five
Myths about Bullying We often imagine bullying as something that only happens to children. We sometimes talk about it as being misguided or a cry for help on the part of the bully as if it has little or no consequence. The reality cannot be farther from the truth. In a case earlier this year, a Wisconsin teacher was bullied by other teachers for 10 years. The transgender teacher was taunted, isolated, undermined, and made fun of until she was driven to suicide. After her death, it was revealed that she had appealed to her principle for support over and over again, but her pleads for help fell on deaf ears. Read more about her case here. Teachers not only bully one another but they also bully children. According to one study published in The International Journal of Social Psychiatry, an anonymous survey of 116 teachers at seven schools found that 45 percent of teachers admitted to having bullied a student. Bullying is a type of abuse. The reality is that the behaviors and dynamics at play with bullying in kids?—?targetting people perceived as weak, using force to get your way, and social isolating people?—?are alive and well in adult culture. Workplace harassment, catcalling, and other forms of violence are manifestations of violence taken out on women, trans people, and other groups of people perceived as weak. Cyberbullying Isn't Real Like other forms of abuse, sometime bullying is physical about more often it is psychological. When students are bullied in school and then come home to face psychologically damaging peer relationships online, cyberbullying dramatically intensifies the psychological toll because it the bullying becomes relentless and sustained. In 2013, a study found that almost 70% of young people were affected by cyberbullying, and almost 40% of young people described being experiencing cyberbullying on a ’highly frequent basis.’ Around 34% of those who were bullied said their experiences lasted for over a month. Facebook is the leading social network used for cyberbullying. In fact, Trans Lifeline pays to boost advertisements sometimes in order to grow our audience and spread the word about our services. We used to target people who support national LGBTQ organizations, but we stopped because we would always get at least some commentary on the thread invalidating transgender identities, denouncing transgender people, and occasionally even advocating that trans people should kill themselves. One commenter wrote, “Trans suicide is a problem that fixes itself. And we are all better off.” Despite numerous appeals to Facebook, reporting people, and banning them, we have never heard that Facebook has taken any action in response to abusive behavior. Cyberbullies go out of their way to
leverage social media as a tool to intimidate, humiliate and
literally destroy people they target because they are
perceiving us as weak. Those kinds of comments can be the
difference between life and death to trans people who are
struggling suicidality and already face so many emotional,
social, and economic stressors. Read
more about how to respond if you are being bullied on
Facebook. People being bullied just need to suck it up Bullying has been around for a long time, but has not been taken seriously until recently. In the last few decades, media attention and research have begun examining the negative effects of bullying on victims and bullies. The cost to the person’s emotional and psychological well-being is immediate but also can be sustained throughout a person’s lifetime. Many trans people begin are bullied for being gay as kids. Our peers sense our difference but do not have the language or nuanced understanding to name exactly how we are different. It also points to a truth?—?bullying is more about the bully and about playing to social norms than is is a genuine commentary on the person being bullied. Young trans women often appear as sissies to their peers. For boy, the crime of not fulfilling the masculine expectations is punishable by intimidation, aggression, and violence. Moreover, femininity itself is punished through their lifetimes through by fathers who want to “beat it out of them,” by peers who target them with “politically incorrect” jokes to help them “man-up”, and by corrective rape. The dominant social structure of manhood in the US is a hierarchy created and maintained by one’s ability and willingness to dominate others. In male social spaces gender policing always goes hand in hand with misogyny (you throw like a girl) and homophobia (don’t be gay about it). How are trans women supposed to feel after a lifetime of taking in messages that they are weak or emotional or any of 1,000 other negative messages “like a girl”, and then they realize that they are in fact a girl? Transgender and gender nonconforming youth face challenges at home, at school, in foster care, and in juvenile justice systems. A national survey by GLSEN has found that 75% of transgender youth feel unsafe at school, and those who are able to persevere had significantly lower GPAs, were more likely to miss school out of concern for their safety, and were less likely to plan on continuing their education. Well researched prevention and intervention strategies for victims, bullies and bystanders have lifelong benefits. What if we had the same attitude about cancer or some other disease which has been around for a long time? What if we knew we could do something to make a difference but instead did nothing? We know that we can all make a difference in preventing or reducing bullying behavior. Schools & institutions aren't responsible to stop bullyiing Only recently have we begun to understand the roots of bullying behavior. While bullying may never be eliminated, it can be significantly reduced with school and family interventions. However, a cross-national meta-analysis of 44 evaluations identified particular characteristics of school-based bullying programs that may help reduce bullying (D.P. Farrington and M.M. Ttofi, School-based programs to reduce bullying and victimization, Campbell Systematic Reviews ?6 (2009)). The study found that on average, school-based anti-bullying programs decreased bullying behavior by 20%-23% and victimization by bullies by 17%-20%. This study found the intensity and duration of a program, as well as the number of program elements, to be linked with effectiveness. Other elements found important to effectiveness were parent training, parent meetings, firm disciplinary methods, classroom rules, classroom management, and improved playground supervision. The study did not find evidence that working with peers was effective. The authors also recommended that a system of accreditation for anti-bullying programs be established to help ensure that programs being adopted by schools include the elements that have been found to be effective. Another study pointed out the importance of addressing peer norms in anti-bullying programs. In peer groups where bullying is the norm, the authors of the study argue that “Until these peer norms are modified, it is likely that bullying behaviors will remain intractable in our schools.” Research report and recommendatio ns
from the Educational Research Association on the
Best
Anti-bullying Practices in Schools, Colleges, and
Universities. Bullying victims tend to share a set
of characteristics or behaviors such as having lower peer
acceptance, being different in some way, being physically
weak, or having an unusual home life (neglectful or
overprotective). While these behaviors are a part of
understanding the social phenomena of bullying we cannot
ascribe to or perpetuate the idea that victims are to blame
for the bullying. Bully like an other form of abuse, and we
need intervene with the bully. Bullying
Prevention & Ethnics Awareness Month In October, the Association of Fundraising Professionals (AFP) provides great resources during nonprofit Ethics Awareness Month. AFP recognizes the relationship between ethics and bullying in nonprofits )as October is also Bullying Prevention Month). A Call to Action Nonprofit ethics matter! This is not the first time that you have heard that message from me (and, likely will not be the last). It is my attempt at being thorough and my plea wanting to see real change so that our nonprofits can be all that they can be...in Curry County! Please see the attachments to this Email that explore the connection between ethics and bullying in nonprofit organizations. If you would like more information regarding why nonprofit ethics matter, please let me know and I will gladly share. With the Season of Giving fast
approaching, it is important to encourage local nonprofits
to adopt codes of ethics and identify their core values so
that Boards of Directors can stay on the high side (legal,
ethical and bully-free), develop organizational best
practices and how your board can make better choices so that
your organization raises money like the pros. I've seen
first-hand huge shortcomings in these areas but want to
provide solutions instead of just complaints. Why
Victims May Not Report Bullying As many as one-third of bullying victims never tell any adults about their victimization or only discuss it years after it has ended. Here are the primary reasons why children refuse to report bullying. Fear That the Abuse Will Get Worse Leads Children to Not Report Bullying Many children fear that the bully will become further enraged if he or she is brought to the attention of school officials, according to interviews with bullied children. The victims believe that if they report bullying, the bully will retaliate and become even more abusive. As a result, children either keep the bullying a secret or tell an adult with the request that nothing be done about the situation. It is unclear, however, whether retaliation actually occurs after bullying is reported. Children Are Less Likely to Report Bullying if They Consider the Bully a Friend The stereotypical notion of a school bully is of a large tyrant who barges in and steals lunch money from a peer he never talks to otherwise. In fact, however, bullying tends to be much more subtle and often occurs among friends. This may especially be the case for girls, among whom relational aggression is particularly common. The more a victim considers their bully to be a friend, the less likely that victim is to tell about the abuse. This occurs because the victim hopes to maintain the friendship, despite its abusive elements. Children May Not Report Bullying Because They Feel Responsible for the Abuse Children who are bullied often feel like they somehow "deserve" the abuse. Therefore, victims of bullying typically feel a great deal of shame and guilt surrounding the bullying. As a result, victims may remain silent and choose not to report bullying. Children May Not Report Bullying Because They Feel Powerless Bullying is essentially about power. Aggression -- whether verbal, social or physical -- centers on making one person feel less powerful than the other. Therefore, victims of bullying typically perceive themselves as powerless, especially in relation to the bully. This perception fuels a sense that reporting the bullying would be pointless. A Belief that Telling Won't Make a Difference Causes Children to Not Report Bullying Victims of bullying often claim that telling someone would be of "no use". This seems to be particularly the case in schools or classrooms where reports of bullying lead to little or no active intervention. The older children get, the less likely they are to believe that adults can help with bullying. This may occur because they have observed reports of bullying being dismissed by teachers, administrators, and/or parents repeatedly over time. Source: Mishna, Faye, and Alaggia, Ramona.
Weighing the risks: A child's decision to disclose peer
victimization. 2005. Children & Schools. 27,4:
217-226. YouTube star Andie
Case talks empowering music, 'Girls Night In' tour and
amazing fans Aside from having perhaps the best voice we've ever heard (seriously the girl can SING!), what makes Andie so special is her desire to empower her young fans with music. In 2014, Andie's car cover mash-up of Rixton's "Me and My Broken Heart" and Rob Thomas' "Lonely No More" went viral with over 21 million views. After making headlines and receiving acclaim for the mash-up, she was able to use her growing influence to put out original songs that inspire people to seek adventure, trust themselves and never let anyone make them feel insignificant. Now, the YouTube sensation is putting faces to usernames with a national tour. Together with lifestyle, fashion and DIY vloggers (video bloggers) Eva Gutowski, Meredith Foster, Alisha Marie, Mia Stammer and Sierra Furtado, Andie is taking to stages throughout the country for Fullscreen Live's "Girls Night In." Together, the young women showcase their talents while proving that being yourself is so much better than aspiring to unrealistic ideals. The tour enables Andie and the gang to come face-to-face with their beloved fans for a fun scripted show interspersed with games, sketches, contests, musical performances, DIY and more. Amidst her crazy tour schedule, we were lucky enough to sit down and chat with Andie about the influence behind her inspiring lyrics, how the tour has brought her close friends and life lessons she never expected and of course what she loves about her amazing fans. How has the tour been for you so far? What made you decide to do it? It's been amazing. It's been unreal. Starting on YouTube, I never would've thought it'd get to this point. It's crazy getting to go out and see the people who've been watching my videos and being able to gain new fans too. The fans who come are all just so excited about everything and it's such a good age to really build that self-confidence in them. That's what I try to do with all of my videos. Through my music and social media handles, I try to preach that as much as possible. Plus, being able to wake up every day and do something that I love is just amazing. I also haven't been able to travel a lot in the past so this year I've probably traveled more than I ever have in my life. I grew up in a super sheltered home so this is kind of the first time I've ever been anywhere. I'm so excited! This is also the first time I'd ever met any of these girls and they've been so sweet. I was definitely an outsider in school and didn't have a lot of friends. I always tried super hard to be friends with people so I was nervous about this tour, but they're so accepting. I've never been able to click with other girls this well so this has been a great experience. Talk to me about your upcoming EP release! How would you describe the music? Have you been able to record or work on it at all during the tour? No recording on the tour but I'm constantly writing 24/7. Actually, a few of the songs I'm performing on the tour will be on my upcoming EP, so it's cool that everyone coming to the show gets to hear some pre-production. The EP is mostly pop-rock. I grew up listening to everything and always thought I'd be into more pop, and I'm sure that's what a lot of people expected me to do as a blonde-haired girl with blue eyes, but sometimes I'd rather head bang to Marilyn Manson. It's just a mixture of everything. I love pop music and main-stream music, those are the songs that I cover, so having a little bit of that along with other things that influence me kind of make two worlds collide into one beautiful big mess. Your originals are all extremely relatable and many have inspiring messages. What's the inspiration behind most of the originals for you? What's your favorite topic to write/sing about? I think every girl likes hearing and writing break-up songs. I have a song called "Last Song" and the chorus is basically just saying, "okay this is the last song I'm going to write about you." I started out writing a bunch of sad songs and then I was just like why am I writing such depressing stuff and whining about things? Why not give girls attitude? The songs I used to listen to growing up gave me confidence and helped me get through being such an outsider. I would listen to them and just be like "Yeah! I'm a survivor!" So I wanted to give girls that type of confidence. Having a song like "Last Song" is like "you screwed this up but guess what? I'm over it and this is the last song I'm going to write. All my feelings are down and now I can move on." I also have a song called "The Bed I've Made" and that was written about everything I went through with my parents growing up. I was really sheltered and they never really wanted me to do anything because they cared about me and didn't want me to get hurt, but I felt like I had to learn for myself and couldn't just take their word for it. I have to experience something myself to learn. I have to fall and hurt myself to learn from it. "The Bed I've Made" is basically saying "okay, mom, you can tell me this is going to happen but I have to do it myself and then I'll pay for the consequences and sleep in the bed that I made." So all of my songs have really positive and empowering messages. You're obviously able to use music as a way to connect with people all over the world, especially now with social media. Why did you choose YouTube as your platform? I always loved music. I was the middle
child in a big family so I was always searching for my
identity. I wanted to reach as many people as possible
through music. I would sing at talent shows or sing the
"National Anthem" during assemblies but nothing was reaching
the amount of people I wanted. I've always been really
driven and competitive and I just wanted results and wanted
to get out there quickly. I had friends who talked about
YouTube covers and I had seen other artists do that and they
were able to build their platforms that way. So my two
bandmates and I just threw a cover on YouTube on a whim and
it just kind of took off from there. I got such positive
responses and we got like 8,000 subscribers just from
uploading that one video. It motivated us to keep going and
to upload more covers. The whole point of uploading covers
was to get people's attention so they would then go to the
originals. It just blew up. I never thought I'd be able to
go on tour like this. YouTube is such an amazing platform
and such an incredible thing to build off of. Are mean girls
getting meaner? Teens open up about bullying 
7:23Video: Bullying has become a high-profile social issue. Among the possible reasons: Many young girls nowadays believe acting mean is a path to popularity in school, and social media makes it easier than ever. NBC’s Kate Snow reports. Even with all the talk about reining in badly behaving kids, bullying seems to have gotten worse than it’s ever been, especially with the added weapons that the Internet provides. And the suicide of a Florida girl has brought that issue front and center once again. For 12-year-old Rebecca Ann Sedwick, the bullying got to be so unbearable that she felt suicide was her only option to escape the relentless and malevolent bullying of two classmates, one 12 and the other 14. Sedwick climbed to the top of a tower and jumped to her death. Both of her alleged tormentors were arrested this week and the Polk County, Fla., sheriff’s strong words and the outrage over what happened have highlighted the difficulties tween and teen girls face each day all over the country. To many, it seems that the “mean girls” have simply gotten more vicious and destructive. In an effort to battle bullying, a group of New York area girls have begun performing in a musical with an anti-bullying message called “The New Kid.” The girls say they understand Sedwick’s struggles, having been bullied themselves. They talked about their experiences with NBC’s Kate Snow. “I think that mean girls are getting meaner because with all the social media that’s going on these days it’s a lot easier for rumors to spread,” said Melody Munitz. Amelia Rose Allen says she understands what it’s like to become the target of a mean girl. “She would just criticize,” she said. “If I wore shorts with cowboy boots, she’d be like, ‘Oh that’s so ugly. Why would you come to school?’ And then at one point on the bus it got like physical. And then this year we decided to home school because it was enough.” The girls say they know what motivates the bullies—meanness has become a pathway to popularity. “I feel like most mean girls, they do it for power,” Devon Reilly explained. Sometimes girls do it to remain part of a clique, and even if they’re not usually cruel, they say mean things to fit in. “I feel like some people are just sucked in,” said Sienna Schofield. “Like my friend. She’s been my friend for years. And recently, in middle school she’s popular because of some of her mean friends. She’s not a mean person. But when she’s with them, she’s mean to other people. And she feels like she has to be mean.” Parents, the girls say, just look the other way. “Some parents don’t get the memo that . . . that you need to address this,” Reilly said. “If nobody addresses it, then it’s just gonna keep going on. And it’s just gonna continue to get worse.” Sedwick’s mom knows all about the tragic consequences that can ensue if parents don’t fix the problem. “The best legacy for my daughter,” she said, “is for all parents everywhere to monitor their kids and to make sure they know everything that they’re doing. That’s one thing I wish I’d stayed on top of.” Psychiatrist Sue Varma agrees that parents need to pay close attention to what their kids are doing and to step in when necessary. “I see a rise in bullying because of cyber bullying,” Varma said. “Social media has its effect and impact creating a permanent, public and lasting humiliation. So a lot of what parents need to do is to be able to A, monitor what’s involved and B, bolster self-esteem and confidence.” Keep on top of what’s happening in your child’s world, Varma advised. “Talk to them about their feelings and show them physical affection,” she said. “That [physical closeness] is key not only on an emotional level but also on a neurobiological level.” Hugging has been shown to cause the release of a hormone called oxytocin. “Oxytocin is one of the cuddle
hormones, one of the bonding hormones,” Varma said.
“But it also helps us empathize and connect with other
people.” Boyfriend of
Suicide Suspect Regrets Not Stopping Alleged Bullying 
2:32
 The 13-year-old boy at the center of an adolescent love triangle that ended in Rebecca Sedwick's suicide said he might have tried to stop the bullying that tormented the Florida girl if he had known about it. For the past nine months, John Borgen, 13, of Lakeland, Fla., has been dating the 14-year-old girl police charged with felony aggravated stalking in connection with Rebecca's death. But he says he dated Rebecca, 12, before becoming involved with the 14-year-old. "I think about her [Rebecca] almost every day," wondering whether "I could have stopped it," he told ABC News in an interview Thursday night. Will Parents Be Charged for Girl Bullied Into Suicide? Police arrested and charged the 14-year-old girl earlier this week with taunting Rebecca online and at school. Police say the 14-year-old suspect is one of the girls who told Rebecca in online postings she should "drink bleach and die" and should "kill herself" because she was "ugly." But police say perhaps the worst of the alleged bullying case came after Rebecca of Lakeland, Fla., jumped from a concrete silo tower to her death Sept. 9. Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd accused the teen of gloating on Facebook after the suicide about bullying Rebecca. John said, "I thought somebody else did it. I thought somebody hacked her account, but when she was being charged and arrested, I was like why didn't she tell the police that somebody got into her account or got her password or something?" The sheriff released the names and mug shots of the accused juveniles earlier this week to send a message to others in the community about cyberbullying. ABC News is not revealing either girl's identity because they have been charged as juveniles. The parents of the 14-year-old suspect told ABC News earlier this week that they monitored their daughter's Facebook activities nightly and saw no signs of bullying, leading them to believe someone hacked her account. Rebecca Sedwick Suicide: Parents of Alleged Cyberbully Blame Facebook Hack When asked whether he was ashamed of his girlfriend's actions, John said, "It's like mixed feelings. One day tells me I'm tired of all of this bullying. This part tells me every day I'm tired of the bullying, because I don't want to see it again. "But at the second part, it's like, I still don't believe that she did it. But the fact is that she still bullied her, she should never have done it." John said he never saw his girlfriend or the 12-year-old suspect, who has also been charged with felony aggravated stalking, bully Rebecca online or in person. Meanwhile, at a town hall meeting at Crystal Lake Middle School in Lakeland, Fla., Thursday night, Sheriff Judd revealed new information that there were clear warning signs Rebecca wanted to end her life. Judd said he saw postings on her Facebook wall asking, "how many over-the-counter drugs do you take to die?" Teen Charged in Fatal Cyberbullying Case of Rebecca Sedwick to Remain in Jail "We must talk to our children, we must give them the opportunity to open up," Judd told parents. John says bullying is a problem at Crystal Lake Middle School, where he Rebecca and the two suspects all went to school. "I have seen bullying at school, and I almost got into a fight because they were bullying," he said. "They were jumping my friend ..., and I pushed the other kid out of the way and told him, 'You don't need to be stepping on him,' and we almost got in a fight, but everybody was holding me back," John said. John says he is now on a mission to expose bullies and urges anyone who is a victim of bullying to speak up and alert others. He says Rebecca and the alleged bullying are something he thinks about every day. "I think about her almost every day.
That comes to my mind almost every day," he said, adding, "I
could have stopped it." Busting parents
won't stop cyberbullies, experts say Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd — a longtime crusader against cyberbullying — has been pushing to charge the parents of the 14-year-old girl with failing to monitor her online activity before she was arrested in Sedwick's suicide. But no states have passed a law holding parents criminally liable for cyberbullying waged by their children. In fact, a jury of experts already offers a clear verdict on that notion: It won’t stop online taunting. Such statutes might even drive online harassment deeper into the Internet underground, further from the reach of schools and parents, making the abuse and the abusers harder to find and exacerbating the trauma to young victims, assert several anti-cyberbullying advocates. Judd told TODAY on Thursday that he aims “to make sure that we do everything we can to send a loud message so parents have to pay attention. At this point in the investigation, we don't have a criminal case against any parents. We wish we did.” On Thursday, Florida lawyer Mark O'Mara, defense attorney for George Zimmerman, announced he was drafting a proposed law to hold parents accountable in some cyberbullying cases. In an unrelated development Friday afternoon, the mother of the 14-year-old girl charged in connection with the online taunting of Sedwick was herself arrested by the Polk County Sheriff's Office. Vivian Vosburg, 30, was booked into the county jail on two counts of felony child abuse and four counts of child neglect. That arrest was prompted by a one-minute Facebook video obtained this week by the Polk County Sheriff's Office -- and played for media members Friday -- in which Vosburg is shown, in the sheriff's words, entering a bedroom in which two boys were fighting. "Vivian rushed in and immediately started beating one of them with her fist," Judd said. "One of the boys rolled onto the floor and appeared to be unconscious, or at least not doing a lot moving, and she continued to hit the other one." While Friday's arrest was not directly linked to the cyber-stalking charge against Vosburg's daughter, Judd did say: "What I suggest to you is the bullying that we saw (allegedly carried out by Vosburg's daughter) certainly could have been a byproduct of what I saw that occurs, apparently, as a routine in the home." Thirty-four states have enacted laws banning cyberbullying since the 2006 suicide of Megan Meier, a 13-year-old girl with depression who committed suicide after being taunted on MySpace by the mother of a former friend, but there are no state statutes that open the path to prosecute the parents of cyberbullies. "To my knowledge in the United States, no one has yet brought an action against parents in connection with kids cyberbullying," said Parry Aftab, a security, privacy and cyberspace lawyer, adding that a federal law does make it a felony to harass someone directly via digital technology. "But at some point, parents have to step up and be parents," said Aftab. "They’ve got to keep other kids safe from their kids' acting out." "You should die," and "Why don't you go kill yourself," were among the hate-filled messages investigators found directed at Sedwick on social media. The problems between Sedwick and the other girls arose in 2012 over a "boyfriend issue," Judd said earlier. Tragedies like Sedwick's suicide can spark the hunt for a scapegoat, but prosecuting parents isn't the solution, says Sameer Hinduja, a criminal justice professor at Florida Atlantic University and co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center. "Legislators and politicians jump in and say we've got to pass laws, have stronger sanctions. But when you think it through and ask what's going to deter someone from messing up the same way again, (prosecuting the parents) is not the best way to respond. " Legal sanctions imposed on parents could pit the child against the parents, Hinduja added. "The child will be in trouble even further, perhaps for getting the parent into trouble," he said. Even the most well-intentioned parents cannot police their kids' social-networking habits around the clock, said Tina Meier, whose 13-year-old daughter Megan committed suicide in 2006 after allegedly being hoaxed and bullied on the social network MySpace by Lori Drew, the mother of one of Megan's former friends. Drew was found guilty by a federal jury of three computer-crime misdemeanors. In 2009, a federal judge vacated the conviction. "Is it important for us to hold parents accountable for their children’s actions?" Meier asked. "Yes. But it's impossible for parents to be there 24 hours a day." There are many parents "who truly simply don’t know about it, or who are really trying (to monitor their children's computer use)," Meier told NBC News. Casey M., a 17-year-old Internet safety advocate from New Rochelle, N.Y., feels indicting parents for their kids' online bullying acts will have "an inverse effect" and increase online tormenting. Casey M. is part of the national Teen Angels campaign, which speaks to parents and teenagers about Internet safety and cyberbullying. Group members don't use their last names when speaking with the media. "The more that parents try to control what their kids are doing online, the more sneaky kids get, and the less parents know what their kids are doing online," Casey M. said, adding that she's never faced serious cyberbullying. "The kids would try to hide things a little more." Long before the suicide of Rebecca Sedwick, Sheriff Judd had emerged as a passionate leader in the national effort to curb cyberbullying. In 2007, Judd became coordinator of the Central Florida Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. He also is a top digital forensic specialist. Under his watch, Internet-crime prosecutions increased by 37 percent in that region. Judd did not respond to an interview request Friday by NBC News. On Thursday, the parents of one of the two girls charged in connection with Sedwick's suicide said through their attorney that they frequently tracked their daughter's cellphone and Facebook accounts and never saw a problem to confront and, further, that their daughter "is a loving, caring, and supportive young girl with many friends." While no parents have been charged for their child's cyberbullying, in sporadic cases, police and prosecutors have charged and convicted American parents for negligence after their children killed other kids with loaded guns left lying around the house or by crashing cars into other people when driving drunk, Aftab said. "Charges are only brought (in those situations) when you see you’re not going to be able to stop the kids from doing this again because their parents either don't care or aren’t willing to step in and do something effective," said Aftab, who founded Teen Angels and runs WiredSafety.org. An estimated 15 percent of U.S. adolescents report being bullied on the Internet during a given year, according to a survey conducted in 2012. But Casey M. believes the victimization rate is far higher. "It's really such a widespread
problem," she said. "I've found that you can pretty much
talk to anyone and they'll know of someone directly involved
in a more serious cyber-harassment situation." Online schools
an option for bullied students Old-school wisdom held that children should face their bullies head-on, but we know better now. Confronting a bully can be dangerous, and it rarely stops bad behavior. Parents and students are required to report episodes of bullying, and the alleged bullies are then confronted with the allegations — sometimes in face-to-face encounters with the victim and his or her parents. While this may inhibit the bullying behavior for a time, this method often backfires, as the bullied student may be dubbed a snitch and then alienated or further bullied by friends of the bully. This can lead to a frustrating cycle of parental/school/student involvement that ultimately makes focusing on academics impossible for the victims. This is exactly what the school was putting my daughter through. A student curses or pushes a teacher once and they get expelled. They do the same repeatedly to another student, and they get “counseled” not to do it again. The National Center for Educational Statistics indicates that more than one of every five students in the U.S. -- 20.8 percent -- has been a victim of bullying, with most of these bullying episodes (35 percent) taking place in schools. I find these statistic terrifying because studies have shown that adults who were bullied as kids have more problems with mental health -- including depression, anxiety, drug abuse, and suicidal tendencies -- than adults who never suffered bullying. High=profile bullying cases like that of Ashley Cardona, a 12-year-old from Denver who killed herself after enduring repeated taunts from her classmates about her looks, have inspired many parents like me to homeschool. It isn’t an overreaction when the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that suicide is the third leading cause of death in teens, with an estimated 4,400 deaths by suicide every year. According to the CDC, 14 percent of teens in high school say they have considered suicide. Although my first reaction was to find a way to homeschool my daughter, as a single mom I could not afford to quit my job. I soon realized why homeschooling is such a difficult decision. Most parents aren’t trained teachers and many don’t have the time to coach their children through their studies. Through research I learned that online schools appear to be becoming increasingly popular when it comes to homeschooling. They often offer one-stop-shopping for a child’s academic needs, full-feature video courses, exercises and many other resources provided by licensed teachers. Because they are private institutions, they have the added benefit of allowing a parent choice over their child’s curriculum and teacher. This alternative is attractive because the environment alleviates the anxiety, fear and drama associated with being bullied and frees the students to concentrate on their studies. I am all for public education, but
when it comes to the safety of my children, I say if the
public school can’t keep my kids safe, I will not
hesitate to move them to an online school where they can
concentrate on their studies instead of worrying about being
harassed each day. I am sure my work colleagues would not
think twice either if it happened to their child. Music and Theater
Students Are More Likely to Be Bullied But a new study reports these long-term advantages come at a substantial short-term cost: The kid who carries a violin case, or is quietly practicing her lines, is more likely to be “accidentally” tripped in the hall, or subjected to nasty gossip. “Music and theater students face a significantly greater risk than their non-arts peers of reporting being the victims of bullying behavior,” write Kenneth Elpus of the University of Maryland and Bruce Allen Carter of Florida International University. Elpus and Carter analyzed data from the School Crime Supplement to the National Crime Victimization Survey. They noted student reports of “various forms of in-person physical, verbal, and relational aggression” in the 2005, 2007, 2009, 2011, and 2013 questionnaires, as well as cyberbullying (which was included in the questionnaire starting in 2007). If you’re studying the classics, the three Bs should not be Bach, Beethoven, and bullying. The data set featured 26,420 middle- and high-school students, including approximately 7,400 who participated in music or theater. Unfortunately, the data did not break out statistics for the two activities, so we don’t know if the rate of bullying is higher for theater or music students, or if they’re roughly equal. The researchers report that, after taking into account such factors as race and socioeconomic status, “female music and theater students faced a 41 percent greater risk of being bullied, and male music and theater students faced a 69 percent greater risk of being bullied than their peers.” Looking specifically at middle school?—?a period when bullying typically peaks?—?the researchers found theater and music students had a 39 percent chance of being bullied, compared to a 30 percent chance for their peers who did not participate in such activities. Not surprisingly, the bullying was more likely to involve physical aggression for boys, and relational aggression for girls?—?hurtful behavior such as spreading rumors or exclusion from desirable social activities. Female music and theater students had nearly a one-in-three chance of experiencing this sort of victimization, compared to a one-in-four chance for female athletes. Elpus and Carter argue there are concrete steps teachers can take to respond to bullying, including “(a) making explicit a no-tolerance policy for bullying within the classroom, (b) opening the music classroom for students during times when it is not being used for class, such as lunch, and (c) generally being committed to a culture of safety and respect.” “Pre-service music teachers should explore what behaviors constitute bullying, how to recognize both overt and covert aggressions, and have specific preparation in strategies for the prevention or elimination of bullying,” they add. Clearly, something must be done. If
you’re studying the classics, the three Bs should not
be Bach, Beethoven, and bullying. NEA’s Bully
Free: It Starts with Me Bullying occurs once every seven minutes. That means that while you read this tip sheet, it is likely that at least one bullying incident will have occurred. In schools across America, one in three students report being bullied weekly. The good news: educators want to do something about it. In 2010, NEA conducted the first nationwide survey to include the opinions of education support professionals as well as teachers on issues relating to bullying in public schools. According to NEA’s survey, 98% of school staff believed it’s their job to intervene when they see bullying occur. So, we agree that we should do something about bullying. Where do we start? In order to intervene, we must first be able to identify bullying. Once bullying is identified, we can take the necessary actions to stop bullying and prevent it from occurring in the future. This tool kit is intended to help educators know how to identify bullying, intervene in a bullying incident, and advocate for bullied students. Understand What Bullying Is Bullying is systematically and chronically inflicting physical hurt and/or psychological distress on another. Bullying can be physical, verbal or social. Bullying is not just child’s play, but a frightening experience many students face every day. It can be as direct as teasing, hitting, threatening, destruction of property or forcing someone to do something against their will, or as indirect as in rumors, exclusion, or manipulation. Bullying involves a real or perceived power imbalance between the one who bullies and their target. Understand What Bullying Is Not It is important not to misuse the term bullying for every behavior problem. Identifying what a behavior really is (and labeling the behavior not the student) helps us to select the most appropriate intervention strategies. Can you distinguish bullying from normal conflict? There are three basic ways to know the difference. The student doing the bullying: Picks on their target day after day (repetition). Wins because their target is smaller, younger or less socially able to cope (power imbalance). Enjoys seeing their target afraid and upset (intent to harm). What About Bullying I Can’t See Today’s students are faced with bullying that the caring adults in their lives can’t always see at school (at least not in the traditional sense). Cyberbullying Cyberbullying is the term applied to bullying over the Internet, via email, text messaging, and similar technological modes of communication. Cyberbullying includes sending or posting harmful material or engaging in other forms of social aggression. This form of bullying is more intense as it can occur around the clock, and the text or images can be widely disseminated, well beyond the school grounds. Sexting Sexting is the term combining the words sex and texting. It applies to the act of creating, sending, posting and disseminating sexually suggestive text messages, pictures or videos of oneself or others. Sexting generally is done via cell phones, but teens also use computers, web cams, digital cameras and other electronic devices to get to the Internet. Bullying and Sexual Harassment Sexual harrassment at school is unwanted and unwelcomed behavior of a sexual nature that interferes with a student’s rights to receive an equal educational opportunity. Bullying and sexual harassment are different, yet linked, behaviors. Bullying in children can develop into sexual harassment in older students. Bullying and sexual harassment share several predictors, such as low empathy and a need for dominance in a relationship. Bullying and Assault Assault is defined as a violent verbal or physical attack. Assault is a form of extreme bullying that has legal implications. Targets of assault may seek legal action. Where Bullying Behaviors Take Place Bullying occurs during the school day and after school hours. It happens in the school building, in classrooms, hallways, bathrooms, and in the cafeteria; on the playground or other outdoor common areas on school grounds; and on the bus or at the bus stop. It is important to note that bullying occurs most often in areas where there is little or no adult supervision. Bullying and District and School Policies A clear definition of bullying is an essential component of bullying policies. You should be able to locate your school and/or district policy on bullying. Assess the policy for inclusion and accuracy of a bullying definition. If your school or district doesn’t have a policy or if the definition is unclear, this is a good place to get started with your prevention program and advocacy efforts. Bullying and State Laws Almost all states currently have a law addressing bullying in schools. Review the law for inclusion of a bullying definition. Does the law effectively communicate an educator’s legal responsibilities regarding bullying? Does the law require training of all school staff? Commonly Targeted Populations Usually, the students targeted by hurtful comments or actions are different from their peers in some way. According to the NEA survey, educators reported that bullying based on a student’s weight (23%), gender (20%), perceived sexual orientation (18%), and disability (12%) were of concern in their school. Homophobia plays a large role in the bullying of students who are perceived to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT), gender non-conforming, or those questioning their sexual identity. According to a 2011 National School Climate Survey conducted by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), 8 out of 10 middle and high school LGBT students experience harassment at school because of their sexual orientation. Students are also commonly targets of bullying based on their religious beliefs. Research has shown a trend in the bullying of Muslim- American students. Recent studies indicate the group most targeted for bullying is special education students. When special education students are targets of bullying, some are likely to then bully fellow special education students. Know the Consequences Bullying will lead to a number of negative consequences academically and emotionally. In addition to poor attendance and decreased academic performance, bullying causes feelings of helplessness, anger and frustration. The consequences experienced are not limited just to the person who is bullied. Bullying causes mental, physical and emotional damage to all involved, including bystanders. And, research has shown the effects last well into adulthood. When you think of these consequences remember this one fact: Bullying is preventable and, thereby, the consequences are too. What is Bullying? “I have witnessed physical and verbal bullying in the cafeteria, especially when adult presence is low,” says Donna. “This usually happens during breakfast when we have a limited staff on duty. Name calling and pushing and shoving are typical things that we deal with.” Donna West, a food service
professional at Brownwood Elementary School in Scottsboro,
Alabama, says even the young children in her K-4 school need
to be reminded that bullying can hurt. What is
A CivilSchools? Aiming to move beyond an over-simplified focus on bullying, CivilSchools empowers educators, students, and parents with the critical tools necessary to build a culture of civility in which bullying is no longer a part of campus climate. Utilizing parent engagement materials, Student UPstander Intervention Trainings, educator professional development, and a 25-week advisory curriculum, CivilSchools offers hands-on, preventative tools based on cutting-edge research to get beyond punitive measures and build a framework for preventing bullying before it starts and responding to bullying behavior in more effective ways. All content from CivilSchools is
accessible both by in-person trainings facilitated by Jamie
Utt but also as a three-part video seminar series. What type of kid
is a bully? Bullies tend to share common characteristics. They like to dominate others and are generally selfcentered. Their behavior can be fueled by their own physical strength or their strong social positionamong peers. They often lack judgment in social situations. Sometimes they have no feelings of empathy or caring toward other people. Why are some kids bullies? There are many theories about what causes bullying behaviors. Family dynamics that include criticism, sarcasm or repeated rejection can create a view that the world is a hostile place. Media images and messages often portray harassment as humorous or acceptable. Technology has made it possible for bullies to use cyberspace to deliver hurtful messages or images easily, and more important, anonymously. A school culture that ignores casual
cruelty among its students also contributes to bullying
behavior. Identify,
Intervene,
Advocate Intervene in a Bullying
Incident Know Your Rights And Responsibilities Intervening in a bullying incident is the right thing to do and there is a right way to do it. It is our responsibility as educators to know how and what we are expected to do, and how laws and policies support our actions. For example, when you intervene in a bullying incident, you are not infringing on the bullying student’s right to free speech. It is also important to be aware of what your legal protections are (e.g., contract language, liability insurance, and school policies). Consistency is the Key Ultimately, the steps to take to intervene should be trained and discussed as a part of a comprehensive school-wide bullying prevention program. Be Prepared Research local resources (e.g., counseling, anger management) so that you are prepared to make any needed referrals. During Stop the Incident Immediately Separate the student doing the bullying and their target. Stand between them in order to block eye contact, ensuring you can observe both. Separate the student doing the bullying and their target. Stand between them in order to block eye contact, ensuring you can observe both. Make Sure Everyone is Safe Address any health needs or injuries. Get assistance from other school staff members if necessary. Make sure to ask the bullied student, “Are you okay?” Seek police or medical assistance immediately per your school policies, if:
Give a Clear Message Bullying is unacceptable. Remain calm as you address the students. Label the behavior as bullying. Cite relevant school or classroom rules (e.g., “Name calling is bullying. Bullying and not respecting others are both against the rules in our school.”). If anti-bullying rules or posters are on nearby walls, point them out. Students who bully must hear the message that their behavior is wrong and harms others. Bullied students must hear the message that caring adults will protect them. Prepare to Follow-Up After the Incident Don’t send students away at this point, but do refrain from asking questions and trying to sort out the situation. This should be handled one on one, after the incident. Do not require students to apologize or make amends immediately when you stop the incident. Keep everyone calm as you first focus on safety. Then advise all parties to the bullying that you will be following up. Support the Bullied Student Make eye contact with the bullied student, demonstrate empathy, and reassure the student that what happened was not their fault. Never tell the student to ignore the bullying
Encourage Bystanders If the bystanders did stand-up, reinforce their efforts. Let the bystanders know that you admire their courage and thank them for speaking up, which helps themselves and other students. If the bystanders did not intervene, give them examples of how to intervene appropriately the next time that they see bullying (e.g., get help from an adult, tell the person to stop). Research points to the important role bystanders can play during a bullying incident and in changing the school climate.12 After Investigate and Document After a bullying incident, an investigation should be conducted. Remember to question all those involved individually. The incident also should be documented according to school procedures. After a bullying incident, an investigation should be conducted. Remember to question all those involved individually. The incident also should be documented according to school procedures. Consider Consequences for those who Bully If appropriate, impose immediate consequences for the student doing the bullying. Consequences work best when they are logical and communicated in advance. After the incident, keep a close eye on the student who bullied to prevent any retaliatory attempts, and make sure he/she knows that you plan to do so. Be sure to provide the necessary support for those who bully, such as counseling or anger management classes. Avoid a “Working Things Out” Approach Do not require the students to meet and “work things out.” They don’t know how. They need adult intervention. Because bullying involves a power imbalance, such a strategy will not work and can actually re-traumatize the student who was bullied. Be a Caring Adult for Bullied Students Continue to make sure the bullied students are supported well beyond the incident. Make sure they have the resources they need. Reach out to other staff members who can provide guidance and emotional support to students. Advocate for bullied students by making a concerted effort to stop bullying at your school. Come together as a school by involving parents and the local community in your efforts. Addressing bullying cannot and should not be done by the school alone. The entire community must be involved so that students feel safe in both their school and their community. HOW DO I INTERVENE? “Students know I will listen to them, accept what they have to say, and try to help them when they are in need,” he says. “Everyone deserves to feel safe at school, and when kids feel safe and know they are accepted for who they are, they will thrive academically and socially.”– Dave Seaburg, Teacher NEA Bully Free: It Starts With Me Pledge Taker Source: www.nea.org/home/63902.htm
Be An Advocate
for Bullied Students An advocate is one that pleads the cause of another, or one who supports or promotes the interests of another. The question is how can we, as educators, support students who have been bullied? How can we plead the cause of all bullied students and stop bullying? We have to be their champions. We must create a culture in our schools, which will hopefully spread to society, where everyone is treated respectfully and bullying is correctly understood and addressed. This tool kit is intended to help educators know how to identify bullying, intervene in a bullying incident, and advocate for bullied students. Pledge to be a Caring Adult Who Helps Bullied Students When you take NEA’s Bully Free pledge, you are promising students that they can talk to you and you will listen, that you will stand up for them, and that they are not alone. Take the following actions to carry out your promise to advocate for bullied students. Be Present and Available to Observe and Listen We know that bullying commonly takes place in areas on school grounds with little or no supervision (such as in the hallways between classes). Make an effort to move to the areas where students are during transition times. Just your presence can make a huge difference. And, when something does happen, you are there to see it with your own eyes and intervene right away. Students must be provided with a safe school climate that is conducive to learning. Bullying is a huge deterrent to a safe learning environment. In education, we sometimes feel that there are many things that impact student learning that are out of our control. Bullying is not one of those things. A student who is being bullied at school is being denied an opportunity to learn. We have the ability to change this, to stop the negative impacts to students’ well-being and their ability to learn, and ultimately, in some cases, to save their lives. Bullying is a Solvable Problem Expand your advocacy for bullied students, by ensuring that your school has a comprehensive bullying prevention plan in place. A prevention plan enables educators to have a process in place for learning how to recognize bullying behaviors, how to intervene appropriately when it’s witnessed, and how to prevent it in the first place. Involve your students as peer advocates. Get student input when developing a bullying prevention plan. Integrate the topic of bullying and how to deal with it into your curriculum. Role-play with students on diffusing a bullying situation and engaging bystanders. Create opportunities for students to work together, such as assignments that require sharing and collaboration. An anti-bullying curricula should encourage students to report bullying and harassment to an adult. Where and When Do Students Feel Unsafe? Locate and conduct school climate surveys with staff and students. Surveys can help identify areas for improvement in regards to school climate. A positive school climate is associated with less bullying and more learning. You can also conduct a mapping activity. This involves making copies of the school map and asking all staff to indicate where they think students do and do not feel safe. The same activity should be done with students. Mapping these “hot spots” is a very effective indicator of where bullying could be occurring. Strategies must be implemented to remedy these “hot spots” (e.g., more adult supervision on the stairwells or better lighting in dark hallways). Bullying is most likely to occur in schools where there is a lack of adult supervision during the day, so let’s make wise changes to staff assignments and keep students safe. Let your voice be heard with a call to action. Organize your local and state association members, as well as non-menbers and parents around bullying prevention. Get bullying on the map; ensure that space is carved out to address bullying at local meetings and state conferences. Track changes to your state’s anti-bullying law. Also, review and revise state education agency and district polices related to bullying. Remember that parents of bullied students can be strong allies and advocates. Zero tolerance policies hinder bullying prevention efforts. Such policies generally involve suspension or exclusion from school and are related to increased drop out rates and discriminatory application of school discipline practices. Also, there is no evidence that removing students from school makes a positive contribution to school safety. We do know that students who bully need pro-social models. We can advocate for bullied students by working to develop and/or utilize bullying prevention programs that do work, such as:
If It’s Broken It Does Need Fixing A large part of being an advocate for bullied students is to not accept the status quo. Be informed about measures you and/or your school may be using that are known not to work, or that make a situation worse. For example, peer mediation and conflict resolution are valuable strategies that do work in other instances, but they are NOT the right fit for dealing with bullying. The message that both parties are partly right and partly wrong is inappropriate. Students who bully must receive the message that their behavior is wrong and won’t be tolerated. The fact that peer mediation exacerbates the imbalance of power between the student who bullies and their target also cannot be ignored. Speak up for changing out the current way of addressing bullying. The research is out there; encourage your colleagues to be open to change. Develop ESP-Specific Strategies Education Support Professionals (ESPs), such as bus drivers, cafeteria workers, and paraeducators, are likely to be present where bullying tends to occur, so they need concrete strategies to use during an incident. Be sure to involve all school staff in the development of a comprehensive school-wide prevention plan as well as in all trainings. ESP-specific resources are also needed. Evaluate Annually and Sustain Efforts Over Time Monitor classrooms and school grounds for implementation fidelity. Consistency of effort is essential. Bullying prevention requires a long-term commitment. Bullying is a Social Justice Issue NEA’s vision and mission statements are rooted in social justice. Social justice includes a vision of society in which all members are physically and psychologically safe and secure. Bullying and sexual harassment are behaviors designed to oppress another person. It is our duty as educators to assure a safe learning environment and social justice for all students. HOW DO I ADVOCATE? “I was bullied badly when I was a student, starting all the way back in elementary school. It started in my fifth grade Physical Education class. I didn’t throw a ball in the most masculine ways. One of the boys yelled, “You throw like a girl!” Then others joined in. “You’re a queer,” they said, laughing. By high school, the constant bullying led me to extreme depression. My grades dropped, and so did my aspirations. I attempted suicide twice. When I recovered and finally came to terms with who I was, I knew I was going to dedicate my life to making sure that no other kids would endure what I endured.” Vincent Pompei, Teacher Do Girls and
Boys Bully Differently? Every day kids in schools are dealing with bullying. They are tormented, harassed, punched, pushed and humiliated. And yet every experience is unique depending not only the type of bully but also on the gender of the bully. When it comes to bullying, boys and girls approach it very differently. For instance, girls tend to use more relational aggression while boys tend to resort to physical bullying. This is not to say that girls won’t be physically aggressive or boys won’t exclude others, but there are tendencies in bullying that are influenced by gender. Here’s a closer look at what sets male bullying apart from female bullying. A Closer Look at Male Bullying When it comes to bullying behavior, boys tend to be more physically aggressive and impulsive than girls. As a result, they will attack other people when they show weakness. Additionally, some male bullies, or alpha males, usually assemble a group of followers that are looking for acceptance. As a result, these boys, or followers, will often do anything or say anything just to maintain their position within the group. Likewise, male bullies usually enjoy the status a fight brings them. As a result, they may indulge in menacing behavior and typically are more direct when bullying others. When boys bully, they will bully both girls and boys. They also tend to be more open about their bullying behavior, which makes it much easier to spot male bullies. Overall, boys are more likely to bully and be bullied than girls. And they are more accepting of bullying behavior than girls. What this means is that boys may still like a girl even if she bullies other people. And, they may be friends with a boy who bullies others. Finally, bullying tends to end more quickly among boys than it does with girls. As a result, boys can let things go. But girls will often hold grudges. A Closer Look at Female Bullying Girls tend to bully other girls indirectly or by using relational aggression. As a result, they resort to verbal assaults, ostracizing, spreading rumors and gossiping – the epitome of mean girl behavior. Moreover, girls disguise their bullying and act in more passive aggressive ways, which makes girl-on-girl bullying much more difficult to spot. Like boys, girls also form groups around a leader. But in girl groups, especially cliques, the girls are in constant competition with one another. As a result, they never truly trust one another within the clique. For instance, the leader in the clique is often worried that at any moment she will lose her power to another member of the group that seems more worthy than she is. If this happens, the clique will form around the new leader. Most female bullies do not act alone. Instead, they tend to have accomplices or followers who support their behavior. Additionally, girls will rally around the primary bully in order to gain more social standing in the group giving into peer pressure and bullying even when they know it’s wrong. Meanwhile, girls also experience sexual bullying more than boys. For example, girls are more likely to have rumors spread about sexual activity regardless of the validity of the claims. And, they are more likely to be on the receiving end of sexual messages or harassment from boys. Finally, girls tend to be more premeditated in their bullying while boys tend to bully based on opportunity. As a result, girls are often on the receiving end of psychological bullying because it takes planning and boys are more often on the receiving end of physical bullying because it is typically impulsive. Because boys and girls bully
differently, it's important to be able to identify those
differences. Otherwise, bullying will often go undetected,
especially among girls. When this happens, the consequences
of the bullying are significant. In fact, the longer
bullying goes on the more severe the response and the longer
it will take to overcome the bullying. Surprising
Ways Girls Bully Differently Someone once said that passive aggression is like a dog that licks you and whizzes on you at the same time. The image is a great way to describe how most girls bully. While we often think of bullying as physical harm such as fighting or destroying property, many girls will bully in ways that are much more subtle or passive. This type of bullying is much less easily identified and is often masked by surface level positive behavior. In contrast, a large majority of boy bullies will inflict physical harm, but this is not always the case. Despite the fact that girls tend to use a more covert type of bullying, it can still be as dangerous and psychologically damaging as more physical forms of bullying. Girl bullying can range from mild acts of passive aggression to full on covert battles. Girls will choose a victim and identify what is most important to that child. They will then focus on ways to damage, sabotage, or disrupt what is important to the child. The goal of this activity is to gain power over the victim through isolation, humiliation, and control of her interactions with others. This is often accomplished by encouraging other children not to be friends with the child, spreading rumors, cyber-bullying, and bullying by text. Some girls will even encourage other children to join in with the bullying. Girl bullies can wield this type of power because they can be quite charming and popular on the surface. Others are naturally attracted to that charisma and want to be friends. The girl bullies then manipulate people in those relationships. The bully's accomplices are sometimes unaware of what they are being drawn into until they are socially entrapped. They carry out the bully's instructions and mimic her behaviors because they do not want to become victims themselves. Typical Girl Bully Tactics:
Emerging bullying behaviors can be seen in children as early as in preschool. Many children outgrow this behavior through normal socialization and correction by adults. Some, however, simply learn ways to continue the behaviors without being detected. There are several ways parents and
teachers can detect signs of bullying in girls. First, they
should be aware of any child who seems isolated from
activities on the playground. Being aware of the nonverbal
behaviors between girls in the classroom such as gesturing,
whispering, rolling eyes, staring, ignoring, and passing
notes can help parents and teachers detect when bully
activities are going on. Make the effort to be aware of
activities of cliques and groups of students who tend to
exclude and isolate others. Watching the activities of
groups of girls can help adults identify potential victims
and offer assistance when needed. Take this quiz to help
determine if your child is a bully. Most importantly, do not
be hesitant to intervene if your child is bullying others or
if your child is being bullied. Bullying has harmful and
possibly lifelong negative consequences for both the victim
and the bully if left unaddressed. Not sure where to turn
for help? Start by talking with your child's counselor at
school. Together, you can develop an intervention plan to
address the problem. October - Bully
Awareness and Prevention Month - Press Release 2023 A 2018 study from Pew Research found that 59% of teens had experienced some form of cyberbullying. Examples include 42% offensive name-calling, 32% spreading false rumors and 25% receiving unsolicited explicit images. A new study from Comparitech found that kids reported being bullied 83% at school, 33% on the school bus, and 19% on social media sites or apps, most commonly via text messaging. Finally, a new survey from the Anti-Defamation League found that one in four Americans experience severe online harassment, so, unfortunately, online bullying is an issue for all ages. In order to address cyberbullying, students should be taught that if they wouldn't say something to someone's face, they shouldn't say it to them online, through texting, or posting in any other way. Parents and educators should let students know that it is okay to immediately report if they are being digitally harassed, cyberbullied, cyberstalked or if they have been approached by a predator. During this unprecedented time where kids are spending their days online, parents and educators should keep close tabs on all online interactions and encourage students to send screenshots or screen recordings of any rule violations they see to help with investigating and takedowns of problematic or abusive content. It is important to monitor computer use. You want to respect your children's privacy yet, your child's safety may override these privacy concerns. Tell your child that you are not spying on them but you may review their online communications if you think there is reason for concern. Curry County Suicide Awareness and
Prevention Council NJ dad demands
justice after 14-year-old daughter's suicide Editor's Note: If you are in the US
and you or a loved one have contemplated suicide, call or
text The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or
1-800-273-8255 or text SOS to 741741 to connect with a
trained counselor 24/7 He came home from
school, left video: 'I hate my life' -
4/1/23 On the afternoon of the worst day of Terry Badger II's life, the text message from his son never came. "Hey dad, I'm home. Going to do my homework. I'll see you here in a little bit." Thirteen-year-old Terry Badger III sent those words, or some variation of them, every single afternoon to his dad at work, just like the morning messages Terry sent without fail that said, "I'm up. Getting ready for school. Love you." His dad got the morning message from Terry on March 6. But not the afternoon one. That was odd. Terry was home from school. His mom, Robyn, had dropped him off just after 3 p.m. then left for a quick run to the gas station. She had no reason to think she shouldn't leave Terry alone. There were no signs. On the car ride home, Terry had acted like he always acted, smiling, happy, nothing out of the ordinary, Robyn said. He talked like he always talked, about his plans to get his homework done so he could go to the baseball field at 4:30 p.m. to practice batting with his dad and some friends. But Terry wasn't really thinking about batting practice or homework on that car ride home, his parents later found out. He wasn't thinking about texting his dad after school. They found out when they watched the video Terry recorded just after 3 p.m. on March 6. Their son was in a very dark place. Terry believed, in those moments, his life wasn't worth living. There were kids at Covington Middle School, the family alleges, who bullied Terry every day, asking if he shopped at Goodwill, calling him a "fatass," making fun of his shoes, laughing at his haircut, telling him he was worthless. "I get picked on every (single) day and I hate my life," Terry said in the video. "You can thank (Terry listed his bullies' names) for this." Then Terry turned off the video and put his phone down. Minutes later, Robyn got home from the gas station and walked into Terry's room. "I pray that no parent ever has to see ...," Robyn said, unable to say the words, "what I saw." She knew there was "absolutely, not a chance" that the call to 911 would save her son's life. But Robyn called 911 anyway, hysterical and screaming. Then she called Terry's dad at work. All Badger heard was Robyn shrieking and screaming words he couldn't understand. "The only way I knew what happened,” he said, ”was the city cop got on the phone and he told me." Badger ran out of work and sped toward his house. He pulled into the driveway of his Covington home and he saw the police officer standing on the porch with tears streaming down his face. Terry Alan Badger III was dead by suicide, five months short of his fourteenth birthday. "And there was nothing I could do," Badger said. "I'm still trying to wake up from a nightmare." 'It just overtook him' Terry and Robyn Badger are sitting on a couch holding hands, wearing red T-shirts with the words "Hittin Dingers TB3 44," the nickname and number for Terry. They are sitting, talking about their son with blankets draped over them. They can't sleep at night, their loss is still so raw and the tears are hard to stop. Badger's quilt is crafted from jerseys that Terry wore, from the time he stepped onto a baseball field at the age of 2. Robyn's blanket is covered with a massive photo of her and Terry at a baseball tournament last season. He was starting to look like a young man. Terry was a baseball phenom. There had been talk in Covington about moving Terry up to the varsity team this spring as a seventh grader, said his grandpa, the eldest Terry Badger. He was a third baseman and pitcher who could throw 71 miles an hour and who batted .400 last season, including a home run that sailed more than 300 feet. Terry had 27 home runs in his career. He signed and saved every one of those balls. He had too many championship trophies to count, too many to fit on the shelves in his bedroom. Terry was looking forward to the upcoming season playing for Indiana Nitro Gold, the top travel team in the Westfield organization's 13U age division. The Badgers had so many hopes and dreams for their only son. But now they have one horrific memory, a memory they are fighting to keep from overshadowing all the good ones. "He would shake your hand and ask your name and he'd say just a little thing about you that he would remember. He touched several people in many different ways. Friends on his baseball team write us about life lessons that they've learned from Terry, at the age of 13," Terry Badger II said Thursday, March 23, 2023, of his son Terry Badger III, or TB3 as he was known to his family and friends. "Just how to be strong and work through adversity. And there's always a positive out of a negative. How to be friends. How to be a team. How to be an individual person. I mean, it was how to laugh, how to love, how to have fun." Fighting through tears Badger talked about his son, who died by suicide on March 6, 2023, after his family says he was bullied at school. Terry and Robyn will never go back to live in that house, the white house with a green and yellow bird feeder hanging on a tree in the front yard and a creek flowing in the back, a creek where Terry loved to set minnow traps and one day came home with a family of snakes. That house, it once was filled with so much happiness. Now it only brings heartache. The Badgers are living with Terry's grandparents, Terry and Mary Badger, as they look for a new home. "I can't go back in there," said Robyn. Not after what she saw. Terry and Robyn said they knew their son was being bullied. He talked to them about it. "I just tried to make him stronger, you know, let that stuff go, take it as a grain of salt, walk away, that kind of thing," Badger said. "And it just overtook him." There was the time Terry got a haircut, went to school the next day and was taunted. That night at 11 p.m. he told his dad he needed a different haircut. "I'm like 'Buddy, I'm not cutting your hair. There is nothing wrong with it,’" Badger said. "'It's fine.'" Terry knew it wasn't fine, not if he didn't change something. "Dad, I'm not going back to school. I'm not getting made fun of anymore," he said. Badger re-cut Terry's hair as the clock neared midnight so he would go back to school. The kids found something else to pick on. His $150 pair of Nike Air Max shoes. The kids made fun of those. Terry came home from school furious, threw them into his closet and never wore them again, his parents said. Not wearing those shoes didn't stop the taunts. Terry was 5-3 and weighed 150 pounds. He and his dad had recently started lifting together and "you could see the chisel and the chest starting to form," Badger said, "just a solid chunk of boy." That's not what the kids who bullied Terry called him. They called him a "fatass," his parents say. They made fun of his clothes. One day he wore sweatpants and a Purdue T-shirt, the college baseball team he dreamed of playing for. Nothing was good enough. "Hey, you shopping at Goodwill?" Badger said the kids asked Terry. When Robyn picked Terry up from school March 6, he was smiling. "He had a good poker face," Robyn said. "As parents, we asked Terry every day, 'How's school?' You have to really pay attention. You don't have a clue what's really going on inside of their heads ... until it's too late." 'I hope it stops all the hate' The bullying started when Terry was young, in elementary school, his parents say. It was severe enough in middle school that Badger had a meeting with Covington school officials to see what could be done to make things better for his son. That meeting might as well have not happened, the family says. The kids continued to torment Terry. IndyStar reached out to Brady Scott, superintendent of Covington Community School Corporation, and asked if officials at the middle school were aware Terry was being bullied and, if so, had anything been done to help Terry, to prevent the bullying. "Regarding (the bullying allegations), we have responded to those allegations by launching an independent investigation into the situation at hand," Scott wrote in an email to IndyStar. "At Covington Schools, anytime an incident is reported by students, we investigate and follow up as our policy directs our staff should." Scott said the school community "continues to mourn and heal from this tragedy. Covington schools continue to provide support to both students and staff in need." When asked if any changes were being made in school policies for bully prevention due to Terry’s death, Scott responded: "Any potential changes that could come about would be a reflection of our independent investigation. Covington Schools is always looking for areas in all facets for continual improvement. "Lastly, we continue to support one another through this tragedy and mourn the loss of one of our own. We also recognize that there is a student mental health crisis, not only in Covington, but across the country that we will continue to help our students deal with moving forward." Covington Middle School sits empty Thursday, March 23, 2023, as kids, teachers and staff are on spring break. Terry Badger II and wife, Robyn, say their son Terry Badger III was bullied and died by suicide just weeks before on March 6, 2023. "We asked Terry everyday, 'How's 'school?' He'd always say, 'Great, had fun.'" Robyn Badger, mother of Terry Badger III, said. "That's all he would say. Really pay attention. You don't have a clue what's really going on in their head until it's too late." The Badgers say the bullying began in elementary school and continued into middle school. Their son, TB3 as he was known to friends and family, was in 7th grade when he died. The visitation for Terry was held at noon March 12 at the Covington Middle School gym. The family asked attendees to wear sports gear or their favorite team's shirt to celebrate Terry's life. "People were lined up two blocks back from the gym and it was that way for four hours," Badger said. "It was definitely overwhelming, but we appreciated everything and I know he did, too." Badger said at his son's funeral, the family heard stories of all the wonderful things Terry had done, many they didn't know about. Since his death, they have received dozens of letters, emails and phone calls. "The day after, I mean the day after, we had a parent contact us that their son (a junior at Covington High) had said the same thing," Badger said. That his life wasn't worth living. Terry saved their son's life, the parents told Badger. Terry's grave is in Mount Hope Cemetery in Covington. Tony Badger, Terry's uncle, picked out his plot. No one else in the family could bring themselves to do it. The mound of fresh earth is covered now by mementos of Terry's life. A baseball created from white and red roses sits on a stand draped by a black ribbon that reads: "Remember TB3 No. 44Ever." "I'm still trying to wake up from a nightmare and I know it's not going to happen," Terry Badger II, father of Terry Badger III, said through tears. Badger III died by suicide on March 6, 2023, after school. The bullying, the family says, had gotten to be too much. "Kids, they need to be kids," Robyn Badger, mother of Badger III, said. "They don't need to be feeling this badly." Wiffle Balls and baseballs adorn Badger III's gravesite. He loved baseball, the family says. His main positions were pitcher and third base, amassing 27 home runs in 13 years. He saved and signed each ball. On the grave is a Wiffle Ball. Terry loved to crush that ball in the backyard with his cousins. There is a baseball and a miniature basketball. Terry was a point guard who could read the court like no one else, said his grandpa. Terry's grave backs up to sprawling farm fields. "Here, he gets to see both fields all the way around, have deer coming through all the time," said Tony. "He would love it here." Terry loved to hunt deer. He got an 8-point buck with a crossbow this season. He loved to hunt squirrels, mushrooms and wanted to hunt coyotes. He loved to fish. He still holds the family record, a 41-pound catfish. He loved the Crunchwrap Supremes from Taco Bell. He loved singing in the shower. He loved life. Until he walked into school. 'I watched my brother's soul leave his body that day' Uncle Tony is pissed. Excuse his language. He is angry. He hasn't had time to truly grieve the loss of a nephew he called T-Money who was "the best kid you would ever meet." He isn't mad at Terry for what he did. He is mad about everything leading up to that afternoon. He is mad at the people who failed Terry. He is mad that a kid who always wanted to help everyone else, whose dream of playing for the St. Louis Cardinals wasn't that far fetched, who made people feel like the world was a happy place, could be gone from this earth. Tony is mad that as he stood in front of the house where Terry took his life, he looked at his brother "and I watched my brother's soul leave his body that day." "There was a march for him the Saturday before the services. There was three street blocks full of people walking and we marched through town and went down to the baseball fields where we did a candlelight for him," Terry Badger II said Thursday, March 23, 2023. "And then we let off 44 balloons." A scoreboard at the ballpark still shuffles through photos of Badger III. The family says it's part of their daily ritual to go to the field and watch the display. Two benches and a couple tissue boxes still sit by second base. Badger III died by suicide on March 6, 2023, after his family says he was bullied at school. Tony said he asks himself over and over, "Why in the (expletive) didn't he call me that day? Like why didn't he call and say, 'Hey Uncle Tony, can I come over?'" He has been fighting to come to terms with all of it as he tries to be a rock for his brother, Robyn and Terry's older sister, Zoe. As he tries to be there for his wife, Summer, and their three children who adored their cousin Terry. And as he tries to be there for his parents, who should never have lost a grandson. Tony sat in his truck pulled on the side of a street overlooking Covington Youth Baseball's major league field on an early morning last week, where a video board flashed photos of Terry. The photos were put up for a march the town of 2,700 people held in memory of Terry just days after his death. Three street blocks full of people marched through Covington down to the baseball fields, where a candlelight vigil was held and 44 balloons were set off. Tony sat above that field last week, stared at the video board and listened to Terry's favorite song, "Dear Sons," by Hosier. Dad, why does things happen in life the way they do? I don't know, son, but remember this. Everything in life happens for a reason Stand strong, my sons, and always be great. Listen up and pay attention. Don't listen to what the naysayers say That song, which was played at Terry's funeral, the words to that song "sound just like T-Money," Tony said. The naysayers. Stand strong. Why do things happen in life. If his parents could talk to Terry one more time, his dad said he would tell him how much he loved him. "Yes," Robyn said. "I would squeeze him as hard as I could and just smell him, take in his smell." 'He was going to take care of mom and dad' Terry was born in Danville, Ill., 12 miles from Covington, weighing 5 pounds, 3 ounces. He was a tiny being who grew big and strong and, who his parents say, made a monstrous impact. He loved to make people laugh, said Robyn. And he loved meeting new people, said Badger. "He would shake your hand and ask your name and he would wait for you to say just a little thing about you that he would remember," Terry's dad says, crying. "He touched several people in many different ways." After Terry's death, his teammates told Badger life lessons they learned from Terry, "how to be strong and work through adversity, how to work through mistakes." There was the baseball game when Terry's team was down 15 or 16 runs, ready for their last at bat in the bottom of the last inning. "I wasn't in the dugout, but a couple of kids have told me that we were down, our heads were down, we weren't talking," Badger said. "And Terry came in the dugout and told them, 'Get up. We're going to win this game.' And we came back and won." Those teammates said Terry taught them "that there is always a positive out of a negative, how to be friends, how to be a team, how to laugh, how to love and how to have fun," Badger said. "And how to dream." A photo shown Thursday, March 23, 2023, of Terry Badger III holding a bass is attached to a poster board that was used during his funeral. Badger III died by suicide March 6, 2023. According to his family, Badger III loved being outside and enjoyed most sports. Terry had big dreams for his modest family. Badger is a mechanical tech. Robyn is a manger at McDonald's. Terry had plans to make life better for his parents. "He was going to the MLB to play for the Cardinals," Robyn said. "He was going to take care of mom and dad. He said that ever since he was little." Terry always asked his parents what kind of car they wanted when he became a professional baseball player. He wanted a Lamborghini. "He always asked if we wanted to live by ourselves or live in the basement of his house," Badger said. "He always had different things on his mind but it was always about family. It was always about trying to take care of somebody." And that is why Terry's death, and how he died, is such a cruel, tragic irony for the family. "He was always trying to be the protector," his dad said. "If he saw kids getting picked on, he would stop that. He didn't like it. He wanted to be friends with everybody and just go out and play." 'I just wish that I could talk to you again, somehow, some way' "That was his last bat," Robyn says, pointing to Terry's brand new white bat lying on the living room floor next to a pair of new white batting gloves. Terry had picked it out just weeks before he died. He never got to use that bat. Terry has come to Badger in a dream just one time since he died. "The only thing he said to me was, 'I miss you coach.'" Badger coached so many of his son's teams. And he plans to coach again. "That's what he wants me to do," he said. "I've got to do it for him and his buddies, his Nitro team." Beyond all the sadness, the Badgers say, there is some peace in knowing that Terry isn't hurting every day, feeling so badly about himself. "I know he's not struggling anymore and he's happy, he's got friends there," Badger said. "He's able to play baseball on a golden field." The Badgers are faithful people. They believe they will see their son again. "He'll be waiting on us," Badger said, "with his hand out." Terry's parents have a song they listen to over and over, "Beat You There," by Will Dempsey. It brings them great comfort. Don't cry for me; I'm alright; Yeah, I'm better than you know And this life can be a shorter ride; So don't waste it on sorrow And just hold on to those moments; And the memories we shared We're both headed for the same place anyway I just beat you there After a windy and wet morning, Lila Badger attaches a ribbon Thursday, March 23, 2023, to a floral baseball marking the gravesite of her cousin, Terry Badger III, who died by suicide weeks prior. The two grew up close, spending many days together. Honoring TB3 The Badger family is pushing for Indiana lawmakers to pass House Bill 1483, authored by Rep. Vernon Smith. The bill aims to prohibit bullying in schools and requires, among other things, that the school corporation report an act of bullying to the parents of the victim within three business days and the parents of an alleged perpetrator within five business days after the incident is reported. The school corporation, after determining the severity of an incident of bullying, could be required to approve the transfer of a victim or the alleged perpetrator of an act of bullying to another school under certain circumstances. A change.org petition supporting House Bill 1483 has been started in Terry's honor. As of Wednesday night, the petition had nearly 33,000 signatures. The petition can be signed here. "The bill, it's our future. It should mean way more than anything right now to us," Badger said. "As an adult, as a nation, it's our fuhure and we've got to do something now." As of April 2, 2023, it still hadn't be introduced in the Senate Donations in honor of Terry can be made to The Fountain Trust Company. Checks should be made payable to "FBO Terry Badger III" and mailed to the bank at 615 3rd St., Covington, IN, 47932. Follow IndyStar sports
reporter Dana Benbow on Twitter: @DanaBenbow. Reach her via
email: dbenbow@indystar.com.
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5:17 