Men & Therapy
I want to share my belief in therapy for men. While there are around 3-4 women therapists for every male therapist, there is one thing Females Assigned at Birth cannot feel how it is for a Male Assigned at Birth feels about growing up Male. They may be able to empathize, but they can not feel the socialization and pressure expected of us the majority of our lives. The juxtaposition I'll use is that while I was not only sexually and physically abuse by a stepmother when I was young and have been beat-up on the street by another young male while I was a young male, I cannot feel the fear that often happens for women when the walk past a male on the street after dark. I can empathize with her and I understand that males have incarcerated many millennia women's grand mothers, removed their ovaries, gave them lobotomies, and that many of their friends have been raped, been in a domestic violence or dating violence situation, physically hurt, maybe for life, by a male. I created a 4-day 3-night residential workshop back in 1985 called Healing the Father Wound. One for women only and one for men only. For 25 years I took hundreds of women through this experience (on both coasts and several cities in between. After three days of getting in touch with many wounds that were remembered and many that were stuck, hidden in the cells of the body, releasing anger through Tantrum Yoga (without hitting anything any one or their selves, we arrived Sunday morning in a space for healing, for understand without excusing for the outcome, what most fathers had to endure as a boy, young man, and older man and the expectations placed upon them, and got down to a simple question. "How would it "feel" to spend your entire life being mental groomed to kill other women? And, would you want to trade places at birth? This is my my suggestion For many men, the most emotionally intimate relation they have is with a woman and their wife. They got buddies, but few have a male friend that knows as much about their fears and sorrows as a woman. So, many men gravitate to a woman therapist. The other factor is that there are so few male therapists. I still encourage finding a male therapist. For most men, I think you will get an understanding that having a therapist born MAAB will have a much deeper understanding of your experience and therefore be able to guide your process in a more understandable way to be able to move through therapies at a much quicker pace and acquire the healing you are looking for. - Gordon Clay
Men and Mental
Health Our goal in the Men’s Mental Health Campaign is to challenge some of the common yet false beliefs that men hold about mental health, particularly the beliefs that might prevent them from getting the help they need. Let’s start the conversation. Common Belief: “I don’t need help. I got this.” Research shows that, often, the men who need mental health services most – stressed out, successful, athletic, family men – are also the least interested in getting help. The traditional male role encourages a preoccupation with success, power and competition. And yet these types of men are at higher risk of negative psychological consequences, such as depression, anxiety, and relationship problems. Common Belief: “Talking about my problems is not going to change anything.” The term “normative male alexithymia” has been used to describe men’s problems with expressing their emotions, a possible contributor to depression and barrier to treatment. Men are geared towards problem solving, but sometimes holding in how you feel is part of the problem. When you start talking about things that bother you or are causing stress, the problem solving can begin. Athletes will “huddle up” on the court or field to make a plan or a game strategy and make adjustments as they go along. This is similar to what happens in counseling or therapy. mood, relationships, and life. Start the conversation. With someone you trust. With someone who is trained. With someone who cares. Ask questions. Start the conversation. Conversation Guide Some tips to start a conversation with someone about concerns around mental health. DO: OBSERVE, COMMUNICATE, RESPECT DON’T: ASSUME, ALIENATE, LABEL Start a Conversation
Listen Without Judgment
Encourage Action
Follow Up
Dealing with Denial?
Is Their Life in Danger?
Get immediate crisis help by calling
1-800-273-TALK (8255) or Texting "SOS" to 741741.. June Is Men's
Health Month! If you think you or a loved-one may be experiencing signs of a mental illness, visit www.mhascreening.org to take a free, quick and confidential screen for depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, PTSD, and/or Alcohol or Substance Use problems. 5 Problems Affecing Men Depression - Over 6 million men suffer from depression per year. Male depresoin often goes undiagnosed. Men are more likely to report fatigue, irritablity, loss of interest in work or hobbies, rather than feelings of saadness or worthlessness. Anxiety Approximately 19.11 million American ADULTS ages 18-54 have an anxiety disorder. 3,020,000 men have a panic disordre, agoraphobia, or any other phobia Bipolar Disordre: 2.3 million Americans are affected b bipolar disorder. An equal amount of men and women devlop the illness. The age of onset for men is betwen 16 to 25. Psychosis and Schizophrenian Approximately 3.5 million PEOPLE in the U..S. are diagnosed with schizophrenian and it i one of th leardin gcuses of disability. Ninety percentt of people who are diagosed with schixophrnis by sge 30 are men. Eating Disorders. Males account for around 10% of patients with anorexia or bulimia and an estimated 35% of those with binge-eating disorder. Men with eating disorders are less likely to seek professional help than women. Fast Facs" Suicide Among the elderly: The highest suicdie rates in the US are found in Caucasian men voer the age of 85. On the rise: Male suicides have been on the rise since 2000. Suicide is the 7th leading cause of death among males, accoring for 2.2% of all male deaths in 2011. Gender Disparity: More than 4 times as many men as women die by suicide in the U.S. In 2010, a total of 38,364 Americans died by shicide and over three-quarters (79% of these sucides were men Sexual orientation: Gay and bisexual men are more likely to develop mental health disorders than heterosexual men. Gay males are at an incereased risk for suicide atempts, especially before the age of 25. Risk factors: Factors including social isolation, substance abuve, unemployment,military-related truma, genetic predisposition, and other mood disorders, put individuals at a higher risk for suicide. The Science of Male Mental Health Low levels aof testosterone are correlated with depression, stress and mood swings, especially among olfder men. Seeking treatment
Source: www.mhanational.org/infographic-mental-health-men What men can gain
from therapy - 5/23/16 We like to think of ourselves as strong, problem-solver types. But when it comes to emotional and mental issues, men need to quit trying to bottle up their feelings and tough it out, says Dr. Darshan Mehta, medical director of the Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine at Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts General Hospital. “Your mental health is equally as important as your physical health. Not addressing negative feelings can carry over to all aspects of your life and have a profound impact.” When to see a therapist Depression is the most common reason men should seek professional help. Many life situations — jobs, relationships — can trigger its trademark symptoms, such as prolonged sadness, lack of energy, and a constant feeling of stress. For older men, it can also be brought on by financial anxiety about retirement, the death of a spouse or friend, or even the loss of independence, like losing the ability to drive. Left unchecked, these feelings could cause other health problems, such as rapid weight loss, insomnia, declining libido, and changes in memory. They may even lead to destructive behavior like alcohol or opioid dependence. “While men may recognize these changes when they occur, they may not know the root cause, or if they do, what they can do about it,” says Dr. Mehta. This is when a therapist can lend a hand — or ear. “A therapist can help identify the source of your problems and then help resolve them,” he adds. How to find a therapist First, talk with your doctor about your situation, how you feel, and your symptoms. He or she will no doubt know therapists who can help with your specific issues. There are other places to start besides your primary care doctor, too. For example, many employee health care plans offer confidential help lines where you can ask questions and find therapists in your network. Another source is the National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline (1-800-950-6264). There are many kinds of professionals who offer many different types of therapy. Their individual approaches are based on their particular training and experience. The main ones include: Psychiatrist. A doctor with a medical degree who can prescribe medication. He or she often helps with more severe issues, such as major depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Psychologist. A professional who has a PhD or a PsyD in clinical psychology. He or she can treat a full range of emotional and psychological issues, such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, but in most states cannot prescribe medication. Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC). He or she has a master’s degree plus 2,000 hours of supervised psychotherapy experience. This type of mental health professional focuses on the problems of everyday living, like stress and anxiety, relationship conflicts, and mild depression. Clinician Nurse Specialist. Like psychiatrists, he or she can prescribe medication. This type of professional works either independently or in collaboration with a supervising physician. Licensed Social Worker/Licensed Clinical Social Worker/Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker. These mental health professionals assess and treat people living with mental illness and substance abuse issues. By providing group therapy, outreach, crisis intervention programs, and social rehabilitation, social workers help to ease clients back into their communities and daily lives. Clinical social workers provide care through numerous avenues, including hospitals, family service agencies and organizations like the U.S. Veteran’s Administration. What to expect Your therapist should help you establish goals of care and then outline a strategy to meet them. This may include a combination of therapy during regular sessions as well as “homework” to follow in between visits. Weekly visits are typical. Yours may be more or less frequent than that depending on how you respond to the therapy. After your initial treatment sessions, you might return periodically for “booster” visits to prevent a future relapse. "Do not give up if you do not feel a
strong connection with the first therapist you try", says
Dr. Mehta. “Try someone else and do not get
discouraged. The goal is to find the right person who can
guide you.” While therapy may feel awkward at first,
most men soon recognize its value", he adds. “Once they
make that connection with a therapist, they are quite
receptive to therapy and welcome what it can
offer.” ProTip: Being a
Male Therapist in a Female-Dominated Field First and foremost, let’s talk about the concept of convincing others to work with you. As therapists, we all ‘sell ourselves’ to a certain extent regardless of the age/identified gender/or presenting problem. How do I do this? Well, plain and simple, I remain myself – not someone that I think the client/parent wants to see, but just me. I meet clients where they are and model authenticity and honesty. After all, isn’t this one of the core tenets of what we’re supporting our clients to do? Rather than trying to convince clients of working with me, I assist them in recognizing the potential benefits of working with a male therapist. In remaining objective with the client &/or parent, I’m able to remove my blinders and biases so to genuinely hear any possible concerns or trepidation. I’ve found that I’m able to have genuine and rich conversations surrounding the individual’s/parent’s initial thoughts on working with a guy. I refrain from attempting to convince of anything, rather I present the facts as well as my professional experiences and successes as a male therapist. Much of my work with clients, regardless of their ages, focuses on authenticity – letting your real and true-self shine through. I embrace this same mentality for myself. I’m just me and I’ve come to embrace that my authentic-self is my best-self. This is the individual that I bring into each and every session and I like to believe that it is through this display of authenticity that I’m able to connect with all individuals regardless of age or gender identity. As therapists, we all navigate through our journey in becoming licensed professionals by launching into our own world of self-reflection. With this, I’ve spent a great deal of time and energy looking back at my own reflection and learning to appreciate and love the person that was staring back at me. Sure, the journey wasn’t always glamorous and I had some pretty significant “yuck” that I had to work through on my own, but I made it through. This, I believe above all else, is what has made me the professional that I am today and who individuals trust to support them as they work through their own life struggles. Now, let’s get to the million-dollar question “how do you convince others that it’s okay to work with a male therapist?” Before I launch into that, let’s take a step back and look at our own beliefs and biases. What are your own thoughts/beliefs in working with or referring a client to a male therapist? Do your beliefs change at all depending on the identified gender of the client? How about the age of the client? If the answer is yes to either of these questions, there’s some internal belief exploration to do. Yes, I possessed my own thoughts and biases regarding male therapists and internalized my own anxieties in working with adult and adolescent female identifying clients. The identification of these anxieties was paramount for me in finding success as a male therapist. I began asking myself questions: “What is it about working with a 13-year old girl that provokes stress for me when I’m at complete ease in working with a 13-year old boy? Why am I feeling trepidation when speaking to a parent of a high school daughter but feel utter confidence in speaking about their son?” I could dedicate an entire post just to these emotional disconnects, but for the sake of today’s post, I want to draw back to the concept of authenticity. As long as I’m remaining true to my authentic-self, my support and compassion does not waiver depending upon the identified gender or age of the individual that is sitting on my couch. As I highlighted in my initial post, there are numerous benefits in working with a male therapist. Here are a few of the take-aways from that post – male therapists can:
This all begins, though, with the therapist’s self-reflection and self-awareness. Just as I’ve come to embrace my authenticity, I encourage each of you to embrace yours. We ask our clients to bring their true-selves into each session therefore it’s only expected that we bring ours. Today’s post is focused on my
experience as a male therapist and how I’ve navigated
through any hurdles or potential obstacles that I’ve
encountered. Branching out to a broader level, I’ve
also had to be mindful of the systems surrounding me and how
these structures impact my success. I’ve purposefully
left this area out of today’s blog as I feel that it
warrants its own post so be on the look out for a future
edition of this topic and my adventures. The new year just
may bring about some new trainings/workshops/webinars on
Succeeding as a Male Therapist in a Female-Dominated
Field. Male Therapist:
Breaking Stigma - A Better Life Therapy Many people are aware of the tired old stereotype about men that claim, “Real men are expected to ignore their emotions or pretend that they don’t exist.” Throughout my life, my professional life, in particular, I have noticed that it isn’t socially acceptable for some men to feel anything other than anger. Many are conditioned to simply feel nothing at all. This attitude does not produce a healthy, sustainable emotional life and can end up harming men and their loved ones as well. Identifying these ingrained cultural expectations enables me to break down barriers and expose the damage that they cause. In my journey to become a therapist, I had to face my own past emotional baggage and cultural label before I could become a fully available resource for my clients. I have discovered that maintaining a healthy mental perspective is life-long exercise and continue to deepen my own masculine identity along with my clients. My cohort in graduate school consisted of 28 people only five of whom were men. This was not a ratio I had encountered at any other point in my life, and it continued as I moved into internships and professional settings. After graduation, my first part-time position as a therapist was at an agency where I was one of 4 men in a staff of over 40 people. These experiences have been eye-opening for me as they were my first taste of how it feels to be in the minority. I plan to continue using these experiences as an opportunity to support a diverse group of clients. Being a male therapist can be a useful tool in daily sessions; if a client of any gender has had negative past experiences with men in their life the conflict can be addressed in real-time. The live unpacking of these emotions is a clinical tool that when used effectively, can be uniquely powerful. Individual sessions can provide an opportunity to experience what a boundaried, supportive, and respectful relationship with a man can be like. The opportunity to work with a male therapeutic perspective is also helpful when working with couples. Male partners are typically more reluctant to attend therapy sessions than their partners. The reason for the reluctance can be because certain men often report feeling “ganged up on” by their therapist and partner if both are women. On the other hand, being a male therapist can have its drawbacks if certain preconceived notions aren’t addressed early- on. Data indicates that men prefer results-driven modalities and may be impatient when it comes to accomplishing their goals. I am aware of the potential for this bias and address my therapeutic process and procedure at the outset. This pattern is one of the tools that drew me to Gottman Method therapies, as it is a data-driven tool with a proven structure that has been well-received by men and women alike. It has been a learning experience to examine how I interact with men and women of all ages and meet them at a place that is comfortable but still challenges the status quo. I love that my work affords me the opportunity to work with all kinds of people and that I get to help them identify their goals and provide them with support as they develop. The collaborative nature of the
therapeutic process keeps me engaged and continues to fuel
my desire to remain inquisitive and curious when meeting
with clients old and new. Why I will only
date men who go to therapy 1/28/20 In 2020, I am vowing to only date men committed to prioritizing their emotional and mental health. If he doesn’t go to therapy, I’m not interested. In my last serious relationship, I had both the benefit of exploring my toxic behavior patterns and the burden of being with a partner who refused to do the same. Our relationship started to shift when, during the height of an argument, I grew frustrated when my attempts at “helping” him solve a problem were being ignored. He followed up, like he often did, by screaming at the top of his lungs. Then he said something that snatched the movement from my body: “I’m not your project or something you can control.” This was my second relationship where what I called “the lack of appreciation for my help” my partner called “controlling.” I realized I was the common denominator here. What started as an exploration of trying to understand my own harmful behaviors ended in a commitment to therapy. There, I learned to call my attraction to “broken” men something more than a lack of gratitude or control; the illusion of “fixing” them allowed me to ignore all the areas where I was fractured. It allowed me to overlook the ways childhood traumas shaped my current relationship choices. It was classic avoidance. For months, I remained both in the relationship and in therapy to do the deeper work on myself. I directed my gaze away from scrutinizing his behavior and toward addressing the root of my own. I practiced mindfulness to reduce anxiety, used journaling to record and disrupt unhealthy patterns, and rotated coping mechanisms until I found one that fit. I was slowly forming healthy new habits. The need to control others was replaced by a desire for self-improvement. Meanwhile, he refused to go to therapy or even examine his own harmful patterns. He saw therapy as a “useless waste of time” that had nothing to do with “real life.” Besides, “nobody” in his family believed in “that stuff” and they all turned out “fine.” My former partner was not an anomaly. According to the American Psychological Association, research shows “men of all ages and ethnicities are less likely than women to seek help for all sorts of problems — including depression and substance abuse.” Which is particularly alarming considering the data that suggests “men make up over 75 percent of suicide victims in the United States. O’Brien Wimbish, a clinically trained therapist who specializes in intimacy and infidelity recovery, told Vox, “A lot of men are still operating under an unhealthy belief that addressing their feelings isn’t masculine. They think talking about their emotions — or even identifying an emotion other than rage — can make them what they consider soft. So they shut down, or sometimes become more aggressive, in their interpersonal relationships.” Wimbish, who has never treated me or my former partner, offered a perspective that was consistent with my experience. During the course of our relationship, my former partner’s propensity for screaming escalated to name-calling, and conflicts reached an all-time high. Or perhaps my tolerance for toxic relationships hit at an all-time low. But eventually, his version of love was no longer enough. I wanted reciprocity. I ended that relationship aware that constant self-work is a prerequisite for an emotionally healthier life and, if both parties are committed to it, the possibility of a healthy relationship. To be clear, therapy is not a magic pill. “Committing to therapy does not mean your relationship will be immune to trials,” Wimbish said, “but it certainly helps if both parties are fully invested in doing the work for their individual growth.” Therapy is also not cheap. Mental health providers in many cities can charge $75-$150 for a 45-minute session. Rates in New York City can be upward of $200 per hour. Therapists like Wimbish mitigate this by offering a sliding scale for payments. Sometimes, when the cost is still too high for me, I scale back and reserve sessions for particularly stressful seasons. And if a sliding payment scale is still a financial burden, research suggests regular practices of things like mindful meditation and creating a positive social support system can be forms of self-work. Wimbish added, “establishing an accountability system centered around a self-improvement goal can increase success and sustainability.” There’s also the fact that therapy doesn’t work if you don’t apply it once the session is over. As Wimbish said, “You will not get the full benefits of therapy sessions without doing the homework assigned. It requires a personal commitment outside of my office.” If therapy has taught me anything, it’s taught me that the real work starts when you go home and use a new coping skill in response to stress or anxiety, instead of engaging in a familiar unhealthy habit. These days, I have refined my approach
to dating. Now, during that early stage when a man mentions
how long he’s been single, instead of inquiring about
the details of the breakup, I ask how he managed the healing
process. I recently met a guy who wasn’t alarmed by the
question. Without pause, he identified a couple of healthy
coping strategies provided by his therapist. This on its own
does not mean he will be the best partner for me. Rather, it
suggests that he recognizes self-work as an individual
process, one that he isn’t socialized to be ashamed of.
Which is a healthy start. Why Many Men Have
a Harder Time Seeking Treatment for Mental Illness -
6/30/19 A lot of men fall prey to the false idea that they should be “tough enough” to fix all their problems on their own. Getty Images According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, men died by suicide at a rate of 3.54 percent higher than women in 2017. Mental Health America reports 6 million men are affected by depression in the United States every single year. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism Trusted Source puts the annual number of men dying due to alcohol-related causes at 62,000, compared to 26,000 women. And men are also two to three times more likelyTrusted Source to misuse drugs than women. Depression and suicide are ranked as a leading cause of death among men, and yet they’re still far less likely to seek mental health treatment than women. The stigma men face “I think part of it may be this macho thing,” Dr. Raymond Hobbs, a physician consultant at Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, told Healthline. “A lot of guys don’t want to admit they have this problem. They still see depression as a sign of weakness.” He was clear that this type of thinking is outdated, a relic of previous generations that doesn’t speak to the current medical understanding of mental illness. “We know so much more now, and we recognize the chemical changes that take place. In many ways, mental illness is just like diabetes, or any other physical condition,” he said. But Hobbs points out a lot of people don’t look at it that way. Instead they still see mental health struggles as a personal issue and a lack of personal fortitude. Because of that, and the stigma that still exists surrounding mental illness (not to mention, the pressure on men to always be strong), a lot of men struggle with admitting they may need help. “There is work for us to do as a society regarding the stigma of asking for help,” Zach Levin of the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation told Healthline. “While we have done a much better job of reducing stigma and expanding opportunities for support, men still may be experiencing shame and guilt that could lead to them being less willing to ask for help.” The burden of toxic masculinity But it’s not just asking for help that men seem to struggle with. Research Trusted Source has found that some men also have a harder time establishing social connections. The American Psychological Association has a podcast all about how masculinity can actually be a burden on mental health. “When you’re talking about toxic masculinity,” Hobbs explained, “it really comes down to the way males are brought up. They way we’re taught to be strong and quiet. If you look at the old John Wayne movies, that was the model we were supposed to aspire to. But it’s also a model that is dysfunctional in many ways.” This model of masculinity may be why men are more likely to underreport symptoms of depression. But certain, more traditionally masculine traits can also contribute to increased rates of depression, according to research Trusted Sourcethat’s found both negative and protective factors to traditional masculinity. When the negative impact is an increase in depressive symptoms, substance misuse can often follow. “If men are less willing to ask for help, they will continue to experience the symptoms contributing to depression,” Levin said. “Drug use is often a maladaptive coping strategy.” As he puts it, when people struggling with depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions aren’t embracing healthy coping resources, they may turn to alcohol and other drugs as a way to numb the pain. The problem is, how do we as a society change men’s perception of seeking help before they get to that point? Reducing the stigma Levin says a lot of men fall prey to the false idea that they should be “tough enough” to fix all their problems on their own. They worry that by showing vulnerability, even in the case of physical illness, they may lose their authority with others. As a result, “They may believe they can fix this problem quickly and move on to the next — and they may be in denial that there is a problem at all,” Levin said. Addressing that, and helping men work past it, requires first ending the stigma of asking for help. “We can all foster more transparency around mental health and substance abuse issues,” Levin said. “No one is immune to stress. Talking with others about how it is affecting you can foster empathy, camaraderie, and support — all of which fight against the feelings of isolation on which addiction and mental health issues can thrive.” Hobbs believes a lot of this comes down to education as well. “We need people to realize that these are medical problems, that there are good treatments available, and that there is hope involved,” he said. Hobbs also wants people to know that untreated mental health issues can very quickly manifest into physical ailments, especially when people are self-treating with alcohol and other substances. “Cirrhosis, gastritis, bleeding problems, actual changes that occur in the brain: We need people to realize that there is a real physical downside to long-term alcohol abuse,” Hobbs said. For Hobbs, awareness and education play the biggest role in terms of what can be done to help people as early as possible. “You have to talk to your loved ones. There are all these wonderful options available that can help, but first they have to be willing to try them,” he said. When is it time to ask for help? If you’re worried that someone you care about may be struggling, or you think that you yourself need help, Hobbs says to look for these signs that indicate a need for outside assistance:
If you recognize any of these symptoms in a loved one, Levin recommends reminding them that asking for help can be a sign of strength rather than weakness, and that in 2019, we have a lot of resources available. Try to schedule an appointment with a primary care provider or a substance use disorder professional (in cases where alcohol or other drugs are being used to self-medicate). “It is much more palatable to propose a single appointment with a specialist to determine whether a problem exists than to propose the commitment of an inpatient or outpatient treatment program to your loved one,” Levin explained. Still, if scheduling that appointment seems too daunting, he says that the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation offers free, phone-based appointments and can be reached by calling 877-863-8045. “There is hope. Help is available. Educate yourself about your or your loved one’s addiction and mental health issues. Participate in peer support groups or family support, such as Al-Anon, Families Anonymous, or a support group for families coping with addiction and mental health issues,” Levin said. To treat this problem, we must get the message across that it’s OK to ask for help, whether for yourself, your loved ones, or anyone you think may need it. And for those who have overcome mental health obstacles in their own lives, don’t be afraid to share your own stories. Sometimes reducing stigma means being willing to talk about the times we’ve needed to ask for help ourselves. If you think you or a loved one may be
in immediate crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention
Hotline for resources and support at 800-273-8255. The Complete
Guide to Mental Health Care for Men - 11/5/21 Gender stereotypes and stigma can also make it harder for both men and their healthcare professionals to recognize when they might need mental health support. Here’s the lowdown on all things related to men’s mental health, from identifying symptoms to finding the right kind of therapy. Types of mental health conditions Men can experience a wide range of mental health conditions, but some common ones include:
Are men less likely to experience mental health conditions? There’s a common assumption that women are more likely to have mental health conditions than men, especially when it comes to depression. But that doesn’t mean men aren’t affected. In fact, in 2019, men in the United States died by suicide at a rate 3.7 timesTrusted Source greater than that of women Experts are increasingly acknowledging the complex factors at play when it comes to differences in how men and women experience mental health issues. While biological factors, like hormone differences, can certainly play a role, they don’t tell the whole story. Internalized gender stereotypes, coping strategies, and clinical bias, among other things, may also impact assumptions about who experiences mental health conditions — not to mention *how* they experience them, which we’ll get into in a moment. Men’s mental health symptoms to watch for Men and women can sometimes experience the same mental health condition in different ways due to a mix of biological and social factors. Mental health symptoms in men might include:
Some mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression, can also have physical symptoms that people might ignore. These include:
Often, friends and family may be the first ones to notice the symptoms, as it can be difficult to recognize them when you’re experiencing them. Why men are hesitant to reach out According to the National Institute of Mental Health men are less likely to have received mental health treatment than women in the past year. This doesn’t mean men don’t need or benefit from treatment. Rather, “men can find it more difficult being open about their mental health and seeking support because it’s likely to go against the kinds of messages they received growing up,” explains Dr. Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic. She goes on to note that many cultures have strong cultural stereotypes around how men should behave, especially around managing their emotions and appearing “strong.” Plus, men who don’t (or feel that they can’t) speak openly about their feelings might have a harder time recognizing the symptoms of mental health conditions in themselves. Getting help with your mental health If you’re thinking about reaching out for help but aren’t sure where to start, you have a few options. Talk with your doctor If you already regularly see a healthcare professional, they can be a good starting point. Depending on their background, they’ll likely refer you to someone who specializes in mental health, like a psychiatrist or psychologist. Search online You can also search through directories online. For example, the American Psychological Association offers a psychologist locator tool that allows you to search for therapists in your area. Directories are especially helpful if you’re looking for a particular type of therapy or prefer a male therapist, because the tools allow you to filter your search. HeadsUpGuys also offers a therapist finder that includes professionals who specialize in working with men. A few other databases to consider:
Make some calls (or send some emails) Before scheduling an appointment, reach out to therapists you’re interested in seeing. Give them some basic background on what you’d like to address, as well as anything you’re looking for in a therapist. Do you want someone who’s available for night or weekend appointments? What about text support in between sessions? Are you interested in trying teletherapy, or would you prefer in-person sessions? If you have health insurance, this is a good time to ask about that, too. Therapy isn’t always covered, but some therapists will provide documentation you can submit to your insurance provider for reimbursement. During the appointment Your therapist will likely spend the first session or two getting to know you. This is also an opportunity for you to get to know their approach, so don’t hesitate to ask any questions around what you can expect from future sessions. It’s important you feel comfortable talking with the expert you choose. If you feel like you aren’t “clicking” with your therapist after a few sessions, you can always explore other options. Plenty of people have to see a few therapists before they find someone who’s a good fit. Depending on your symptoms, your therapist might refer you to a psychiatrist to explore medication, including antidepressants. Keep in mind that medication isn’t necessarily something you’ll need to take for the rest of your life. Sometimes, it just provides a temporary lift to help you start working through the underlying causes of your symptoms. A psychiatrist can also help you navigate any side effects you might experience. If you need help now Reach out to a trained counselor at any time, any day of the year, for free confidential support:
Crisis counselors can listen with compassion, help you explore in-the-moment coping strategies, and offer more resources for support. You’ll find more crisis helpline numbers and suicide prevention resources here. Coping with mental health symptoms Everyone can benefit from self-care, including men. While working with a mental health professional can be a big help, there are plenty of things you can do to support yourself between sessions. Touroni highlights diet, sleep, and exercise as factors, but explains that “we also need to make sure we’re looking after our emotional well-being.” And sometimes, that means being “able to acknowledge and stay with feelings — especially the uncomfortable ones — instead of pushing them away or denying them.” Sitting with uncomfortable feelings is easier said than done, and that can make it easy to fall into unhelpful coping mechanisms, like substance use or ignoring emotions. While both of these might offer some short-term benefits, they won’t offer long-lasting relief. In some cases, they might even create long-term issues. The next time you find yourself experiencing an uncomfortable feeling or emotion, try:
As you navigate different ways of managing your emotions, be gentle with yourself. If you don’t reach for the “perfect” coping mechanisms on a bad day, for example, don’t beat yourself up. There will always be another opportunity to practice new strategies. Learn how to make your own self-care checklist that meets your needs. Opening up to friends Talking about what you’re going through with a friend can also be a big help, but that may be difficult if your friends are also men who might have a hard time opening up. But starting that conversation might end up being beneficial for both of you. Mark Meier, the executive director of the Face It Foundation, says it’s important for men to “learn to understand the nuances of emotion” and recognize that negative emotions are “normal and recurring emotions throughout life.” He recommends “finding someone that you can speak openly with about your personal challenges and open yourself up to growing more in-depth relationships with others.” Your therapist can certainly be that person, but you might also find it helpful to open up to a peer. You can try starting the conversation with something like, “I’ve been going through a lot. Do you have time to catch up later this week?” If you feel up for it, you can also make yourself available to a friend in need with a simple, “I noticed you’ve seemed kind of down lately. Just want you to know I’m always available to talk if you need it.” The bottom line Mental health can be hard to think about. And identifying that you’re finding it difficult or that you might need help isn’t always easy — particularly for men. However, it’s best to speak out.
Whether you open up to a friend or family member or consult
your doctor, there’s help out there, and ways to help
manage your mental health yourself, too. The Man Behind
the Beard: Speaking on Men's Health Today I want to discuss a very important topic with our readers in the hope of gathering a clearer understanding of men's health, men's mental health to be more precise. Your mental health is just as important, if not more so to your physical health. Many men suffer in silence for fear of being judged as weak, or none 'macho' if they should speak out about their emotional state and how they are feeling or coping with certain life situations. Men who vocalize any kind of mental issue can be dismissed as showing signs of weakness, being flawed or even inferior, broken if you will. When in all honesty, this couldn't be further from the truth. It takes a huge slice of bravery to speak up and be heard when you are low, often we sit on our emotions in fear of being told to ''Man Up'', or to ''put on your big boy pants'', suggesting our gender alone should guide us through our toughest challenges. The real facts here are 9% of men experience some form of depression each and every day. That figures out at more than 6 million men. Even when we understand the emotional draining feeling of depression, so many of us would rather compress those feelings rather than to voice them and seek help. Instead, we label these feelings as nothing more than a ''bad day'' or maybe you're ''just overtired and overworked'', hence why you might be somewhat more cranky than your usual happy self. Often we choose to retreat away from our friends and loved ones, choosing to hide away from the world on the hope that our troubles will also subside in doing so, usually coated with an overuse helping of alcohol or other abusive substances. Male suicide is alarmingly on the rise, and has been tagged as the ''silent epidemic''. It is believed to be the seventh leading cause of death for men globally. That's a shocking statistic by anyone's standards, I'm sure you'd agree. Our manly macho attitudes are ultimately setting us up to fail. It is perfectly okay to NOT be okay. It is okay to feel down in the dumps and low and lethargic. It is okay to be scared and feel alone and not have everything worked out for yourself. But most importantly it is perfectly okay to talk through such feelings with a loved one or close friend, in fact, it is key to your wellbeing and health. Now, I understand saying and doing are two completely different challenges to many, and opening up can prove rather difficult for most. So, if it proves any easier there are also helplines that can help you find resolve in your troubles too. Even the best of us have bad days, we have seen celebs take their lives in recent years followed by a string of crippling depression they may have struggled with behind closed doors in silence. Comedians, in particular, are the ones who seem to suffer in silence the most. WWE Superstar and Hollywood actor Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson also spoke out about suffering from depression in his younger years, proof that even the toughest cookies sometimes suffer too. Today, I want to reach out to each and every one of you who reads this post, and guide you to not sit in silence, please find solace in your mind and seek help in any way you see fit. Speak to your partner, reach out to your friends and loved ones, visit your doctor or call a helpline for which I will provide you details of below. Just don't suffer in silence any longer. You are worth more than you could ever know. Thank you for taking the time to read our blog. As always we fully encourage you to speak with us, you can do so by reaching out on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. And until next time, Beard on Brothers... Seek help by calling the Samaritans USA at 800 273 -8255 or text SOS to 741741 Too many men
ignore their depression, phobias, other mental health issues
- 7/3/21 Many men recently have become better at taking control of their physical health, being more heart healthy and getting preventive screenings such as colonoscopies as they get older, but when it comes to their mental health, too many men still struggle, lagging way behind women. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), the prevalence of mental illnesses in men is often lower than women. The NIMH also says that men with mental illnesses are less likely to have received mental health treatment than women. This poses interesting questions: Are men truly experiencing fewer mental health problems, or are they more likely to ignore them and hope they go away? My career in mental health spans 25 years as a social worker, therapist, hospital administrator, adjunct faculty member at the University of Southern California, and presently the executive director of a facility that specializes in comprehensive mental health and substance abuse treatment programs. I have worked with thousands of men in both one-on-one and group settings. I am convinced the statistics are skewed and the number of men who struggle and fail to get help is much greater than we have been led to believe. I have watched mothers and wives literally drag the men they love into my office. I often struggle with some male patients to pull information about their emotional issues out of them because they are so reluctant to speak. Others simply downplay their problems saying things like, “It’s not really a big deal,” or “My wife is blowing this out of proportion.” Then there are the men who are simply embarrassed and ask, “Nobody will ever know I was here, right?” Too many men think they are supposed to be strong or macho all the time — even when in pain. For many, it would be unimaginable, intolerable for anyone to know they were battling anxiety, depression, or were bogged down by their emotions. Many of my male patients also seem to believe that because they are not physically ill they are not truly sick. These incorrect beliefs keep many men from getting the help they need for their mental health. In 2021, for anyone, men or women, to believe that mental health is something to be ignored or that it is not real is both unfathomable and dangerous. It adds to the stigma, can push a patient who is already struggling with a diagnosis deeper into denial and prevent him from getting treatment. In addition, it can condemn the sufferer to unnecessary emotional pain that can harm their quality of life, their health and their ability to work. When it comes to mental health, there are some important facts that all men need to know: Never be embarrassed I had a male patient who was terrified to drive on the highway. His recovery with therapy was going well, and he got to the point that he could drive small distances on the highway. But one day, 10 miles between highway exits, he had a major panic attack and pulled over to the side of the road. Almost an hour later, a state trooper pulled behind him to see if he needed assistance. My patient, feeling embarrassed and shaken up, explained his phobia to the trooper, who thankfully was able to empathize. The trooper’s wife also suffered with a driving phobia. The trooper safely escorted my patient to the next exit. The point of the story: We all have our struggles in life. Never be embarrassed to ask for help. Conditions such as anxiety and depression are much more common than you realize, and they don’t discriminate. They are often deeply rooted in brain chemistry and chemical imbalances. The pandemic hasn’t helped. These conditions can take a toll on anyone regardless of sex, race, religion, geographical location or anything else. You can't see it, but it is very real If you were experiencing chest pains, you would call an ambulance or go to the emergency room. If you broke your arm or leg, you would have a cast and walk around in crutches. But mental illness is usually not visible. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not real. It is real, and it can be dangerous if not properly treated. Anxiety, depression and other mental health problems can lead to high blood pressure, weaker immune systems, stomach issues, chronic fatigue, changes in weight, substance abuse and even suicide. If you think your mental health problems are just going to vanish on their own or go away like the common cold, you are very mistaken. You can recover These days, there are some amazing treatment options when it comes to mental health, including different forms of psychotherapy, different classes of medications and alternative methods such as yoga, acupuncture, meditation and mindfulness. No matter how bad your condition is and even if you feel extremely lost and hopeless right now, I promise you that you can get better. I have seen men severely consumed by mental illness and even housebound who — with help — have been able to take control of their lives and recover. Signs something is wrong Many men will make excuses when things aren’t going well, but there are some signs that should not be ignored. These include changes in mood, including anger outbursts or long periods of sadness that don’t pass, changes in appetite, gaining or losing weight, feeling hopeless and losing interest in activities that are usually enjoyable, feeling overly stressed and anxious, being unable to leave the house or avoiding situations in which being able to leave might be difficult, no longer wanting to socialize, having thoughts of harming yourself or taking your life, experiencing a decline in concentration and job performance, turning to substance abuse, and having unexplained physical symptoms such as stomach aches and headaches. It should be pointed out that these signs that help is needed apply to women as well as men. Ways to get help Whatever you do, just do something. Talk to someone, be it a close friend, family member, professional in the mental health field or family doctor. Online resources, such as those offered by the NIMH and the Anxiety and Depression Association of America can provide detailed information about mental health for patients and their families. Many men feel more comfortable doing online therapy sessions. Look into websites such as TalkSpace.com and BetterHealth. In-person and online support groups are also helpful. You can check with the national organization for your particular mental health condition to find one. I also recommend Support Groups Central, which can point you in the direction of an online support group for your particular condition. Focus on self-help such as meditation, stress relief, muscle relaxation and physical activity — all of which have been shown to help reduce anxiety and depression. In an emergency, don’t forget the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text SOS to 741741 The takeaway Educating men about the importance of
mental health is not just a priority. According to the
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, men
died by suicide 3.63 times more often than
women, with middle-aged White
men having been particularly vulnerable. The good news is
when mental health intervention begins early — in other
words when you just begin to notice symptoms and before they
severely limit your ability to function or engage in your
day-to-day activities — and the right combination of
treatments are put in place, men will feel better and
suicide ideation is dramatically decreased. The key is
encouraging men who may not naturally reach out to get the
help they need when they need it. Does the Sex or
Gender of the Therapist Matter? Can I ask for a therapist of a specific sex or gender? You can absolutely ask for a therapist of a specific sex or gender. In fact, when calling most intake lines, you’ll be asked if you have a preference. Finding a therapist is all about matching with someone you’ll feel comfortable pursuing treatment with, and for some patients, this means someone of specific gender identity. Some people may feel more at ease knowing they’re discussing a particular issue with someone they can more easily relate to. It’s important to note, however, that not every request can be met, and waiting for a therapist of a preferred gender could in some cases delay starting your sessions. Why might someone ask to see a therapist on a specific gender? There are many reasons someone may have gender preferences when it comes to choosing a therapist. First and foremost, they may simply feel more comfortable speaking about personal and intimate topics with someone who shares certain experiences. Sometimes it’s easier for a woman to talk to another woman, for example. Past trauma or abuse may also make some people wary of speaking with a person of the same gender as the former or current abuser. A female survivor of domestic violence in a heterosexual relationship, for example, may not feel comfortable pursuing treatment with a male therapist. It could potentially be too stressful or triggering, which could undermine the goal of a successful therapy session. In regard to therapy that deals with gender identity or LGBTQIA+ issues, a person may want to seek treatment with someone who has experienced similar gender questions or life moments as they have. They may seek a therapist who is also nonbinary or who has also transitioned. While all therapists are trained to be sensitive to the diverse identities and needs of their patients, sometimes there are nonverbal cues they may not realize they’re making that could make their patients feel uneasy. Someone who has a similar or same lived experience as the patient may be extra sensitive to cues like this and would be more conscious of them, helping a patient feel more comfortable seeking treatment. Similar identities may also help build trust between the therapist and patient much quicker than a relationship between two people of different identities. Seeing someone you immediately relate to on a level as baseline as gender can make the next steps of a confidential relationship a little easier. Therapists talk about sex and gender in therapy Beginning therapy and developing a
relationship with your therapist is all about your comfort.
Take the time to think about what you might prefer to look
for in a therapist, and let these therapists shed some light
on the decision-making process: Choosing
a Male Or Female Therapist Historically and biologically, women tend to be more emotionally-focused than are men. Although this is certainly a generalization and there are countless exceptions in both men and women, in general, women tend to be more comfortable with the world of feelings, and are oftentimes more comfortable expressing them than are men. There are a great many men, for example, who can be very in touch with one feeling: that of of anger — often having seen that emotion modeled by their fathers as young boys — but who are not often aware of feelings of sadness, shame, or fear/anxiety, and/or who would often not be comfortable expressing those feelings even were they are aware of them. If you came from a household where your mom was more “emotional” or comfortable expressing feelings (other than anger) than your dad, you may be more likely to be more at ease sharing your feelings with a woman rather than a man — regardless of your own gender. However, notwithstanding the above, there are a number of compelling reasons, as listed below, why choosing a male marriage counselor, relationship coach or psychotherapist may be the wise choice:
In summary, there are a number of factors to consider in choosing the therapist or relationship coach that’s best suited for you. Although the number one factor should generally be your level of comfort, trust, and rapport with the counselor, the above bullet points highlight particular, significant reasons for choosing a male counselor, particularly if you’re able to find one who embodies that level of personal comfort, trust, and safety. As always, it’s strongly urged
that you “interview” any potential psychotherapist
or relationship coach by phone to see if it
“feels” like a potentially “good fit”,
and that you expressly reserve the option to consider your
first meeting an exploratory initial consultation to see if
it continues to feel like the right match to all parties
involved including the therapist or coach (should you be
doing in-person, rather than phone or Skype) work. 6 Signs You Should
Select A Male Therapist Maybe you’ve hit a plateau in your current therapy sessions and feel like it’s time to find someone new to work with? Perhaps a therapist of another gender such as a male therapist might help you confront and solve the problems you face that prevent you from living a happy, harmonious, and productive life? While most psychotherapists tend to be women, sometimes patients prefer the advice of a male therapist for various reasons and motivations. Here are the main reasons why people seek a male therapist. 1. They Prefer a Male Perspective Many psychotherapists bring their own life experiences into their therapy sessions when working with clients. In this case, a male therapist can talk about obstacles he’s overcome in his own life and share them in psychotherapy sessions. Men and women possess different ways of viewing the world around them based on their experiences, thought processes, behaviors, and attitudes. Seeking a male psychotherapist who has gone through issues you’re experiencing right now may provide empathy for you. On the other hand, women may benefit from seeing a male therapist because he can explain the behaviors and the mindsets of how men think and act in relationships. Talking with a professional male therapist may help her to have empathy for the man in her life and understand the motivations behind his actions and behaviors. 2. They Feel More Comfortable Speaking About Topics with Other Men Some men feel more comfortable in the company of other men than they do in the company of women. Depending on past relationships with women, they may feel shy speaking to women. Discussing issues with another man about certain topics like sexual performance issues or relationships with women may be easier to discuss with a male professional. What’s most important in therapy sessions is that the patient feels comfortable with their therapist. This comfort level enables them to open up about personal issues. When men are uncomfortable speaking to women, it can hinder the progress of their therapy. In this situation, some men may be hesitant to dig deeper into emotional issues with women because they are too fearful to open up. 3. They Want to Join a Men’s Group Therapy with a Male Leader Some men who attend a men’s therapy group may be more comfortable opening up with a male group therapy leader. A client may feel like a woman might judge him for actions he’s taken against women. While the goal of every therapist should be non-judgmental, therapists are only human. A man may be afraid of admitting aggressive actions he’s taken towards women for fear of being judged by a female therapist. Some of the issues he may be dealing with include having difficulty controlling anger, physical abuse, or even sexual abuse. Male clients may feel that a female therapist will lack empathy into why he took these actions and judge him for lacking self-control in volatile situations. 4. They Were A Victim of Abuse Enacted by a Female When a man has experienced verbal or physical abuse by a female such as a family member or spouse, he may feel wary of discussing the situation freely with a female therapist. This is especially apparent if he has harbored negative feelings about women in general. Seeing a male therapist may eliminate the triggers and stresses he would feel speaking with a woman. These triggers and stresses could impede his progress during therapy. Especially if the patient has not ended the abusive relationship. 5. They’re a Boy Who Needs a Male Role Model In a single-parent household where the parent is a female, a child may have no male role model in his life. Speaking with a male therapist may provide the boy with an opportunity to engage with a positive male role model. When a boy has been abandoned, it can be quite helpful to build a safe, professional relationship with another man he can confide in to rebuild his trust. It may be safer for a boy to reveal feelings to a male therapist that he may not be able to discuss with his mother. Especially when the mother hasn’t learned how to communicate effectively with the child. She may place blame on the boy which could make him feel unsafe discussing his feelings because the mother hasn’t worked through her own issues. 6. They Need to Understand It’s Normal for Men to Express Feelings “Boys Don’t Cry.” You’ve heard the old adage many times. Unfortunately, even though times are progressing, many men still feel that it’s “weak” to cry or express their feelings. “Man up.” When working with a male therapist, male patients can learn that emotions are completely natural and should be expressed. The false perception of men “stuffing their feelings” is unhealthy for men and women in their surroundings. As a male, male therapists can help men understand that it’s natural to feel and express emotions and it’s unhealthy to bury emotions. In therapy sessions, men realize they are not alone which allows them to express their emotions, fears, and struggles without judgment. This leads to feelings of strength and empowerment. Final Thoughts on Choosing to See a Male Therapist You’ve discovered the signs and reasons to consider seeing a male therapist in order to help you resolve some of your most pressing issues. A male therapist may provide a great
choice for you to take the first step on the journey to
emotional healing, mental wellness, and recovery. For Men, is
Counseling Better With a Male Therapist? The stigma of men
and therapy - 5/24/18 When a man enters therapy, like any other person, it is because he wants to address some mental health issues that are troubling him. For anyone of any gender entering treatment is a brave move. For a man who is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, starting counseling can be particularly intimidating because society doesn’t want men to be sad. When a man is trying to cope with any mental health issues; he might be fearful of entering counseling or therapy. Talking to a Male Therapist Some men feel more comfortable opening up to a male counselor because he might better understand the struggles of being a man and hiding feelings of depression due to societal pressure. A woman can empathize with a man’s mental health challenges and him being fearful of showing signs of sadness or depression openly; however, she hasn’t experienced it on a personal level. Another man (a male therapist) will likely be able to relate to society’s unreasonable expectations that men face concerning emotional candor. A man might enter a therapy session with a male counselor and say something like “I’m feeling depressed, but I can’t talk about it to anyone.” The act of admitting that he is having trouble being honest about depression can be freeing. A male counselor can empathize and may have even experienced those feelings himself. There is no right way to “be a man.” What society defines as a man isn’t the objective truth. A male client can discuss what his definition of masculinity is as opposed to what the heteronormative culture imposes on him. The therapist and male client can commiserate and talk about how difficult it can be to be a man and struggle with depression and not be able to express those feelings openly. Speaking With a Female Therapist On the other hand, some men might feel more comfortable speaking to a female counselor because they don’t want to admit that they are depressed to another man. Maybe opening up to a male counselor feels like a sign of weakness because men are supposed to be devoid of sadness according to an unspoken societal rule. Talking to a female counselor could feel less intimidating. She will not judge her male client as lacking masculinity or not measuring up to societal standards. The Gender of Your Counselor Might Not Matter Some people don’t care about the gender of their counselor whatsoever. They see a therapist as a therapist. It depends on the person and what their needs are and their perception of who a counselor is to them. The most important thing when choosing a counselor is finding someone a man feels comfortable talking to. It can be hard for some men even to take the first step in admitting they need counseling. Working with a mental health professional that they feel comfortable speaking to is essential. What is the point of going to counseling if you cannot be open to the person you see for therapy? It’s hard enough to admit that you have a problem that needs addressing. Make it easier on yourself and choose a counselor who makes you feel at ease so you can be yourself and start working on your problems. There is no wrong answer when it comes
to choosing the gender of your counselor if you are a man.
Pick a person you feel comfortable opening up to you and
start a therapeutic process. You deserve to be well. How to Find the
Right Therapist for You Now, thankfully, it seems the time has finally come where men and women of every age acknowledge the benefit of seeing a therapist. People mention their therapists in everyday conversations, quoting advice or coping mechanisms as breezily as discussing the weather. Even if there isn’t a major life event or crisis, people are seeking out therapy to better themselves—as a partner, father, son, employee, or friend. You likely see ads for online services like TalkSpace (often accompanied by Michael Phelps’ face) that give more access to people who need it. And that’s a good thing, considering one in five U.S. adults have a mental illness, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. The thing is you don’t have to have a diagnosed mental illness to want to talk to a pro about your problems. If you’re feeling down for a reason you can’t quite figure out, you’ve experienced a big loss or a rough breakup, you often get super stressed and anxious and don’t know how to deal, or there’s simply nothing wrong at all, it could be time to have a seat on a therapist’s couch. The biggest catch is finding one who lets you open up and helps you get to the root of your problem—then work to solve it. To do that, Ryan Howes, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist in Pasadena, CA, says to think of finding a therapist like you would finding a good personal trainer. You want someone who offers the motivational style that works best for your personality—except instead of encouraging you to physically sweat it out, you’re now putting in mental and emotional work. (That still might require some sweat, though.) “Just seeking a therapist out means you have an investment in your health and wellbeing,” Howes says. “But after you gain their guidance, the work is ultimately yours. You will sweat and feel uncomfortable and question whether or not it’s worth it. That’s a normal part of the process, and a normal part of growth. When you accept that growth is uncomfortable and also rewarding, the whole process makes sense.” When you decide you want to get after that growth factor, consider these tips for finding a therapist that will get you through the hard times and straight to your goals. Define What You’re Looking for in a Therapist and the Type of Therapy You Want Do you want someone to give you advice? Do you want someone to help you figure out what’s going on? Do you want a safe space to tell your story? Do you just need a quick fix for a specific event? Howes suggests working on answering these questions to help streamline the therapist-finding process. You also want to consider a few factors like location, availability, insurance, whether you prefer a male or female, or if you need someone who specializes in something like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, or relationships, says Howes. Another important difference between therapists is how they approach treatment and that usually falls into one of two categories—directive or non-directive, says Howes. A directive therapist gives you a game plan, offering up some homework, advice, and recommendations for helping you reach your goals. A non-directive therapist attempts to help clients find their own way by asking questions that aim to steer them into making a choice, Howes explains. “If you’re aware of your own needs, know that you’re looking for advice, and like for someone to tell you what to do, ask if the therapist is directive,” he says. “If you want to learn the lessons on your own so you don’t repeat them in the future, you should ask if the therapist is non-directive.” No matter which one you go with, you still have to do the work and be open to change, it’s just how you get to that change that can help you determine the therapy you need. Ask Around and Look Online After you lock down what you’re looking for in a therapist, it’s always a good idea to ask your friends or family if they have any recommendations. Just like finding restaurants or other doctors, word of mouth offers a strong kickoff point for finding a therapist. You can also check out Psychology Today’s therapist finder or the one on GoodTherapy to look for therapists that fit your needs. You’ll find full profiles for the docs on there, so you can read about their specialities and how they approach therapy. If you need more help narrowing down the list of docs, you might consider their credentials. A psychologist (typically a PhD or PsyD) has training in different types of psychotherapy, as well as psychological assessment, says Howes. They typically have the most training. Also, psychiatrists (your MDs and DOs) usually treat mental health through medication, while a licensed clinical social worker (aka a LCSW) often has experience not only looking at an individual’s problem, but also their social system and can help you find community resources. Finally, a marriage and family therapist (MFT or MFCC) has training in family relationships, so they can help with those specific areas. But keep in mind, the letters behind a person’s name should only be the first step in helping you choose a therapist, says Howes. The most important part comes down to the connection you have with him or her. Play the Field a Bit To figure out whether you have a good connection with your therapist, Howes recommends reaching out to at least three potentials and seeing if you can get a free initial session or phone consult. “You should ‘test drive’ a few to determine who’s the best fit,” he says. “A good fit is someone you feel comfortable talking with who has a helpful approach to your problem that makes sense for you. If you don’t feel like you can talk openly with the therapist, you probably won’t be able to make the most of the sessions, regardless of their credentials.” During that initial phone call, briefly explain what you’re experiencing and ask how the therapist would help. “As they respond, listen for how clearly they communicate their approach and hope for progress,” Howes says. “If they speak with too much jargon or suggest approaches that you disagree with or don’t understand, you may want to move on. If their response makes sense to you, setting up an appointment sounds like a good idea.” If you don’t feel good after that first phone call, move on to the next one. Prepare for Your First Session When you head to that initial in-person visit with your therapist, get ready to talk about exactly what you’re going through, what you’ve done so far to try to deal with it, and whether you’ve tried therapy before and how it’s gone, says Howes. Your therapist will also likely ask about your goals for treatment and a bit about your childhood. “You are the boss in a therapy relationship, and can choose to hire them or not, and leave whenever you’d like,” he says. So make the most of that first session so you can get a better view on whether you want to keep going back. Also, know that many people find their first therapy session kind of tough, says Ravi N. Shah, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center. “If you feel a little emotional or discombobulated after a first session, that may or may not be a bad thing,” he says. “You may need to go back for a second or third session before you get a sense of whether it’s a good fit for you.” The key is being open with your therapist about what you want from a session—say, more feedback, advice, or more silence so you have time to talk more. “The more you can share about what works and doesn’t for you, the faster you’ll get to a good working relationship,” Shah says. Keep an Eye Out for Red Flags As with any relationship, you want to
feel like your therapist is listening to you, says Howes.
You also definitely don’t want to feel judged or
disrespected or like you’re getting a sales pitch.
“This is one time where trusting your gut is the best
approach,” Howes adds. “What may look best on
paper might not feel the best in the room… If you feel
it’s not working out early on, please keep
looking.” Assigning
a Male or Female Therapist - 10/28/16 Therapy Can be Uncomfortable There is a common misconception about therapy with laypeople, in that they believe therapy is going to be soothing and relieve symptoms immediately upon initial contact with the therapist. In fact, facing psychological stressors that have been suppressed and avoided for extended periods of time can initially be very uncomfortable for the patient. This discomfort is analogous to the physical discomfort experienced when physical therapy is initiated after a surgery or injury.The client needs to understand that therapy can sometimes be painful in the beginning but will be become less painful as issues are addressed and resolved.. Many of these distressing issues often involve members of the opposite sex, with avoidance being the primary motivation. Avoidance Because of Trauma and Exposure Therapy One of the primary symptoms of trauma related disorders such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is avoidance. If this avoidance is because ofsexual assault or physical abuse by a male, it is quite understandable why a female or parent of a child victimized by a male would request a female therapist. Furthermore, this avoidance is generally coupled with the client’s complaint of being fearful of males. The fearful response is operantly negatively reinforced , when the female or child client is removed or removes self from the presence of a male and the fear subsides, exacerbating the behavior of avoidance. Research has indicated that exposure therapy has demonstrated efficacy in the treatment of trauma related disorders.Therefore, in the aforementioned examples, the presence of a male in the therapy room, however uncomfortable at first, may be helpful in assisting the client to begin desensitizing themselves to the feared stimulus. In addition, a male therapist with whom the client can develop a trusting relationship may also in itself, begin to dispute and challenge the maladaptive thoughts the client has in regards to males. Reisck et al., (1988), found that after initial suspicion and apprehension, women in their study which compared the treatment efficacy of different treatment modalities for sexual assault, expressed appreciation for the presence of a male co-therapist. The women indicated the presence of a non-violent male who was sensitive to their issues and reactions was appreciated. Becker, Zayfert, and Anderson (2004) found in their survey of 207 practicing psychologists, exposure treatment for PTSD is being used by only a minority of clinicians. The primary reasons given for exposure not being utilized in therapy are lack of training, fear of exacerbating symptoms and client dropout. In addition, the interaction of factors such as therapist discomfort with the exposure imagery and patient avoidance may contribute to under-utilization of exposure therapy for trauma related disorders.Although exposure is an empirically supported treatment for trauma, its lack of use by therapists appears to be analogous to the avoidance concerning therapist/client assignment, in regards to the client’s preference for a therapist opposite of that by whom they were victimized (Becker, Zafert, & Anderson, 2004). A key component to exposure therapy is psychoeducation regarding the rationale for the exposure and the displacement of the feared stimulus. Assisting the client to understand that gradual and optimal activation of the fear channels is necessary for effective processing and treatment (Rauch & Foe, 2006). Educating the female patient or parent of a child during the initial intake process concerning these factors, could well diminish inhibitions concerning the avoidance of the male therapist and may well reduce client early dropout. Interpersonal Discomfort and Dysfunction According to Weissman, Markowitz, and Klerman (2007), one of the two major goals of interpersonal psychotherapy is to help clients resolve issues related tolife situations and individuals responsible for the manifestation of their symptoms. If for instance, a male client is having difficulty relating to women, he may be inclined to request a male therapist at intake. In this example, the patient would be demonstrating avoidance of his interpersonal deficits and likely the very life situations with which he is struggling. In this scenario, a female therapist may be able to more readily identify problem areas in his area of interpersonal dysfunction and more directly assist the client to resolve these issues. Alliance and Outcomes Based on Mixed and Matched Dyads The common belief in psychotherapy is client/therapist dyads matched on gender demonstrate higher levels of therapeutic alliance, resulting in more efficacious outcomes. However, the research on this premise appears to be mixed.Cottone, Drucker, and Javier (2002) reported in their study on therapist gender and its effect on treatment outcomes for mixed and matched therapeutic dyads based on sex, suggested no significant influence on outcome. Wintersteen, Mensinger, and Diamond (2005) found in their study of 600 adolescent boys and girls, there was no significant difference in feelings of alliance between female clients matched with a female therapist and those matched with a male therapist. However, the male patients indicated stronger feelings of alliance with the male therapist than with female therapists. Furthermore, male therapists reported higher levels of alliance with their male clients than their female clients. The authors postulated the male therapists may have felt discomfort interacting with their female clients and failed to assess their need for affiliation. The results indicate the male therapist’s comfort level of working with a female client may be as relevant to the decision of therapist assignment as the client’s expressed preference. Conclusion A collaborative working therapeutic alliance between therapist and client is perhaps the most important aspect of psychological treatment. I’m not saying that the client should not have a say in his choice of a therapist. However, an enlightening discussion regarding the client’s rationale for avoiding or preferring a male or female therapist may reveal important issues the patient may not have considered in the proper context. Assisting the client to better understand his/her reasons for avoidance or preference for a therapist of a specific gender may expedite the therapeutic process and help provide the client with what they need in lieu of what they initially want. References Becker, C., Zayfert, C., & Anderson, E. (2004). A survey of psychologists attitudes towards and utilization of exposure therapy for PTDS. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 42, 277-292. Cottone, J. G., Drucker, P., & Javier, R. A. (2002). Gender differences in psychotherapy dyads: Changes in psychological symptoms and responsiveness to treatment during 3 months of therapy. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, and Training, 39, 297-308. Rauch, S., & Foa, E. (2006). Emotional processing theory (EPT) and exposure therapy for PTSD. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 36, 61-65. Resick, P. A., Jordan, C. G., Girelli, S. A., Hutter-Kotis, C. & Dvorak-Marhoefer, S. (1988). Acomparative outcome study of behavioral group therapy for sexual assault victims. Behavior Therapy, 19, 385-401. Weissman, M. M., Markowitz, J. C., & Klerman, G. L. (2007). Clinician’s quick guide tointerpersonal psychotherapy. New York, NY: Oxford University Press. Wintersteen, M. B., Mensinger, J. L., & Diamond, G. S. (2005). Do gender and racial differences between patient and therapist affect therapeutic alliance and treatment retention in adolescents? Psychology Research and Practice, 6, 400-408. Steven Powden received his
Master’s degree in clinical psychology from Forest
Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, MO. He
currently works as a mental health therapistfor Southeastern
Illinois Counseling Centers Inc. and as anadjunct psychology
instructor at Olney Central College in Olney, IL.Steven
previously worked as a mental health therapistfor Hamilton
CentersInc.He has specialized interest in integrative
medicine, anxiety and depressive disorders. Choosing a
Psychotherapist: Should Gender Matter? 5/31/11 This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email. On Monday, May 23, there was a front-page article in The New York Times titled, "Need Therapy? A Good Man Is Hard to Find," by Benedict Carey. The gist of the article is that women have taken over the field of psychology and counseling, and that many men who want therapy will have trouble finding a therapist who understands them. The reasons for this shift were described as economic and cultural. The article noted that managed care has taken a bite out of therapists' income, and that psychiatry, the most male-dominated corner of therapy, has increasingly turned to drug-based treatments. Additionally, as women entered the work force in greater numbers, they proved to be more drawn to talking-based treatments than men were. (It is a reasonable assumption that this article is directed toward psychotherapy, where there would be discussion and examination of feelings, thoughts, conflicts and interpersonal relationships.) While the article mentioned that the impact of this gender switch on the value of therapy is negligible, it painted a picture that many men believe that only another man can help them (and I assume many women feel the same way regarding women therapists). It went on to mention that men are far less ashamed about affairs when speaking to another man: "A bar fight that sounds traumatic to a female therapist may be no more than a good night out for a man" (as if these differences, if they existed in various people, would interfere with therapy). It concludes with the suggestion that if men want to become therapists, they can write their own ticket (which doesn't even follow from the earlier assumptions about increasing number of female patients). It sites one study among 266 college male students at the University of Akron, which found that a man's willingness to seek therapy was directly related to how strongly he agreed with traditionally male assumptions such as "I can handle whatever comes my way." It concludes that therefore, such a man who happens to be on the fence about seeking therapy could be discouraged by the prospect of talking to woman (with no evidence that this assumption has any validity). If this article were not on the front page of The New York Times, it wouldn't even be worth discussing. In addition to a poor understanding of how psychotherapy is conducted and how it works, there was no valid scientific foundation for the assumptions made. The article needs to be challenged, because it may discourage people from seeking therapy and may lead them to reject qualified therapists. If it were true that in order to receive effective psychotherapy, the patient and the therapist must be of the same gender, it would follow that that they should be in the same age group, socioeconomic group, religion, race, occupation type, work ethic, sibling configuration, health status, life expectancy, marital status and political party and have the same experience with drugs and alcohol, military service, parenting, etc. This is an impossible task, and there is no established validity to the assumption that there must be some type of mirror image between the patient and the therapist. There is no one simple experience of growing up as a man or woman (or growing up as a Catholic or Jew, or being a grandfather, or facing death, etc.) that must be shared by patient and therapist in order for the therapy to work. For the patient to assume that the therapist can only understand his or her experience if they somehow share some similarities (or for the therapist to assume the same thing) is a recipe for misunderstandings. A well-trained therapist is a mature individual who has had training in human development, life cycle, psychodynamics, interpersonal relationships and techniques in psychotherapy. Psychiatrists are physicians who have also had training and experience in having personal discussions with people concerning their health and physical functioning at various life stages while they administer medical care. Very often, therapists from all disciplines have had their own personal treatment to could deal with their own issues, blindspots and conflicts. Therapists are trained in listening and helping their patients explain and elaborate their thoughts and experiences. As a therapist, you learn never to assume that you understand the meaning of a patient's experience until you have allowed the patient to look at it from various angles. Therapists are constantly aware of their own identifications with a patient, as they are about patients' assumptions and feelings about them. In fact, it is often through an examination of these issues that the most meaningful progress in therapy occurs. Every person does have the right to choose their own therapist. No doubt some people will seek out therapists who have certain characteristics that are important to them. Hopefully this will be an issue that will be ultimately understood in the course of therapy. It is not easy to choose a therapist and know who is best qualified to treat you. How to find a therapist is another
topic that needs to be discussed in detail. Sometimes people
go for consultation with somebody whom they have reason to
trust, although he or she will not be able to treat them but
will help choose a qualified person to treat them. It is
important that the potential patient understand that a
well-trained, qualified, empathic therapist does not have to
be like them but only has to care about them.
Signs that your masculine consciousness needs attention
The
Female Therapist's Guide to Treating Men As a graduate student, I became increasingly interested in how little the inner experience of gender is put into words on both sides of the gender divide. My growing curiosity about what it's really like to be a man and how much rigid male norms get in the way of healthy relationships led to my writing my doctoral dissertation on men's needs and fears in romantic relationships. In my research, I found that the women I surveyed thought men were actively choosing not to express their emotions, whereas the men said they didn't know what they felt, didn't have the vocabulary to describe their feelings, or were afraid to show their feelings for fear of feeling or looking like "wimps." When I started my clinical training, I wondered about the impact of men's discomfort with emotional expression (and women's ignorance of this discomfort) on how male clients experienced therapy with female therapists. Unfortunately, there were no psychology-of-men classes in my doctoral program and no training on men's issues in therapy in my internship, so I found myself pretty much on my own in learning how to work with men. Early Days My early experience with male clients soon taught me that working with men was going to present challenges different from those of working with women. Given most men's discomfort with the format of "talk therapy," I had to be prepared to create an atmosphere of comfort and safety that put them at ease early in treatment. Unlike with my female clients, there was no mutuality of experience to draw upon to smooth the process of forging the therapeutic bond. With my male clients, I became keenly aware that often I was seen by them as a woman first and a therapist second. Emotional expression and intimate connection are part and parcel of what it means to be female. As a woman, I didn't feel unfeminine when I cried or leaned on others for help. But for male clients, trained to maintain a stiff upper lip and appear self-sufficient, the traditional model of therapy runs counter to much of what they've been taught about being a man. Through trial and error (along with some excellent advice from clinicians skilled in working with men), I slowly learned concrete ways to make therapy a less foreign and threatening experience for men. More important, I learned to see therapy through a man's eyes rather than through a woman's. My women clients were more likely to ask for help because they wanted it (not because someone else suggested they needed it) and were more comfortable openly requesting assistance. Men more often came into therapy under pressure from someone else, frequently an unhappy spouse. If they came on their own because they wanted assistance with some circumscribed issue, they didn't seem to like feeling they were on the receiving end of a "helping relationship." I learned to listen closely to the language they brought into the first session and, using that language, to start working with them right away to create an action plan that emphasized collaboration and coaching. The focus was on what they concretely wanted out of therapy, what their goals were, and how the two of us could work together best to achieve those goals. To make sure that the early focus of treatment was positive, I learned to appreciate the value of asking the miracle question in the first session: "If you woke up tomorrow and everything was just the way you wanted it to be, what would be different? How would you be different?" From many years of attention to men's language, attitudes, and needs, I've developed a specific approach to working with male clients. With a man, I introduce therapy as an educational experience, offering verbal and written descriptions of "what to expect in therapy." I often rely on a sense of humor, down-to-earth language, and judicious self-disclosure to level the playing field between myself and my male clients. For example, I had a depressed male client a few years back who thought medication was "only for weak people." After trying every way I could think of to help him move out of this stance, I ended up sharing with him some of my own experiences with suffering, after which he looked relieved and said, "I don't feel so alone anymore. Maybe I'm not such a loser." He went on to take medication and improved dramatically. Special Challenges A basic problem for women who treat men is that, no matter how empathic we may be, we haven't had the same socialization they've had. Occasionally male clients will confront me directly about my "ignorance" of what it means to be male—"You can't possibly understand what it's like to be a man. How can you possibly help me?" Over the years, I've learned not to be defensive when a man confronts me in this way. Instead, I'll say something like, "You're absolutely right. I haven't had your experience, but I'm interested in what you've gone through. Tell me more." Often I'm able to turn this into an advantage by putting myself in the student role and making my male client the tour guide to what David Wexler has called "Guy World." In one session with Tom, a man who'd just gotten laid off from his job of 15 years, after I said something I thought was supportive ("Wow! That must be tough"), he turned to me with annoyance and said, "How would you know? You don't have to provide for your wife and children." I agreed and I asked him to tell me more about what it meant for him to feel like he had to be the main breadwinner. He told me it was a great burden, and that he didn't think his wife really understood how hard it was for him. We talked about the usefulness of having her join us for a session, and then I went on to explore what his dad had taught him about the responsibilities of being the breadwinner and the shoes he felt he needed to fill. Through asking questions, I let him know I truly wanted to learn about how he experienced the demands of being a man. One of the most difficult types of client for me is the emotionally restricted man, who can talk about himself only in a detached fashion. I don't generally get bored in my therapy sessions, but when I do, I've learned that it's often a sign that the client is disconnected from his own emotions. A man's slower pace of disclosure can make me feel left out and irrelevant—feelings no therapist relishes. Accordingly, I've learned to slow down and take it easy—not to act as an emotional can-opener, but to let the client set the pace. Failing to do so can lead to losing a client. Gerry was a client who came to me with anxiety that was crippling him at work and in his personal relationships. It turned out he'd grown up with a detached father and an emotionally abusive mother, who criticized everything he did. As he began to explore his repressed emotions, I encouraged him to express his fear, anger, and hurt with me. The more he expressed, the better I thought therapy was progressing, until one day, he said he didn't want to continue anymore. I realized too late that what I should have done with him was to let him go at his own pace, neither encouraging nor discouraging his affect, and checking in with him regularly to assess his emotional comfort level. Sometimes, however, my boredom can offer insight into the detachment of a male client and open a new avenue of inquiry. For instance, one day I said to Ed, "You're losing me. I'm feeling a little detached and wonder if you are, too. What's going on right now?" It was a turning point in our work together. For the first time in his life, he realized that someone wanted to know more about him, rather than avoiding him or tuning out. Like most female clinicians, I never received any training in how to deal with sexual feelings in the therapy hour with men, so most of my learning has been on the job. Tony came into therapy because he was lonely and wanted to find a romantic partner. As our sessions wore on, he said how close he felt to me and that he wished he could find someone just like me. He'd comment on how nice I looked or would ask about my experiences dating men. Instead of being scared of his attraction to me, I welcomed it as an opportunity to understand more about what intimacy meant to him. When he said how close he felt to me and that he wished he could date me, I said I was flattered and thanked him, but reiterated the roles of therapist and client, adding that therapy was an experimental laboratory for building a healthier self to take out into the "real world." He later started dating and would talk to me about his experiences, by which point I'd become more of a valued friend than a potential dating partner in his eyes. The Advantages While I've emphasized the challenges women experience in treating men, many men request female therapists. When asked why, they've said they feel safer with women because they expect them to be supportive and see them as the better "relationship managers," more experienced in giving feedback and advice about handling subtle relationship tangles. Many men are afraid of being vulnerable and open in front of a man, especially the imagined alpha-male figure of the therapist to whom they're turning for help. For female clinicians, one of the side
benefits of working with men is that it can help us
understand the other men in our own lives. Both genders win
when we learn more about men. My compassion for men in my
personal life has grown as I've learned more about what the
world is like for my male clients—how hard it can be
having to live up to the sometimes punishing male standards
of competence, strength, stoicism, independence, and sexual
prowess. If we can move beyond the tendency to see gender
issues as a zero-sum game (i.e., the more attention you give
to men, the less attention women get), the more we all will
win. That's my kind of game. Benefits of
Seeing a Male Therapist - 10/8/20 Notice that I didn’t say therapy was always a comfortable experience. To grow and evolve is to break free of the comfort cocoon you’ve nestled into. It is time to morph into the successful, happy butterfly you’ve always wanted to be. Therapy is work, but making that commitment to your mental health is just as important as eating your veggies, getting your rest, and hitting the gym. Maybe you haven’t given much thought to the gender of your therapist. Or maybe you’re very uncomfortable with the idea of a male therapist. Maybe the men in your life have always let you down, and the thought of being vulnerable with ANOTHER male isn’t giving you that warm, fuzzy feeling. Try shifting your mindset on men. Consider these reasons why seeing a male therapist might actually be just what you need: Avoidance Of Men Because Of Past Trauma May Actually Be A Reason To Seek Out A Male Therapist. Exposing yourself to uncomfortable situations is part of the growing pains of therapy. Although it may seem scary at the beginning of your journey, the research tells us that building a relationship with a male therapist may actually tear down your fear of men by replacing previously traumatic experiences with new, healthy encounters. Women With Relationship Issues Can Gain Insight From The Male Perspective To Help Them Understand The Men In Their Life. No one knows a man’s brain better than a man – so why not talk to someone that gets it? Maybe a male therapist could even lead you in couple’s counseling and help you relate to your man on a new level – especially if he is hesitant about coming to therapy in the first place. A Male Therapist With Emotional Intelligence Can Serve As A Model For Positive Male Behaviors. Creating a trusting connection with a male therapist that listens, understands, and serves your needs can be a step in the right direction in healing from past relationships with men that lacked those qualities. You may actually end up finding comfort in the bond you experience with a male therapist. It absolutely has the potential to change your mind about the generalizations you’ve made about men in the past. Your Anxiety Is Telling You Stories. If you’ve never worked with a male therapist and you have decided not to work with one, you may consider that your anxiety has given you all kinds of stories that may be preventing you from trying something new. “I don’t feel as comfortable with a male,” “They won’t understand the female experience,” “Men trigger me so it wouldn’t help my healing journey.” These all might be distorted thoughts that keep your anxiety rooted where it is. Just by challenging this idea you could be fighting your anxious mind. The best thing about a therapist is if you try a session with a male and it isn’t a good fit for you… it won’t hurt their feelings if you tell them you think a female therapist may be a better fit. Seeing a male therapist could actually benefit you therapeutically just by adding a compassionate male to your narrative. We hope this information has served you in making a decision about what type of counselor would best benefit you! References https://pro.psychcentral.com/assigning-a-male-or-female-therapist/ Why
Every Man Should See a Therapist - 2/23/16 Men are evolving. The old bottle-it-up and drink-it-away approach to dealing with psychological or emotional distress has shifted to a new talk-it-through strategy: 42 percent of men ages 18 to 32 view the shrink’s couch as an essential part of wellness, according to a 2014 millennial health survey. “Men are starting to realize that talking about their feelings can help them live happier, healthier lives,” says Ronald Levant, Ed.D., a cofounder of the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity. How to Know When You Need to See a Therapist Sadly, there’s no blood-pressure equivalent for mental health. But if you feel like you’re losing control of life, a therapist can help you seize the helm. “The word I use is ‘stuck,’” says Joel Wong, Ph.D., a professor of counseling psychology at Indiana University. “Most of my male clients came to me when they were caught in a rut they couldn’t seem to get out of.” Problems with anger or alcohol could be cause for the couch, but don’t feel you have to pinpoint the issue, says MH mental health advisor Thomas Joiner, Ph.D. “Do you have a problem that’s affecting your ability to function? Is it costing you jobs? Relationships? It doesn’t matter where it came from. It’s important to get help.” Therapy vs. Antidepressants You should think of antidepressants as the remedy of last resort. Sure, they can be useful in some cases. But they also come with the potential for side effects, including insomnia, weight gain, and sexual problems. And they’re already overprescribed in the United States: A recent study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry reported that nearly 70 percent of people taking antidepressants did not meet the criteria for clinical depression. But more to the point, a therapist can help you develop strategies for overcoming any negative thought patterns and destructive behaviors you might have, and that’s something no pharmaceutical remedy can do. Or, as Wong puts it, “Pills don’t teach skills.” Picking the Right Kind of Therapist A counselor or a licensed social worker will give you a solid intro to talk therapy, says Joiner. And if it turns out you need more help, he or she may refer you to a psychologist (a Ph.D. or Psy.D. who can diagnose and treat mental illness) or a psychiatrist (a medical doctor who can prescribe medication). If you’re worried you’ll choose the wrong therapeutic discipline—cognitive behavioral therapy, experiential therapy, and so on—don’t be. “Rapport with the therapist is way more important than the specific technique,” says David Wexler, Ph.D., executive director of the Relationship Training Institute in San Diego. To boost your odds of success, chat with a few prospective therapists on the phone before making an appointment. What You’ll Talk About In a Therapy Session Don’t worry. You’re not on trial. The agenda is looser than you might expect, says Wexler. A good therapist just wants to make you feel comfortable so you can speak on your own terms. But say you do freeze up. Ask about “triangle conversations,” where the client and therapist engage in a common task, such as playing cards. “The ability to focus on the game instead of the counselor often allows men to talk more freely,” says Wexler. Or consider email or video chat. A study in the Journal of Affective Disorders found Internet-based therapy to be as effective as face-to-face sessions in treating depression. Find an online therapist at breakthrough.com. The Cost Of Therapy It’s definitely less than the cost of a mental meltdown. Paying out of pocket, you may fork over as much as $300 for a single session, but many will charge you something in the range of $75 to $150 per visit. Your health insurance is likely to foot a big chunk of the bill, but confirm that your plan covers your treatment before you’re on the hook. Your company may even offer an employee assistance program that provides free access to short-term counseling. Still worried? Consider how much you’ll save over medication: Researchers at the University of Washington found that people who went to therapy instead of taking meds spent about 40 percent less on treatment over 16 months—and the results lasted longer. Does Your Therapist’s Gender Matter? Try not to focus on gender. (If you can’t help it, then you have a lot to talk about on the couch.) A study in the journal Psychotherapy suggests that the therapist’s gender doesn’t affect treatment success, so ask around among people you trust for recommendations. Still, some men may be more comfortable with a woman, and there may be scenarios in which a woman may have the edge. “If a man has gone through a difficult breakup or is having trouble understanding his wife, a female counselor might provide a better opportunity to work through those problems,” says Joiner. If you prefer to work with someone who specializes in treating men, do a search at locator.apa.org. Your Therapy Schedule “There’s a chance we could talk through everything in one session,” says Fredric Rabinowitz, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at California’s University of Redlands. It’s more likely, however, that you’ll need at least a couple months of weekly therapy: A Journal of Counseling Psychology study found that the first couple of sessions have the biggest impact, and that the rate of improvement slows with each additional session. But it’s not a one-size-fits-all plan: Some people need as few as three sessions, while others in the study took 26 or more. Regardless, don’t delete your therapist’s number when you’re done. Many men find it useful to go back once or twice a year for a mental checkup, says Rabinowitz. How Therapy Helps You Deal With Job Stress You probably spend as many hours at work as you do at home—if not more—and that time can have a huge impact on your well-being. “A job-related problem is actually a great reason to seek counseling,” says Wong. Heck, therapy can actually give you a leg up at the office: U.K. researchers found that 13 weeks of cognitive behavioral training significantly increased workers’ job satisfaction and self-esteem. Even their productivity improved: 65 percent of the employees performed at or above average compared to their coworkers for two years after the therapy sessions. What Therapy Does to Your Sex Life When do you most feel like getting busy: When you’re happy and relaxed, or when you’re stressed and tense? Exactly. Studies show that anxiety and depression can make men more likely to go limp in the bedroom. In fact, ED meds seem to be more effective when combined with therapy, according to researchers in Switzerland. Related: Erectile Dysfunction: Everything You Need to Know And if the problem stems from sexual anxiety, counseling can help you communicate and empathize with your partner—a strategy that can ultimately relieve some of the performance pressure. “Connecting behavior, such as listening and emotional vulnerability, can be the greatest foreplay of all—especially for women,” says Wexler. That’s right: You can earn credit without lifting a finger! Will Your Therapist Try to Make You Cry? Relax, it’s not as if anybody’s getting a kickback from Kleenex. If you do tear up, know that lots of men turn weepy in therapy. They may not be used to talking about emotions, and doing so can feel overwhelming, says Rabinowitz. In fact, a little sobbing gives you some extra bang for your therapy dollar: A Dutch and Croatian study suggests that crying may cause your parasympathetic nervous system to engage and your brain to release oxytocin, inducing relaxation and improving mood. And researchers at the University of
South Florida found that tearing up in the presence of
another person (like your therapist) can lead to a greater
mood boost than flushing your ductwork by
yourself. Need
Therapy? A Good Man Is Hard to Find - 5/21/11 “They were all female, and they did give me some comfort,” said Mr. Puckett, 30, who works for a domestic-abuse program in Wisconsin. “But I was getting the same rhetoric about changing my behavior without any challenge to see the bigger picture of what was behind these very male coping reactions, like putting your hand through a wall.” He decided to seek out a male therapist instead, and found that there were few of them. “I’m just glad I ended up with the person I did,” said Mr. Puckett, who is no longer in therapy, “because for me it made all the difference.” Researchers began tracking the “feminization” of mental health care more than a generation ago, when women started to outnumber men in fields like psychology and counseling. Today the takeover is almost complete. Men earn only one in five of all master’s degrees awarded in psychology, down from half in the 1970s. They account for less than 10 percent of social workers under the age of 34, according to a recent survey. And their numbers have dwindled among professional counselors — to 10 percent of the American Counseling Association’s membership today from 30 percent in 1982 — and appear to be declining among marriage and family therapists. Some college psychology programs cannot even attract male applicants, much less students. And at many therapists’ conferences, attendees with salt-and-pepper beards wander the hallways as lonely as peaceniks at a gun fair. The result, many therapists argue, is that the profession is at risk of losing its appeal for a large group of sufferers — most of them men — who would like to receive therapy but prefer to start with a male therapist. “There’s a way in which a guy grows up that he knows some things that women don’t know, and vice versa,” said David Moultrup, a psychotherapist in Belmont, Mass. “But that male viewpoint has been so devalued in the course of empowering little girls for the past 40 or 50 years that it is now all but lost in talk therapy. Society needs to have the choice, and the choice is being taken away.” The reasons for the shift are economic as well as cultural, most people in these professions agree. Managed care took a bite out of therapists’ incomes in the 1990s. Psychiatry, the most male-dominated corner of therapy, increasingly turned to drug treatments. And as women entered the work force in greater numbers, they proved to be more drawn to the talking cure than men — in giving the treatment as well as in receiving it. “Usually women get blamed when a profession loses status, but in this case the trend started first, and men just evacuated,” said Dorothy Cantor, a former president of American Psychological Association who conducted a landmark study of gender and psychology in 1995. “Women moved up into the field and took their place.” The impact of this gender switch on the value of therapy is negligible, studies suggest. A good therapist is a good therapist, male or female, and a mediocre one is a mediocre one. Shared experience may even be an impediment, in some cases: therapists often caution students against assuming that they have special insight into person’s problems just because they have something in common. Still, perception is all important when it comes to seeking help for the very first time. In a recent study among 266 college men, Ronald F. Levant, a psychologist at the University of Akron, found that a man’s willingness to seek therapy was directly related to how strongly he agreed with traditionally male assumptions, like “I can usually handle whatever comes my way.” Such a man on the fence about seeking treatment could be discouraged by the prospect of talking to a woman. “Many men like this believe that only another man can help them, and it doesn’t matter whether that’s true or not,” Dr. Levant said. “What’s important is what the client believes.” Both male therapists and men who have been in treatment agree that there are certain topics that — at least initially, all things being equal — are best discussed within gender. Sex is one, they say. And some men are far less ashamed about affairs when speaking to another man. Aggression is another. Many men grow up in a world of hostile body language and real physical violence that is almost entirely invisible to women. A bar fight that sounds traumatic to a female therapist may be no more than a good night out for a man. Likewise, a stare-down in the sandbox that looks vanishingly trivial from a distance may lie like a poisoned well in the stream of the unconscious. In some men’s groups he used to run, Dr. Levant passed out index cards and had each participant write down the one thing he was most ashamed of, that he was reluctant to admit to himself, much less to anyone else. “I would get things like, ‘I backed down from a fight in junior high school,’ ” he said, “and these were mostly middle-aged, married guys.” In just the past few years, psychologists have identified a number of issues that are, in effect, male versions of the gender-identity issues that so many mothers face in the work force: the self-doubt of being a stay-at-home father, the tension between being a provider and being a father, even male post-partum depression. “In the same way that there is something very personal about being a mother, something very important to female identity, the experience of fathering is also very powerful,” said Aaron Rochlen, a psychologist at the University of Texas, Austin. “And some men, I think, prefer to talk about that — the joy of being a father, the stress, how it’s impacting them — with a therapist who’s had the same experience,” from the same point of view. If they can find one, that is. “I
remember when I started training, I looked around and
realized that for the first time in my life, I was an
endangered minority,” said Ryan McKelley, a
psychologist at the University of Wisconsin, La Crosse.
“Now I tell my male students, if you’re interested
in clinical care, you can write your own ticket. You’ll
be hired immediately.” Why
Therapy for Men Is So Important: OK, Guys, Let’s
Talk - 5/24/21 A lot of men have trouble getting in touch with their emotional side. For thousands of years, they’ve been told that being a man involves being tough. To many, this means avoiding therapy like the plague, when it is, in fact, exactly what many men may need to build resilience. How do we best connect men with their emotions? Therapy options for men Help is at hand if you need mental health support. A range of therapies can help, including:
We explain these in more detail below. Wherever you sit on the gender spectrum, talking about your feelings can be very helpful, and you might feel loads better by opening up. When you avoid intimacy and sharing how you feel, it can make it difficult to recognize emotional problems. Luckily, therapy can really help you get some perspective. It won’t be right for everyone, but more men than ever are recognizing the need for help and reaching out. Why men avoid therapy There seems to be something about traditional masculinity that stops men from reaching out. In a 2017 meta-analysis of 19,453 participants, men who conformed to traditional masculine norms were much less likely to seek psychological help. But why does this happen? You’ve all heard, “Boys don’t cry.” Or maybe you’ve even told a guy friend to “man up.” These statements may sound harmless, but they feed into the idea that seeking help is somehow unmanly. Resilience is an awesome trait to build, but it’s not exclusively masculine. And needing help to get there shouldn’t be a matter of shame for men, either. Men avoid therapy because it’s not “alpha” to admit you don’t have the best life ever and go through your day smirking like Zac Efron at every major trauma or damaging life event. You’re allowed to feel sh*tty, and you’re double-allowed to seek help for it. Look, even the mighty He-Man needed help from She-Ra to kick Skeletor’s ass. And he was the Master of the freakin’ Universe (and possessor of the most laughably masculine name of any fictional character). The truth is, there are lots of ways to be a man because there are lots of ways to be a human. And it’s OK to ask for help when you’re struggling to cope. Wolf at the door: Signs men should seek therapy Depression and anxiety can have a massive impact on your health and well-being. It’s important to understand the signs so you know when to get help. Depression Depression can vary from person to person. But some general signs that you might be experiencing depression include:
It’s not just mental though. You can experience physical symptoms too:
Anxiety Like depression, anxiety isn’t a one-size-fits-all kinda thing. But common symptoms include:
Physical symptoms of anxiety can be equally distressing:
Therapy and fatherhood It’s fairly well-known that new Moms can struggle with post-partum depression — a specific form of depression that occurs soon after giving birth. But it looks like newly anointed dads can also struggle with depression. Post-partum depression in men can occur anytime in the first year of birth. Symptoms can include:
Being a new parent is hard. Like, really hard. So don’t beat yourself up if you’re struggling to cope with such a big life event. If you’re experiencing postpartum depression, therapy can be helpful in guiding you through that tough first year — it might work for some men, but not others. In peeps with severe depression, medication might also be necessary. Everyone has different ways to cope. If talking works for you, that’s awesome! But you know yourself better than anyone. Do whatever works for you. Therapy options for men Whatever you’re dealing with, there’s always help. Here’s a rundown of the different therapy options available for men:
Everyone has different traits and needs that make certain therapies more suitable than others. The important part is recognizing the need for therapy, fighting the stigma against it, and pursuing mental health treatment that could greatly benefit you. The stark reality of male suicide In the United States, men died by suicide 3.63 times more often during 2019 than women. The rate of suicide was highest in middle-aged white men. There’s a lot of societal pressure on men to be dominant and in control. These things aren’t inherently bad, but they can make it more difficult for men to talk about their problems.
Does depression present differently in men than in women? Differences in gender can cause additional difficulties for people experiencing depression. In a 2013 analysis of data from a national mental health survey that compared the male experience of depression with that of females, males reported higher rates of:
The important thing is not to self-diagnose. A healthcare professional or mental health practitioner can help you find the right diagnosis. Don’t struggle in silence. The link between male depression/anxiety and substance abuse More than 50 percent of people with mental health disorders also experience some kind of substance use disorder. There’s clearly a strong link between the two, and it’s well-known that people turn to booze and drugs to cope. But it appears that men are more likely to develop these crutches than women (according to the 2013 review we mentioned earlier). Booze and drugs may give you temporary relief from your feelings. But in the long run, they’re only going to make things much worse, and they don’t relieve you from the need to be honest about your feelings. With the right support, you can get your life back on track. It just takes that first step. Takeaway Talking can be tough, especially if you’re a man. But getting in touch with your feelings can be really helpful for mental well-being. Therapy can help you open up and recalibrate your life. There are loads of different options, so you can find what works best for you. Whatever you’re struggling with, there’s always someone to help. Don’t suffer in silence.
Remote Coverage: 4 Online Therapy Services That Take Insurance - 4/19/22 Need someone to talk with right now — someone who is professionally trained to help you sort your thoughts? Thanks to a growing number of online options, you no longer have to leave home to find a therapist’s couch. Even better: some online therapy services are actually working with your insurance company to cover the cost of a session. Here are four options that you may be able to take advantage of. Services that accept insurance for online therapy We identified the following top online therapy services based on:
Pricing guide Pricing is based on the price of service without insurance. Your insurance coverage and out-of-pocket cost will vary. Online therapy pricing may be based on weekly, monthly, or per-session payments.
The best virtual therapy services It doesn’t matter if you’re new to #TeamTherapy or a seasoned pro. Finding the right therapy platform can be daunting. This top 10 list will help you narrow it down. 1. BetterHelp virtual therapy Price: $40–$70 a week BetterHelp matches you with an ideal therapist based on a questionnaire. Each therapist must have at least 3 years and 2,000 hours of experience. The app offers phone sessions, video sessions, texting, and live chats. You can switch therapists until you find the perfect fit. Sign up for BetterHelp virtual therapy 2. Talkspace virtual therapy Price: $65–$99 a week Talkspace offers a variety of plans to choose from. You can pick from video calls, texting, audio, or a combo of the three. You don’t need to stick to one session at a time either. You can text your therapist questions as you think of them. They’ll reply within a certain timeframe. Sign up for Talkspace virtual therapy. 3. Bloom: CBT Therapy and Self-Care virtual therapy Price: $59.99 a year Bloom focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and offers daily mental health coaching sessions. They combine interactive video classes with journaling and mindfulness exercises. Bloom also features 100+ exercises based on CBT and a personal well-being tracker. Every therapy session has been designed and developed by a team of trained mental health professionals. Sign up for Bloom virtual therapy. 4. Pride Counseling virtual therapy Price: $60–$80 a week Pride Counseling offers support to LGBTQ+ folks. It’s an amazing resource if you’re having a hard time with unsupportive family or friends, mental health issues, or identity. But it’s also great if you just want a safe space to talk. Pride matches you with a counselor who fits your unique goals or needs. They offer messaging, live chat, phone calls, and video conferencing. ?????? Sign up for Pride Counseling virtual therapy. 5. AmWell virtual therapy Price: $85 per session AmWell offers therapy and psychiatry for many disorders including:
Psychologists, doctors, and counselors are available to speak via video call. They work in 45-minute sessions. Sign up for Amwell virtual therapy. 6. ReGain virtual therapy Price: $40–$70 a week Sometimes a relationship needs some TLC. It’s totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of. ReGain is a great option. They offer couples therapy at an affordable rate. Each couple is given support from a licensed therapist who’s specialized in relationship counseling. You can talk to them with your partner or one-on-one. Sign up for ReGain virtual therapy. 7. TeenCounseling virtual therapy Price: $40–$70 a week This app is for teens ages 13 to 19. It connects you to a licensed counselor. Texting is a popular option but you can also schedule audio or video calls. A parent or guardian is only notified if a risk is identified (e.g. self-harm). Bonus: It’s available 24 hours a day. You can use it as much as you want. Sign up for TeenCounseling virtual therapy. 8. LARKR virtual therapy Price: $85 per session LARKR is a tele-psychology app. They offer unlimited access to trained therapists through instant messaging. Every therapist is licensed and must meet a rigorous set of standards. That includes maintaining high client feedback ratings. Con: It’s only available for iPhone. Sign up for LARKR virtual therapy. (Editor's note: Not accessible without a password. Don't know how to find any other access point.) 9. MDLive virtual therapy Price: $69–$259 per appointment This app offers appointments with board-certified physicians. It’s not just a mental health app — They offer a wide range of doctors for all sorts of ailments. That includes licensed therapists and psychiatrists. You can schedule an appointment at a time and day that’s convenient for you. But you can also get an on-demand video call in around 15 minutes. Sign up for MDLIVE virtual therapy. 10. Doctor on Demand virtual therapy Price: $129–$179 per session Doctor on Demand basically (sort of) works like face-to-face therapy. The only difference is that you have a video call instead of an in-office visit. You schedule an appointment in advance. They offer 25- or 50-minute seshes. It’s also a good option if you need psychiatric medication as there are MD/psychiatrists who can prescribe. Sign up for Doctor on Demand virtual therapy. How to find out if your insurance will cover online therapy Pre-pandemic, some health insurance companies covered in-person therapy sessions but not teletherapy. Then everything changed! Now that we’re actually encouraged to do our medical business from home if possible, insurance companies have modified their coverage of telemedicine. While some teletherapy apps clearly state that they don’t take insurance, other services accept insurance for both medical and mental health. The best way to figure out your options is to speak with customer service at your insurance company and the teletherapy company of your choice. In most parts of the United States, face-to-face therapy costs about $100 to $200 per session. In major cities, you might have to pay more than $250 per session. Online therapy can cost less while also saving you travel time, and it spares you the risk of close contact with other people. The first step is to contact your insurance company to find out if they’ll cover online therapy. Consider asking these questions:
If one of the services on our list seems like a good fit for you, you can provide them with your insurance information to check for benefits and explain their policies for filing claims on your behalf. Some therapy services require you to pay upfront and then file the claim with insurance yourself. Try to understand this process from the beginning so you don’t run into any surprises.
What the research says about online therapy According to the American Psychological Association (APA), online therapy is an acceptable alternative to in-person therapy. The APA also stated support for telehealth services to reduce the spread of COVID-19 in a policy statement on the mental health impact of the pandemic. A 2017 paper summarized the findings of more than a decade of research about online and telephone mental health services. Researchers found evidence to support these advantages:
As the use of online mental health services explodes post-2023, there will undoubtedly be more research into its benefits and challenges. Affordable therapy delivered digitally – Try BetterHelp Choose from BetterHelp’s vast network of therapists for your therapy needs. Take a quiz, get matched, and start getting support via secure phone or video sessions. Plans start at $60 per week + an additional 20% off.
Determining if online therapy is a good fit for you Compared to in-person therapy, online therapy provides a lot more flexibility and convenience when it comes to scheduling and managing appointments. However, since therapy is one of the more important personal services you will purchase, you want to make sure going the online route is really going to be a good fit. Consider the following when deciding if online therapy is right for you:
Watch out for these glitches in your virtual talk sesh Getting therapy without shedding your jammies sounds pretty sweet, especially if your mood makes it hard to do most things. As convenient as teletherapy is, it isn’t always smooth sailing. Here are the choppy waters you might face with online therapy. Bad connection You just never know when your internet might be glitchy or that fancy new telehealth app will be overwhelmed by new users and crash. It happens, and it can blow a therapy session. Glitches happen in real life, too: You could hit unexpected traffic on the way to your therapist’s office. No vibes A traditional therapy setting allows you and the professional to engage with each other in non-verbal ways, through body language and eye contact. Even video sessions can still feel awkward because you aren’t t really face-to-face. Text-only or phone sessions leave you with even fewer ways to connect. For some people that’s a bonus. If you feel too shy or vulnerable to sit down with a therapist, online therapy could give you the distance you need to open up. Also, therapists who are really on their telemedicine game are aware of this disconnection and can compensate to make you more comfortable. No privacy If you live in a small space with other people, finding a private spot to talk might be tough. Before you hide in a closet for therapy, consider other options. Schedule therapy for a time when your partner can keep the kids occupied elsewhere or your roommates are busy. You may even be able to schedule therapy really early in the morning or late in the evening if those times are more private for you. If privacy is a concern: Take a walk. No, you don’t necessarily want to expose your soul to your neighbors, but right now not many people are out and about. If there is a safe place for you to stroll and be distanced, it could be a good time for therapy. Go for a (pretend) drive. Maybe you aren’t using your car much these days, but it may work as a pretty comfortable, private extra “room.” Driving while you chat is totally not recommended, but you can sit in the driveway and recline your seat for a treat. Bottom line Maybe you can’t go anywhere right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find therapy. There are many options for online therapy, some of which accept insurance. We’ve broken down what you need to know about online therapy and insurance and where to start doing research. You can use the sites listed above to set up an account and find out how you can talk with someone soon, and check if your insurance company will pay for it. If you have an existing in-person relationship with a therapist you would like to speak to virtually, check with them and your insurance company to see if teletherapy services are covered. Rules for insurance coverage are changing often during the pandemic, so it’s a good idea to check with your provider and insurance company for the latest updates. Sources: Last medically reviewed on 4/19/22
Source: greatist.com/happiness/therapy-for-men Helping men
to help themselves Try to imagine the Marlboro man in therapy. The image just doesn't compute, does it? The Marlboro man wouldn't admit to needing help. The Marlboro man wouldn't talk about his emotions. For that matter, the Marlboro man might not even recognize that he has emotions. That, in a nutshell, is the problem with convincing men to seek help of any kind, including therapy, according to Jill Berger, PhD, a recent psychology graduate of Nova Southeastern University who studies the psychology of masculinity. Traditionally, she says, society demands that men emulate a Marlboro man ideal--tough, independent and unemotional--that just isn't compatible with therapy. Indeed, dozens of studies and surveys over the past several decades have shown that men of all ages and ethnicities are less likely than women to seek help for all sorts of problems--including depression, substance abuse and stressful life events--even though they encounter those problems at the same or greater rates as women. In a 1993 study published in Psychotherapy (Vol. 30, No. 4, pages 546-553), for example, psychologist John Vessey, PhD, reviewed several epidemiologic surveys and found that a full two-thirds of mental health outpatient visits were made by women. This inability, reluctance or straight-up unwillingness to get help can harm men's own mental and physical health, and can make life more difficult for their friends and families, says Berger. Of course, not all men are the same. And recently, some researchers have begun to delve more deeply into men's help-seeking behavior, to try to parse the societal and personal factors that make some men, in some situations, more likely to reach out to a psychologist or other source of aid. "I don't think that it's biologically determined that men will seek less help than women," says University of Missouri Counseling Psychology Professor Glenn Good, PhD, who studies men and masculinity and also has a private practice that focuses on men. "So if that's true, then it must mean that it's socialization and upbringing: Men learn to seek less help." He and other researchers hope that by understanding what drives men toward or away from therapy and other types of help, they'll be able to encourage more men to get help when needed, and to make that help more effective. Their research so far suggests two key solutions: Make men understand that many other men face mental health issues like depression, and adjust the description of therapy itself to make it more appealing to men. Why men don't seek help The first hurdle some men face is that they may be so out of touch with their emotions that they do not even realize that they are, for example, depressed. APA President and Nova Southeastern University psychologist Ronald F. Levant, EdD, has coined the term "normative male alexithymia"--literally "without words for emotions" (see page 60)--to describe this phenomenon. Many boys, he says, learn from their parents and from other children that they are not supposed to express vulnerability or caring. They learn to suppress their emotional responses--like crying or even sad facial expressions--so much that, by the time they are adults, they are genuinely unaware of their emotions and how to describe them in words. In his book "New Psychotherapies for Men" (Wiley, 1997), Levant gives the example of a father stood up by his son for a father-son hockey game. When asked his feelings on the subject, the father said "He shouldn't have done it!" It wasn't until the therapist prompted him again that he managed to say he was upset. Even when men do realize that they are depressed, abusing alcohol or have some other problem, they are still less likely than women to see a psychologist or other mental health professional, says psychologist and masculinity researcher James Mahalik, PhD, of Boston College, who gives a thorough overview of the evidence in a 2003 article in the American Psychologist (Vol. 58, No. 1, pages 5-14). In the article, he and co-author Michael Addis, PhD, also outline some of the factors underlying men's reluctance: Masculine role socialization. To benefit from counseling, a man must admit that he needs help, must rely on the counselor and must openly discuss and express emotion. These requirements, says Mahalik, conflict with traditional ideals of what it means to be male: toughness, independence and emotional control. "What we're finding is that the more men 'do their gender' and define themselves by traditional roles in our society, the less they tend to get help," Mahalik says. In a study published this January in the Psychology of Men and Masculinity (Vol. 6, No. 1, pages 73-78), for example, Berger, Levant and their colleagues found that men with higher levels of traditional masculinity ideology also tended to have a more negative opinion of seeking psychological help. And in a 1995 study in the Journal of Counseling and Development (Vol. 74, No. 1, pages 70-75), Good found that men who scored higher on a test of male gender role conflict--a conflict between rigid learned gender roles and the healthy expression of emotion--were more likely to be depressed and more likely to have a negative opinion of psychological counseling. Social Norms. Some men may also worry that society will look down on a man who can't "tough it out" on his own, and that seeking--or even needing--help is not "normal" male behavior. Even men who do seek counseling may worry about what others think of their choice, including Tim (a pseudonym), a client of Good's in his 50s who began therapy after he ended an extramarital affair. "I was not afraid of counseling," he says, "maybe because I'm not a very typical male--I tend to be pretty open with my emotions." He did, however, have one concern--telling his boss why he needed to take time off work. Although his boss ended up being relatively understanding, Tim says, he's not sure that would be the case with everyone. "I have to be very careful with whom I discuss the issue of being in therapy--I think there is a stigma," he says. "People expect men to be 'strong.'" And indeed, Mahalik notes, a man who is surrounded by a supportive group of other men--say, a church group that encouraged members to share problems and seek support--might be more likely to seek help than a man whose only social network discouraged such sharing. In general, Mahalik says, men are more likely to seek help for problems that they think are normative--that is, problems that many other men share. "If men perceive that being depressed is not 'normal,' then if they do try to get help they may feel dysfunctional and aberrant," Mahalik explains. "So instead they might try to keep the depression quiet, and maybe self-medicate with drugs or alcohol." What can be done? One way to convince more men to seek help, then, is to convince them that the things they need help with are "normal." In this regard, Mahalik says, psychology could take a cue from the erectile dysfunction drug industry. "Men are going in to see their doctors much more about erectile dysfunction now, after the ads for Viagra and other drugs, because there's so much more awareness," he explains. And in fact, psychology is beginning to do just that. In 2003, for example, the National Institute of Mental Health launched a national media campaign called "Real Men. Real Depression." to raise awareness that depression affects more than 6 million men annually (see page 66). And the National Football League's "Tackling Men's Health" campaign--which aims to convince men to visit their doctors and proactively manage their health--includes a Web site section on mental health, with a link to a depression self-screening test (see www.nfl.com/tacklingmenshealth). (Broken) Psychologists can also work to make the terminology they use to describe therapy more palatable to men, says John Robertson, PhD, an emeritus professor at Kansas State University. In a 1992 study in the Journal of Counseling Psychology (Vol. 39, No. 2, pages 240-246), for example, he created two brochures for a campus counseling center and distributed them to community college students in auto mechanics, welding and other mostly male areas. One of the brochures described the center's counseling services in traditional terms, the other used terms like "consultations" rather than "therapy" and emphasized self-help and achievement. He found that the men who received the second brochure were more likely to say they'd seek assistance at the center than men who received the traditional one. Robertson also has a private practice that focuses almost entirely on men, and he says that in his advertising he emphasizes skills--like parenting skills or anger control skills--much more than, say, personal development. "It's not a particularly surprising or brilliant notion," he says, "that you want to match the client to the service." And as psychologists continue to study men and help-seeking, they'll be better able to do just that. "What are the contexts that may
influence men to seek help, and why?" asks Mahalik. "That's
the challenge for us to figure out, in terms of both
clinical research and outreach. Right now we have some
beginnings of the answers." Man-Spilling:
When Men Try to Use You as Their Therapist This seems to happen to women a lot. Kate, 33, had a coworker who would invite her to happy hour just to vent about a woman he was pursuing; once they successfully got together, he stopped hanging out with her. Elisabeth, 35, had a male friend who would constantly message her about just one topic: issues he was facing in his sex life. When she got tired of it and stopped responding, he started calling her a bitch. Ashley, 27, randomly heard from a high school classmate she hadn’t spoken to for three years during lockdown, and he began constantly texting her about a recent breakup, double-texting when she didn’t reply. To an extent, it’s normal to vent to your friends about your problems. The issue is when these conversations become one-sided, says licensed clinical psychologist Jaime Zuckerman, PsyD. “Normal, healthy confiding in a friend should be a mutual exchange,” she explains. “When someone uses their friend as a therapist, the dynamic becomes less equitable. The friend may feel pressure or an obligation to give advice.” If the other person isn’t as curious about your life as they expect you to be about theirs, or they’re not asking permission before they unload their worries on you, it’s possible you’re being used, says Zuckerman. Pay attention to any feelings of guilt or resentment, because these are signs your boundaries have been violated. One reason men in particular may be engaging in this behavior is that they’re less likely to seek actual therapy. One survey found that 28 percent of men with mental health issues did not seek professional help, compared to 19 percent of women. “You can feel more comfortable taking up more of the emotional space in a relationship when you’re the one with more privilege.” “Yet another possible rationale for this pattern is that as kids, men viewed women, especially mothers, as the nurturers, the ones they could be most vulnerable with,” Zuckerman explains. “This view of women being confidants then carries over into their adult female relationships.” Men may also be unlikely to confide in other men, who have been socialized not to discuss feelings and may not provide the level of support women might. On top of that, they might fear that other men will see them as weak if they talk about their struggles, says therapist Julia Koerwer, LMSW. “Since emotional labor is often unbalanced across all sorts of privileged identities, it’s possible that there’s an underlying theme of being more comfortable taking up more of the emotional space in a relationship when you’re the one with more privilege,” Kowerwer adds. If you feel like someone is doing this to you, you can address it in the moment with a simple line like “I’m so sorry, I would love to listen, but I must take another call” or “I would love to hear more, but I am so swamped with work,” says Zuckerman. You could put the blame on the circumstance — “I try not to have these kinds of conversations in the office” — or put the problem-solving burden back on them by asking, “What do you think you’ll do?” says Kowerwer. You can also be honest about the fact that you feel unqualified to help them and recommend they talk to a therapist. Another option is to stand up for your own emotional needs by saying “I am happy to listen to you, but right now I really need someone to listen to me” or “I am having a rough day; can we shelve this? I have too much on my mind.” Or, for a more direct approach, you can say something like, “I know you are totally overwhelmed right now, but you haven’t asked me how I am doing.” Don’t be afraid to point out what’s happening — it’s possible they’re not aware of it, says Zuckerman, and if they’re comfortable enough to share their problems with you, they’ll likely be open to hearing you out, also. “It is critical to set limits with others and model healthy boundaries, even if it is brutally uncomfortable to do so.” If you aren’t comfortable addressing the issue in the moment or it’s not getting through to them, Kowerwer suggests having a separate conversation where you say something like, “I don’t know if you realize this, but a lot of the time, our conversations end up focused on whatever you’re dealing with and supporting you, and it feels a little unbalanced to me. In the future, before you launch into something like that, can you ask me if I’m up for hearing about it?” Once you’ve set these boundaries, you may need to reinforce them later on. “The other person is used to using you for emotional labor, and it’s going to take their brain a little bit to get used to interacting with you in a different way,” Kowerwer explains. “Be ready to cut them off: ‘Hey, this is what we talked about before, and I’m not up for a conversation like this right now.’” Then, you might suggest another topic of discussion. If that doesn’t work, be prepared to hang up the phone or leave the room with friendly but firm words like, “Like I said, I’m really not up for talking about this sort of thing right now, so I’m going to head out. Talk to you next time!” You can also set boundaries with yourself, like not responding to texts that are about the other person’s problems. “It is critical to set limits with others and model healthy boundaries, even if it is brutally uncomfortable to do so,” Zuckerman explains. “When you routinely put your own needs second, you are teaching others that your needs are not a priority. They are less likely to consider your needs and respect your boundaries.” You also don’t need to stay in the relationship, since boundary-setting itself can be taxing, says Kowerwer. If you’re having trouble setting
boundaries or leaving a situation like this, it may be
useful to examine your own people-pleasing tendencies.
“People who always take care of others at the expense
of their own needs will often feel tremendous guilt setting
boundaries,” Zuckerman explains. “[If this is
you], feel guilty and at the same time set a boundary;
make your needs known. Not only will this provide you with a
greater sense of control in your relationships, but it will
also decrease negative feelings such as guilt or feeling
like a bad friend. 9 Tips for Finding
the Right Therapist - 7/13/22 Researchers have found that the bond between you and your therapist is likely to have a big impact on your growth. That’s why it’s important to do your research, ask questions, and pay attention to your own responses in your search for the therapist that’s right for you. Here are some tried-and-true methods for finding a therapist to help you reach your therapeutic goals. 1. Consult your provider directory If you plan to pay for therapy through your insurance plan, your first step might be to look through your plan’s provider network. It’s also a good idea to find out whether your plan limits the number of sessions you can attend each year and whether using an out-of-network therapist will affect your out-of-pocket costs. Looking for ways to support your mental health and well-being? Try Healthline’s FindCare tool to connect with mental health professionals nearby or virtually so you can get the care you need. 2. Ask someone you trust A referral from a friend, colleague, or doctor you trust is another way to find a therapist who might be a good fit for you. While a referral is a good place to start, it’s important to recognize that you may have different needs and goals with your therapy than the person giving you the recommendation. So, a good match for one of you might not be as beneficial to the other. 3. Use a reliable online database A number of mental health organizations maintain up-to-date, searchable databases of licensed therapists. Your search could start as simply as typing in your ZIP code to generate a list of counselors in your area. You may also be able to search for specialists, like marriage and family counselors or therapists who focus on drug and alcohol use. Some of the most commonly used online search tools include:
4. Explore local resources Your community may also have resources to help you. If you’re a student, your school might provide access to a counseling center. If you’re employed, your human resources team might offer a list of therapists available through a workplace wellness or employee assistance program. If you need counseling related to domestic or sexual abuse, you might be able to find group or individual therapy through a local advocacy organization. If you want your faith to inform your treatment, you might consider reaching out to your church, synagogue, mosque, or other worship center for a list of licensed therapists affiliated with your faith. 5. Reach out to organizations that address your area of concern If you’re looking for a therapist to help with a specific mental health condition, you might find local therapists through a national association, network, or helpline. Here are a few examples of organizations that offer search tools to help you find a specialized therapist near you:
If your job is a source of stress and anxiety, you might find local therapists through a professional organization. Many of these organizations and trade unions have resources to help you identify professionals who can assist with mental health needs. For example, the International Association of Firefighters offers help with mental health, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and substance use.
6. Think about your goals ahead of time What do you want to accomplish in therapy? Studies have found that when you and your therapist both work together toward the same goals, your outlook will be better. If you think some type of medication may help with your symptoms, you’ll want to find a psychiatrist or practitioner who can prescribe medications. If you’ve heard that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy have been effective for others with your condition, you’ll want to look for a therapist with certifications or specialized training in those treatment approaches. If you want to be part of a supportive network of people who understand your experiences, you may want to consider looking for a therapist who’s involved with support groups or group therapy sessions. Your goals may change as you work with a therapist. It’s OK to talk with your therapist about changing the direction of your treatment plan as your needs evolve. 7. Try an online therapy app Talkspace and Betterhelp both offer tools to help you explore the kind of therapy you want. They can also match you with a licensed, accredited therapist you can work with online or via phone. Some people find a digital therapy platform to be more convenient and more affordable than in-person therapy. Weekly sessions range from $35 to $80 for online therapy. At least one study found that people with depression felt that their symptoms improved after online sessions. It’s worth noting, however, that two of the researchers involved with this study were consultants or employees of the digital therapy provider used. 8. Ask questions about the things that matter to you When you meet your therapist, whether it’s online, on the phone, or in person, it’s not uncommon to completely forget every question you wanted to ask. To make sure you have the information you need to make a good decision, keep paper and a pen, or a notes app, handy for a few days before your meeting. Jot down questions as they come to you. The American Psychological Association suggests a few questions for you to consider asking your therapist during your first session:
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America adds questions like these:
Note: If you’ve ever been abused by someone in authority or affected by historic trauma or racism, you may want to ask questions that help you find out whether a potential therapist is culturally informed and sensitive to your experiences. 9. Pay close attention to your own responses No matter how many professional accreditations your therapist has, your own feelings of trust and comfort should be your top priority. Will therapy be uncomfortable from time to time? Possibly. After all, you’ll likely be discussing difficult, personal topics. But if you feel uncomfortable with your therapist for any other reason, it’s all right to look for someone else. You don’t need a reason to switch therapists. It’s enough that you don’t feel comfortable. Here are a few things to notice as you talk with your therapist:
Teletherapy options Teletherapy, which is done remotely over the phone or via videoconferencing, makes it easy to explore therapy and its options. It’s convenient, and studies have shown that therapy conducted over video chat can be just as effective as in-person therapy. Here are some options:
Therapist vs. psychiatrist Therapists and psychiatrists aim to treat mental health conditions and improve emotional well-being. But there are key differences between the two professions. Therapists Therapists are licensed mental health professionals, including psychologists, social workers, and counselors. They aim to help people manage their emotions, build healthier relationships, and understand themselves better. Therapists use talk therapy and behavior modification techniques to help people make positive life changes. During therapy, they can assess, diagnose and treat mental health conditions. Therapy typically suits people who want to learn more about themselves and make long-lasting changes in their lives. It may also help people with mild mental health conditions. Most therapists have a master’s degree and may have a doctorate. All licensed therapists have to have at least a master’s degree. Generally, therapists can’t prescribe medications. But in some states, psychologists with specialist pharmacology training can prescribe certain medications. Psychiatrists Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in diagnosing and treating mental health conditions. Because they hold medical degrees, psychiatrists can prescribe medication. Psychiatrists use a combination of talk therapy and medication to treat mental health conditions. Psychiatrist may be the better option for people who experience more severe symptoms and who need medication to help treat them. Frequently asked questions How much does therapy cost? The cost of therapy can depend on the type of therapy, the therapist’s experience, and whether you’re talking with a therapist in person or through teletherapy. Therapists may charge between $100 and $200 per session for in-person appointments. But in bigger cities, therapy can cost more. Some therapists may offer sliding scale rates. If you have insurance, you may pay a portion of the fee depending on your coverage. Teletherapy is generally less costly. The price per session starts at around $50. Some platforms offer unlimited therapy with a weekly or monthly subscription. What types of therapy are there? There are many different types of therapy, and the type you choose will depend on your needs and preferences. Some common types include:
What are the benefits of therapy? Therapy has several benefits, including improving mental health, resolving personal issues, and increasing self-awareness. Therapy can also help people learn new coping skills and manage stress. Some people see therapy as a way to prevent mental health issues or as a way to address underlying causes of mental health conditions. Others use therapy to work through traumas or difficult life events. Therapy is an effective treatment for many mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders. The bottom line Whether you’re coping with grief, trauma, or relationship issues, or want treatment for a mental health condition, finding a helpful therapist can make a big difference in your journey. To find a therapist who’s a good fit, start by considering practical matters like licensure, insurance coverage, location, and specialties. You may find that friends, colleagues, and healthcare professionals are a good source of referrals. You may also find options by using search tools provided by organizations that address your specific concerns. When you’ve narrowed down your choices, you may find it helpful to think about your goals and questions. This way you can be sure you and your therapist are well matched and aligned on your treatment plan. Ultimately, finding the right
therapist is a personal matter. Human connection is at the
heart of effective therapy, and you can build that sense of
connection whether you talk with your therapist in person,
on the phone, or online. Men
& Anger: Causes, Signs, & Anger Management Tips
- 10/11/22 Understanding Men With Anger Issues To experience anger is normal.1 In fact, it is less normal to never experience it. For many men, anger is something uncomfortable, scary, and unwanted. For others, it has become a regular part of life—perhaps even feeling as though one’s personality is angry. During situations where anger is appropriate, it’s healthy to express it in a controlled fashion. This may include anything from taking a step back, engaging in deep breathing, visualizing something more positive, or asserting oneself tactfully. However, when anger becomes the default emotion, personal and interpersonal problems may arise. Chronic anger issues and problems coping with anger can lead to abuse, violence, road rage, problems at home and work, and much more. Though statistics specific to the male experience with anger are limited, some research has indicated that men are more likely to struggle in coping with anger.2,3 In a study of 34,000 adults aged 18 and over, anger was especially common among men and younger adults, and was associated with decreased psychosocial functioning.2 Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is a condition in which individuals explode into rage seemingly out of nowhere. Anything may trigger it at any time. Though treatable and curable, the condition often grows in intensity until it is corrected. A 2019 report revealed a 4% lifetime prevalence for IED with past year prevalence being 3%.4 Gender rates tend to be a bit higher here for men than women, although study findings are mixed.5 How Men Use Anger to Mask Other Painful Feelings Anger issues are more common among men with adverse childhood experiences, adult trauma, poor interpersonal functioning, and the presence of a mental health or substance dependence disorders.2 Covering up other feelings with displaced anger is a defense mechanism to protect a deeper vulnerability.6 Martin states, “There’s a popular belief out there that anger is a “secondary emotion” that stems from unresolved sadness or fear. I think that can be true but often isn’t. Most of the time, emotions are complicated and we feel lots of things at the same time. For some people, though, it’s easier for them to focus on the anger because it feels safer that those other feelings. It’s not so much that the are suppressing their sadness or fear, but that they are focusing on the parts of a situation that make them angry instead of the parts that make them sad.” Anger issues in men are often used to mask painful feelings, including: Fear Although males experience all the basic emotions and variations of emotions, socialization has led toward greater acceptance of men expressing anger.6,7 In fact, fear can be seen as a weakness while outward expression of anger is rewarded and seen as powerful.7 If men can’t express true emotions, it directly impacts that man’s mental wellness, even when men try to deny it. As fear becomes overwhelming to contain, it comes out in anger. Sadness Expressing sadness makes us vulnerable. In some communities, men expressing sadness may be punished with torture or even death. In other relationships where the man is expected to always remain strong, expressing sadness may also be poorly received. With much to lose, outward expression of anger may be safer. Guilt & Shame Guilt is feeling genuine remorse for wrongdoing, but shame is arriving at the core belief that one is bad.8 Given the intensity of this emotion, many men are too ashamed to acknowledge it.8 Envy & Jealousy Envy is wanting that of another while jealousy is worrying that someone is attempting to take that of one’s own.9 Both lead to feelings of inadequacy, which can be negative and intimidating. Publicly acknowledging envy or shame may also pose risk. Loneliness Because human beings are not meant to exist in isolation, loneliness negatively impacts well-being. Negative thoughts may ruminate while emotions become increasingly unstable and volatile. Anger toward others may fester, potentially leading to feelings of hatred for others, and then be taken out either spontaneously or with intent. Emasculation A common experience of emasculation is performance anxiety or other perceived limitations or inadequacies when it comes to sexual performance (e.g., premature ejaculation or small penis size). Another example may be when a man feels inferior to other men in respect of fulfilling his “duties” or expectations of the male role. When a man feels “less than,” he may act out in anger. Impacts of Anger Issues In Men’s Lives Anger issues can lead toward any number of problems in a man’s life. On a personal level, it may negatively impact their health by continually activating the sympathetic nervous system’s fight-flight-freeze response—stressing the rest of the body’s delicate systems. Interpersonally, it may impact a person’s marriage, ability to parent, friendships, and career while ultimately leading toward burned bridges and legal trouble. Here are some potential impacts of anger issues in men’s lives:
Another unfortunate consequence of anger is its impact on others. Partners and children may experience low self-esteem, depression, and fear. Their response, like that of the one with anger issues, may be to act out with anger—not only in the household but toward others. As such, the cycle continues repeating itself. A common example is how many children who demonstrate anger issues at school come from households of abuse.10 Even when anger outbursts are not directed toward anyone specific, they still increase stress and may lead toward mental health issues, dependence, and interpersonal struggles. Types of Anger Issues in Men It’s common to imagine bursts of rage when trying to conceptualize anger issues, but the expression of anger varies. Some may be more or less unpleasant than others, but all lead toward personal and interpersonal issues. In a compilation of evidence-based research, the American Addiction Centers identified six common expressions of anger, including chronic anger, passive anger, and overwhelmed anger. If any of the following expressions are consistently present, there is a sign of an anger issue. Here are six expressions of anger:11 1. Chronic anger: This type of anger is prolonged and can impact the immune system and be the cause of other mental disorders 2. Passive anger: This type of anger doesn’t always come across as anger and can be difficult to identify 3. Overwhelmed anger: This type of anger is caused by life demands that are too much for an individual to cope with 4. Self-inflicted anger: This type of anger is directed toward the self and may be caused by feelings of guilt 5. Judgmental anger: This type of anger is directed toward others and may come with feelings of resentment 6. Volatile anger: This type of anger involves sometimes spontaneous bouts of excessive or violent anger 13 Anger Management Strategies for Men Effectively managing anger takes time and patience. Anger is a natural emotion, and controlled expression is healthy, but it can be easy to resort to old behaviors if not careful. Serious anger issues—especially those posing risk to self or others—should always be addressed with a professional. Here are thirteen anger management strategies for men with anger issues: 1. Talking about it with a trusted other 2. Distancing oneself from persons, places, and things that trigger anger 3. Removing oneself from situations when anger is rising 4. Using humor to make light of a situation 5. Exercising 6. Engaging in relaxation strategies such as visualization, meditation, or praying 7. Reading, writing, or watching an enjoyable program 8. Listening to music that counteracts anger 9. Journaling about the underlying emotion or experience that led toward anger 10. Taking it out in a controlled, aggressive manner such as hitting a punching bag 11. Finding a place with no one else around and let out a good scream or cry 12. Avoiding drugs and alcohol 13. Speaking with a professional When Should Men Seek Professional Help for Anger Management? If anger issues have become noticeable, that’s an indication that professional help may be necessary. The earlier one seeks help, the better. This helps minimize the consequences of anger while correcting the problem before it gets worse. Depending on preference and need, individual or group therapy may be effective. Individual therapy provides an opportunity to delve deep into the root cause of anger. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anger management can be effective in helping to identify triggers and introducing coping skills to help you manage it. Group therapy is powerful in that there is a shared cathartic experience among group members. Members share experiences, caution against pitfalls, provide useful tips and resources, and hold one another accountable. A combination of individual and group therapy is often most effective. When anger issues have compromised romantic or familial relationships, couples counseling and family therapy may prove necessary. In this setting, everyone’s issues are addressed to help rebuild healthy relationships. Because couples and family therapies are more focused on relationships than individuals, a combination of individual and couples or family therapy is recommended. For more guidance on choosing a therapist, use the Choosing Therapy directory to find a mental health professional in your state. How to Tell a Man He Has an Anger Problem First, when deciding to tell a man he has an anger problem, it is important to consider safety—both of self and others. Having the conversation in a safe, public place with other social support or a professional. The conversation should take place as soon as possible. Again, the earlier the intervention, the better. Some preparatory work is necessary. It is important to understand anger, be aware of treatment options, and have some insight into how to speak with a man with anger problems. Reading an article like this, and others, is a great start. It may also help to consult with a professional. Before speaking, ensure he is in a calm state. While engaging, use firm words that express love and support but also set boundaries. There is some tough love here, and resistance is likely. Although the conversation may be difficult, it can help ultimately put an end to the problem or at least reduce it substantially. Final Thoughts on Men With Anger Issues Men with anger issues can be hard to deal with, but there are healthy ways to cope. Acknowledging the problem is the first step. From there, it’s a matter of scaffolding a plan and sticking to it. Given the likelihood that there is a deep-seeded underlying cause feeding into the anger, it helps to work through that. Recovery is hard and takes time, but it is possible. People are here to help. Additional Resources Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for referrals by the companies mentioned below. BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – Learn to manage your anger and work towards feeling less angry. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started Online-Therapy.com (Online Therapy) – Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself! The Online-Therapy.com standard plan includes a weekly 45 minute video session, unlimited text messaging between sessions, and self-guided activities like journaling. Recently, they added instructional Yoga videos. Get Started Headspace (Meditation App) – Develop internal tools that will help with anger management. Mindfulness and meditation can change your life. In a few minutes a day with Headspace, you can start developing mindfulness and meditation skills. Free Trial Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist who can help you change the way you think and behave. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today. Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, and Headspace For Further Reading
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